by Zoe Chant
She'd never thought she'd get this close to a wild animal, much less one of the beautiful great cats. And the fact that Nico wasn't a wild animal, the fact that he was a compassionate and passionate man in animal form...
He put one of his paws on her hand, and she turned her palm upwards under it. His pawpads were calloused and rough, but very soft beneath that. She couldn't help but giggle. All the stress and the fear of the last hour seemed to be changing into something else entirely.
I hope it's not hysteria.
Nico's paw flexed in a way that had her momentarily frightened of claws, but it was only a reassuring squeeze. She squeezed back, and Nico nuzzled his great broad head into her belly. For one insane moment she had an image of him pressing his furry ear to her stomach, listening to the stirrings of life there.
No. Stop. I can't start imagining that. It's irresponsible of me.
Still, the image had its charms.
So did other images. A toddler, giggling, rubbing cheeks with Nico the jaguar as he rumbled in pleasure. Nico surely feigning affront as Aimée brought a string out from behind her back with her trademark joking smile...
Surely just imagining it wouldn't hurt. She wouldn't start planning on it. Just enjoying the thought a little.
The driver took them to Nico's deli and Mandy paid him, then let Nico lead the way up to the little studio. A couple passers-by caught sight of them and stared for a moment; one of them looked away with a knowing grin.
Mandy had to wonder how many people in Los Cazadores were in the know.
Inside the studio, close and cozy with so many memories already, Nico shook out his fur and resumed human shape. Mandy watched fascinated and still half-believing: there was such grace, such raw power in the way his body, either body, moved.
Then she realized she was staring at his naked body, and flushed hot.
Not now. We need to talk. That's what we're here for. Talking.
She swallowed, and fixed her eyes on his face. That, though, just made her look at the way he was looking at her, which hardly helped matters.
"You didn't have to do that," she said.
Nico was already shaking his head. "I was happy to."
"Why?" Mandy demanded. "You have no reason to! I'm just... I'm some random person who came into your deli one day, and I don't know why you're acting like this toward me, and I don't know what you're getting out of it, and I don't understand why it's so hard to think around you!"
It all came out of her mouth in a rush, and she had to stop herself before she said anything more incriminating. She wanted to clap her hands over her mouth to stop any further words from emerging.
Nico looked guilty, at that. "It's... I should have told you. I should have told you. You had every right to know." He stood up, paced to the window, and turned back. Mandy could see something of a wild cat in him: a cat in a cage, like the times she'd taken Aimée to the zoo. "It's something that happens with shifters like me. We'll find the person we're meant for, and the bond is... intense. From the beginning."
Mandy was almost vibrating in place. "What do you mean? The person you're meant for?"
"Our mate," Nico said.
He fixed her with a look that went straight to her gut and her blood. Mate. The word was strange, primal. So unlike herself. She swallowed, and tried to think of something, anything, sensible to say. None of this makes any sense. Can any of it be real?
"So this is something that's happened before?" she asked. "For you?"
Nico shook his head. "No. Mandy, shapeshifters like me have one mate. One true mate. One person in all the world we can ever feel this way about." He paused, looking at Mandy sadly. "I know it's not the same for humans. But I always hoped that when I found my mate, if she were human, she would feel something."
Mandy's heart leapt into her throat. "I do," she said. "I do. Since we first met." And that was the answer, there: for her instant attraction to him, for her behavior, for how hard it had been to control herself. She marveled at it: real magic. The universe, looking out for her and for Nico both, making sure they had someone out there to find.
And, if she was honest with herself, she wanted this. She wanted the kind of relationship she never had the chance to have with Aimée's father, and she wanted it with someone like Nico: someone who had his life together, who was considerate and talented and who'd be there for her.
Maybe she had to trust the world, even after all the knocks it had dealt her. Maybe she had to trust that if shapeshifters and magic and one true mates existed, such an exquisite system wouldn't lead her into disaster. Trust that it would lead her safely home.
She would have thrown herself forward into his arms if it hadn't been for one thing.
"I don't know how to deal with this," she admitted. "I... I ran because I realized how stupid I'd been. I was so stupid! Running was stupid. I was just overwhelmed." She shook her head, trying to get her thoughts in order. "I realized we didn't use protection, and I panicked. Everything is happening so fast. And I don't think I can change everything so quickly; get involved with someone, risk pregnancy... it's not fair to Aimée."
He looked down, and Mandy felt wretched for both of them.
But then he looked up at her again, and his face was full of resolve. "I understand," he said. "It's not stupid. Mandy, you're not stupid. A child is not a little matter; you have every right to want to control when or if you have one. And I'm sorry. I should have remembered. I was there, too."
He took a deep breath.
"Mandy, I know your daughter is everything to you. As for me... I always wanted a family. If I could meet her, if I could be a friend to her... I wouldn't presume I'd be her father. She might not want one, after all these years." He offered a crooked smile. "But maybe I could be a friend for her. You could bring her for a visit, let me get to know her. If she would approve of my joining your family..."
He trailed off, and Mandy could feel the weight of his hopes and fears on his tongue.
"Mandy, if all I could have was being your landlord and treating you to food from my kitchen, I would take that in an instant. I don't pretend I'd be satisfied. I'd always want more. But I swear, if that's all I could have, I would honor it with every part of my being."
Mandy's heart was beating so hard she thought it might escape her chest. With the possibility in front of her, she didn't want Nico as a landlord and the owner of the deli. She wanted him. All of him.
Her mate. She tried the word on for size: its wildness, its heat. Yes. But...
But what?
She'd spent two decades sacrificing for Aimée. It hadn't always been easy. She'd resented it powerfully, at times. But her love for Aimée had always been stronger, in the end.
Now, she felt like she was standing on the edge of a cliff. What if Aimée couldn't stand Nico? What if she wanted no part of him? What if she didn't want a stepfather, or even a mother's boyfriend? Would Mandy really turn her back on all of this?
Would she be strong enough to pursue what she really wanted, or was that just selfishness masquerading as strength?
"Mandy?" Nico asked.
Mandy shook her head. The fear must have been visible on her face.
Nico took her hands. "Is there anything I can do?"
I want Aimée to like him, she thought. And that was always a possibility: Aimée might be fine with everything. She might give Mandy her blessing. They'd been best friends as much as mother and daughter, after all. And Aimée had sent her to Los Cazadores to find some happiness.
Happiness had just arrived in an unexpected form. A man who turned into a jaguar, who baked the most amazing pastries. Who could have expected that?
Mandy laughed, though it was equal parts anxiety and humor. "You know, she has a sense of humor," she told Nico. "I bet she'll love hearing about this."
Nico looked like he was actually holding his breath. "So, you'll..."
"I need to talk to her," Mandy said. "I want to do everything I can to make sure that she's oka
y with all of this. I don't want to alienate my own daughter. But..."
She squeezed Nico's hands, and looked deep into his eyes.
"Whatever happens, I want to work through it with you beside me."
Because I deserve to find my own happiness, too. And she's an adult. I don't have to protect her from the world changing.
Nico almost glowed with his joy. And the look in his eyes was love, and more than love: it was the great, heartrending elation of a man who could finally come home.
Epilogue
Cheli was waiting with Mandy in the airport when Aimée's flight came in.
They were standing in the front concourse, watching the new arrivals walk through the door from the baggage claim, and Mandy licked dry lips. "You know, I remember when you could go right up to the terminal to wait for people," Mandy said. It was an inane observation, but she was nervous. More nervous than she should have been, picking up her own daughter.
Somehow, Cheli seemed to sense that. She looked at Mandy, and gave her an encouraging smile. "I bet she'll find us here, anyway."
"I feel like I should have brought a sign," Mandy said. Which was foolish: did she expect Aimée not to recognize her? But she didn't know what to do with her hands.
"She'll find us," Cheli said. "Actually, is that her?"
"What?" Mandy asked, turning to look where Cheli had pointed. And true, there was a girl walking toward them...
Actually, it took Mandy half a second to recognize her. Aimée had always been a stylish girl, but she had some new haircut that had cost more than Mandy had ever spent on hair before, and she was wearing chic clothes that looked like they'd come straight out of a New York City shop. Mandy was caught between sheer pride at how together and glamorous her daughter looked, and embarrassment at how she'd look beside her.
Almost all of her anxiety vanished as Aimée rushed over and hugged her. Mandy hugged her back, still marveling at how such an amazing girl had sprung from her series of mistakes and mess-ups, her fumbling through and doing her inadequate best.
"It's so good to see you!" Aimée squealed. "Mom! How come I had to go to college before you grew a wild side and moved to California? No, don't answer that." She turned to Cheli, with a wide smile and an extended hand. "I'm Aimée."
"Cheli," Cheli said, clasping her hand warmly. "Mr. Roja sent me around with the car so you wouldn't have to rent one. And because he doesn't have a private driver." She gave Aimée a broad wink, which Mandy had to wonder about. It felt like there was something she was missing.
"Ooh, Mr. Roja," Aimée said. "Well, I'm ready to sit in some chairs that are actually comfortable. Lead the way."
"I hope you didn't eat anything on the plane," Cheli said, as they headed for the door. "The boss has been cooking enough for ten people."
"I don't trust plane food," Aimée said. "Yuck. Never trust plane food. I wouldn't eat that if they paid me."
"Hey," Mandy said. "I thought I raised you never to turn your nose up at what you're offered."
"If Grandpa cooked it up and put it in front of me, I'd pretend to like it like a pro," Aimée said. "But I'm not spending way-too-much-money on mediocrity."
"Nico would approve," Cheli said. "He'll probably send you off with a packed lunch for the flight back."
The three of them went out to the car, where Cheli let them take the wide, clean backseat so they could catch up on each others' lives. Mandy offered an edited account of her time in Los Cazadores, lingering on the bookstores and beaches and museums and leaving out her momentary abduction; Aimée suggested that they each buy property on one of the coasts and use each other's guest rooms as vacation homes.
Aimée was extravagantly, theatrically coy about whether or not she was seeing anybody, which Mandy took to mean that she definitely was, and wanted it to be a surprise. Fair enough. Mandy had her own surprises to spring.
The nexus of all those surprises was waiting for them at the door to the deli when they parked outside. His sleeves were rolled up to the elbows, and he was cleaning stray smudges of flour off his hands with a dishtowel.
He gave Mandy a smile meant only for her, then turned his attention to her daughter.
"Nicolas Roja," he said, offering his hand and a little bow.
Amusement sparkled in Aimée's eyes, but she took his hand and shook it firmly. "Aimée Baynett. Nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you."
"And I've heard volumes about you," Nico said. "You must be hungry after your flight. Please! Chef's table." Nico gestured grandly, and led them in.
Mandy had been in the kitchen of Nico's Deli plenty of times, but apparently someone had taken the time today to set up a table in the corner, with a red checkered tablecloth and a centerpiece of lucky bamboo and flowering jade. Two chairs had been set up at the table, and Nico nudged Mandy toward one.
"You're not joining us?" Mandy asked. The entire point of bringing Aimée out had been to introduce her to Nico.
"In a bit," Nico said, laughter in his voice. "You two want to catch up, don't you?"
"I want to catch up," Aimée said. "Thank you, Mr. Nicolas Roja."
Aimée took one of the chairs, and sank into it so gracefully that Mandy wondered if she was really going for acting and not finance. Mandy glanced at Nico, who made a little shooing gesture, and she chuckled and sat down.
Well, she thought, feeding us is one way of putting his best foot forward...
Watching Nico in his kitchen was like watching a jaguar in his environment: a dance of grace and confidence. And watching him with Cheli, in the hour-long switchover between their shifts, was one of the things that had laid Mandy's worries about Aimée to rest. Nico treated the younger shifter like a little sister, or a very close daughter. They laughed together and worked together with obvious affection and respect.
In moments, Nico came to their table with the first course: little tarts, layered with pear and caramelized onion with brown butter and a little dash of pomegranate vinegar, in pastry cups so flaky they almost-but-not-quite shattered between her fingers when she picked them up. She watched Aimée bite into one, and her daughter made a wordless noise of pleasure.
"Okay," she said, when she'd swallowed. "I see immediately why it took you zero point zero seconds to decide to move here."
"It was a bit longer than that," Mandy protested.
Aimée shook her head, taking another tartlet from the plate. She scarfed it down, eyes scrunching closed in enjoyment.
"So what are you going to do, here?" she asked. "Life of glamour?"
"Me? No. I'm not glamorous." Mandy laughed. "I think after all this time, being a housewife may actually appeal to me. Even if I'm not married."
"Mom!" Aimée laughed, too. "Live life! You've been taking care of a house for forever."
"Yes, but that was all hard work," Mandy said. "Cleaning up after your wild parties and all that."
"Oh come on, I cleaned up!" Aimée protested. "And my parties were never that wild! You could have been Chelsea Seabeach's mom, think about that."
Mandy laughed again. "Honey, if you had been Chelsea Seabeach, I would have disowned you a long time ago. A woman can only do so much."
"She's studying medicine now," Aimée remarked. "Wants to go into geriatric medicine."
Mandy blinked. "That girl wants to surround herself with old people?"
"I knooow," Aimée said. "I was sure she was going to go for sports medicine or something. Get all the hot injured football players." Aimée licked pastry flakes off her fingers, just in time for another plate to materialize in front of them and for the old one to be swept away.
These were little salad cups, served in what looked like the candied rinds of some very small citrus: paper-thin, brilliantly golden, with no pith, looking as though they'd been glazed in ice. Inside were shreds of some green plant Mandy couldn't identify, with a few white curls and pomegranate seeds sprinkled on top.
"I haven't seen these before," Mandy mentioned. She picked one up and popped it in
to her mouth, expecting it to be candy-sweet. Instead, it was just sweet enough to offset pleasant, rich bitterness, and a surprising soft burn. Fresh horseradish?
Maybe, maybe not. The more time she spent with Nico, the more she thought that training her palette would be the work of a lifetime. Of course, Nico was more than willing to devote his lifetime to it. He seemed to enjoy feeding her.
He seemed to enjoy everything about her. And she definitely enjoyed everything about him.
The thought brought a blush to her cheeks, and she took a drink of water to hide it.
"Whatever they are, they're weird," Aimée said. "Really good! But weird."