Problem was you couldn’t have love without the possibility of heartbreak.
~
I hadn't noticed the lights before.
Maybe because, on Thanksgiving, we'd arrived during the day. And when we'd left later that night, I'd been focused on directing Caroline back down the hill, a passed-out Theo, and the fact that Jude had just kissed me. So yeah, I hadn't really been paying attention to the lights lining his driveway last time.
I saw them now, though; small blue spheres glowed along either side of the road, leading right up to the paved driveway. Jude parked and cut the engine, throwing us into silence. That, I remembered—how quiet it was up here.
“I like the lights,” I said, pointing.
“My mom installed them a couple years ago.” He smiled, opening his door. “They’re solar-powered.”
I gazed out at them, wondering if I'd get to meet the woman who put them there. “Are the gardens all her, too?”
“Mostly. She had help. They still pay to have someone do it these days, because God knows I don’t have the time.”
“Too busy bartending…protecting sea turtles from poachers…” I slid my purse over my shoulder as I climbed down from the Jeep. Jude’s motorcycle glinted in the moonlight, parked nearly out of sight. “Joyriding on your bike.”
“Sounds like you got me pegged,” he teased, throwing an arm around me. “Nah, it’s just not my thing.”
“Nora said the house has been in your family for generations?”
“It has.” He unlocked the door, and we walked inside. “It’ll be mine one day.”
“That’s…” I shook my head, breathless at the quiet grandeur of it: the rich, gleaming wood floors, the clean, simple antiques. Large, deep-set windows, thick concrete walls. There were touches of modernity everywhere, but it was easy to see that this house had been around for a long time. “Amazing. What a legacy.”
“I grew up here. It’s home.” Jude flicked on the lights as we moved through the house. “But you’re right. It’s a blessing.”
“How long have your parents been gone?”
“About two years. They moved to Boston as soon as I was all set up with the bar.” He sighed. “My mother cried all the way to the airport.”
“Why'd they go?”
“My Dad has skin cancer, and even though it could've been treated between here and Puerto Rico, there are better facilities in the states.”
My heart sank at his words. “How’s he doing?”
“He's fine. They just have to keep watch.” He shrugged. “They miss St. Croix, but they're settled up there. It’s my mom’s hometown, so…”
“Is that where you went to college? Boston?”
“Amherst, actually.” He gave me a sly smile. “I loved the college years, but I can’t say I miss ‘em. All that homework, the deadlines…”
“Okay, okay. Let’s not rub it in.”
Reaching back for my hand, he led me down the hall to the last door on the left. Admittedly, I was rather curious to see how Jude lived. I had seen much of the house on Thanksgiving, but not his bedroom. Obviously.
A four-poster bed sat in the middle of a huge room, one of those epic picture windows behind it. The same hardwood floors, white curtains billowing in the breeze…it was like a resort.
“Wow,” I laughed, clapping a hand over my mouth.
He grinned, kicking his shoes off. “You like it?"
“Are you kidding me?” I set my purse on a chair in the corner. Like the dresser, it matched the bed.
“All mahogany,” he said, walking over to the bed, running his hand over the wood. “It’s not the original furniture—my parents had a lot of that donated to the historical society—but it’s similar. I know a guy who works with wood, hand crafts stuff like this.”
I touched the dark grey bed spread. “It's beautiful.”
Back in the kitchen, we rustled up some late-night snacks. His fridge was covered in pictures, a couple of which were pretty old. “Is this you?” I cried, words warbled by a mouth full of grapes.
“And look, Eli,” Jude said, pointing to another kid in the photograph I was looking at. Jude looked like he was about ten, Eli maybe fourteen.
“Unbelievable,” I said, chuckling at Eli’s blond dreads of yester-year. “Which beach is this?”
“Buck Island. You need a boat to go, but it's worth it.”
“Yeah, Cole said. We were supposed to go before we left, but things got a little crazy. He’s been working almost non-stop.”
Jude nodded. “I see him heading out of the harbor all the time. Anyway, we’ll go before you leave. I promise it’s the prettiest beach you'll ever go to.”
It looked like it, with blindingly white sand and water that could've come from a swimming pool. I sighed. “The list of things we need to do before I leave is getting longer and longer.”
“We’ll make time.”
“I knew it was going to be like this.” I slipped my arms around his neck as he slipped his around my waist.
For the longest moment he stared at me, those dreamy, brown eyes searching mine. I tightened my grip, caught in the thrall of his gaze. “So did I,” he said finally. “You have no idea how much I’ve held back.”
~
Nora was already beginning to show, her slight frame now rounded in front.
“With Sadie, it took forever. Sydney, a little faster. This time, my belly came quickly.” She chuffed in amusement, tugging at her loose dress. “It's like muscle memory or something.”
I smiled at her baby bump. “You look so cute.”
“Ha! Wait until I'm a blimp.”
We were both low on supplies, so we’d decided to go grocery shopping together. The first stop was Food Town, the nearest grocery store, but after that we headed to a farmer’s market on the South Shore.
Nora kept the windows down, allowing in the fresh, sweet December air. It had been a while for us. Thanks to morning sickness, she hadn’t been up for much beyond the essentials. I came over to help with the girls when I could, but between Theo’s impending departure and the bloom of firsts with Jude, I’d been a little preoccupied, myself.
But it felt good to hang out with Nora again. She’d been my first real female friend on St. Croix, and I missed our long talks. I missed doing turtle research down at Sandy Point, too, but that had slowed down a lot. Even Jack’s Bay was quiet lately, although Jude and the others still patrolled.
“They’re compiling everything down at UVI now,” she explained, when I’d asked. “There’s always someone from SEA down at the beach just in case, but the season’s over for now.”
Today, the blue sky spread out before us, vast and cloudless. I hadn't been to this side of the island much. It was mostly countryside, dotted with the occasional house or herd of cows. Nora pointed out an old dairy at one curve in the road, a Boy Scouts camping ground in another.
“Ha'Penny Beach is nice, but the road sucks,” she said, pointing. “Make sure Jude takes you camping there.”
Trying not to stumble over her casual mention of Jude, I nodded. “Do a lot of people camp there?”
“Every January, after we've taken the Christmas trees down, we bring it to Ha'Penny and have this huge bonfire with a bunch of friends. It’s always a lot of fun,” she gushed.
I gazed wistfully at the water passing in the near distance, imagining the scene she described. I’d be gone by that point, back home in Coral Gables. “That sounds like a lot of fun.”
“Damn, I wish you weren’t leaving so soon, Alina. You and Theo are missing out.”
“I know.” I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “I know. Part of me doesn’t even want to leave anymore.”
“It was hard for me at first, too. I missed home,” Nora said, peeking in her rearview mirror. “Sadie, take that out of your mouth” She glanced at me. “I still miss it sometimes, but Eli and I fly up all the time. Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Is it St
. Croix you don’t want to leave, or Jude?”
“Both.” I shook my head. “But, Jude I guess.”
“Then you can always come back after this semester, you know? Go home, honor your commitments. Get some space—and then make a decision based on facts, not just emotions.”
“I used to be good at that,” I said, watching the scenery pass in a brown and green blur. “Putting first things first.”
“But not anymore?”
“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t expect to fall for Jude.”
“That’s generally how it happens,” she said with a soft laugh, squeezing my knee. “You’ll be all right.”
“I just don’t want to sacrifice everything I’ve worked for,” I said. “Not for a guy.”
“Maybe you don’t have to,” said Nora. “I know school is important to you, but stuff like that doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive. But it’s good you’re going home. Decide when you’re not all caught up.”
“Okay.” I nodded, taking a deep breath. “You’re right.”
“And…I think you know Jude’s not just some guy.” She raised her eyebrows.
She was right, of course. Despite my aversion to anything that might distract me from my plans and goals…Jude wasn’t just some guy. He was smart and capable, living the life he wanted to live without apology and that was inspiring. People like him, Eli and Nora, Ivy, Cole…they showed me that life on St. Croix was possible, not just a quixotic fantasy. There was real living to be done here, love to be had. Jude lit me up, and that had to mean something.
At the farmer’s market, Nora and I wandered the stalls and tables, filling our baskets with herbs, fruits and veggies. I bought goat cheese, made from a local farm, and two jars of guava jelly for Theo. He was addicted to all things guava.
“Nice, right?” Nora reached for a loaf of bread. “Eli sells here sometimes.”
“I love it,” I said, thinking fondly of my favorite farmer's markets in Miami. “I’ll need to send some of this back before I go.”
“Here” she said, handing me a small bundle of lemongrass. “Jude likes tea made from this.”
Snorting, I put it into my basket. “I don’t know who’s worse, you or Sydney. She insists that I marry Jude.”
“Well, I don’t know about all that,” she said, tilting her head. “I know you make Jude happy. And that makes me happy because I really love that guy.”
Not knowing what to say, I sniffed at the lemongrass in my hand.
“I know things are a little weird with the whole Theo thing,” Nora said. The girls ran up ahead, stopping at a small flower display.
“Kind of. I mean, we were never really together, but I think it still hurt him.”
Nora sighed. “Of course, it did. Theo loves you, Alina. He’s just waited until it was too late to deal with that.”
“Probably.”
“Eli’s always telling me to stop meddling.” She paused at a table, tossing several bags of tea into her basket. “Feel free to tell me when to shut up.”
“You’re fine. God knows, I need all the advice I can get.”
She took my arm then, surprising me with the intensity in her eyes. “Not letting someone know how you feel about them usually backfires. If Jude matters to you, consider him important enough to factor into your decisions. Okay?”
“Look, mama!” squealed Sadie. She and Sydney were halfway across the market, clutching baby rabbits. Nora hurried over, begging for them to be careful.
Contrary to what she’d just said, Nora had never been pushy when it came to what I should or shouldn’t do. Her words hit, hard.
I grabbed more lemongrass. Just in case.
Chapter Fourteen
I sat on the edge of the bed, watching Theo pack as I plaited my hair into a loose braid. It was longer and lighter these days, the way it was when I was a kid, a tangle of brown and blonde. I liked it.
“What’s up?” asked Theo, zipping his carry-on.
I blinked, shrugging. “Nothing. Just thinking about how quickly the time went.”
“No kidding.”
“You okay?” I asked. He’d been quiet today. We’d made dinner together, eating early so he could go out with Cole and the boys, but it felt like we were in a fog. Which was odd, because things had felt normal—to me, anyway.
“Just thinking.” He smiled a little. “I feel kind of weird leaving you down here.”
My heart tugged, and I wrapped him in a hug. “I’m going to miss you.”
“Me too.” He squeezed back just as tight, folding his body around mine. His phone beeped. “I think Cole’s outside.”
“Okay. Well, have fun tonight. Where’re you guys going?”
“Dinner at Cane Bay. Not sure if we’re passing through town after, but I’ll see you if we do.”
I left soon after he did, stopping next door to get Nora’s keys. Our car was in the shop again, so sometimes—like tonight—I borrowed the Taylors’ minivan. Ivy had just gotten back from a trip to Mexico, and the plan was to catch up tonight over drinks and dessert.
We met at a little bistro downtown, eventually making our way toward the boardwalk as the night went on.
“I’m not going to Larsen’s on my night off,” said Ivy, her heels clacking along the pavement as we walked. “You can see Jude any night.”
“He’s not working tonight,” I said. “But I could use a change of scenery, anyway. What’re you in the mood for?”
“How about Sammy’s? Ladies free till midnight.”
I glanced at my phone; it was 11:54. Sammy’s was a popular club on Strand Street, about a block from the waterfront. Theo and I’d been a couple times with Cole, Logan, and Emma. “Sure; why not? You meeting someone there?”
“No,” she said with a laugh. “I just feel like dancing, and they always have great music!”
The club was crowded when we arrived. We ordered a couple of rum and cokes and got on the smoky, neon-lit dancefloor, dancing through a series of songs. We were trying to avoid a group of questionably young, and overly-eager, guys when the crowd shifted sharply. A yell sounded above the music.
Ivy grabbed my arm. “Shit.”
“What’s going on?” I stood on tiptoe, trying to see, my heartbeat rising. “Is someone fighting?”
She nodded, and we got out of the way, standing alongside the wall. I took a sip of my drink, seconds from bitching about this being the reason I didn’t do clubs…when I realized the two people at the center of the confusion were Theo and Jude.
“Ivy,” I half-yelled.
“Shit, I know!” she cried, eyes wide.
The music never even missed a beat. Tommy and Miles, and a bunch of dudes I didn’t know, dragged Jude further into the crowd while Cole, Logan, and Billy took Theo outside. People filled the void they’d left on the dancefloor, and it was as if nothing had even happened.
But something had happened. I had the trembling hands and the racing heart to prove it. “What do I do?” I asked with a gasp, abandoning my cup on a nearby table.
“I…I…I’ll go check on Jude,” she said. “Go see Theo. Make sure he’s okay.”
I didn’t know if that was the right call, but I was at a loss. Shoving my way outside, I searched the busy street, looking for the boys, but they were gone. Grabbing my phone, I called Theo, then Cole, leaving texts when they didn’t answer. Either they were too pumped up to hear the ringing, or they were too upset to answer.
Flashing my stamped hand at the bouncer, I slipped back inside. I met Ivy in the crush, taking hold of her hand. “Come on,” she mouthed, nodding toward the exits.
I resisted, straining for a glimpse of Jude and the others, but Ivy pulled me along.
“I haven’t seen him this mad since…since…I don’t know,” she said, still looking a little freaked. “You might want to give him a minute.”
“What happened?”
“They’re going crazy in there. From what I understand, Theo got up in Jude’s face and then pop
ped him.”
“What?” I gaped at her, trying to fit what she’d just said with what I knew of Theo. “I have never seen him hit anyone!”
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