by Lady Lissa
“I don’t think you should get your hopes up too high. Starr has years of friendship with them and I think they have what it takes to keep their relationship strong,” Lucy says.
There’s a knock outside the room and we both yell for them to come in. A lady walks in with a machine and says, “Are you Mandy Parker?”
I nod my head yes and she says, “My name is Liz and I’m gonna be responsible for conducting your ultrasound.”
She connects the machine and turns it on. She sits next to me on the stool and asks, “Is this your first baby?”
“Yes,” I answer.
“How far along are you?” she asks.
“About twelve weeks or so,” I answer.
“Okay, well I need to put this gel on your belly and it’s a little cold,” she says.
She applies the gel to my stomach and she’s right, it is cold. She grabs the wand and begins to rub it on my belly. She continues to do this for the next five minutes. She stops and says, “I’ll be back in a minute.”
She leaves the room and returns five minutes later with Doctor Wagner. She sits back down on the stool and begins the search with the wand again on my belly. She looks at the doctor, who continues to look at the screen confusingly. After a few minutes, the technician turns the machine off and they both turn their attention to me.
“Miss Parker, who told you that you were pregnant?” Doctor Wagner asks.
I turn to look at Lucy, who has concern written on her face.
“I took a home pregnancy test, two of them. They both said I was positive,” I explain.
“I’m sorry. Sometimes those home tests aren’t accurate. Sometimes they say positive but the person isn’t pregnant. It’s what’s called a false positive,” Doctor Wagner says.
I don’t answer him. Instead I just sit there, waiting for the world to open up and swallow me up. The only hold I had on Onyx was this pregnancy and now they’re telling me that I’m not pregnant, that I was never pregnant. They’re telling me that these damn tests are inaccurate. How can that be? I have to be pregnant. If I’m not pregnant, Onyx will never leave that stupid bitch.
“What are you saying? You’re saying that I was never pregnant?” I ask, still stunned by the news.
“No ma’am, I’m afraid not. I’m so sorry to tell you that,” he says.
“I have to be pregnant! My cycle is late and I feel pregnant too. How can I feel pregnant and not be pregnant?” I ask.
“That isn’t uncommon either. Sometimes when you think you’re pregnant, your stomach bloats up and you feel things that you assume have to do with a pregnancy. It’s called a false pregnancy, but the medical term for it is pseudocyesis,” Doctor Wagner explains but I no longer want to hear anything he has to say.
“How can someone actually feel pregnant and not be pregnant?” Lucy asks.
“Sometimes when a woman wants or has the desire to be pregnant for some reason, her body reacts in such a way that produces some pregnancy signs, such as her swollen belly, enlarged breasts, and even her sensations of fetal movement. The woman's brain starts to misinterpret those signals as pregnancy, and triggers the release of hormones, such as estrogen and prolactin, that lead to actual pregnancy symptoms,” Doctor Wagner continues.
“That’s crazy! I have to be pregnant! I HAVE TO BE PREGNANT!” I scream.
“I’m sorry Miss Parker, but you are not pregnant. You were never pregnant. Now I need to get you upstairs for the cat scan,” he says.
“Fuck that cat scan! I wanna go home,” I say.
“Mandy, just let them take the test. What if you have a concussion from falling on that concrete in the parking lot?” Lucy asks.
“I don’t care if I do have a concussion. I can live with a concussion. What I can’t live without is Onyx. I need him and I want him. If I’m not pregnant, I will never get him back,” I say.
“Girl bye! That boy ain’t coming back. He was never coming back and he’s told you that too many damn times. You just need to give that shit up and let him be,” Lucy says.
“I don’t care what he says. I still love him and he loves me,” I say.
Why can’t anybody else see that Onyx and I belong together? We’re meant to be, not him and that bitch Starr. I will have to find a way to get him out of her damn clutches, if it’s the last thing I do.
“You have to let this go. Get your CT scan, pee in the damn cup and let them draw your freakin’ blood so we can get the hell up outta here,” Lucy says.
“Whatever,” I say.
“Well, the nurses will be in soon to draw your blood and have the urinalysis done. Then you can get the CT scan and x-rays and you’ll be done,” the doctor says.
I don’t bother answering as the doctor leaves the room. A couple of minutes later, another nurse comes in as the ultrasound technician is walking out with her equipment. I can’t believe she said I’m not pregnant. How could this pregnancy have been in my head? That’s fucking ridiculous!
The nurse introduces herself, draws four vials of blood and hands me a cup to pee in. I take the cup from her and go into the restroom, squat down on the toilet and pee in the damn cup. I wipe off the excess piss, wash my hands and leave the cup in the restroom. I exit the restroom and return to the examination room, where another technician is waiting to take me for my CT scan. Now that it’s been determined that I’m not pregnant, the doctor has ordered me to get x-rays done. This whole thing is some straight bullshit.
After being at the damn hospital for almost four hours, I am finally given a prescription for some painkillers, antibiotics and a steroid medication. It turns out that I do have a concussion, some trauma to my eye socket, which the doctor says should clear up in a few days, and a whole lot of bruises. So, I take my scripts and leave the emergency room with Lucy in tow. We get to my car and she gets back behind the steering wheel.
“Are you ready to go home now?” she asks.
“Yea. Are you going to spend the night or what?” I ask her.
“Well, I actually need to get home since that’s where my school clothes are. I’ll take your car and bring it back to you in the morning. We can ride to school together and then I’ll take the bus home,” Lucy says.
“We don’t have school tomorrow girl. Did you forget?” I ask.
“I sure did forget. All this shit you got going on, I’m lucky I remember my damn name,” she says.
“So what you gonna do? Stay the night?” I ask.
“I guess, as long as you take me home tomorrow before noon. Now that there’s no school tomorrow, I wanna spend some time with Gregory,” she says smiling.
Gregory is her cheesy boyfriend that she’s been dating for the past two years. I don’t like that she is so happy with her boyfriend while I have to fight for mine. Why doesn’t she have to fight for her man like I have to battle it out for mine? Life definitely isn’t fair to my ass. I’ve always had to fight for everything I’ve ever wanted. I had to fight to be captain of the cheerleading squad. I had to fight to get Onyx to pay attention to me. I had to fight for basically everything in my life.
“That’s fine, I can drop you off in the morning,” I tell her, not wanting to hear anything else about her and her fabulous Gregory.
Her phone starts ringing and she momentarily takes her eyes off the road to see whose calling. When she sees Greg’s face on the phone, she hurriedly picks up the phone.
“Hey baby,” she says and my feelings are immediately put on edge.
I roll my eyes as I listen to her one sided conversation with Gregory. All that cooing and bullshit between them is making me sick. She runs me by the pharmacy so I can drop off my medicine so it can be filled by morning. While we’re in line waiting to drop off the medicine, she’s still on the phone making googley eyes with her man.
“Okay boo, see you in a few,” she says.
She hangs up the phone smiling like a cat that just chewed up a big, fat bird or something. We get to the window and she hands the prescriptions to the g
uy at the window. He says the medicine will be ready in two hours. Once we’re back on the road, I turn to her and ask, “Are you leaving?”
“Yep. Greg is on his way to get me,” she says.
“Oh okay, cool,” I say, trying to sound unbothered by her happiness.
I can play a good game of acting with anyone. I can make them believe shit about myself that doesn’t exist. I never knew how unhappy other people’s happiness made me until just now. I am actually seething mad in my seat but she’s too happy to notice. If she had noticed my feelings, she might have offered to stay with me. I don’t really need anyone to stay with me. I would just rather her stay with me than be with that nigga.
When we arrive at my house, I roll my eyes because my mom and dad are here. I know when they see my face, they are going to have a bunch of questions. I do not want to answer these questions, at all. I walk in the house and try to head straight for my room, but I get stopped midway up the stairs by my mom. I am not looking forward to this conversation because I haven’t told them that I’m not allowed to participate in the graduation ceremony tomorrow night. They are going to be so upset, but most of all, they will be disappointed. I know I should have told them when I got suspended that I was banned from graduation, but I couldn’t find the words to tell them. I just didn’t really know what to say to them that would make them feel good about this situation. They have waited eighteen years to see their daughter walk across the stage and get her diploma and now I have to tell them that it ain’t going to happen.
“Come back down here Mandy!” my mom calls out.
“What are you doing here Luciana?” I hear my mom asking Lucy.
“I drove Mandy home,” she answers.
“Why the hell you had to drive her home?” my dad asks.
“Ummmm,” I hear Lucy.
“Um what? Mandy, get yo ass in here!” my dad says.
I slowly drag myself around the corner to face the music. When I walk in, my parents look at me and my mom immediately jumps out her seat.
“What happened to you?” she asks as she inspects my face.
“I got in a fight,” I say.
“Another damn fight? What the hell is wrong with you these days young lady?” my dad asks, standing there with his arms across his chest.
“Dad, it wasn’t my fault. Onyx…” I didn’t get to finish because they interrupt me.
“Onyx did this to you?” my dad asks, his voice booming louder than before.
“No dad. I got in a fight with his new girlfriend Starr,” I say.
“And that cheerleader,” Lucy says.
I look at her and flash her an evil look with my eyes. She looks at me with eyes that show confusion. I’m sure she’s thinking, since my dad asked, she was gonna tell all. But she didn’t have to let him know everything.
“So you got in a fight with two girls? Did they jump you?” my mom asks.
“No mom. If y’all don’t mind, I’m in a lot of pain and I’m exhausted so I’m gonna head upstairs to bed,” I say.
“I’m trying to figure out how I can apply makeup to cover this up for graduation tomorrow. But there ain’t enough makeup in the world to cover that eye up. You are just going to have to walk on stage with a black eye,” she says.
“Uh, about that. I’m not attending graduation,” I say.
“The hell you ain’t. After all the money we spent getting you ready for graduation, you will be walking across that stage. I don’t care what yo face looks like,” my dad says.
“No I’m not. Look at my face dad. I am not attending graduation looking like this,” I tell him.
“Oh yes you are. We have spent a lot of money into making this day special for you. I don’t know what can be done to fix your face, but I’m sure you and your mother can find someone who can make your face more presentable,” my dad says.
“Dad, I don’t want to attend the ceremony like this and you can’t make me,” I say.
“What the hell has gotten into you Mandy? You were once so excited about your graduation. What happened between then and now that has made you change so much?” my mom asks.
“I just can’t attend,” I say.
“You can’t? Why not?” my mom asks.
“I just can’t,” I respond.
“I’m gonna contact the school tomorrow and find out what the hell is going on,” my dad says.
“No dad, you don’t have to call the school.”
“Why not? You’re telling me you can’t attend your own damn graduation. Why the hell not? Is there something you ain’t telling me and your mother?” he asks, staring at me with intense eyes.
“I can’t attend graduation because I was fighting,” I finally spit out.
“What the hell?” my dad asks.
I don’t even want to look at them because I know that they are going to rip me apart. I don’t know how I allowed my feelings for Onyx to get so out of hand, but it has gotten there. I love that man so much, I’m willing to fight for him and miss out on my graduation. I even thought I was pregnant for him, which is what hurts the most. Finding out that I’m not pregnant by Onyx really has my head fucked up right now. That was the last link I had to him. What the hell am I gonna have to do to get him back now?
“I got in a fight and because I started it, they suspended me and got me kicked out of graduation. I’m sorry mom and dad, but there’s nothing I can do to change their minds,” I say.
“What the hell is wrong with you these days Mandy? Why have you been fighting so much lately? And don’t say you don’t know because I know that you do,” my mom says.
“Mom, she stole my man right out from under me. Of course I’m going to fight for him. Was I supposed to just let it go?” I ask.
“Yes! You don’t go around fighting for some damn boy because he found another girlfriend. Your father and I have worked so hard just so you could have it all. We wanted you to have the best of everything. We wanted to see you walk across that stage tomorrow and get your diploma. But you threw it all away. You just threw that dream for us out the window for some boy. I am so disappointed in you,” my mom says. The look on her face shows how disappointed she is in me and that hurts. My mom is right. She and my dad have given me the best of everything and how do I repay them? By getting tossed out of graduation.
“I’m sorry mom,” I say. I mean, what am I supposed to say to that? When I think about it that way, I really was wrong. I wasn’t thinking about my mom and dad when I decided to fight with Starr. They were the furthest thing from my mind at that time. I don’t know why I let Starr push my buttons that way. But my love for Onyx is real and I don’t plan to give him up that easily.
“Sorry don’t mean shit if you can’t graduate,” my dad says.
“Dad, I really am sorry. I should have thought about my actions before I did it. I was wrong,” I tell them.
“Have you tried talking to the principal about letting you walk? Have you tried apologizing to that girl you fought?” my mom asks.
“I tried talking to the principal but I ain’t apologizing to that girl,” I tell her.
“Wow! You really have changed Mandy. You never used to be like this,” my mom says.
Lucy’s phone starts ringing and she answers, “Hey babe.”
“Okay, I’ll be right out,” she says.
“Well, that’s Gregory and he’s outside. Mandy, I’ma talk to you later girl and I hope you feel better. See y’all later Uncle Wallace and Aunt Vienna,” Lucy says and bounces right out the door.
So now it’s just me and my parents and they do not look happy. I guess I can understand where they’re coming from. I suppose if my child had been given all the luxuries I had, I would be upset about them not being allowed to attend graduation also. I just didn’t think graduation was that important. I could have begged Principal Eames to let me walk, but I didn’t because all I was thinking about was myself. Now, of course I would like to be there to share that experience with Onyx, but with that bitch ther
e, I doubt if he would even notice me. So, I didn’t bother to beg for my spot at graduation.
I just figured I’d attend to show Onyx my support. Even though that bitch will probably be in the audience, I don’t care. I feel the need to be there so I will be there. I will try my best to not cause a scene or fight during the ceremony, but if that bitch even looks at me cross-eyed, I’m gonna have to pop her ass because I don’t play that shit. It’s enough that she took my man, but for her to flaunt it in my face is too much.
I know my parents are disappointed in me and for that I’m sorry. But what I’m not sorry about, is that I got to fight with Starr. She needs to know that I will go to great lengths to get my man back. And if that means I have to do away with her ass, then so be it.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Luciana
My cousin Mandy is a damned fool. Why can’t she just let that nigga live his fucking life and find some other dude? I mean, I know she loves him, but in this day and age, what the fuck does love have to do with anything? If a man doesn’t want you, fuck him. There are so many men out there to choose from. I don’t see how she can be stuck on Onyx like that. Sure, he’s cute and sexy, especially in his basketball uniform. He’s especially sexy when he’s all sweaty and stuff; good lord, that man knows he got some sex appeal with him.
I used to have a huge crush on Onyx and some might say I still want him. Okay, so what? I still have a mad crush on him and if given the chance to be with him, I would dump Gregory in a heartbeat. Greg and I have been dating for two years now and he’s good looking, but he ain’t as good looking as Onyx. Onyx is 6’3” and when he steps into a room, you can tell he is on some boss status shit. Like, when he’s around me, I am absolutely quiet because I know if I start talking, my tongue is going to get twisted in my mouth.
I have admired and wanted Onyx for the past four years, ever since we started high school. But since he was with my cousin Mandy, I couldn’t have him. I tried several times to break them up but nothing worked. When we were in tenth grade, I slipped a love note in Mandy’s locker so that when she would open it, both her and Onyx would see the note. I figured if he saw that some other nigga was writing her a love note, he would think that she was cheating on him and dump her sorry ass. But that’s not what happened.