Let It Burn

by Dee Ellis

  I never took my eyes off of her. Watched the way she fiddled with the bag slung across her chest. Opening and closing the zipper. Back and forth, open, close, open, close. Watched her massacre that sexy bottom lip. I would have to talk to her about that. I loved that fucking mouth and she was doing it no good tearing into it with those teeth.

  “We’ll get the kids and head to the training tower. A few hours there, then we’ll take them to lunch,” Charli frowned, her eyes swinging from Sara to me, “then the final hour here. Tomorrow’s the last day; do we feel like something good has come of this?” I almost laughed because the best thing I had never expected had happened; I’d met her, the girl I’d been waiting for.

  “Absolutely.” I was quick to reply, watching the pink flush Charli’s skin.

  “Devon,” Charli’s voice was shaky and she cleared her throat before it came out strong and assured, “I think Devon wants to follow up. Maybe Cage can spend some quality time with him tomorrow. Just the two of them.” The smirk that curved her mouth should have pissed me off; she was trying to tell me to get lost.

  “Oh Devon and I already have quality time scheduled, Charli,” I watched her face turn up in shock, “he’s coming by everyday next week to talk with me and Byrne about getting started in the volunteer program. We want to work it around his class schedule, of course. He’s in his senior year, he’s got a lot going on but we’re going to figure it out.” Before she could hide it, a beautiful smile lit her face as something sparked behind those eyes.

  “That’s exactly what we’re hoping for, Cage. If one kid out of one class finds a career from all this, it’s absolutely worth it, folks. Well, are we ready, then?” Sara shot a look between us, smiling when she caught me staring at Charli like a damn fool.

  The van started up as Sara climbed into the front seat. Which was awesome because that gave me an excuse to slide in after Charli. That’s exactly what I did after I took her hand to help her up. I nearly laughed when she cursed at me beneath her breath, but took my hand anyway. After sliding the wide door closed after me, I slid close to her side, waiting for her to shove away.

  When she didn’t, I slid closer. Watching her bite away the cute smirk that twisted her lips, I slid closer still. Until my knee was touching hers and her side was leaning against mine. The urged to slip my arm around her to bring her close was overwhelming.

  “Behave, Cage Cooper.” Charli whispered as she shifted a look up at me.

  “You make it difficult to want to, Sugar,” I leaned down after checking that Sara was chatting with the driver, “you look fucking beautiful today.” My lips pressed to her ear again and she tried to hide her shudder but failed.

  “Thank you. You know,” Her head tipped away, her eyes narrowing on me, “What makes you think I need your compliments? What makes you think they might work on me?” Charli lifted a shoulder and I knew what this was about.

  “Work on you? Sugar that implies I’m trying to convince you of something we don’t already know to be fact. My end game is not to get into your panties,” My fingers traced the shoulder she lifted and her eyes watched, “Although I can’t wait to taste what’s inside them. Baby, my end game is you. Period.” My thumb pressed to the pulse at the side of her throat, finding it thumping beneath my touch.

  “From what I hear whispers of, Cage, that must be new territory for you.” Ice cooled her words and those pretty eyes looked dangerous as they pinned me down.

  “Abso-fucking-lutely. Charli Dixon you are an entirely new world to me. I may hide it better but I’m likely a fuckova lot more scared than you are right now.” For a moment her shields went down, her mouth parted and she searched my face for signs of a lie.

  Of course she found none because I’d never been as boldly honest as I was being with Charli. The need to consume her, to claim her as mine in the most barbaric of ways was unsettling at best. That the scent of her, the smallest hint of a smile could bring me to my knees was scary to experience. As mouthy as I was being, telling her what the facts were, Charli held all the power.

  That a woman as stunning and captivating as she had no idea the magic she wielded was fascinating. Just about every woman I knew before her wielded their pussy like a weapon. Men like me were nothing but their victims. Even if we were the ones doing the fucking, the fact of the matter is they controlled it all.

  “You don’t know shit about me,” Charli snarled and I fell deeper under her spell, “you assume those sweet promises you made within hours of meeting me were what I needed? What I came here for? Wrong, baby. I came here, left my family and my home and...my life, for me. Just because I think you’re attractive, because I may want to fuck you doesn’t mean I need you Cage.”

  Damn, that one hurt and it took me too long to recover because the van rolled to a stop. Then the doors were flying open and the kids were climbing in and not another word was spoken between us. I knew she was lying. Pissed off at me for being so forward, for pushing her too hard. Upset that her friend made eyes at me and tried to flirt.

  God knows what that friend, or even Sara had told her about me. Not to mention that bullshit Finn was talking yesterday about O’Malley’s. Even as she was cold and harsh to me, I could feel the surge between us. I could sense her pulse speeding up when I was close. Yes, Charli wanted me and maybe she did need me. She just wasn’t ready to let herself, let alone me, know that.

  Two hours later, Charli had completely drawn into herself. We had run about ten drills, starting a contained fire on a school bus, inside the tower and a brush fire. The kids kept a safe distance as we put each one out, then slowly demonstrated the different ways we had squelched each fire. I tried to stick close to her.

  When I came close to her after the tower fire, covered in soot and smelling of smoke, she winced. Fuck if that look in her eyes didn’t make me ache. Her ghosts had a firm grip on her today and they weren’t letting go anytime soon. I wanted to battle them but I couldn’t till she let me in enough to find out who, or what, they were.

  Devon was super into the session today and his look when they got to do some hose and extinguisher work was priceless. I had talked to him in between each drill and ironed out the plans for him to stop by the station house next week.

  It hadn’t exactly been a lie, what I told Charli earlier. But I hadn’t exactly offered him the opportunity until today. Not the one I told Charli I had lined up. I never intended to lie to her. Although she clearly had no fucking issue lying to me. By the end of the session I was pissed.

  I wanted to talk to her, to tell her whatever she needed to hear to bring her back to me. Yesterday she had been so open, so warm and she all but begged me to take her after that kiss. I promised her I would fight her ghosts and that meant not giving up the first time she turned me away.

  As we rode down the busy streets of Chicago, heading to a large, noisy pizza place the kids had picked, I was aware of her reading beside me. The bus jostled and bounced, but she kept her book propped in her hands, eyes never lifting. There were buds in her ears and I could faintly make out some Carrie Underwood when I listened close.

  I suddenly got an idea as I watched her reading. My plan to use my book as an excuse to chat her up would get me nowhere with her today. Charli was trying to convince us both she didn’t want me bad enough to want more than my cock. Whatever ghosts that plagued her kept her from believing in something more.

  I knew she had lost someone but I didn’t know how big of a loss that was. I needed to know but there’s no way she’d tell me after I fucked things up by being so god damned pushy.

  I couldn’t help it; I saw what I wanted and I went for it. That’s just how I was. I didn’t half ass shit. I wanted Charli. Fuck yes I wanted her for her pussy but I wanted her for a fuckova lot more.

  Sitting at lunch with the kids loud and Charli still quiet, I made a point of trying to ignore her. It was bullshit because I saw every time she laughed, every move of her hair over her shoulders. Still, I had pretended before in my li
fe once or twice. After Ariel and Finn fucked me over, I pretended to want the next bitch who wanted to ride my dick.

  Ariel believed it. The bitch riding my dick sure as shit believed it. After Krista dumped me and started fucking half my friends, I pretended it didn’t bother me one bit. I could pretend for Charli’s sake that I could handle her empty attempts at rejection.

  “Cage,” Sara was talking gently which caught my attention because she was never gentle, “are you keeping your promise?” Her red curls tilted towards Charli discreetly and I gave a jerk of my head.

  “Yeah, Sweet Sara. I always keep my promises.” I said this just loud enough for Charli to hear.

  If looks could kill. Well...you know the rest. Charli narrowed those dark eyes at me and cleared her throat. When I winked at her, I felt a sharp pain in my leg and realized she had kicked me with her high heeled boots. The sharky smile she shot me went straight to my dick. Damn, I liked this girl. We both went back to our lunch as if the moment hadn’t happened.

  Sara had caught on to something, I was positive, though she didn’t bring it up again. Instead we talked with Devon about his carrying on with studies and other programs he had enrolled in at the library.

  I found out he signed up for some interview and resume programs, as well as some precollege finance classes. I really liked Devon. He spoke little of his home life but I gathered it wasn’t great and part of his reason for wanting to better himself.

  “Was it your family that made you want to do it, Cage?” I cut that Mr. Cooper shit out right away; that’s Pop, not me.

  “Yeah, I think so. I mean my pop is a lifetime fire fighter. My uncles are both in the life. An uncle on my Mom’s side.... he was an EMT.” It had been a long time since I had talked about that uncle and I had a hard time with it.

  My uncle, my mom’s brother, had been an EMT all my life. During a routine call four years ago, he was struck by a car on the freeway. It was sadly ironic to me that he lost his life while saving someone else. We had been close and he had mentored me when I started out as an EMT. He was a hulk of a man but as gentle as they come, always with a smile and a moment.

  Talking about him, even briefly was my least favorite topic despite how much he meant to me. I could feel Sara’s eyes on me and I shared a long look with her, clearing my throat as Devon continued asking questions. Her hand came out to tug at my ear, something he had done when he wanted to cheer someone up. My eyes flew to Charli, embarrassed by my emotional reaction in front of her.

  When my eyes met hers though, I felt my breathing stutter at the look on her beautiful face. It was pain and fear but mostly longing. Charli’s gray eyes glittered with tears and her bottom lip was nipped into her mouth. Now I knew that trick was her fighting her emotions.

  Either her smiles when I shamelessly flirted with her, or her desire when I touched her. Now her sadness when I brought up pain and loss. This was my pain and loss though. For a long moment the air between us grew thick and I felt her empathy; felt the connection of two souls who had lost something that altered them after.

  Even though I was the one struggling with my loss right then, I wanted to comfort her. I ached to see her hurting and know I might have caused it. When her chin tilted, shoulders squaring I knew that’s the exact opposite of what she wanted. The others were talking and laughing, completely oblivious.

  Sara’s eyes darted between the two of us, but we were silent. I knew right then one of the reasons she was here. Why she had run away. Her loss had not ruined her, though it indeed altered her. The pity and remorse heaped on her by others is what was threatened to ruin her.

  “Sorry man,” Devon said softly, seeming uncomfortable, “I didn’t know.”

  “No worries, Devon. No way you could know. He was a great man, like a father to me and he got me through EMT training. I miss him a lot. Just try to make him proud, you know?” Though I was talking to Devon, I kind of felt like I was admitting this to Charli.

  When she looked away, a hand swiping over her face, I saw her biting back a smile. Fuck I wanted to reach out and touch her. I felt like right then, I needed her. I didn’t risk it, didn’t want to push her again. Instead I went back to struggling to ignore her. Sara reached out, tugging my earlobe again as we exchanged a sad look.

  Sara had been close to my uncle too; I thought once maybe they had a thing going on. It had always been the four of them; my parents, Sara and my uncle Griffin. The two of us became close after he passed.

  I focused my energy on her, letting her mouthy Irish humor keep me from feeling down. My eyes often found their way back to Charli. Each time, hers were watching me, the softness in them making me ache.

  The kids were excited and loud and I was glad to see my first attempts at mentoring were having some positive effects. If they continued the program, I thought I just might enjoy doing this again. Devon seemed on a good path, and was welcoming positive reinforcement from all of us.

  Focusing on Devon and Sara kept me from making a fool of myself with Charli again. That is, until we all boarded the bus again, heading back to the library. I’d given her some space during the training and lunch. I was about done with it by then. So when we climbed on, I slid close to her, struggling to rein in my reactions to her.

  We had gone just a few blocks when I felt a weight at my thigh. My eyes fluttered closed because it was so welcome but so unexpected. Charli pressed a soothing touch into my thigh and I covered her hand with mine. I chanced a look her way and saw her nose deep in her book again. Still, I was smiling like a fucking idiot when she lifted her fingers, letting mine weave within them.

  Charli never looked up from her book but she was smiling too as she gave my hand a squeeze. Just like that I felt okay again. I let go of the breath I had been holding since talking about my uncle. Charli had her legs crossed, one knee bouncing and then she shoved at the floor gently. Bringing her snug against my side. All while reading her book and never acknowledge the intimacy between us.

  The feel of our hands woven together was more intimate than I could have imagined. I felt so wired and alive at the same time it felt natural. Like it was exactly how we belonged. Together. Sara glanced back once, saw our hands tightly clutched at my thigh and her eyes went wide as saucers. Even though I smiled at her, her brow furrowed before she leveled a look I couldn’t decipher at me.

  Then she spun away, chatting up the bus driver and ignoring us the rest of the day. Even when we all filed out and headed inside. Sara made up an excuse to leave, which Charli didn’t even question. I knew she was lying; knew she was going into mom mode because she cared so much about Charli.

  We gathered in the atrium again, once again in the circle of couches and low club chairs. Again Charli sat beside me, though we kept a safe distance this time. We talked awhile with the kids about tomorrow, which was my final day with them. I would be bringing in some EMT trainers and some Volunteer fire fighters so they could speak one on one.

  At the end of the day, they would each work one on one with whoever they chose. If they wanted to. Whether it was just hearing the speakers talk or lining up volunteer options, it was up to them.

  “Awe we’re going to miss you, Cage.” Britney pouted, tossing her long blonde hair at the same moment Jade did.

  “I’ll be around,” I promised, leveling a pointed look at Charli, “hopefully the mentoring program continues and I get to work with more kids like you. If just one of you decides to join the life, man, that’s a big deal to me. If any of you have questions or need some guidance, I’m always here.” This was said with a pointed look at Marcus, who though he was the class clown, had seemed to take some interest in the EMT role we talked about.

  We spent some more time chatting about the job, what I called the life. The girls had signed up for all the wrong reasons, meaning because of a silly crush on me. By now I figured they’d have lost focus entirely. Jade didn’t seem thrilled about it all, but Britney seemed much more invested than she had been at the start.
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br />   My focus after tomorrow would be Devon, without a doubt. But I wanted to take Marcus aside if I got the chance and see where his head was at. Charli was talking with the kids, jotting down notes in her always present notebook. The air between us was charged, but more pleasant than before.

  After the ride here, I felt much calmer. Her presence, the pressure of her fingers in mine had soothed me. Still I knew she was grasping at those lies about wanting me for all she was worth. To protect herself. I refused to give her the chance to run so far away I couldn’t catch her. I had warned her as much.

  So after we broke for the day, the kids saying goodbye and breaking into the little clusters that had formed, I excused myself. Digging the book I planned to use as a tool to get her talking out of my bag, I ripped out a sheet of paper from a pad in my bag. I scribbled a quick note on it and headed downstairs, never uttering another word to Charli.

  It might seem like a dick move to her, but she’d forgive me soon enough. Once I convinced Lola that her flirtations were wasted, I bribed her for a favor. A hook up with Finn or someone as comparably hot, her words not mine, and she was down.

  Smirking as I slid the book across the counter, just as Charli stepped into the circular reference desk, I turned to head out. Thinking twice, I turned back, took a few steps towards her and reached out to take her hand.

  “Later, Sugar. Thank you for...thank you.” Giving her hand a squeeze, I watched her flush before I spun on my sneakers and headed for the doors.

  “B... bye Cage.” As I pushed through the wide, tall oak doors, I glanced back once.

  Charli was watching me go and Lola was giving me thumbs up. Let her lie to me after she opened that book.