She peeked her eyes and gazed very softly at me. I couldn’t control her rays that fell on me. I began to stare at her. For the moment I stopped narrating my story. Her eyes began to fill with charm that could be seen flying away from her eye lashes. She slowly lowered her eyes directing towards the open diary that laid open on her lap.
I managed to look away from her captivated spell. The breeze came in and flew away shimmering our souls. We felt the evening got deeper and deeper. We thought of returning back to hotel. We began to follow our steps. She handed me the diary. She walked by my side and we added our steps together.
“ Can you ever forget Anannya?” Isha hissed softly.
“No..it’s not possible at all”.
“I know it’s completely printed in your heart. Moreover it’s a love” her voice slightly got depressed.
“What’s wrong Isha”.
“Nothing..I’m good being alone” with slight harsh tone.
“I understand your family problem, but I can’t come up to fix it”.
“It’s not about my family”.
“Then what it’s about” with my raised tone.
“It’s about me and you”.
I halted suddenly on the spot. I stood dazzled momentarily with my nerves circulating blood hard. She stopped some steps ahead of me.
“What did you just say” my voice demanded hard.
She pretended to be unheard. I slowly marched closer to her.
“What did you just say” I repeated again standing before her with firm and steady look at her face.
Passersby gazed at us, some went with sort of confused look at us. Some went with no head of attention on us. We were straight in the middle of subway. I could sense some thought us as Boyfriend and Girlfriend at the hitch of break up.
“I’m in love with you” said Isha without halting a second thought of it.
“Isha you’re out of your mind. You need to take rest. Lets walk on. We shall talk about it tomorrow” I said softly.
We geared to make our moves again. I could see the dejected appearance on Isha’s face. She was unwilling to make any sort of gesture. The silence walked along with us. She walked a distance away from me and I followed her steps. In fact she was not willing to talk to me. We needed to cross the road onto the other side. I never knew Why she felt this intimacy so serious. This was not at all so call love. The compassionate curiosity took birth within her heart. But my heart would never feel it’s comfort to accept such passions of curiosity from her. We walked on with no voice of words between us. Finally, we reached the entrance of our hotel. She didn’t even bother to look back at me. She just collected her room key and walked off leaving me deserted alone. Was my behaviour so rude to her, I began to think and perceive what was wrong. It’s the same thing now she will go through just like me. I can’t fall in love again. Just because I had been here to help her she can’t exercise such emotive involvement between us. I collected my room key. She slid up by the other elevator few seconds earlier. And I pressed the button of my floor. The elevator slid higher and stopped at directed floor. The door opened sliding side wards. I firmly took my step and marched forward. I propelled my legs towards her room. My voice masked for the moment and stood calmly before her door. I connected a knock at her. My fist slowly knocked again at her door.
“Isha open up...look I can explain the thing” my voice shrilled.
I had been knocking for more than a number of times.
“Give me a chance to explain the thing” I begged once again.
But she denied to open up. “Just go away... I don’t want to talk about it” she screamed.
I stood quiet and silent with my nerves running with heated blood. I headed back to my room just adjacent to her. I stood in storm of hearty attributes with highly raised waves that were thrashing me from all sides. Completely parted away from all sides I almost felt I was lost in deep ocean. Now that I had no option leaving back to my institution rather than teaming up with Isha. How could I let myself fall into one more trap which would finally bring my soul out of my body. It’s not about love, it’s my heart ache which I had been suffering after falling in love. And now she feels pity on me that’s doesn’t make any sense to me. Moreover she said it’s between me and you, I can’t just join my heart with no truth in it. I could love only one girl and that’s Anannya and now just I have my life to live until I get married to someone unknown. I sat on my bed. My head faced towards the ground. Suddenly it turned dark before eyes and everything went off. My head rested on my hands which were folded on my thighs. My eyes closed and the only thought that rendered me was Anannya not her. I opened my eyes and stood upright. I undressed myself and sat again to explore my diary. As I opened the diary the first page that flipped was the handwriting of Isha that floated before my eyes. For a while I closed my eyes, gathered the strength to look at it. I turned the next blank page and settled my pen on it. No clear cut thought for the moment where I would let my heart go. Is it the tremendous love of Isha for me or the immense addictive love of Anannya.
“Why such awkward situation acted on me” my inner subconscious troubled a question before me. I accumulated the power to redirect myself and began to write again from where it was stopped.
I was still waiting for the event to get over. The guard accompanied me the whole hour. Finally I could see students coming out of the gate. My face gleamed with joy.
“Go..you can see her now” said the guard.
“No..I‘ll wait for her here”.
“It’s your choice” said the guard and walked off for his duty.
I kept waiting for her. But this time I was all alone sitting on that bench. Finally I could take a sight of her. She looked very happy. Moreover from my distance she was looking extremely gorgeous. Her serene face and calm nature added to her simplicity. I was completely seduced by her looks at that very moment. I stood up on my legs as she came closer and nearer towards my side. I gathered some decisive and charming thoughts in my mind. As she approached near “Hey! Anannya”.
“Hey! You were not there. Where were you?” she inquired.
“I thought of not attending the show. Just spent time somewhere in a restaurant”.
“It was awesome”.
“I know.. it would be and yes of course your dance was fantastic”.
“Was it so..but how come...you were not there” she said.
“I saw the early morning”.
“Yeah...yeah! I forgot about that”.
“I was lucky enough at least I got to see your dance” I shrugged.
“You’re such an Idiot. You should have enjoyed the show” her tone got louder.
“Yeah! I thought but then I felt like walking off out”.
“So, you coming tomorrow” she asked.
“Where”.
“I mean school”.
“Oh! Surely..why not”.
“You know..he performed today” with an inquisitive tone she said.
“Who”.
“My boyfriend Avick”.
“Oh! Yeah! Yeah!..he’s excellent singer..I appreciate him”.
“I too” she smiled.
“Hey! I don’t know should I say this or not but..I just want to say it”.
“What” she waited.
“You’re looking beautiful today”.
“Oh! Gush!!!!!! Why are you hesitating to say. ..and thanks”.
I nodded my head and stood stable before her.
“Hey! My dad is waiting for me. I shall have to go now. See you tomorrow” she waved her hand and walked away towards her car.
I raised my hand and waved her back. I stood watching there. She clunk the door and got inside the car. The car accelerated and swept away in front of my eyes. She gave a last glance of the day. I smiled back which went unnoticed by her. I thought of walking back to my home now. That day it was different from the rest for the days. I could grabbed some of my friends heading back home. I joined and accompanied them. On my way there w
ere lots of gossips between our pals. But I was completely lost into different world. A world where I started dreaming of love and affection. A world between me and Anannya, I imagined on my mind and I continued to walked along with the others. Every single steps I put on the ground it stood hard and stiff and the rush of blood line began to flow with no lame within my heart. One of my friend asked me “What’s wrong with you today. You seemed to be very happy”.
I thought of concealing it from others until I become sure of what I was for. I had to hide the inner truth of my heart.
“Nothing” I replied casually.
And began adding my steps along with my friends until I reached my home with that charm residing on my face. I waited for the next day like I used to do. I have done all my subject assignments with greater throw of energy that day. All I could do was to wait eagerly for the dawn to break out as early as possible. Like a shadow she crawled in to my dream every night and that’s where we were as one. There she belonged to no one. But the only Man she loves transforms on me. I firmly holds her tight into my arm. She confines herself within my heart. There she embraces me for long hours. And we stand as together forever. The love grows more stronger and the bond between us gets wider, concrete to our bottom of heart. Such was the night for me. The only thing that kept my love survive was the dream. I did used to rhyme for her whereas she holding my forefinger do used to twist around on her toe. Such was the harmony of our love that existed within my dream. The complete night session gets over by her dream. Everything gets it’s real shape. But as my eyes breaks to open for the da, I stand empty and hollow realizing the fact it was only a night dream. My feet lands softly onto the ground searching for my flip flop that would finally make me upright and steady onto the ground. The night brushes away and sun rays protrudes in. Likewise I prepared for my school.
It was the next day 12:00 noon. Our school library had lots of collections of book based on science fiction. I rolled on my hands and picked a one. Silence was maintained. A slight whisper was also prohibited. I took a chair for myself and settled to read. I was at the seventeenth page of the book. When then I could hear a loud hissing noise from outside. I changed my angle to look for. I saw Anannya calling me out. She was standing out of main door. I silently waked off towards her. Her face shimmered out that same gleam which she had the day before. She was desperately waiting to say me something from her mouth.
“What happen” I inquired.
“You’re in the library. Oh!! God like hell I was searching for you in the class” she said.
“Is there something important”.
“Actually, we have planned to make a trip so I thought if you would like to come then it would good to me” she said.
“To which place”.
“Yet, to decide” she said softly.
“Ok!! I’ll let you know”.
“Alright..I have to go now. He’s waiting for me at the canteen”.
I nodded my head leaning against the door. My hands folded crisscross and she walked off. I stood stable for some time and crawled in to occupy my empty chair back to the same place. I began to read a magazine. Subtle by my inner conscious, my thoughts began to whirl around the thing that Anannya had just told me few minutes ago. I began to decide should I join the mob but that wouldn’t contribute anything on my side. Perhaps my image had been a kind of introvert, lacked the skills of communicating to unknown people. Yet, that was not the problem I had. It could be easily tackled. The only thing that would disturb me was the presence of Anannya with her boyfriend. Imagine how would I be feeling standing with them. Of course the girl I have been in love and I would get to see her with someone that’s not fair. I immediately walked off from the library. I took through the staircase and ran off towards my class. As I was about to enter, someone called me from behind.
“Hey! You have been asked to meet the principal” he said with some hesitation in his voice. “Why for” I inquired.
“I have no freaking idea. Just visit him” he said and walked off.
My heart started began to beat faster with fear on mind. My steps turned back. I began to take an inch slowly towards the principal office. I was laden with thoughts, surfing out on my mind what could be deeds that I would be punished for. As I began to closer I was completely hovered with hesitation and fear on me. I began to sweat out, filled up by nervousness that ran on my body. I slowly opened the door.
My voiced hissed softly “May I come in Sir”.
“Yes” said the principal. I stood quiet and calm before him.
“I believe you know why you’re called ”.
“Yes sir” my voice mumbled.
“You have been dismissed from the school for a week” said the principal.
While I stood like a marble statue before him. Eyes flared out of rage and fear. Trembling inside me with thorough search within my thought, I started to find the reason for. I opted to look for the specific reason for dismissing me. I gathered courage to step out myself to my department staff. I opted for a valid reason from all the staff members. The only reason they could show me was my last week absence. Yes! Indeed I was absent for a whole complete week. But the degree of punishment seemed unfair for such mistakes. They could impose a better thought of punishing me. But, they didn’t do so. While I had to accept the fault with no choice or support from anywhere. I came back to my class with a dejected mood. Neither I had the interest to communicate with any one for the timing. I quietly diverted myself from all and sat with silence on my seat. I thought of walking back to my home, as now I have to sealed myself from all for a week. But what fostered me more was that I would miss Anannya for a week which would indeed be a hard time for me. How would I let my day pass without glancing at her that would make me weaker inside.
“What’s wrong with you” said Anannya with soft tone.
She came by my side and stood before my desk.
“I have been punished by the school authority”.
“For what”.
“I don’t understand their valid reason but I have been dismiss for a week starting from tomorrow”.
“Then you wouldn’t be going to the trip” she squinted.
“Yes! Most probably I will be staying back at home”.
“Oh! I wanted you to come” she said desperately.
She looked sharply at me with frantic gesture on her face.
“But, why did they dismiss you for such silly reason” Anannya inquired.
“I don’t know” in my casual notation.
“Just take care of yourself” she deeply looked at me with strong concern. I nodded my head.
She patted me on my head and walked off. I felt her strong affection which she indicated by her strong concern. I collected my belongings and decided to move back for home. That day I took the help of my school bus instead of walking back home with my friends. The dismissal by the school authority to me was never disclosed to anyone. I even hid it from my Parents. I afforded myself to tell them a lie with irrelevant excuse which they forfeited and believed me. That was the moment I felt so guilty standing with a lie before my Parents. Yet, I behaved like an obedient child to them. I knew I was wrong lying them but I had no other way to save myself.
I never had any cell phone of my own nor any one’s contact number. All I had to commit myself in self reliable situation to handle the week. Yes, I would definitely miss her a lot. But, what could I do, it left me open with no solution. After leisure hours of time around the four wall of my room, an idea struck on my mind. I knew I couldn’t attend the class but that did not say anything about attending the school. I pondered that night for long hours and finally came up with a solution of going to school the next day. Indeed, I could spent time in library that would give me self satisfaction as well as the desperate need of my heart that was of course the girl I was in love with, Anannya. I laid with my eyes open in my bed thinking for a miracle to happen. A dream hovered before my eyes, manipulating the night into more serene and peaceful he
aven. Her face floated before my open eyes which finally led me to shut its lid. The whole night revolved with the dream that made me fly out in heaven. That’s the only thing happened in my life till now. Every day yearning to see her. Imagining every moment to be with her. Which never came alive in my life. Everything remained the same as dreams. Days were no more the real to me but a collections of dreams in my world. Love for Anannya began to accumulate as chapters of life. Stories began to recite into my ears. Every night a fairy tale about her. When the day breaks it all turns into solid waves completely stagnant in my mind. But I had to endure the thrilling curse of love with pain and sorrow. I woke up the next morning with deep breath filling up my chest valve with greater amount of oxygen. Like every other day, I waited for my school bus at that same place where I usually do. I happen to reach at early part of the time. But the thing was that I could not attend a lecture. Yet I proceeded towards my class way. The only reason that propelled me was she. I grabbed my feet fast and entered the class. When then a voice suddenly broke out from the front line.
“Hey! I thought you’ll be absent” said Anannya.
“No..I just came to see you”.
“What”.
“Yeah! I just came to see you”.
Her face appeared confused. She looked at me with sort of misconception on her face.
“Well, I’m fine” she said hastily.
“Uhhh!! I’ll be in the library for the week”.
“That’s a good idea you got to make the week gainful” she said.
I nodded my head running my hand over it.
“Hey! Did you see Avick while coming” Anannya inquired.
“No..I didn’t come across”.
She again looked at me with perplexed expression on her face.
“Why you looking at me with so confusion” I pointed to know.
“Nothing” she said casually.
“Ok! Have a good time.. I shall have to move to the library”.
And I walked off heading towards the library. What she felt by my saying I had no freaking idea. But, was it a sort of hint that reached her, I knew not. I said “I came to see her” what did I meant by saying that my subconscious re shackled me as I walked on. I stood stable in the front door of library. There were some working servants who were cleaning the floor inside. I waited there until the library room turned spike and spam. I slowly stepped in and proceeded to one of the shelf looking for the best book that could turn my day into something new. I firmly grabbed one chair and sat to read the volume of pages. A pages of more than three hundred it content, a novel which I was looking for. I began to read it with immense interest. On the while at some pin point she used to dash on my mind. But, I was quiet happy for the morning hour as I had seen Anannya, that build up my day. In more way there slipped a hint from my mouth about my inner feelings about her, which left a drop of misconception in her mind. Indeed, I was satisfied and happy for the day. I felt my heart was filled with love and happiness up to its brim. That’s the kind of self satisfaction I always hunted for. But for every reason something went missing in my life. The very precious of all the so call Love which I finally began to feel more appropriate for Anannya. Every breath I inhaled she was always in my mind. Somewhere deep inside my heart I engraved her name with golden letters. That’s the love I carried for her. It was something more than that but in explainable. Every rhythm started by her picture on my mind. Each day started with her name on my lips, felt like we were made for each other. I felt my complete world when she would be around. Anytime she would depart away my world would break into two halves of love and hatred. Such was the deep connection I had with her. With my fresh heart and soul I was deeply engrossed reading a novel sitting at corner of the library. No room for any disturbance thus everything was mobile and stable within the library hall.
Gone By Page 15