There’s so much more, too. When I close my eyes I see your face. When I walk it’s almost I can feel your hand in mine. Those things are still real to me. I understand your distance away from me did had an impact in our relation. I respect your chivalry you showed to me. Even though you were far distance away from me you have given your life to maintain our relation. But, we both know our relation changed as the distance didn’t want us to be together. We changed and in your heart I think you realized it. Maybe the time apart was too much, maybe it was just our different worlds. Somehow even though we still loved each other, we lost that magical bond that kept us together.
I know it would sound like an excuse but please believe me when I say I didn’t mean to fall in love with someone else. If I really don’t understand how it happened then how can you?. I just can’t continue lying to you and I don’t want to do that, even though I know you’ll feel betrayed. I’ll understand if you never want to talk to me again, just as I’ll understand if you tell me that you hate me. Even though you may not want to hear it, I want you to know that you’ll always be a part of me.
I’m so sorry-
Anannya
“Awww!! It so heartbreaking” said Isha looking at me.
“It was a terrible time for me”.
“So, what happened next” she asked. I began to speak out the rest part of my story.
PART III
Twenty Eight
...............................
She was in love with someone else.
I knew that even before I could finished reading the letter, and all at once the world seemed to slow down. My first instinct was to ram my fist into a wall, but instead I crumpled up the letter and threw it aside. I was incredibly angry then; more than feeling betrayed. I felt as if she’d crushed everything that had any meaning in the world between us. I hated her, and I hated the nameless, faceless man who’d stolen her from me. I fantasized what I would do to him if he ever crossed my path , that wasn’t so pretty. And with every thoughts that tickled my head I couldn’t resist but to feel the tremor inside me. The anxiety of feeling low gradually began to rouse when my world did turned into dark before my eyes. I had nothing nor any more reason to ask her back. Only the fact was to know the guy she had been love with. That night I couldn’t sleep. Through the whole hours of the night I only thought about the moments we had spent together which had no meaning to her. Within a piece of paper she had shattered the dream which I had been pondering for the last few years. But, I can’t deny the fact, to say it did turned into reality what the life has to give me. Night turned sleepless while the day began to shrink down with every sunrise. I felt I was squeezed with the broken beats of heart which I had to carry now for the rest of my life. Every steps I headed to move on with my life there was something I had been missing, that’s the reason why I couldn’t make any more sense where my world had been running. Part of me wanted to talk to her but I couldn’t believe the thing she had wrote to me. I thought of meeting her as soon as I read the letter.
It’s been almost more than seven months passed with no contact between us. Neither I could gather the courage anymore to speak to her through any means of communication. So near yet so far she had gone. I never thought I would see this day. But here I’m going through the moment I never wanted to appear in my life. No matter how many months passed by I know one thing to be true as ever, I’ll see her soon.
It’s been the eight month of my life where I had never seen her anymore. Neither we were in touch with each other. By now she must have realized that I had given up on her. But, that would be her false thought. I was still awake with my full conscious to see her one last time before we would be apart for the rest of the life. I never had a wish to see days like these. But, it was her choice which she had brought before me as the lessons of my life. I had nothing now but to keep gazing at the night sky at the darkest hour of the night. Days began to slip from my hand. A vast oceans of meaningless reason laid before me where I could find no answers but to keep it buried somewhere deep down of my body. To live alone is to search peace of mind, this is what I had been in search of for the past few months of my life.
It was Monday morning. I was late to wake up. I could still realized the following night I had dreamt about her. Still laid in bed with no realization that the day had broke out. When then I could hear a hard knock at my door. Of course it wasn’t nobody else but Peter the only Friend I had.
“Hey” he shouted outside of my door.
For some reason I had abandon myself from attending my daily duties. I stopped going to college for the past few days. I hurried up and welcomed him.
“What’s wrong with you” he demanded to know.
“I’m fine” I answered him taking a deep breath.
“You have been escaping the class hours for the last few days. Are you troubled by something” he intended to know.
“No..I’m fine with my life”.
“No..you’re having something in your mind. You got to tell me” Peter demanded strongly.
“I’m absolutely fine” I uttered.
He wanted the reason for my long absence for college. Neither I did gave him any reason for it. But considering him as one of my best buddies I ever had, all I could just let him believe me with the explanation I had given him. I promised the next day I would meet him in the college. He didn’t asked me more, instead he silently left my room. I know I had done ill mannered to him with my conduct. But, at that moment I couldn’t know to do anything. I was lost in dark dungeon, a soul without wings, a drifter with no aim, a soulless heart without home, that’s how I have been feeling for the past few months of my life.
I know how I have spent the last six months without her thinking that something new would happen this time. But , nothing evolved to be as new as I expected. Instead I have been awarded with a gift of wound inside. When my fragile heart was cracked it transformed into million pieces of disjoint cells which trembled every night and day. I could feel it even more than I could see nightmares in my dreams. Such era of my life never seemed so kind to me, it gave the cruel feeling of hatred and disrespect thought towards her even though my heart didn’t wanted to feel such enigmatic feelings which I could know to steer within myself. Whom to blame the cause of our erupted relation, should I surrender to hold the blame upon me. I couldn’t judge myself the degree of my mistake in front of her judgement.
Isha and I were still seated along the shore. I couldn’t narrate her anymore for that day. She halted her pen and closed the dairy. The roar of waves still prevailing on our sides. Gazing far across the vast ocean a dimmed view of a cargo ship approaching towards the port was the only scene at that hour of the time. Noon arrived by then and like always we were absorbing the rays that fell upon us.
“ So, What did you do later part of your story” Isha muttered.
“I would let you know later” I smiled.
“Alright..I would wait for that” she added.
“Let’s walk back” I insisted her.
We shuffled our steps back to the hotel way. On our way we had filled our empty pouch with some snacks which indeed refreshed us. This has been the second day we had completely spent our whole time sitting on a beach. Crowd began to crawl in as we headed back to the hotel room. Time was inch away from us by now. I could just realize the time looking at the position of the Sun. It was 3:00pm. For sure we were early to return back. I didn’t wanted to spent anymore outside that day but to spent the rest of the day inside until the next day would bloom. I had the diary as usual with me. More than half the pages were filled by now. Many were written by me whereas Isha also left her print out of my narration. That night I had an nostalgic memory about Anannya. Perhaps, it was after a year I did recalled her. She must have been happy with Gagan, but I didn’t force to think much about them. I knew we wouldn’t be back anymore neither I would look forward for our reconsideration of framing a new relation as friend. I would just want her to be happy, maybe that
’s what is called true love. That night I was in the mist of loneliness even though I could spent time with Isha but that didn’t calm my heart. I sat by the window and kept gazing at the half moon that bloomed that night from my room. I held my diary in my hand and turned the page where Isha had stopped to write. I had no idea what was I doing. No reason why I have been writing those words. I couldn’t even know whom to dedicate this diary or is it my cynical nature that ruled on me. Without pause and fragile hesitation up in my mind I held a pen. I knew this would be my another sleepless night which will be adding up to my life. I began to write again. Maybe I was so deeply touched by my life and the love that I intimately needed that anywhere I would go there’s only one reason I would do, the reason for writing my story.
It was the first week of September. I began to attend my daily college. The only thing I had was to spent my time more with books. Most part of life I had began to spent in constructing something new into my life. Peter did always showed me up at any moment I would be needing his help. He never failed to offer his helping hand. He wanted to know the reason why I had been skipping my college hours for the last few weeks. I had explained him by the last week when he had visited me for the second time. He never thought I would be going through such circumstances which would lead me into the darkest phase of my life. I could gradually reframe my minds and set the beats of my heart to normal. Maybe it was better to ultimately forget her. I had destroyed all the letters she had wrote to me. Now I’m left with nothing of her. Even the memories I held had been washed away. Nothing to keep reminding about her that was the motive which I had initiated in my new life. Even if the scars left a mark I needed to covered with the intense sorrow I had for the last few months in my life. Days began to passed like I was unknown to her. Neither I did gave much stretched about her anymore. Perhaps the importance between us was lost long ago. There remained no reason to rejoin and back up the things. Every intentions that I created for the later part of my life never had anyone indulged except for myself. Perhaps, I began to chase something more valuable and beneficial crossing the way I had been following since the last few years. If it was said to begin a new life I had only one option at that moment of my life. I wanted to try my hand in business. Keeping aside my studies simultaneously I began to create a new world of my own. Dimensions of my thinking began to orient in better direction. I had one company to follow me, that was Peter. His intention and aim were no similar than me. Very ambitious and hard working with new generation of thinking skill he possessed. We both were very much sure about what we were doing. We thought of progressing ourselves in the field of business. Where money speaks more than words. Decided to join an enterprise. To start a business of our own. We firstly had initiated with the online marketing. We began to chase like the all other professionals do in course of their promotion of their own business tactics. We were yet to build ourselves. Had under gone many training processes within the course of time. Apart from the college hour we would attend the only thing we have in our hand was to promote every single field of our marketing policy.
Gradually within months we began to handle capital in a better position. Peter did become one of the best speaker all around the network. In course of his absence the business dealing were handled by me. Though it was small business but we felt great doing our jobs as professionals. We began to make money in thousands. Shared our lives like the best buddies in the world. We have converted our own personal rooms into offices for dealing our business associates. Lot a time we had visited Pune together never thought of meeting Anannya. I had no more that intense desire to see her. I knew not why. Maybe the long apart made me feel that way. Moreover she had been sharing her life with someone else whom I yet don’t know. I never intended to come back in her life in any form. When she had gone I had no more reason that she would want me to see.
It was one day, I was seated in my room. I had the paper works done of our business faculty. Peter shuffled in and sat settling another chair. He was quiet happy that day. I knew not what was the reason behind. We have got our network flow smoothly, even the cheques came in our hand. We never ran short of money for the last few months. He was quiet for seconds but glared at me with all kinds of expression he could bloom out.
“What happened” I intended to know.
He passed a short smile at first and picked up the paper that was laid on the table. Gave a short glance of few words that were printed on it.
“Do you miss her” he spoke suddenly.
I didn’t expect he would ask me that.
“Whom you’re talking about” I acted like I had no idea what was he talking.
“I mean do you miss Anannya” he pointed out directly.
I stood upright out of my chair and shuffled towards the window side. I ignored to reply him back initially. Gazed outside through the open window for a while.
“I can understand what you have gone through, but you need to go on with your life” he added. “I know that Peter” I added and turned my face towards him.
“You have been my very good Friend and I know you’re not at all happy”.
“I appreciate your concern on me, but I’m fine now” I squinted.
“Look I’m here to help you”.
“Help me in what” I intended to know.
“We can go up to meet her” he added.
“Look Peter it’s been months we have never talked to each other. She wanted to end up the things. So, let it be”.
“Can’t you just see her once. I know she won’t be back but just once you can meet her up” Peter glared at me.
“Look, my friend I’m not in mood to talk about her anymore. She is happy with her life, she’s got a better person that’s the reason she never turned back to me. And I just want her to stay happy that’s it” I flared out my tone.
“Alright it’s up to you. Anyway congratulation with our business” he walked off.
The moment he walked out I couldn’t resist to bang my fist on the table. Everything flared out of anger and I couldn’t hold to burst it out. I know there was nothing issue but something struck me hard when he talked about her. I had buried all my intense feel for her since the time she had gone out of my life. But, Peter did ruptured that thought out of my mind. For so long I had determined not to talk nor intend to see her anymore, indeed I realized I would be as dead person for her now. But, that day Peter did induced my deeply buried feelings and sentiments which were uprooted by his quick visit to me. I sat back to my chair with my head laid down on the table.
I was seated by the window side, even the breeze added to my loneliness that night. It’s the mid night that passed away. An hour shifted from the mid hour. I recalled the day I had spent with Isha. She had new plan for the next coming day. Two days we have spent sitting idle in the beach. The clock ticked almost 1:00am. I did closed my diary and pulled the curtain of the window and off to bed. I was late to wake up the next morning. Isha had been the alarm for me. She wanted me to get ready as soon as possible. Shuffled down to the lower floor of hotel building. Claimed breakfast at the hotel restaurant. We then followed to move for the day. She said she had a client to meet up with. Perhaps she’s got a new friend here. She wanted me to introduce to her new friend. Hired a taxi and drove to her residence.
After thirty minutes inside the car we were finally into her friend’s residence. We were welcomed into the house. Gave us a place to sit into the decorated drawing room.
“Hey..Isha” a voice sounded husky.
I turned to look and saw a beautiful lady. Her smiling face did gleamed out. She came down through few inches of stairs. She went on to hug Isha and then it was my turn to introduce myself. I gave her the complete identity of mine. Priya Malhotra she introduced to me.
“So, what do you do young man” she questioned me.
Isha smiled peeking at me before I could reply her back.
“Well, I have been pursuing my graduation in Engineering”.
“That’s wonder
ful” Priya added.
Now, Priya was a well known historian around the city. She had achieved remarkable level in the field of history and culture so far the following years. Her marriage, had just completed few months.
“Isha, how far your progress in thesis” she asked her.
“Well, I have been working up with the materials I had collected from you” Isha responded quickly.
“Will it be enough or you may need some more about Indian history” said Priya.
“Perhaps it would be gentle enough for my thesis if I could get some more about the Indian history” Isha said.
“Ok I would love to give you more” said Priya.
“Other than obtaining your degree what you have been doing. I heard something about you from Isha” Priya peeked at me.
“Well, for the past few months I have been busy writing a Novel” I replied.
“That’s very great work you have been doing” Priya gave a brief smile.
“He had been a good guy” Isha added.
My face gestured at her. Knowing nothing what she would say. I knew Isha had been boasting about me. But, that wasn’t so effective on my part. I never wanted anyone who’d talk so much about what I do in my life to others. But, Isha had been something different in my life. And to my knowledge she was the only one with whom I had been sharing the deepest secret of my life. I never wanted her to feel that she would ever miss me the moment she’d be back to Houston.
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