by Sophia Gray
“What happened?” Michelle asked, putting her backpack back down and walking over to sit across from Antonia at the kitchen table.
“Lost my job. And then lost this place. What a fucking day, right?” Antonia said with a bitter laugh, tossing more whiskey down her throat.
“Jesus,” Michelle said. “Look, I can cancel with my boyfriend and help you look online for jobs and other places if you want.”
“No, no, go,” Antonia said, waving her hand as if to physically push Michelle away. “I’m sorry I can’t keep paying you to watch Daniel for me. But we’ll be okay. We always are.”
Michelle looked like she was struggling to say something, her young face wrinkled up as she stared at Antonia with visible pity in her eyes.
“Go on, get out of here, kid,” Antonia said, getting to her feet to lead Michelle to the door. “I’ve got something I got to take care of, anyway. I’ll see you later, all right? Whenever I get a new place, I’ll come get you so you can say hi to Daniel.”
“All right, I’d like that,” Michelle said as she grabbed her backpack again, pulling the hood of her sweatshirt up over her head to protect herself from the cold outside. “Goodbye, Antonia. And good luck. I know you need it.”
“Goodbye,” Antonia said as she shut the door softly, barely suppressing the urge to curse and scream again. It was a miracle that Daniel had slept through it once. She didn’t want to tempt her luck again.
She stared down at her beautiful son, who had his hands folded neatly under his head, his mouth curved upward a little bit even in his sleep. He was a good kid. Smart, too. He’d catch on fast that that they were in trouble, even though he was only five years old. And of course I’m creating another minor trauma in his life by firing his babysitter, Antonia thought sadly as she pulled a blanket up from the side of the couch to drape over her son. He’s known so much loss already, just because of that loser asshole who helped me create him.
Antonia finished drinking the rest of her whiskey, putting it down on the coffee table and cracking her knuckles for a minute to prepare herself for what she was about to do. “I got this, I got this, I got this,” she whispered to herself, leaning over to grab her phone out of the inner pocket of her purse. She scrolled through her contacts list and hit Paul’s name when it popped up on her screen, tapping her feet anxiously as she waited for her ex-husband to pick up.
“Yeah?” Paul said in a surly tone of voice as soon as he answered the call.
“What the fuck, Paul?” Antonia said, careful to keep her voice low enough not to disturb her sleeping son. “You called my boss? And you did something to piss Craig off? Are you trying to get me to kill you, or is this your sick idea of doing something fun?”
“I didn’t do shit,” Paul said before yawning right into the phone receiver. “Listen, you called at a really bad time. I got to work in a few hours, you know, on the night shift, so I need to get sleep while I still can.”
“Oh, cut the crap, Paul,” Antonia said. “I know what you did. If you hate me so fucking much, you can take it out on me in another ways. Call me a bitch, spread ugly rumors about me to your friends. But don’t fuck with my livelihood. All it does is hurt Daniel.”
“Don’t lecture me about my own son,” Paul said, sounding wide-awake now. “Your life is fucked up. That’s your fault, not mine. If you can’t take care of our son, that’s on you. And hey, maybe it’s time he spent a little more time with his father anyway.”
“Oh, fuck off,” Antonia said into the phone before hanging it up, groaning in frustration. Her ex was such a fucking loser, a total waste of space. She couldn’t believe that she had ever loved him.
But after a few moments, her anger faded away, replaced by the heavy blankness of despair. She had no money. She had no friends. And she had a son, a son who needed to be fed and clothed and kept warm in the winter.
What was she going to do now?
Chapter Three
Cal
“All right, yes, you have a good day,” Cal said to his client Liam before hanging up the phone, concluding his last phone appointment for the day. Usually he only saw his patients in person, in his office across town, where he served as a psychotherapist to dozens of people in the area. But ever since Bobby was dropped off two days ago, he couldn’t leave his home. Cal didn’t know much about little kids, but he at least knew they weren’t cats you could just leave at home with a bowl of milk while you went to work.
He sighed now and turned back to the kid, watching as he played with an old coloring book Cal had dug up from the attic, where he’d found a box of toys left by the previous owners of his house. Bobby was biting his lip as he worked, his little brow furrowed like he was worried about something. Maybe Briana has never left him this long before, Cal thought. He stared at the kid as he worked on the puzzle, feeling something akin to pity in his heart. If he were being honest with himself, though, he knew he wasn’t really capable of feeling any emotion about the kid, even if he really was his son.
Earlier that day, Cal had called the MC’s lawyer, Mr. Grey, looking for some help to get this kid off his hands, but the lawyer just told him that he was legally obligated to take care of the kid until the mother could be located. Cal had some doubts about that. He figured he could probably call the cops and turn the kid over to Child Protective Services if he absolutely needed to, but something prevented him from doing that. Cal didn’t know what it was. When he stared at Bobby, he felt nothing. Not warmth, not disgust, not fear, not anything.
There must have been something wrong with Cal, something missing or misshapen inside of his heart. Oh, well, he thought, sighing deeply again as he considered the long list of tasks he had had to tackle before the end of the day.
“When is Mommy coming back?” Bobby whispered almost inaudibly, looking up at Cal with wide sad eyes.
Cal cleared his throat and shook his head. “I don’t know. She’ll be back when she’s back. I’m looking for her, though.”
“You are?” Bobby asked, turning in his seat to face Cal, who gestured for him to remain seated on the couch.
“Yes. Well, I’m about to be, anyway. I’ve got some private investigators coming in a few minutes to ask me some questions, and then they’re going to look for her for me. For you, I mean. We’ll find your mommy for you, okay, buddy?” Cal said right before he heard a knock on the door. “That must be them now.” Relieved, he opened the door and let the pair of PI’s into the house.
Over the next hour, he gave them a run-down of everything he knew about Briana: her family history, her travel history, her likes, her dislikes, her allergies—absolutely everything he could remember from their years-long relationship. As soon as the P.I.s left, Cal went to the kitchen to pour himself a drink, but he could barely get a few sips in before there was another knock on the door.
“Hello, ladies,” he said, gripping his scotch in his hand still as he stepped back from the door to usher a parade of potential nannies into the house. There were eight of them, all various ages and shapes and sizes, all armed with the same vibrant look of hope as they entered his extravagant home. There was one missing, then, as nine people had responded to his online ad looking for a full-time nanny.
“Who are these people?” Bobby asked as the women all settled onto various chairs and couches in the living room, all staring at him and waving in an effort to get the kid’s approval before any of the other job applicants.
“Nobody, Bobby, nobody,” Cal said dismissively, turning to address the crowd of women. “Ms. Simon? Can you follow me into my office to talk privately? Bobby, behave and color while the other ladies wait for me, okay?”
Bobby frowned, but he didn’t protest or say anything in response, so Cal led the first applicant into his office, where he grilled her on her work experience, educational background, personal habits, and various other details.
Most of the women were quite impressive, articulately explaining their long occupational histories. Some of them even had m
aster’s degrees in early childhood development. All in all, their excessive qualifications only made Cal’s job harder. The women all seemed to blur together, nobody really standing out from the crowd. He felt stuck, with no idea what to do.
He was about to pour himself another glass of scotch, hoping to medicate himself to an early bedtime, when he heard someone frantically knocking at the door. Rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap. “Okay, okay, Jesus,” he said. Bobby was napping on the couch by this time in the evening. “I’m coming!” he shouted when the visitor continued to knock at the door.
“What?” he barked out as soon as he opened the door to reveal a pretty, visibly stressed girl standing on his front step.
“Uh, uh, hi, hello, sorry,” the young woman stuttered out, blowing out her breath as she began to pull her hair back from her face, tying it up in a tight bun on the top of her head. She inhaled deeply and said in a rush, “I’m here for the interview.”
“The interview?” Cal asked, dumbfounded. “That was…four hours ago. What…?”
“Yes, yes, I know, I’m sorry. It makes an awful first impression, I know, but I have to speak with you, sir. I can do this job. I know I can. Can you just—”
“Mommy? When are we going home? I’m tired,” a small voice from behind the frazzled woman said.
The young woman sighed raggedly and pressed her hand against her forehead like she was taking her own temperature. “Shit,” she muttered under her breath, stepping aside and turning to face the little boy. “Daniel. You have to be good, okay? Otherwise we won’t have anywhere to sleep tonight.”
Cal flinched backwards as if physically repulsed by what he’d just heard. Did this girl…bring her son here to get his sympathy? Jesus Christ, how disgusting, he thought to himself, feeling his upper lip curl upwards, horrified.
“Sorry about that,” the girl said apologetically, grabbing her son’s shoulders to keep in place when he tried to bolt inside of the open door. “Daniel. Stop it. Behave.”
“Sorry, mommy,” the little boy said, frowning a little as he stared up at Cal.
“Uh…what exactly is going on here?” Cal asked, feeling a little on-edge. He really didn’t have any time or energy for bullshit. He had to decide on a nanny tomorrow. He couldn’t afford to neglect this business and the MC, the Bone Breakers, any more than he already had.
“The interview. For the nanny position,” the girl said. “I answered your ad late last night, and you said to come by here, so I thought…” She paused, biting on her bottom lip for a minute. “Did you already fill the position?”
“No,” Cal said reflexively, although he cursed himself a moment later for failing to take an easy excuse to get this mess of a woman off his porch. “Uh, listen, though, it’s really late, and to be honest I just want to—”
“Please. Just give me ten minutes. Ten minutes, and then I’ll leave and never bother you again if you don’t want me to, but just give me that, and I’ll convince you why I’m the best choice for the job. Really. I swear I am,” the girl said passionately, her cheeks darkening a little as she spoke, like her blood was moving faster just from talking so quickly.
“I don’t know…” Cal said, looking over his shoulder after hearing a noise from inside the house. Bobby had gotten up from the couch, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he stumbled forward, towards the front door. “Dammit…” Cal said, sighing deeply as he turned back around to face the kid. “Bobby. Go back to sleep. I need to do something for a little while, okay? I can’t watch you.”
“Who’s that?” he said, pointing towards Antonia, who’d moved a little bit closer to the door.
“That’s…” Cal trailed off, realizing his mistake. “I’m sorry, I don’t know your name.”
“Antonia, my name’s Antonia,” the girl said with a smile, waving a little at Bobby before refocusing her attention on Cal. “Listen. Five minutes. Just give me five minutes, then.”
Cal suppressed a groan, seeing that this woman wasn’t going to give up without a fight. “All right,” he said, nodding at her to tell her to come in. “Bring the kid, too.”
“Mommy, can I play in the yard?” the little kid next to Antonia said, tugging at her hand.
“No, honey, just give me a few minutes, okay, then we can go on a walk together, all right?” she said softly, even though Cal could tell that she was getting annoyed.
“I wanna go outside, too!” Bobby said. “Cal, can I go outside with them when they go take their walk?”
“Bobby, I told you to go back to sleep,” Cal snapped, causing Bobby to shrink up on himself, hugging his own arms and pouting a little in response to Cal’s harsh tone.
“Hi, my name’s Daniel,” the other little boy said to Bobby, waving his arm around in a big circle by way of introduction. “Mommy, can I play with that other boy?”
“Um, uh, would it be okay if my son…” Antonia asked tentatively before sighing and shaking her head. “No, no, of course, I’m sorry for asking, that was silly of me…”
“Yeah, no, it’s fine. They can go play in the back. I have it fenced off and everything,” Cal replied, waving Antonia and Daniel into the house so he could lead them with Bobby to the back door. “I guess we can hang out on the back porch while they…” Cal trailed off, watching as the two little boys launched into motion at the same moment, bursting through the back door, running down the porch steps, and chasing each other into the dimly lit backyard.
Antonia laughed a little and clapped her hands together. “So cute, right?”
“I guess,” Cal said stiffly, following the boys out of the door and gesturing for Antonia to sit down across from him at the table on the back porch. “So. Do you have a resume I can see?”
“Oh,” Antonia said lowly, her gaze dropping to the dusty ground rather than look Cal in his eyes as she admitted, “No. I don’t.”
“Oh,” Cal said, feeling a little disappointed. Well, he gave her a shot, at the very least, but it would be ridiculous for them to carry on the charade of an interview when she hadn’t even met the most basic requirement.
“I tried to bring one, but my computer was fucking up this morning and then—oh, sorry, I shouldn’t curse, I know, it’s a bad habit, but I wouldn’t curse around your son, of course—then the printer broke, and I tried to print it at the library, but then the librarian wouldn’t let me do it unless I paid and well, I’m all out of cash at the moment, at least after buying Daniel lunch today, so…” She finally stopped for breath, shrugging a little and giving him a bashful smile. “That’s it. That’s my big excuse.”
Cal honestly couldn’t even tell if she was lying. Either she was highly skilled at deception, or she had the worst luck of any woman he’d ever met in his life. He couldn’t tell which option was easier to believe. Somehow he felt like both were true.
“All right, well, why don’t you tell me your history in child care.” Cal suggested, putting his fingers to his temples as if he had to concentrate really hard on making his decision.
“Um, well, I have a son, but you already knew that,” Antonia said with another shy smile. She was cute. Cal hadn’t really noticed it at first because she was dressed so shabbily, in a ratty old t-shirt and jeans. The other nanny applicants had tried a lot harder than her to impress him physically, but still, for some reason there was a little voice in the back of Cal’s mind, telling him not to give up on her just yet. Come on, I can’t seriously consider her for the job, Cal thought to himself. She’s a total mess. Why would I want her to hang around my house all day?
“Any other experience dealing with children?” Cal asked.
Antonia hesitated for a second, opening her mouth a few times before snapping it shut and shaking her head with a sad smile on her face. “I mean, I have a younger sister. I changed her diapers when I was little, but I don’t think that counts.”
Cal cleared his throat and offered her a polite, tight smile. “Well. I think I’ve heard enough. I will contact you within a few days to let you
know my decision after I think about it for a little while…”
Antonia’s face fell and she remained rooted to the spot even as Cal got to his feet and stood above her. “You’re not going to think about it at all, are you?” she asked softly.
“What? No, of course, I am, I have to spend some time considering all the options, you know—” Cal started to say, but he stopped himself when Antonia shook her head at him.
“You’re not going to think about it,” Antonia said, smiling without humor, reaching out to grab a cigarette from the bowl of smokes in the center of the table. “Have a light?” she asked.
Cal was tempted to tell her to get out, but instead he found himself reaching into his pocket to grab his lighter, leaning across the table to light her cigarette before grabbing one for himself.
“I should have known better than to think you were going to hire me,” Antonia said softly in between long puffs of her cigarette.