But he’s right. I realize that as I sit later on in the hut, watching Bea comb out Mila’s long, wet hair. Nico and I would never have really worked, would we? We were sort of together for three years, but, when I think about it, did I ever really want to be with him?
No. Of course I did. Didn’t I?
But not when you can have Red.
And Red said he needed me.
And I need him.
We’re meant to be together. I move to the doorway and look up at the stars. Elf comes and sits beside me, then Bea, then Mila. The four of us, all huddled up. Family.
We could almost be back at D’Elinous.
Things were so much simpler back then.
And everything was easier.
I am in a room, alone.
The walls are gray, drab, and the paint peels from them in long sheaves that are like fingernails.
There’s no door.
I’m trapped.
Everything is wrong.
I scream and scream to be let out, and I shout, tell them that I thought I was doing the right thing. That I thought it was okay.
But no one answers.
Alone.
I’ll always be alone.
Early next morning, all I want to do is see Red—as if seeing him will make everything better—but everyone seems determined to stop me from leaving. I guess it’s one of those unspoken rules of the universe. I want to be with Red, and there are one thousand and one things that need doing first.
Kayden has me skinning and butchering a gazelle. He was out hunting most of the night with Three and Esther. I’m anxious to get away, to meet Red, but I can’t refuse Kayden’s request and draw attention to myself.
Then Bea informs me Elf’s been sick, and can I come and help?
Of course I help, and I find we’ve got no fresh water in our hut. A trip to the nearest watering hole tells me it’s dry, and I have to trek farther to the next one. I make the walk alone, lost in thought, in guilt, in that nightmare.
It was a new one, but I can’t shake the feeling of unease it’s left in me.
I tell myself that I’m only feeling that way because of yesterday—because of Nico—and that soon, things will be more bearable. But, for some reason, I keep thinking of those words that Caia-Lu said to me when I was little: Your death is already written in the silk of time. Before, it never made me feel uneasy. Just gave me a determination to live. But now—maybe it’s because of the unease that I’m already feeling—I feel strange and uncomfortable. If my death is at a fixed point, then it doesn’t matter what I do. I can’t stop it. And, up until now, I’ve really jumped into life. But is life worth fighting for even if it’s not going to last long?
And is mine going to last much longer?
I shrug the darkness away and take the water back to the hut, then seek out Rahn. He has the medical supplies, and Elf needs some rehydration tablets.
When I eventually get away from Nbutai and near the meeting point, I know Red has been there for a while. Plus, he has mirrors today, and I stop for a moment.
I slow down, feeling worn but also elated at seeing him. Still, I’m careful, and I make sure it is Red and get him to empty his pockets and bag before I sit down with him. No hidden augmenters.
“What’s this?” I find an identification card in a wallet in the heap that Red’s emptied onto the ground. Robert Yearling, the card says his name is. The photo is most definitely of him. “J&L’s Garage: Assistant Manager,” I read, straightening back up.
“That’s my job there,” he says.
“The Enhanced have proper jobs?” I don’t know why, but I’ve never really thought about the Enhanced having actual jobs. I’d always assumed that their only ‘job’ was to convert us. Sure, I know about the teams they send out, looking for us. But I hadn’t imagined they do normal stuff too. “Let me guess, you get paid in augmenters?” Then I frown. “Real ones?”
Red shakes his head. “We can buy whatever we want with our wages.”
“So you don’t need to have any augmenters at all?”
“Everyone gets low-grade augmenters for free. Same with food, clothes, and accommodation. But if you want stronger augmenters you either persuade a doctor that you need them as the normal ones aren’t stopping your suffering, or you buy them with your wages. Or you can buy more clothes, more food, books, DVDs. That’s how it’s supposed to work. But if you’re friends with someone high up, you get nicer stuff anyway as part of the basic care package.”
He packs everything back into his bag. There’s no chess set this time.
Then he leans in toward me, takes my hand, and pulls me close. I lean into him, feel my knees weakening.
“Are you okay? You’re shaking?” Concern fills his voice.
“Fine,” I say. And I don’t know why I’m acting like this. Why I’m bringing my bad mood here, when all I wanted earlier was to see Red. Only seeing him reminds me of what I did yesterday—how passionately we kissed, and how we could’ve so easily done more—even though I was still with Nico.
And I haven’t even ended things properly.
“Talk,” Red commands. He’s got some strong aftershave on today, much stronger than usual. It smells like it costs a lot, and it makes me feel a little sick. Red’s so used to all these expensive things, pretending to be Enhanced, and my most prized possession is my modified motorbike that’s covered in scrapes and scratches and probably wouldn’t pass an inspection—if it had one. His clothes are always perfect. Mine are scuffed—even my very best clothes that make me look great looked a lot better when they were newer, and made me look a lot better then too. My favorite leggings that used to cling in all the right places are starting to lose their shape.
We’re from different worlds.
I sit down slowly, then look at my feet. I stretch them out and wiggle them. Red sits next to me, but he doesn’t touch me. Just looks concerned. Even with mirrors in, his eyes look concerned.
“So,” I say. “I, uh, had a boyfriend.”
Red’s head lifts a little. He takes a sharp breath, but doesn’t say anything. I see the way his Adam’s apple sticks out a bit as he swallows.
“I ended it with him last night.” I shut my eyes briefly, trying not to feel as bad as I do.
Except I didn’t even end it. Take a break, that’s what I said. But Nico knows what that means, doesn’t he?
Red clears his throat noisily, then looks at me. “You had a boyfriend? Shit.” He grips his hands together. “And you ended it because of me?”
Slowly, I nod. And then, suddenly, I’m worried about what he’s going to say next. How he’s going to tell me I shouldn’t have. That I shouldn’t have made anyone suspect that something else might be going on, that I might be seeing someone else.
But people break up all the time without a third person being involved.
And Nico and I weren’t right. Weren’t right at all.
“Wow.” Red runs his hands through his hair, makes it stand up like crazy. And I want to reach across and run my hands through it too. I want to be close to him, because I’ve done all this so we can be together. “Keelie, I—I… I don’t know what to say.”
I smile quickly. “It’s okay—I’m not expecting a relationship from you. Just fun, whatever you want. Nothing heavy if…” I trail off, unsure where to look, and stand up, turn my back to him.
There’s a pause, then he stands too, moves next to me.
“You feel it, don’t you?” His voice is a whisper that caresses my soul.
“Feel it?”
His face reddens a little, and then he reaches across and touches my chest gently. “In here. You really feel it… Gods, I’ve dreamt about you for so long, and I’ve wanted us to be together. And I wondered if you were dead, because I’ve always been looking for you, and I felt bad thinking all these things about you, in case you were dead. Like that made me sick somehow. But…but it is real, isn’t it?”
My vision blurs a little, and I can’t beli
eve he’s saying this stuff. Or that I’m here, with him. With Red. I picture him as a little boy, how he looked when I was ten and he was twelve. We were playing by the creek, splashing each other. And we were doing it because we’d seen Yuma and her boyfriend doing it. And Red thought it would be fun.
And he pretended to kiss me then.
And I pretended to kiss him back.
And then he did kiss me.
I found it funny. He didn’t.
He walked away.
But now he’s here.
“I feel it,” I say.
We kiss, and he holds me lightly at first, daintily, like I’m fragile. But then his grip gets stronger, more certain. He backs me up against a rock, puts his hands either side of me—his arms become beautiful walls around me—and leans into me. His breath is rugged.
I pull him closer, and fireworks go off inside me—and they go off so fast, as if a dam has broken. And suddenly the desire and emotion and need floods back into me.
This is Red.
And I want him.
As clichéd as it sounds, we’re meant to be together. Since I found Red, everything’s been better.
As we kiss, my fingers lift his shirt up. Our mouths part long enough for me to lift the shirt over his head, to discard it, then my fingers are against his skin. And it is perfect.
So perfect.
Steeling myself, I lean back as far as the rock behind me will allow.
“You okay?” His words are breathless, but he looks worried.
“I want to look at you,” I say, and I push him away ever so slightly, just far enough so I can see his chest. His tattoos, that eagle. His muscles.
He grins. “You’ve no idea the dreams I’ve been having about you.”
I try not to blush, but I know I fail spectacularly at it.
He says that I’m cute, and he kisses me again, more assertively this time. I’d thought there was passion in our previous kiss, but this time—this time it’s even more.
“I think we should even things up,” he says.
“What?” My word is breathy. I try to reach for him, to pull him back—I want him close again—but he stays just out of my reach, grinning.
He licks his front teeth. “Well, if I’m partly undressed…” He trails off, suggestively.
For a second, I wonder what I’m doing. I barely know him. The new him. This is the fourth time I’ve seen him, no the fifth—
No, you grew up with him.
You know him.
He can’t be much different.
My lips twitch, and I can’t stop myself.
He takes my shirt off, and then my bra. His touch wanders over my breasts, taking the fullness of them in his hands. He kisses each of them in turn, and I shiver, arching my back. My whole body tingles, alive, and I moan, reaching for him, trying to pull him closer, closer, closer.
I undo his belt. He kicks off his jeans, reaching for me.
More kisses, more touches, more undressing.
He swears under his breath, looking at me when we’re both naked.
Neither of us can stop smiling as we step up to each other, as we meet.
We lie on the sand, hand-in-hand, and listen. The air feels heavy, like it’s full of voices that aren’t meant for us. Words, long forgotten—some screamed, some whispered, some cried. The land holds onto its past.
Red sits up slowly and looks down at me. I stare at his chest, his arms, the tattoos. He breathes in deeply, then smiles a smile that reaches his mirror eyes. But I can see beneath them. I can see him.
“You’re so beautiful.” His voice is husky, deep. “Every time I see you, I fall deeper.”
“Every time?” I raise my eyebrows. “We’ve seen each other barely a handful of times since….”
“Since we found each other again. Soon, I’ll be trapped in your web and there’s no place else I’d rather be trapped in than you.”
I frown at how inappropriate that sounds, but I smile after a moment.
He leans over me, and my hands go up to touch his chest. His warmth zaps through me. Light catches Red’s eyes, and they flash. I feel a thrill within me. Mirrors signal danger. I breathe deeply. I like the thrill. I like it a lot.
“Soon we’ll be together properly,” he says.
I raise my eyebrows. “We will?” He’s going to leave his undercover position? Come to Nbutai? He’d give up his luxurious lifestyle to live in a hut where dust gets in everything, where sometimes we have to walk miles just to get clean water?
“When this is all over, we’ll have a nice house together. I’ll get you anything you want.”
“You think it will be over soon?” I murmur, stretching my neck so I can kiss him.
The war between the Enhanced and Untamed has been going on for hundreds of years. Our people’s number is getting smaller—so I suppose we’ll lose. But it won’t be any time soon. We’ll hide in the earth’s pockets if we have to.
Red smiles slowly as I finish the kiss. “I love you, you know that, don’t you? Do you remember when I first said it?”
I stare at him for a moment, unsure that he can mean what I think he does. Because we were just children. Then I say, “Yes.”
“Tell me about it.” His voice is even huskier now.
It’s a memory I’ve played in my mind over and over again, even when I told myself not to. But that was because I thought he was dead. I thought I was obsessing over a memory of my dead best friend.
“We were watching those lizards.”
“And what were they doing?” His grin gets bigger.
I feel heat rush to my face. I was ten and a half. He was thirteen, just. I didn’t understand how he could say it and mean it at the time. Part of me still struggles to understand—he was thirteen.
But the way he’s looking at me now….
We sit up, and Red pulls me onto his lap so I’m straddling him. We kiss, deeply. I stroke his chest, and his arms slip down around my back. There’s something about my bare skin against his that makes me feel alive. His lips leave mine, and then his mouth trails down to my neck. My breathing gets heavier.
Stay in control.
We have sex again, and, this time, I stare at his mirrors the whole time. Before, I savored it—my first time with Red. I wanted to remember every detail. But this time, electricity runs through my body, makes me feel more alive.
I can pretend it’s dangerous, seeing his mirrors, and the thrill of it courses through my system, filling me up.
And it’s perfect.
I only shut my eyes when we separate, when we lie back on the hot cushion of sand. I feel elated. Elated in a way I’ve never done before.
After a few moments, our breathing returns to normal rates.
“You know, this kind of emotion, it’s what the Enhanced want to feel,” Red says.
“What?”
“I was at a bar a couple weeks ago. Some guys were talking about seeing if they could invent a Wild Sex augmenter.”
“Wild Sex?” I raise my eyebrows. “But they hate that we’re wild. You know, wild equals bad.”
Red chuckles. “I guess wildness is good if it’s controlled by them.” He rolls his shoulders. “The jokes they made though, they were really lewd. One of them even said about having sex with an Untamed instead of inventing that augmenter. Said it would be a massive achievement, and a great way to feel emotion and snare a Chosen One: have sex and then convert.”
I wrinkle my nose. “This isn’t where you reveal yourself to really be one of them and convert me, is it?”
“Well, having sex and not converting you would be a great way to gain your trust, right, if I was Enhanced?” He laughs. “But I’m as Untamed as they get.”
He trails his fingertips over my stomach in light circles, and butterflies build in me. He lifts his head up slightly, then rolls onto his side, one hand still on me.
“Beautiful,” he says. “Just beautiful. Ah, I wish I could see you tomorrow too.”
“You can�
��t?”
“Can’t get away tomorrow. The next day though. I’ll see you then.”
We finalize the time we’ll meet, and then I blink up at him, his face partly silhouetted by the sun. I start to sit up and—
Voices.
Red swears loudly, and we both jump up, turning.
I see them.
Panic fills me, and I look toward Red. He turns, lunges away from me, grabs his clothes, and then he’s off. Sprinting as fast as he can. Leaving me here, and—
And I freeze. Completely freeze. Just stare after Red and—
“Keelie!”
I turn back.
Elf stares at me, thunder in his eyes.
“What the hell?”
“You and one of them?”
My brother’s voice is blunt and quiet. Behind him, stands Five. She stares at me, her mouth open in a perfect O.
I look around, my heart slamming in my chest, back and forth. Red’s running. He’s made good distance already.
And I’m naked.
Hell.
I reach for my shirt, grab it with trembling fingers, try to use it to cover myself up.
“You got a gun?” Five asks Elf.
A gun. I inhale sharply. No.
Elf shakes his head. “Just leave him. He’s going to get away anyway.” Then he swears loudly.
My hands shake as I grip my shirt.
“Keelie?” Elf’s tone rises a little. “What the hell?” Disgust ripples through the air toward me, like it’s radiating off my brother’s body. “You and one of them?”
“It’s not what you think.” A lump forms in my throat. Why didn’t Red stay—and why did he have to wear his mirrors today? Shit. Why didn’t I ask him about that?
But it was him. Of course it was him. Untamed. He didn’t convert me.
“Not what I think?” Elf snorts. “It’s definitely what I think! Gods, this is…” He wipes the back of his hand across his mouth. “Tell me you used something. That you’re not sleeping with him unprotected.”
“Of course I’m not,” I say, breathless, my heart still slamming away. “We were careful.”
He shakes his head. “I feel sick. What the hell would make you do something like that?”
A Dangerous Game Page 13