Rahn scowls at her. “Just be glad it’s over. Don’t complain.”
We start to leave Nico’s hut. I know it’s not that late, but I’m exhausted now, and I long for sleep. But, just as I’m about to leave, Nico pulls me back with a soft tug on my arm.
Immediately, my guard goes up. “What?”
“So, he says. You and me.” His voice is soft, soft like his eyes. They’re no longer red-rimmed. “I’ve been thinking about what you said, and I’ve realized what it is.”
I stare at him, feel a strange sensation in my chest. He’s realized. And he was out there…out at Ninth Rock.
But that wasn’t near you and Red!
“We’ve been together four years now,” Nico says.
“We were sort of together for three years,” I correct.
“But it didn’t seem like it was going anywhere, did it?” He looks down at the ground for a moment. “There was no development, nothing new, not after the first six months really. It was stale, and I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. But I’ve thought of something.”
I shake my head. “Nico. No.”
“We should get married.”
I stare at him, feel all the color drain from my face. “What?”
“Marriage.” He’s grinning, and annoyance flies through me. Then he nods, and his blond hair flops forward in the most irritating way.
“You think marriage would solve this?” I stare at him. Bloody hell. This is his proposal? When we’re not even together?
“Yes.” And he nods, eager.
I stare at him, waiting for him to backtrack.
He doesn’t.
“No,” I say. “No, it won’t. Nico’s there’s nothing that can be solved. You and me are—”
“But it would bring something new. We can have a big ceremony, get some of the spice back in things.”
I shake my head. “No. Just no.”
His bottom lip wobbles. “You said a break… Did you mean…?”
I nod, and I leave his hut before I say something I regret.
“Hey.” Five’s waiting outside, and her eyes are narrowed. “You can’t keep playing with him like that. Nico’s a good guy.”
“You were listening?” I shake my head, exasperated. “I wasn’t playing with him.”
“You could’ve been firmer.” Her eyes seem to get bigger, then she lowers your voice. “And I know who you’re counting on being with.”
“Be quiet,” I hiss.
We walk a little way off.
“Was it you that Untamed lady saw?”
I shrug. “How do I know? I didn’t see her.”
“You didn’t see me or Elf until we were right up to you.” She shakes her head. “Please, Keelie. You can’t trust him.”
“I thought we weren’t discussing this until after Elf’s seen him?”
Her gaze darkens. “If that man’s persuaded you, he’ll persuade Elf in half the time. We both know that.” She takes a deep breath. “The only people we can trust are the Untamed right here in this village. The ones we know have our backs. But, listen, even if Elf says he is undercover, and if I really begin to think he is too, you still have to stay away from him.”
“What?” I frown.
“Because it would only be us thinking. It wouldn’t be certain. And someone else will see you together sooner or later. Hell, they could shoot him and you.”
I shake my head and laugh. “I’d be careful.”
Her eyes hold sadness. “You’re an adrenaline junkie, Keelie. You like putting yourself in danger—that’s partly why you’re attracted to him, because you don’t know for certain he’s Untamed and on our side. Admit it. The thrill of being with someone who looks Enhanced, it really excites you, doesn’t it? And I’m scared. Even if he’s Untamed he could be bait, and they could be waiting to find the village.” Her eyebrows arch. “You have to stay away. It’s too risky if you don’t.” Her voice gets smaller. “I don’t want to lose my best friend.”
“You won’t,” I say.
“And I don’t want this village put in danger. It’s not a chance we can take, not in this world. You have to stop seeing him completely. He’ll understand if he is Untamed. He’ll want to protect his fellow undercover people too. You’ll do that, won’t you?”
I reach for her hand, but she steps away. “I wouldn’t put anyone in danger, Five. You know that.”
“Do I? Because that’s exactly what you might’ve been doing. You can’t see it because you’re blinded by what you think is your love for him.” She shrugs. “I know you two were close before. Elf told me. And Red showing up, a perfect specimen of a man.” She snorts. “I saw him, Kee. Even from a distance, he looked great. I can understand why you’d fall for him. But don’t you agree that if it is him, and he’s Untamed and not bait or anything, that it is just too good to be a true?”
I barely sleep. In fact, I don’t let myself. I’m too hot and sticky: the perfect conditions for nightmares. I can’t let myself have one, not tonight. Not when Five’s words are going over and over in my mind.
She’s wrong. She has to be. I’m not putting anyone in danger. I haven’t.
And it’s not too good to be true, is it?
No. My heart pounds faster and faster. This is love.
Real love. And I know it is because each beat of my heart tells me so. I’ve never felt so alive.
And real love is never too good to be true.
I keep telling myself that throughout the long hours of darkness. I wouldn’t put anyone in danger. Besides, Red doesn’t even know where our village is. I’m careful each time.
We’re safe.
Morning comes quickly now, and I get up before Elf and Mila, wish that Red and I were meeting today. I want to see him. Bea’s already up, no doubt finishing her walk. Last night, she said she was going to look at the far rocky valley in the sunrise. I still haven’t spoken any more with Elf about it all; he just talked about mundane things last night, avoiding the topic of Red completely.
Still, it doesn’t make me feel any better. And I want to feel better—want to see Red. But that’s tomorrow—with Elf. And I need excitement today, something to distract me. I need what Red can give me now.
Frowning, I leave Elf and Mila snoring softly and head outside.
The skin on the back of my neck crawls as I make my way to the small watering hole. It’s a few hundred yards farther away than our usual one, and it’s mostly dried up too, but I manage to get a few dirty handfuls to wash with. Not that it makes me feel any better. Instead, I imagine all the bacteria and nasty things it contains that are now on my body.
Before heading back to the huts, I look up at the Titian Mountains. There’s something comforting about them, the way they watch over us.
“You’re up early,” a voice says.
I turn to see Corin heading toward me. About three hundred yards behind him, I see Bea returning from her walk. Yani is with her. I smile.
“Going to do some shooting practice,” I say to Corin, deciding on the spot. The moment I’ve said the words, I know it’s the right thing to do. I’m a good aim, but I have to practice.
“Without a gun?” Corin’s words are somewhat blunter than usual. He smells strongly of smoke, and I wrinkle my nostrils.
“Haven’t got it yet.” I shrug and look toward Rahn’s hut.
“You going up there?” He indicates the mountains with a jolt of his head.
The mountains are our usual practice range. There’s a place not far off—only an hour’s journey—that’s perfect. The formation of the rocks muffles the sounds of the shots.
“Yeah.” I press my hands together. “Are you?”
Corin frowns and breathes deeply, then folds his arms. His stance makes his body seem stockier. “You seen Seven or Five?” he asks.
The mention of Five’s name makes me wary.
I shake my head. “No. Why?” The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, still wet with the water.
The look on Cor
in’s face says he’s not happy. It’s no secret that Corin doesn’t like any of the Sarrs. He blames Katya, and her second son, for his parents’ deaths. I hadn’t joined Rahn’s group at that time, but I heard how Corin’s parents died in a conversion attack and neither Katya nor Two had been able to get a Seeing vision to warn them in enough time. Two’s Seeing powers had been limited by liquor, and Katya’s by her grief for Four. The group lost many people in that attack, including Two, but most people seem to forget they lost one of their Seers then as well. I’ve heard a few saying that Two deserved to die because he got drunk and wasn’t able to get the vision in enough time for them to make a proper plan. They only had five minutes, and it wasn’t enough. It was a huge attack.
Corin presses his lips together until all color has drained from then. When he speaks next, they make a smacking sound first. “Seven and Five took the dogs out for a walk early—about two hours ago. In the dark. They haven’t come back, and they should’ve.”
“You’re worried about them?” I raise my eyebrows.
His eyes darken. “No. Not yet. They’re probably on a long walk.” He exhales hard. “I’ll walk up to the shooting range with you—might be able to see them from there. Could probably do with some practice too.”
I nod. “We’ll take my bike though.” I need to feel the wind on my face, the thrill of going fast, of being free. “I’d better get a gun,” I add, but I don’t move toward Rahn’s hut.
Corin snorts. “I’ll get it.”
I concentrate on the targets. Several rows of small rocks balanced on boulders. I breathe deeply. Got to be calm. I line up my aim. The Luger feels good in my hand, and I’ve got Caia-Lu’s Watcher Doll in my pocket for luck, retrieved it when Corin went for the firearm.
I get the first three targets easily. Then I miss the fourth, and irritation fills my body like a plague. I can’t afford to miss, not when the time comes where these shots will really matter.
But guns aren’t for killing….
I feel conflicted as I look at the fifth target. Killing with my hands may feel better—give me more glory—but time can be everything, and Rahn’s right when he says that killing with a gun is the safest.
But safe doesn’t always equal fun, and it still feels like cheating to me. Yet, strangely, holding the weapon fills me with more strength. Makes me feel invincible.
Corin stands behind me and to my left. He shouts out encouragement as I continue shooting, and I know I’m a good shot. Those small rocks are far away—much farther than they were when Corin set some up for himself—but I have to be able to do it.
I have to.
My parents missed their shots. I will not miss mine, even if it’s cheating.
I grit my teeth and concentrate as I move to the next set of targets, leaving number four there to taunt me. I grip the Luger tighter. The trigger is light, easy. I hit each of the next targets first time.
We use some of the homemade ammunition. Finn’s dad makes it, spends many evenings melting lead and tin over a fire, adding in wax shavings, and making ingots. Then he reheats the ingots and pours the melted alloy into the bullet molds he stole during a few years ago that miraculously fit most of the firearms we have.
Every now and then, I think someone else in Rahn’s group should learn how to do it—in case something happens to Sajo—but there never seems to be enough time. It took Sajo years to get it right, from trial and error, as he didn’t have the instructions when he stole the molds, and he says he’s got the right knack for it now. But it took long enough.
Still, it means we nearly always have ammunition, and that’s important.
“Good job,” Corin says as I step back and flick the safety back on the gun.
I mutter something under my breath and glare at the only target rock still standing there.
We go through another couple of rounds each, until we’ve used up nearly all the ammunition, then we collect the used bullets and sort them into two containers. The ones that didn’t hit the rocks can be used again, straight away, but those that are deformed will need reheating and remolding.
There’s something about collecting up used bullets that makes me uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because when it’s a life or death situation we can’t collect them. Not unless we want to risk conversion. And I think back to when we were escaping, when my parents missed their shots at the Enhanced Ones—when so many people missed their shots—and the land was littered with the bullets that failed to protect us.
Sometimes I wonder if Elf, Bea, Mila, and I—and Red—were the only survivors. Or whether I could’ve saved anyone if I hadn’t told my parents that everyone else was dead.
That lie haunts me.
And I know I shouldn’t let it, because guilt drives people mad.
But, then again, maybe I’m supposed to be mad. My skin prickles. It’s in our blood: madness. My father’s mother went mad and drowned herself.
I wish she’d never been the one who suggested the name my parents eventually chose for me, because all it does is link the two of us. I never really knew her—she drowned when I was a year old—but I’ve heard all the stories, and I’m nothing like her at all.
“Definitely not mad,” I whisper under my breath, and I take the Watcher Doll out of my pocket and tell it that—because that makes it true, doesn’t it? I’m not mad. But everyone at Nbutai has said I’m mad for how much I enjoyed killing the Enhanced when I was younger…how much part of me still wants to. But that doesn’t make me mad, does it? Not really.
It just makes me good at what I do.
When Corin and I return to Nbutai, Five and Seven are already back. I see the way tension rolls out of Corin’s stance, and I watch as his eyes follow Seven a little longer than I think is usual.
Corin looks away quickly when he sees me watching him, doesn’t say anything, just heads to Rahn’s hut to return the firearm.
I take my motorbike around the corner, a little way away from the village, and put it in its usual place, hidden from sight by rocks and sheltered under a makeshift frame that Nico put up for me.
“You haven’t been to see him, have you?” Five asks the moment I’m within hearing distance. She’s the only one outside the Sarrs’ hut now—Seven disappeared inside with her terrier.
“Who? Red?” I reply somewhat sardonically. “No. Corin and I were shooting.”
She nods briefly. “Good.”
“You don’t have to keep checks on me.”
“Don’t I?” She rolls her eyes. “I know what you’re like. And I know you really like him.”
I sigh and think fast to change the subject. If there’s one thing that can distract Five, it’s talking about boys—particularly the one she’s interested in. “How’s it going with you and Elf?”
She looks around quickly as if expecting my brother to be right behind us. “He still hasn’t kissed me.”
I laugh. “We both know my brother’s shy.”
“Not on raids. He goes storming in on those.”
“But when it comes to you, he’s shy. Just kiss him. Pounce on him if you have to.”
Five laughs, but it sounds off, and I know she’s going to be watching me most of the day, making sure I’m not sneaking off.
I grimace a little.
But tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll see Red. And even if Elf is there for part of it, I’ll get him to leave early or something. I need to spend time with Red, alone.
They force the woman to open her mouth, and they drip an augmenter onto her tongue, one drop at a time.
I’m standing in the room, chained, at the back.
They make me watch. They always make me watch.
The woman screams, and I see her eyes turn into mirrors. Mirrors that burn my own eyes.
The Enhanced men laugh as I cry, and they tell the woman she’s safe now. She’s no longer a wild Untamed creature. She has joined the Chosen Ones.
“You all right?” Elf asks the next morning.
I shrug, trying to gauge
his mood. “Just a nightmare.”
He’s still barely said anything to me about Red. Last night, I tried to talk to him, but he shut off my attempts, said he didn’t want to hear anything more, that he’d make his own mind up when he sees him.
“One of the usual ones?”
“Yes.”
Elf breathes deeply. He seems to sleep peacefully most nights. Some nights, I watch him. And I envy him. My own brother.
Elf gets up and looks through our box in the corner of the hut. It’s early, and the first rays of light are filtering through the window. Bea’s and Mila’s beds are both empty.
I head for the doorway and pull the drape back. The village is predominantly silent, though I pick out two figures by the fire in the center. Corin and Esther, on fire duty. After the Turning, there are more evil spirits about than usual; the flames are important. They provide safety.
On the other side of the village, a hand pulls back the drape that hangs across the doorway of the Sarrs’ hut. I watch as Five and Seven step out. Seeing Five makes me a little wary.
“Ready for this?” Elf asks from behind me. But his voice is lighter, and I realize it: he wants to see Red, and he’s excited. I smile. Maybe once Elf’s spoken to him and believes the truth, then he’ll find a way to help me continue seeing Red, possibly without Five knowing.
“Is Bea out on her walk?” I ask, looking back into our hut. Bea’s collecting bag has gone. Usually she stays out of the hut in the morning, but once she’s back, she always returns her collecting bag.
Elf nods.
“Where did she go?”
He frowns. “Think it was First Rock this time.”
“Mila’s with her?”
“No. She woke up super early… Shit, where did Mila say she was playing?” He pinches his brow. “It was nearby, I’m sure. Maybe playing football with Kayden. Yeah, that sounds right.”
Right.
I reach for my survival bag and check the contents; can’t go anywhere without it, not in these times when anything could happen.
A Dangerous Game Page 16