"I'm going to take a shower," I mumbled quietly as I stood, turning aside before my face gave away my distress, and went into the bathroom. I closed the door and ground my teeth together as I fought for control of myself with an angry force of will. I undressed in jerking movements then turned on the shower, making the water almost scalding. I got in and stood under the hot spray, fighting down the anger at myself and my weakness as a man until my skin turned red. When I finally came out of the bathroom, Natalie was asleep again. I stood and stared at her, fighting to find that determination I felt earlier. I couldn't let this happen, not again.
One of my favorite quotes from Teddy Roosevelt popped into my mind. It was completely apropos. "Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, and difficulty." I wasn't going down without a fight this time, damn it. I wasn't going to run away. I'd do whatever it took to convince Natalie that we could be a family. I was going to fight for us, whatever it took.
I wasn't going to lose the two most important things in my life. I wasn't going to let it happen. I would prove to her that I could take care of them both. She would see that I was the man whom they both deserved. All I had to do was show her, and she would be happy again.
"You'll see, Natalie," I said under my breath as I strode out of my room, filled with a renewed purpose. "You'll see. I promise."
***********
"Mom, I'm not getting married just because I'm pregnant." I heard Natalie raise her voice in irritation as I walked toward my room. I paused in the hall to give Natalie some privacy for her phone call.
It was Saturday morning, and Natalie slept in late again. I was carrying a glass of milk and her prenatal vitamin for her. I went out yesterday and got her a chewable version in the hopes it wouldn't bother her stomach as much. She needed to keep them down, and I wasn't taking any chances with our baby.
"David and I aren't ready for that, and besides after the mess your marriage turned into, I don't know if I ever want to get married." Her voice was starting to sound angry now.
Her words startled me because I had seriously started considering proposing to her, but if that was how she felt, then I had to rethink that idea. Proposing might have the opposite effect of what I expected and make her run away. Given the way her parent's marriage ended, I couldn't really blame her, and to be honest, after what happened with Paige, the idea of marrying anyone terrified me. Not because I didn't want to marry Natalie, but I loved and trusted Paige enough to want to marry her, and look what that got me. Instead of being hurt by her words, I actually felt relieved. I didn't need a legal piece of paper to know that Natalie was mine.
"Mom, please," she pleaded, her voice breaking. "I'm tired and I don't feel well. I don't want to talk about this." There was another long pause. "No, Mom, I don't need you to come and check on me. David is here with me, and I'll be fine." A long moment of silence passed. "I have to go, Mom...I love you too." I could hear Natalie's long drawn-out sigh, and figured it was safe to go in now.
When I walked in, Natalie was lying on her back in bed with an arm thrown across her face with George curled up in a big ball against her hip. Her phone was lying discarded on the bed next to her.
"Natalie?"
She put her arm down and actually smiled at me. It was a sight for sore eyes. She hadn't smiled much this week at all.
"Do you have any idea how happy I am that my mother doesn't know where you live?" she said as she sat up. The blankets slid down and uncovered her exquisite breasts. My breath caught for a second like it always did when I saw her naked.
"Probably at least as happy as you are to be here right now where she can't find you." I grinned back at her as I sat on the bed next to her. I held out the glass of milk to her. "Here, sweetheart."
"Thanks." She took the glass and took a few sips. "I've been craving milk like crazy."
"I thought it might help with the aftertaste of the chewable vitamins that I got you." I handed her the little pink square vitamin.
"What did you do, taste test them for me?" she asked in bemusement.
"No," I blurted out in amusement. "Diana complained about them, a lot."
She put it in her mouth and chewed it up with a thoughtful look on her face.
"Well?" I asked with a smirk.
"Not bad," she shrugged one shoulder. A moment later, she made a face. "There's the aftertaste." She took a big gulp of milk. "You're right, that helped."
"Good," I leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose. "I can make breakfast for you now, if you feel up to it."
"Okay." She gave me a soft affectionate smile that sent a surge of pleasure through me.
"Get cleaned up and I'll get started on breakfast, sweetheart." I stood and took the half-full glass from her. I was almost out of the room when I paused and turned back toward her. "Oh, I washed all of your clothes while you were asleep. I hung them in the closet, and put your panties and socks in your drawer."
Her smile faded as an uncomfortable look crossed her face. "O...kay," she said in a monotone then pressed her lips together.
"What?" I asked with a little irritation. It was the same reaction I got when I made room for her clothes yesterday. I didn't understand it. I was just trying to make her feel welcome here. She'd been staying with me most of the time now, and we were going to be raising our child here together after all. I thought I would at least get some appreciation for my efforts.
"You didn't have to do that," she said in a tight voice. There was a slight furrow between her brows. Her discomfort increased as I looked at her. A flicker of fear flashed in her eyes, banishing my annoyance immediately. I hadn't done it to make her uncomfortable. I was just trying to help.
"I know, sweetheart," I said softly. "I wanted to. I want you to feel at home here with me."
"Thank you," she murmured, but didn't look any happier. I wondered if I was missing something here, but I had no idea what. I knew I should ask, but fear stilled my tongue as I remembered her crying next to me in the dark last night. What I didn't know couldn't hurt me, right?
"I'll be in the kitchen, Natalie," I forced a smile on my face. "I love you."
"I love you too." Her face softened as she smiled back at me. Her eyes were filled with sincerity, and I didn't doubt her love for me at all. I decided to let this go for now.
A little while later, I was making pancakes for Natalie and fretting about the future. I'd been trying to take care of everything for her for the last two days, making sure that she ate enough and drank plenty of fluids, but it didn't seem to be working or making her happy. In fact, a few times she actually looked annoyed, and I didn't know what else to do.
I was just putting the last pancake on a plate when my phone suddenly started ringing on the counter. I was so preoccupied by my thoughts that I answered it without looking at the caller ID.
"Hello?" I sounded unintentionally curt, but was too distracted to care.
"Um..." a smooth male voice began uncomfortably. "Is this David Mazur?"
"Yes."
"My name is Jeffrey Bishop." The name sounded vaguely familiar. "I...I...um..." There was a long silence on the other end of the line. So long, in fact, that I almost thought the call got dropped. I was just about to end the call when the man finally spoke again. "I'm your Dad."
I was struck speechless, and an even longer silence stretched on and on. Out of all the weird random shit that I could imagine happening, this was something I never expected nor wanted. Sudden anger came over me. Who did this guy think he was, calling me out of the blue to say he was my dad and thinking that I'd be okay with it?
"How did you get this number?" I asked in a low growl. This couldn't possibly be legitimate. It had to be some kind of sick joke that I didn't find the least bit funny.
"I...I got it from Diana," he said, sounding surprised by my angry reaction. "Didn't she tell you?"
I ground my teeth together. My own sister gave it to him? He actually expected me to believe this bullsh
it?
"Is this some sort of fucked-up joke?" I snarled, as if my own sister would do something like this behind my back.
"This isn't a joke at all." He sounded defensive, and it pissed me off even more. "I talked to Diana several days ago. She gave me this number and said she'd let you know that I was going to call you."
"Great," I snapped out angrily. "You've called me. Now don't ever fucking do it again." I pulled the phone away from my ear and hit the end call button firmly. The phone lit up in seconds as the same strange number popped up on the display. "Fuck you," I growled under my breath and hit ignore. He called two more times after that, but I sent each one to voice mail. I breathed out a sigh of relief when he finally stopped calling, then promptly deleted every message that he left. I immediately called Diana. She needed to know that some nut-job might call her, and I didn't want her to get blindsided like I just was.
"Hey, little brother." Diana said cheerfully as she greeted me. "What's up?"
"Have you gotten any weird phone calls today?" I asked, ignoring her little brother jab, and getting right to the point.
"Uh, no," she said in confused tone. "Why?"
"I just got a call from some guy claiming to be our father," I said as the anger came back with a vengeance. "The dumbass tried to tell me he got my number from you. Can you believe that bullshit?"
A long and completely unexpected silence followed and dread burst to life inside me.
"Diana?" I asked, in a low and eerily calm tone.
"I...I was going to tell you, but I hadn't figured out how yet." Diana sounded frightened and apologetic, but all I could comprehend was that my own sister just admitted to this utter betrayal of trust.
I ground my teeth together as rage coursed through me. I was so angry that I literally couldn't speak. A heavy silence stretched on and on until Diana spoke again.
"I...I thought I had more time before he called you."
"What have you done, Diana?" My voice was tight and dangerous, and I don't think I had ever talked to my sister like this before.
"I found our father, David," she said in indignation. "I thought that you would be happy."
"Happy?" I asked in angry disbelief. "Why the hell would you think that? When have I ever expressed any interest in finding the man who abandoned us?"
"How the hell would I know how you feel about our dad?" she snapped back. "You refuse even to talk about him."
"That's because I don't give a shit," I snarled back.
"Well, you sound pretty emotionally invested right now. Are you sure you don't care?" she bit back angrily.
"The only thing I care about right now, is the fact that my own sister betrayed me." I was so agitated now, that I started pacing across the kitchen. "You did this behind my back without even asking me if I was okay with it."
"He's my father too. I didn't have to ask your permission to do this. I had every right to find him if I wanted to."
"Well, I guess now I know that some stranger off the street is more important to you than your own damn brother," I growled out.
"He's our father, David. Aren't you the least bit interested in getting to know him?" she asked in angry exasperation.
"We don't have a father!" I yelled at her. "He's just a fucking sperm donor who didn't give a shit about us or Mom. You're fucking deluded if you think he's anything else to us."
"Who's fucking deluded now, David?" she asked defensively. "Me or the guy who says he doesn't give a shit while he's yelling at his own damn sister about it."
"Fuck you!" I blurted out without thinking, heedless of the consequences.
"Oh yeah?! Well, fuck you too!" Diana retorted and then the line went dead.
I snarled in rage as I lowered my phone from my ear to stare at it. I was gripping it so tight in my hand that my knuckles were white. It was all I could do not to hurl the damn thing across the room. I knew I should feel guilty for talking to my sister like that, but I was too livid to care right now. I just couldn't understand why Diana would do something like this. Her betrayal burned painfully inside me. Was I destined always to have the people who supposedly cared about me, turn on me and stab me in the back when I least expected it? I didn't know, but I knew I had to get out of my head for a while, or I'd lose my damn mind. Breakfast could wait. I needed to go for a goddamn run.
I turned off the stove and stomped through the house to my room. Natalie was sitting on the bed putting on her socks when I stormed in. She looked up and started to smile, but it faltered as soon as she focused on my face.
"David?" she asked in concern. "Are you okay?"
"No," I snapped out. "I'm going for a run." I went to my dresser and yanked open a drawer. I started pulling my running clothes out in angry jerking movements.
"What's wrong?"
I ignored her as I changed clothes. I was too angry to talk about it yet, and I couldn't risk losing my temper with her. I needed to get out of here before that happened. I sat on the bed to put my running shoes on, and I could feel Natalie watching me.
"David, what's going on?" she asked in a quiet wavering voice as I rose to leave. When I didn't answer, she stepped into my path, blocking me in front of the door. "Why won't you talk to me?" I looked down into her pained face, feeling annoyed by her insistence on making me talk, when I just needed to be alone right now.
"Natalie," I said in exasperation as I glared at her. "Not everything is about you."
I knew I fucked up as soon as the words left my mouth, even before a look of profound hurt and anger flowed across Natalie's face, and tears welled up in her eyes. A sob burst out of her and she rushed past me into the bathroom, slamming the door shut before I even had a chance to apologize. I went to the door and pressed a hand against it.
Natalie," I said her name softly as guilt surged up inside me. "I'm sorry."
She ignored me and continued sobbing. It served me right after the way I just treated her. She was the mother of my unborn child, for God's sake. What was wrong with me?
"Sweetheart..."
"Just go for your precious run and leave me alone." Her voice was bitter and thick with crying. It made me feel like the biggest piece of shit on earth.
"Natalie, please..."
"Go away!" she shouted angrily. I heard the lock on the door click.
My anger was long gone now, and all I had left was a deep pit of shame. Some family we were going to be with a shitty excuse for a man like me. I walked away with a heavy heart, needing a run for an entirely different reason now. Maybe I could figure out a way to fix this on my run. I just hoped she was still here when I got back so there was a chance to try.
Chapter Five
Natalie
What an asshole! I sat on the toilet in David's bathroom crying in hurt and anger. I couldn't believe he had talked to me that way. He made it sound like I was so self-involved that I didn't have a clue what was going on around me. He made it sound like I was just like my mother. Asshole! Pain lanced through me, and I sobbed even harder. I was just worried about him. He looked so angry when he came into the room, and something was obviously bothering him. I just wanted him to talk to me. Now, he could go to hell. He had no right to treat me like that.
It had been long enough now, that I was sure he left for his goddamn run. I grabbed a large handful of toilet paper, and blew my nose, then stood abruptly to leave the bathroom. A sudden dizzy faint feeling came over me, and I had to slap my hand down on the vanity to keep my balance. I sat back down and tried to focus on my breathing until the wave of vertigo passed. I needed to eat something. I hadn't eaten anything yet today, since I waited for my nausea to pass before I got up.
When I stood slowly for the second time, I felt fine. I eased the bathroom door open and peeked out. George chirped at me from the bed as he rose with a long body-length stretch and jumped onto the floor. I came out and met him halfway across the room.
"Hey, baby boy," I whispered as he rubbed against my legs. I reached down and scratched his broad
head. "Let's get some breakfast."
The house was quiet as I made my way to the kitchen with George following close behind. I could see a plate of pancakes next to the stove, and a clear bowl filled with uncooked eggs and a whisk still sitting in it. I walked up to the stove and looked into another bowl to see pancake mix drying up inside it. I stared at the mess in surprise. David never left his kitchen like this. What the hell was going on with him this morning?
I shook my head in confusion as I dumped the eggs, and filled the other bowl with water and set it in the sink to soak. The pancakes were cold, but I was hungry, so I put two on a clean plate and microwaved them for a few minutes until they were warm again. I drowned them in syrup and poured myself another glass of milk, then took my plate and glass out to the dining table to eat.
I was starving, so it didn't take me long to inhale the pancakes. I ate two more after that and a second glass of milk, this time sharing a few bites with George as he begged shamelessly. Then I didn't know what else to do, so I loaded the dishwasher and cleaned up the kitchen. I was wiping down the granite counter top when I heard the front door open, but I ignored it and kept working. I wasn't ready to talk to him or accept an apology from him yet.
When I finished, I walked out to the living room and paused in the doorway to see David sitting on the couch with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. I felt a pang of sympathy for him, but tamped it down as I remembered his cruel words. Fuck him. I surged forward, fully intending to walk through the room and give him the cold shoulder, when he spoke in a subdued voice.
"My father called me."
I practically fell as I stumbled to a halt halfway across the room with my back to David. "What?!" I blurted out in shock. I turned to see him looking at me with pain in his beautiful blue eyes.
"Diana found him without saying anything to me and gave him my phone number. Then I got into a fight with her on the phone and she hung up on me." His voice was tight and clipped as anger began to flow across his face, followed quickly by shame. He rose and came toward me. He stopped in front of me, his eyes filled with remorse. "I'm sorry I talked to you like that, Natalie. I didn't mean it. I acted like a complete dick." He stared down at the floor. "I was just so angry at my sister, and I took it out on you. I'm so sorry, sweetheart."
You Are My Life: Breathless Book 3 Page 8