"Of course, honey. I'd love too." Her voice was tempered slightly, and I sighed with relief. We decided to meet at our usual lunch place, even though I preferred something a little less sophisticated, but I wanted to make Mom happy.
I ended the call with a sigh, wondering how long it would take her to start pushing the whole marriage thing again. I wondered how she would react when I ended up a single Mom, because that was starting to sound like a distinct possibility. Despair fell over me again. I really was destined to be alone. For a while there, I thought things would be different. I thought I had found my soul mate. Now, I knew that things never worked out the way I wanted, but at least I'd always have a part of the man I loved. I pressed my hands to my belly. At least, my baby would be mine, even if David wasn't.
I looked at the phone again. I should probably call David, since I didn't have my phone. He'd worry if I didn't answer his texts, but to be honest it was nice not to have him constantly checking up on me. He didn't ask me how I was doing once yesterday. Everything was about my pregnancy and how I felt physically. I suddenly felt completely alone, and I had to stifle my tears. I was so over all this damn blubbering and wanted it to stop.
When I finally felt like I had gotten control of my emotions, I figured I could get through another conversation with David. Before I even started dialing though, Jessica peeked into my office to let me know our staff meeting was about to start. I completely forgot about it.
"I'll be right there," I answered with a sigh. I'd just have to call David afterwords and hope he wasn't too upset with me by then.
The meeting ran long, and once it was over, I had a conference call with a client who was unhappy with the direction of the ad campaign we had designed. I spent the rest of the morning putting out fires and revamping everything in an attempt to placate the client. Before I knew it, I had to leave to meet Mom for lunch. On the up side, I didn't have much time to worry about my messed up personal life.
Amazingly, I was only a few minutes late for lunch. Mom was already sitting at her favorite table near the string quartet that was playing in the dining room. The restaurant was in the best hotel in town, and we almost always came here when we had lunch together.
"Hi, honey," she said brightly as she rose to greet me. She pulled me into a tight hug and held me close for a moment. When she stepped back she took my hands and gave me a once over. Her face filled with concern, and I braced for her to mention the hastily chosen pants suit I had thrown on this morning. "Are you feeling okay, baby?" she asked as she caressed my cheek softly. "You look pale and tired. Have you been feeling sick?"
"Everyday, Mom," I said tiredly. "Did you have all this nausea with me or Ford?"
"Unfortunately, yes." She smiled as she led me to our table, and we sat down. "Especially with you. You made me sick almost everyday during the first trimester."
"I guess this is payback then," I grumbled with a wry smile.
"I suppose," she returned my smile. "But I wouldn't wish that on you, honey. Although, I've read that women with morning sickness have healthier, more intelligent babies."
"Really?" I asked incredulously.
"Just look at my babies," she said proudly. "Both of you turned out so strong and smart, and I'm proud of both of you."
Sudden tears welled up in my eyes at her words. I had to fight a sob as a few tears trailed down my face.
"Did I mention that I'm an emotional mess too?" I blurted out in embarrassment.
"That's normal too, baby." She reached across the table and took my hand. "You'll be okay. You're just on a hormone roller coaster that you can't get off of for a few months. It will be worth it though, you'll see when the baby gets here."
Amazingly, my Mom was actually making me feel better. Who'd have thought she'd be the sensible one while I was pregnant?
"Thanks, Mom." I squeezed her hand in gratitude as the waiter came to take our drink orders. Mom ordered some wine, and I ordered water, since nothing else sounded good. We spent a few moments looking at our menus. Nothing looked appetizing since my stomach was still a queasy nightmare, but I hadn't eaten since the half dough nut that I forced down during my meeting this morning. I don't know how I managed to keep it down. I even skipped my decaf coffee for fear I'd get sick again.
Mom ordered her usual salad when the waiter returned. I went with a bowl of chicken soup and some bread, hoping I'd be able to stomach it. I knew I wasn't eating enough, but it was so hard to force myself to eat when I felt sick most of the time.
Mom filled me in on all her society friends as we waited for our food. For once I didn't mind, since we weren't talking about David or marriage. Those were two topics that I was anxious to avoid. When our food came, just the smell of it turned my stomach, let alone looking at it. I didn't want Mom to worry though, so I picked at the bread and slowly forced down the soup, hoping it would stay there.
"Is David still taking good care of you, honey?" Mom finally asked when she was almost done with her salad. I managed to get half of the soup down and decided to quit while I was ahead, even if I hadn't eaten enough.
"He is, Mom," I said with a forced smile as I stirred my soup absently. I didn't mention that I was starting to feel like his baby incubator and not his girlfriend anymore. I pushed back the sadness that welled up inside me at that thought.
"He's so good to you," Mom said with a wistful smile. "You're so lucky to have a man like that."
I ground my teeth together to hold back the sob that almost burst out of me. I didn't feel anything like lucky right now.
"I hope you two get married and have everything that I always wanted for you. I don't want you to end up like me; middle-aged and all alone," Mom continued with a wan smile.
No, Mom, I'm going to end up worse than that. I'm going to be a twenty-something single mother who has to raise a baby all alone. Lucky me. Suddenly, that Christmas wedding wasn't sounding so bad anymore. Too bad that probably wasn't even a possibility at this point. I nodded and continued stirring my soup as I tried not to cry.
Thankfully, Mom didn't bring David up again. When lunch was over, we said our good-byes, and I headed toward my car. Before I could even get out of the lobby, my mouth began to water, and I knew that damn soup wasn't going to cooperate and stay down. I rushed into the nearby lobby restroom and ended up barfing my guts out in a five-star hotel toilet. Mom would have been so proud.
When my stomach was empty again, I stayed in the stall until I was sure the restroom was empty. I didn't want some stranger to see me when I came out. I exited the stall and went to the sinks to wash my hands and wipe my mouth off. I looked like shit in the mirror again. The dark circles under my eyes almost looked like bruises. Oh well, I couldn't do anything about it now.
Suddenly, vertigo hit me as I walked out of the restroom, and I had to sit in a nearby chair to keep from falling. I sat for a few moments sucking in breaths and waiting for the dizziness to pass.
"Miss?" a kind female voice asked. I looked up to see a middle-aged woman with short dark hair and warm brown eyes looking down at me with concern. She was wearing a hotel badge with the name "Emma" on it. "Are you alright?" Great, now I was drawing unwanted attention to myself.
"I'm okay," I said with a deep sigh. "I'm pregnant and my lunch didn't want to stay down." I went with the truth. I didn't want her to think I was drunk or anything.
Her eyes turned sympathetic. "I understand completely. I can get you a ginger ale. I bet that will help."
I couldn't stop the look of distaste that crossed my face at the thought of more ginger ale, but I didn't argue with her. "Okay," I said softly.
A few minutes later, Emma returned with a can of soda and gave it to me. I nodded in thanks and took a few sips with a grimace.
"Do you need anything else?" she asked with a sympathetic smile.
"No." I shook my head. "I just need a few minutes to get my shit together, and then I'll get out of your hair."
"No worries, honey," she looked amused. "T
ake your time. If you need anything else, I'll be at the reception desk."
"Thanks."
I spent a few more minutes sipping on my drink, and waiting for my stomach and my dizziness to settle down. When I stood to leave, I nodded to Emma across the lobby gratefully. By the time I got to my car, I was in tears again. I felt like a complete stranger cared more about my mental wellbeing than the father of my unborn child. I had to sit in my car for a while until I calmed down enough to stop crying. I drove back to work with a heavy heart, and a feeling of hopelessness like I had never felt before.
***********
I was running really late coming back from lunch, but couldn't muster enough energy to care that much as I pulled into the parking lot at work. I mostly just wished that I could go home and go to bed. I was so tired and worn out, physically and emotionally. I wasn't sure how I would make it through the rest of this busy week or the rest of this pregnancy for that matter. I rested my forehead on the steering wheel and entertained the idea of taking a nap in my car for a few moments. It was a ridiculous idea, but I was half tempted to do it anyway.
With a jolt, I caught myself before I actually did fall asleep. That would just be hilarious if I went into work with an indentation of the steering wheel in my forehead. I grabbed my bag and forced myself out of the vehicle. Luckily, I didn't get dizzy this time as I walked toward the building and entered the front doors. I was walking across the lobby toward the elevators when I heard a familiar male voice that made me jerk to a halt.
"I'm here to see my girlfriend, Natalie Spencer. She works for Oberlin-Bosch."
I looked toward the reception desk to see David standing there talking to the receptionist. He looked frazzled and with a surge of guilt, I realized I never called him to let him know I forgot my phone today. He was probably worried sick about me. Of course, he was probably more worried about the baby than me. Annoyance flared inside me, and I marched over to where David was standing. He looked toward me as I approached, and relief filled his eyes.
"Oh, thank God," he blurted out as he rushed toward me. "Where the hell have you been?" His voice was laced with irritation, and my annoyance turned to actual anger. He didn't even ask if I was okay.
"I was at lunch," I snapped at him defensively.
His jaw muscles clenched for a second before he replied. "You ignored all my texts and calls. I came to check on you since you couldn't be bothered to reply to any of them."
"Well, I was working," I bit back, not bothering to tell him that I didn't even have my phone today. It would serve him right to think that I was ignoring him. I didn't even care that I was being petty and childish again.
"Seriously?" he asked in growing anger as his voice rose. "You couldn't take a few moments to let me know you were okay? I've been worried sick wondering if you were alright. You're pregnant with my baby for fuck's sake."
All eyes in the lobby turned toward us at that last statement. My face flamed in embarrassment. Great, now the whole building knew I had gotten myself knocked up. I turned away from David and hurried toward the elevators, not wanting to have this conversation anymore.
"Where are you going?" David snapped out as he came up along side me. "We're not done talking about this."
I stopped and glared at him. "Well, I'm not talking about this here," I shot back in a harsh whisper.
"Fine," he growled as he glared at me, "then let's go outside."
"Fine," I growled back, seething inside at how he was acting right now. He turned and walked toward the exit without even waiting for me. I was half tempted just to get on the elevator and leave him down here, but I followed him outside with an exasperated huff instead. I could feel eyes on me as David and I stepped outside. I followed him around the corner of the building away from the front windows, so we could have some privacy.
David turned to face me, and I shrank back a little from the anger flashing in his blue eyes. "Why were you ignoring me?" His voice was that calm scary tone that meant he was livid. It should have scared me, but all it did was enrage me.
"I. Was. Working," I snarled back with a glare. "What part of that don't you understand?"
David's nostrils flared. "Don't patronize me. You're the one who fucked up here, not me," he said harshly as his hands clenched into fists.
I stepped into his personal space as my anger surged, and pressed my finger into his chest. "Well, maybe if you stopped nagging and smothering me all the fucking time I wouldn't have to. I'm not a goddamn child, David. I can take care of my own body and my own damn baby."
"Well, maybe if you acted like you gave a shit about this baby, I wouldn't have to fucking check up on you all the damn time."
"How dare you!"
"I'm not fucking blind!" he shouted back. "I can see that you don't want my baby! You've been acting miserable and pathetic ever since you found out that I got you pregnant! For all I know, you were at some abortion clinic behind my back instead of at lunch!"
I gasped in utter shock. Deep pain stabbed into my heart at his hurtful words. I never imagined he could ever say anything so offensive. How dare he compare me to Paige and what she did. I would never hurt our baby. Never. Hurt and fury like I had never felt before ignited inside me, my body trembling violently as tears burst from my eyes. I turned and hurried away, his harsh cruel words seared into my mind. I only made it a few strides before I felt David grab my arm.
"Natalie, wait," he blurted out, his voice softer now. "I'm sorry..."
"Get the fuck away from me!" I snarled as I jerked my arm out of his grip and glared at him.
"Sweetheart," he pleaded, his eyes filled with remorse as he reached toward me again, but I didn't care. What he had suggested was horrible and disgusting. Was that really what he thought of me, that I was a monster just like Paige?
"Go away, David," I snarled through my tears. "If that's what you truly think of me, then I don't ever want to see you again."
He jerked his hand away like I had burned him. He stared at me in silence as terror and shock filled his eyes.
"I have to get back to work," I said in a quiet monotone. I turned my back on him and walked away, feeling dead inside. He didn't say another word or follow me, and that was probably for the best. A clean break would make this easier. Right?
***********
I didn't even remember riding up the elevator to go back to work. I went to Jessica's office and told her that I was going home sick. My pale face and haunted expression must have looked terrible, because she didn't even argue. She looked worried, and told me to take care of myself and to get better.
Thankfully, when I left the building, David was long gone. I got in my car and drove home. I think my mind shut off my emotions as a defense mechanism, because I didn't feel a damn thing all the way home. When I walked into my apartment, I picked up my phone and went to my room. I plugged it into its charger and crawled into my bed, instantly falling asleep. My mind and body had enough, and just shut down.
When I woke up again, several hours had passed. I sat up and felt a deep stabbing pain in my chest as I remembered what happened. I picked up my phone and turned it on as tears sheeted down my face. There were multiple texts and missed calls from David from earlier, and a voice mail that he had left not that long ago. I listened to it, and heard the pain and remorse in his voice as he apologized and groveled. Then he said he was coming over after work. I looked at the time. It was a quarter after four, which meant he was already on his way here. Fuck him. I didn't want to see him now or ever again.
I got up and went out to the kitchen. I shoved my phone into my purse and left, hurrying down to the parking garage, hoping I didn't accidentally run into David. Luckily, I didn't see him anywhere, and I drove away without a clue where I was going. As long as it was away from him, I didn't care.
Somehow, I ended up at my brother's tattoo shop with little memory of the drive there. I climbed out of my car and shuffled into the building in a daze. I was barely aware of the bell going off when
I opened the door and walked in.
Angel, one of Ford's tattoo artists, was sitting at the reception desk on a phone call. Her dark purple and blue hair was pulled up into a messy pile on her head, her bare arms covered in colorful tattoos. She glanced up at me with a smile that instantly faltered when she focused on my face.
"I gotta go," she said absently as she hung up the phone. She came around the counter to me. "Natalie?" she asked as she grabbed my shoulders, her eyes filled with worry. "Are you okay?"
"No," I blurted out with a sob. "Where's Ford?" I needed my brother desperately. I felt lost and heartbroken, and I needed his strong protective arms around me more than anything right now. Angel pulled me close, and held me tight.
"Ford?!" she shouted in a panicked voice.
Within seconds, my brother came rushing out from the hallway that led to the tattoo rooms and his office. I took one look at his worried face and fell apart completely, sobbing and crying hysterically. I collapsed into his arms, and he scooped me up like I was nothing. I vaguely heard him tell Angel that he was taking me up to his apartment.
The next thing I knew, Ford was cradling me in his arms while sitting on his couch, rocking me gently and crooning comforting words while I wept on and on. It took a long time for me to stop crying, but Ford held me the entire time. Eventually, I must have fallen asleep again, because the next thing I knew, I woke up alone in Ford's bed. The room was quiet and dark, and I started to feel sick as I remembered David's horrible words. I rolled onto my side into the fetal position and pressed my hands over my baby. Tears burst out of my eyes again.
"I'm so sorry, baby," I whispered in despair. "It's just you and me now. I promise I'll take care of you, no matter what. I love you." I cried myself to sleep again.
"Natie?" I woke what felt like seconds later to my brother's deep rumbling voice above me. I opened my eyes to see him sitting on the edge of the bed. It was daylight now. I had slept for such a long time, yet I still felt incredibly tired.
You Are My Life: Breathless Book 3 Page 14