I held still and stopped talking while David moved the wand around for a moment. Then suddenly a fast strong whooshing noise filled the room.
"That's our baby, sweetheart," he murmured in quiet awe as his eyes flashed up to meet mine with a gentle smile.
A soft whimper escaped my lips as tears filled my eyes. "Really?" I asked incredulously.
He nodded as his eyes glassed over with emotion. I watched as tears slid down his cheeks and through his beard. I could feel my own gliding into my hair.
"It's the most beautiful thing I have ever heard, my love. Thank you." My voice came out barely more than a whisper as my emotions overwhelmed me.
"You're welcome, Natalie," he said in a tremulous voice as he reached up and gently placed his free hand on my cheek. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I whispered as I put my hand over his.
We stayed like that for a long while, staring into each other's eyes and listening to the little life that we had created inside me. It felt so real now, and I couldn't be happier to be carrying the child of the love of my life. Utter joy filled up my heart as everything clicked into place and felt right in my world. This was the moment when I realized that we were truly a family now, and I would remember it for the rest of my life.
***********
"What do you look so happy about this early in the morning?" David asked me as he walked into the bedroom flushed and sweaty from his run on the treadmill.
"I'm not nauseous," I gave him a wide grin from where I was sitting up in bed next to George and running my fingers through his long soft fur. I couldn't help admiring David's sweaty and bare upper body as he walked toward me in nothing but athletic shorts. "In fact, I feel fabulous."
"Well, the first trimester is over," he said with an amused grin. "I told you it wouldn't last forever."
"Well, it certainly felt like forever," I grumbled. It was the middle of January now, and I was only a third of the way through my pregnancy, but it sure felt like it had been a lot longer than that. Suddenly, my stomach growled loudly. "Holy crap, I'm starving."
"How do pancakes sound, sweetheart?" David asked as he paused by the bed and kissed my temple.
"Can I have eggs and bacon too?"
"You can have whatever you want." He smiled down indulgently at me. "Just let me shower first."
"Are you going to keep spoiling me like this even when I'm not pregnant anymore?"
"Sweetheart," he ran his knuckles down my cheek, "I'm planning on spoiling you for the rest of my life."
"Good." I watched him disappear into the bathroom. Then I snuggled down under the covers, and just enjoyed feeling normal again until it was my turn to get ready for work.
Later, when I came out of the bathroom after my shower, David was already dressed and out of the room. I went into the closet and grabbed my favorite charcoal pants suit from my little section in David's closet. I slipped on a pink silk blouse then pulled on my pants. I tried to button the fly only to discover that my favorite work pants no longer fit. I growled in annoyance and walked over to the tall mirror on the closet door. I pulled up my shirt, and turned sideways to stare at my belly. To my astonishment, I had a bulge that I swear wasn't there yesterday.
"David!" I hollered in equal parts excitement and dread.
Within seconds, David rushed into the room with fear in his eyes. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"I have a baby bump," I blurted out with wide eyes. "Look."
He came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, and put his hands on my brand-new baby bump. I watched his eyes light up in the mirror as he looked at the reflection of my belly cradled gently in his hands.
"My clothes don't fit, and I'm going to be as big as a house," I sobbed out pathetically as I suddenly burst into tears. "What am I going to do?"
"Shh." He rubbed his nose against my earlobe and met my eyes in the mirror with an amused smile. "First of all, you're gorgeous, and you'll always be gorgeous, even when you're as big as a house."
"Hey." I glared at him and tried to pull away, but he refused to let me go.
"I'm just kidding, sweetheart." He turned me around to face him and held me close. "That baby bump of yours is the hottest thing I have ever seen. See?" He glanced down between us, and I could clearly see outlined in his pants just how hot he thought it was. "Your body is growing and changing in the most amazing beautiful way. It is so damn sexy." He latched my lower lip between his teeth and worried at it for a moment until I moaned softly. He pulled abruptly away leaving me a little lightheaded and euphoric.
"Second," he continued as his smile turned wry. "I hear that they have clothes for pregnant women now. I bet if you went shopping that you could even buy some, if say, your regular clothes stopped fitting."
I pursed my lips and glared at him again as he grinned in amusement. "You're awful smart-assy this morning." I shook my head in irritation. "I was talking about today. What the hell am I going to wear to work today?"
"Surely you've got to have something that you can wear today."
"Yeah, in my closet in my apartment," I grumbled, finding his reasonableness this morning annoying.
He pursed his lips thoughtfully and looked away for a second before meeting my eyes tentatively. "If you moved in with me all your clothes would be here," he said quietly. He looked pensive and sad for a moment before he spoke again. "I...I don't understand why you won't. You're here almost every night anyway, and I stay with you on the nights that you sleep in your apartment."
I could see actual pain in his eyes now, and it filled me with guilt. He hadn't mentioned me moving in with him in a while, and I thought he was okay with me taking my time to decide. I guess I was wrong. It looked like he was taking it personally now, but it had nothing to do with him. It was all about my insecurities with commitment and my fear of failing him, and my need to try to hold on to my own identity. I didn't want to end up like my mother and smother the life out of our relationship by making it my soul focus. I didn't want to spend fifteen years in love with a man I couldn't have anymore. Just the thought of that happening between us made my heart ache. I just wasn't ready to take this next step yet.
"David," I said softly as I cradled his face in my hands. "I love you. You know that. This has nothing to do with you or how I feel about you."
He gave me a dubious expression. I guess I wasn't the only one feeling insecure. "I just...I just want you to trust me. It feels like you still have one foot out the door, just in case. It makes me feel like I don't measure up somehow. It makes me afraid of losing you."
I could feel his body trembling with emotion against mine. I felt the threat of tears as my guilt intensified inside me. I pressed my lips together as I fought to hold them in. How did this conversation suddenly get so heavy?
"I do trust you. I swear," I said in a quavering voice. "I don't...I don't trust myself," I whispered as I averted my eyes in shame.
"Natalie?" He touched my chin, and I lifted my eyes back to his. He looked worried and confused.
"My mother is still in love with my dad, David," I told him. "She's spent the last fifteen years alone, knowing she can't have the man she loves, and knowing it was partly her fault by holding on too tight. What if I do that? What if I ruin this for both of us? I don't want you to end up hating me someday."
"Natalie," he said softly as he ran his fingers through my hair and held my gaze with a serious expression. "There's not much in life that's guaranteed. I can't promise you that we'll never have difficult times together. I can't promise things will always be easy between us. I can't promise that we'll never have to fight for our relationship and our love. However, I promise that I'll always talk to you, I'll always listen to you, and I will always, always, love you. Nothing you could ever do will change that. We are not your mother and father. Their failed relationship is in no way related to ours. This is our relationship to make or break, and I for one plan to make it work no matter what it takes. I promise to fight for us to my
dying breath."
"Okay," I whispered, my love for him welling up inside me, filling me with joy and hope.
"Now." A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, "Let's find you something to wear today, and then we'll go shopping tonight for some new clothes. Okay?"
"Alright." I nodded as the heaviness of a moment ago slipped away, banished by the sweet heartfelt words of this wonderful man I adored.
I watched him move to the dresser, and pull open my drawer. He eyed the contents for a moment, then reached in and pulled out a pair of black leggings. He held them out to me with a questioning look. "Will this work? They're stretchy."
I nodded and took them from him. "Thank you, David," I said with a soft smile, thanking him for more than just the leggings.
He stepped close to me and brushed his lips across mine. "You're welcome, sweetheart," he said warmly as he caressed my cheek with his fingertips. "I'm going to go finish making your breakfast." He gave me another quick kiss then left the room. I watched him leave in awe of how perfect he was for me.
I pulled on the leggings with my pink silk blouse and slipped on my suit jacket. I went to the mirror and thought I didn't look half bad. I was definitely comfortable, and I decided that I would probably be investing in a lot of leggings tonight.
When I entered the kitchen, David eyed me up and down with an appreciative smile as he filled our plates with food. I followed him out to the dining room, and we ate together and chatted about our schedules this week. Afterward, when David was getting ready to leave, I realized that we hadn't really come to any decision about my moving in with him. I wanted to make him happy, but I wasn't really ready to let my independence go. He noticed the pained look on my face as he kissed me good-bye.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked softly with worried eyes.
"I know you want me to move in with you now, but..."
He stopped me with a finger to my lips. "I don't want you to feel pressured. I know why you need time now. So don't rush into this if you're not ready. I can be patient, so take your time. You know I'm pretty good at this delayed gratification crap." His mouth twisted wryly.
Okay," I murmured with a smile. I was so grateful that he understood where I was coming from now. I felt the pressure I had put on myself start to ease. "I love you."
"I love you, too." He gave me a brief yet passionate kiss, and walked out with an affectionate smile.
I watched him leave with a lighter heart. We were learning to communicate better than we had before. It was so much easier than torturing ourselves with things that we shouldn't be afraid to confide in each other. Wasn't that the whole point of sharing your life with someone you loved? To have someone you felt safe enough to share all your worries and fears with. I wondered if that was where my parent's marriage had gone wrong. All I knew for certain was that I was going to fight tooth and nail to make sure that never happened to David and me. David was right when he said this was our relationship to make or break, and I chose to fight for it right along with him.
***********
"Natalie."
I glanced up from the baby magazine I was flipping through to see that a woman in purple scrubs had just entered the waiting room to call my name. David and I stood as I absently dropped the magazine on the chair behind me. We were here at Dr. Evans' office to have our twenty-week ultrasound and hopefully find out the baby's gender today. The woman smiled warmly as she approached us. She was probably in her mid thirties, and petite with short black hair and olive skin.
"Hi, Natalie. I'm Vanessa." She reached out to shake my hand. "I'm going to be doing your ultrasound today." She turned to David, her smile widening as she eyed him appreciatively. I was getting better at not being bothered by women reacting to David like that. He was gorgeous after all, but it was still annoying. At least, she was trying to be subtle about it. "Are you the father?"
He nodded enthusiastically. "I'm David." He shook her hand, and I wanted to growl when she lingered longer than I thought was appropriate. David grinned widely, oblivious to her interest. He was practically bouncing on his feet, and it was adorable. I'd never seen him so excited about something before. "I can't wait to see our baby," he said as he looked at me adoringly. He grabbed my hand, and pulled it up to place a kiss on the back of it.
I noticed Vanessa's eyes soften as she watched our exchange. She glanced over to share an amused smile with me, and my annoyance with her disappeared. We followed her through the set of double doors behind her and down a long hallway. She led us into a dimly lit room that had a low hospital bed and a large machine on wheels with a monitor on top that I assumed was the ultrasound machine.
"Go ahead and lay down, Natalie, and we'll get started." Vanessa motioned toward the bed and a flood of nerves suddenly hit me. What if something was wrong with my little peanut? If something happened to my baby, I'd be devastated. I pressed my hands to my burgeoning baby bump and looked at David, who read me like a book.
"It's okay, sweetheart." He pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead. "Everything is going to be fine. We just listened to the baby's heartbeat last night. Don't worry." We had been listening to it almost every night for the last two months since he gave me the fetal doppler machine for Christmas.
"Okay," I murmured with a nod and went to lay down on the bed. David sat in a chair opposite the ultrasound machine and grabbed my hand, his eyes glowing with excitement. His enthusiasm helped calm my nerves.
Vanessa had me lift up my shirt and lower my leggings down a little. She tucked a towel under my shirt and pants to keep the gel off my clothes, then squirted a generous amount of warm gel on my belly. She explained that she had a series of pictures and measurements to take before she could take some pictures for us and try to determine the gender if we wanted to know. We both agreed wholeheartedly with that. I don't know about David, but I'd been up half the night in anticipation of finding that out today.
She placed the wand looking thing that she called a transducer on my belly and spread the gel around my skin. Within seconds, a fuzzy looking black-and-white image appeared on the monitor. A jumbled mess of fuzz flowed across the screen as she glided the transducer around for a moment.
"There's your baby's head," she announced and pointed to a round area on the screen. I smiled as I could see it. She turned the transducer. "There's the baby's face." Now I could see a clearly recognizable profile of a little face. I could see a tiny nose and mouth. I gasped and covered my mouth, then looked over at David. His eyes were locked on the screen, his eyes wide and glassy. He looked at me and smiled as he squeezed my hand.
"There's the heart," Vanessa said, drawing our attention back to the screen. A little way down from the baby's face I could see an area fluttering steadily. "It's beating nice and strong." I clamped my lips together as I fought not to start sobbing. I didn't want to mess up the test by blubbering.
She slid the transducer around again. "Here's the belly." She smiled. "And an arm. See?" she pointed out an area that was moving around and clearly looked like an elbow. "This kid is waving their arms all over the place," she added with a laugh. The transducer moved again. "Check out those cute little feet."
"Oh my God," I whispered. I could see the baby's tiny little toes and the little bones in their foot. A small sob managed to escape my mouth, but I managed to hold it together as David rubbed the back of my hand soothingly.
"Now, give me a few minutes to get all the measurements that I need for the doctor, then we'll see whether this kid will cooperate and let me see what you're having."
"Alright," I whispered with a nod. David and I looked at each other again. Tears were starting to well up in his eyes. They were already streaming down my face. He reached up to wipe some of them away with his thumb, a warm smile spreading across his perfect lips.
We sat in silence as we let Vanessa focus on her job and get what she needed. Most of what was on the screen was unrecognizable to me. I was glad she seemed to know what she was doing. My impatie
nce was just about to get the better of me, when Vanessa finally looked at me and nodded.
"Okay," she said with a grin. "I got what I need. Now for the fun part." She moved the transducer around some more. "Your baby is pretty wiggly right now, so give me a second here." She concentrated on the screen for a few moments, then stopped the transducer. "Ah, ha. I gotcha," she murmured. She pointed at the screen. "These are the thighs. There's the butt." Once she pointed it out I could see what I was looking at. I nodded excitedly. My eyes were glued to the screen. "You know what that is right there?" she asked as she put her finger on a spot on the screen between my baby's legs. "That is your baby's penis. Congratulations, it looks like you're having a boy."
I gasped and immediately burst into happy tears. I looked at David to see tears streaming down his face. His smile lit up the room. He leaned down toward me, and pressed his forehead to mine as his grip on my hand tightened almost painfully.
"I love you, Natalie," he whispered in a tremulous voice. "Tye moe povitrya."
"Love you too," I whimpered. "Tye moe povitrya." I repeated back to him, feeling the truth of those words down to my very bones. We sat like that for several moments until Vanessa spoke.
"Alright, guys." Her voice quavered a little, and I glanced over to see her looking at us with glassy eyes. "Let me print out your pictures, and we'll be finished."
A little while later, David and I were walking out of the building, both of us grinning like idiots. We got in the car, and sat staring at the little black-and-white images of our baby boy in my hands. Nothing ever looked so beautiful in all my life.
David reached over and took the pictures from me, and set them on the dash. I turned to face him, and his hands slid into my hair on either side of my face, his eyes locked on my lips. I could feel him shaking.
"We're not going back to work this afternoon." His voice came out deep and raspy like I had never heard before, the desire in it unmistakable.
"We're not?" I asked softly as his hands fisted into my hair. I relaxed and felt my body surrendering to him already. His eyes darkened to a deep midnight-blue, and it made me shudder all over.
You Are My Life: Breathless Book 3 Page 23