Saving Us
By H. D’Agostino
Saving Us
H. D’Agostino
Copyright © May 2015 by Heather D’Agostino
All Rights Reserved. This book may not be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form with permission from the author. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. All characters and storylines are the property of the author and your support and respect is appreciated. The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
The following story contains mature themes, profanity, and sexual situations. It is intended for adult readers.
Cover Design by Kari March at K23 Design
Photography by Kelsey Keeton of K. Keeton Designs
Cover Models: Tessi Conquest and Nathan Weller
Editor: Rebecca Cartee from Editing by Rebecca
ISBN: 978-0-9907704-7-3
Saving Us contains several graphic flashbacks. These may serve as triggers to anyone has suffered from domestic violence. If you, or anyone you know, is suffering at the hands of another please call The National Center for Domestic Violence hotline at
1-800-799- safe (7233)
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Saving Us playlist
Other Works by H. D’Agostino
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Excerpt of Being Nobody- book 1 in The Witness Series
Prologue
Maddie
It was a beautiful day out. Sunshine and a light spring breeze. I’d just finished my last final, and was quickly rushing home to surprise Richard. He’d been working so hard lately, and I thought a nice romantic dinner would be just the treat to relax him. Things had been tense lately. I’d tried to not to bother him in the evenings, but it seemed like no matter what I did, he was always angry with me. Lately, he blamed everything that went wrong on me, and as much as I didn’t want to believe that it was true, I was starting to blame me, too. Just the other night he griped that I didn’t understand how hard he was working to make a good life for us. I did, but vet school was hard, and most nights I just wanted to sleep. He’d relented when I’d turned him down, but the look he gave me told me he wasn’t pleased.
When I reached the door to his small apartment, I used the hide-a-key to let myself in. Richard didn’t know that I knew where it was. I’d seen him put it behind the loose brick in the steps after we’d been out and I’d accidently locked us out. That was the last time he’d really done some damage on my arm. I’d suffered a cracked wrist for that one. I’d told him that all he needed to do was give me a key, and we wouldn’t have to worry about this happening again. He grabbed my wrist so hard; I couldn’t pull away fast enough. I didn’t ask about having a key after that.
Today was going to be different though. He was going to be home soon, and I was going to have some of his favorite dishes waiting for him. As I unlocked the door and slowly pushed it open, I heard muffled noises coming from inside. I didn’t put together what was going on until I rounded the corner, and saw him.
There he was, bare-assed hovering over some woman, rocking his hips into hers. “Rich!” she shrieked as she pushed on his shoulders. I don’t think he even sensed that I was there. She shoved at his chest again, but he kept going until he heard the thud of my books hit the floor. His head whipped around, and he glared at me. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
I staggered backward and tried to turn around, but my legs wouldn’t co-operate, and I tripped. When I reached out to steady myself, I felt him wrap his fingers tightly around my upper arm, “I said what the fuck are you doing here, Madison?” he growled as he leaned closer to me.
“I’m going to go so you two can…” the woman’s voice trailed off as she began dressing herself as quickly as possible.
“I…I…I’m sorry,” I stammered as I avoided his gaze. I was so stunned that when he tightened his grip on my arm— to the point of bruising it— I didn’t even flinch.
“You know,” he began dragging me toward the bedroom, and I blindly let him. “If you would have just given me what I wanted last night this wouldn’t have happened.” We reached the door, and he shoved me forward causing me to stumble and fall onto the bed. “Now I’m going have to get what I want from you,” he sneered.
“Rich,” I begged. I knew that it was hopeless, but I wanted to try to calm him down. We had already done it several times, but when he got like this, it was anything but pleasurable.
“Shut the fuck the up, and get your ass over here,” he pointed to a spot in front of him.
I blindly shuffled over to stand in front of him, never letting my eyes meet his. It was a rule he had. I had to submit to whatever he had planned, or he’d force me. I was his, and if I fought him on this, it would be much worse. In my mind, I didn’t deserve to be with anyone else. I knew I wasn’t pretty, or desirable. I was average, and I was getting what average girls got.
“On your knees,” he commanded as he shoved the jeans that had been hanging on his hips back down his thighs. I swallowed a few times before the tears came. “Now, finish what you interrupted,” his voice was ominous, daring me to tell him no. I knew that this was it; I’d sunk as low as I could. He wasn’t breaking any bones tonight; he was breaking my spirit.
When he’d finished, he tossed his clothes toward the hamper before strutting proudly in the direction of the shower. He’d gotten what he what he wanted, and he didn’t care what he’d done to me. Why was I here? Why had I planned to do something nice for him? Why did I love him? I didn’t have those answers, and I wasn’t sure I ever would.
“This was your fault, you know?” he called out as he turned the shower on. “You are the reason I’m like this,” he stepped in the shower ending the conversation and I stood up, crying.
It was my fault…it was my fault…it was my fault…
It was my fault. I jerked awake as I thrashed around in the covers. I was dripping in sweat and could feel my heart thundering in my chest. Rich always had a way of turning everything around on me, and he’d managed to do it again. Only this time, it really was my fault. Cole had been stabbed because of me. If only I’d stayed away from him, Richard never would have gone after him. He’d be safe, and I wouldn’t be going through the pain I am now.
I blew out a breath as I glanced at the alarm clock sitting on my bedside table. Seven o’clock…time to get up and face reality. As I went about getting ready for the day, the dream came back to me. I remembered that day as if it was yesterday. Richard had been so cruel, and at the time, I thought I deserved it. I fingered the scar on my cheek, a constant reminder of my past. Cole had told me I was worth more…that no one deserved to be treated the way Richard treated me. I had started to believe that until last week. Now, I wasn’t so sure.
Richard was in jail awaiting trial, and Cole was home, I thought. I hadn’t seen him since the night of the attack. I’d thought that I could start over, that Cole could help me escape my past, but all I did was unleash my past on him. Now, I was determined to stay as far away from him as po
ssible. I’d changed everything about my life except work. I loved my job, and I loved the people I worked with. I knew I couldn’t give that up, and I didn’t want to.
After dressing in a pair of scrubs, pulling my hair back, and fixing my makeup, I slipped on a jacket and headed out the door. I wanted to grab a coffee before heading into work, so when I turned out of the parking lot of my building, I drove straight to Cool Beans. I’d been going in the morning instead of the evening so I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew. It had worked pretty well until today.
“You can’t avoid him forever,” a deep voice hummed behind me causing me to stiffen. I turned my head slightly, just in time to see a broad chest covered in a McKay’s Gym T-shirt.
“How is he?” I whispered. It was really none of my business, but I couldn’t help wanting to know.
“He’s a wreck. He needs you; you have to know that,” Wes sighed as he reached up to grip his neck. “Why are you doing this?”
“Doing what?” I looked down at my feet as the line slowly moved forward.
“You know what I’m talking about,” he huffed and shifted behind me. “He doesn’t blame you, you know. He loves you.”
“It was my fault,” I murmured. “If I had just stayed away this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Are you listening to yourself right now? Seriously…how is this your fault?” He raised his voice causing me to flinch away.
By this point, the line in front of me had disappeared putting me at the counter. I ordered my coffee then stepped to the side as I waited for it. Wes placed his ordered, and then turned his gaze back on me. “I don’t understand this. You love him, he loves you…why are you not at his apartment taking care of him right now? Why is Angie there?”
“Angie?” I whispered, slightly shocked. Cole’s sister lived on the other side of the country. Why was she here?
“She came back when she found out what happened. She thought it would be a quick visit, and you’d be taking over. I think he still thinks that might be true,” he shook his head at me.
“I can’t,” I squeezed my eyes shut as an image of Cole lying in a pool of blood on the floor at Vibe flooded my mind.
“Maddie...” Wes stepped closer and reached for me, but I knew I needed to get away. I was going to break down right here in the coffee shop, and I couldn’t let myself. He didn’t understand; no one did. This was my fault. It was always my fault. Richard had made that perfectly clear every time I screwed up.
“I have to go,” my voice was clipped and panicked as I spun toward the door.
“Maddie, wait!” Wes rushed after me as I pushed through the growing crowd, trying to get out into the fresh air. I could feel the walls closing in, and I needed to get out…now!
“Maddie, please!” Wes continued to call from behind me as I rushed toward my car. I had to get away…away from him, and the memories he’d brought with him.
Once locked inside, I cranked the engine and drove away as quickly as possible. Tears streamed down my face now that I was somewhere I could let them escape. When I pulled into the parking lot of the clinic, I released an angry sob. I punched the steering wheel and my shoulders shook with frustration and pain. Richard had managed to wreck everything. Everything that I thought I’d fixed was suddenly broken once again, and this time I wasn’t sure I could put the pieces back together.
This time there might be no chance of saving us.
Chapter 1
3 weeks later…
Maddie
“You ok?” Erin nudged me causing my current moment of daydreaming to end as I turned surprised eyes on her.
“Yeah,” I mumbled.
“Could you be a little more convincing?” she laughed lightly as she shifted on the couch. We were sitting in the back of Cool Beans sipping coffees after our weekly meeting. I’d been making more of an effort to attend them now, and Erin was the only person I’d let see me in my current state. “So,” she sipped her coffee, “are you going to go?”
“I don’t know,” I muttered as I tightened my grip on my cup. My knuckles were turning white as my fingers flexed, and I was trying with everything in me to hold on to my emotions.
“You’re going to poke a hole in that cup if you don’t stop,” she warned. “I think you should go,” she added causing me to gasp.
“You do?” I sighed and set the cup down.
“I do. I think you need this. You need to confront him. Tell him how you feel. Yell at him. Do whatever, but you need to let it out. Look what it’s doing to you?” she gestured to where I was now twisting my fingers together in my lap.
“I don’t know if I can,” I blew out a deep breath.
“Maddie,” she reached over and covered my hands with hers, “you are one of the strongest people I know. You need to do this.”
“You’re probably right.” I nodded slowly. “I guess I could go tomorrow. I have the day off.”
“That’s my girl,” Erin grinned. “I’ll be around. Call me when you finish and we’ll get together to celebrate with some wine.”
“Thanks,” I offered a weak smile. “I don’t know how much celebrating; I’m gonna want to, but I might need someone to talk me down off the ledge.”
“No problem,” she reached around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. “You’re one of my best friends. I’ll always be here no matter what.”
“Thanks.” I stood and gathered my things. “I need to head home; it’s late.”
“Me, too.” She stood and followed me over to the trashcan. “Call me tomorrow, ok?”
“I will,” I nodded as I left the coffee shop and head home.
ooooooooo
The next morning I spent a little extra time getting ready before I called the jail and made an appointment. Richard had been requesting that I come and see him for days now. I had no idea what he wanted, but as Erin said, I needed to find out. If anything, I knew that this could be a very liberating moment. I needed Richard out of my life, and the only way to accomplish that was to get him out of my head.
I needed to yell, scream, and put the blame where it truly belonged. Over the last few weeks, Erin, along with everyone else in group, had been trying to convince me that none of what happened was my fault. I wasn’t the one who needed to be punished. I knew this was true, but I was having a hard time believing it.
“Never again,” I mumbled to myself as put the finishing touches on my makeup. I smiled sadly at my reflection before slipping my purse up onto my shoulder and heading out the door.
When I pulled into the visitor lot at the New England Department of Corrections facility, a sudden wave of panic rolled through me. Was I ready for this? Could I really go in there and face him? I hadn’t seen him since the night of his arrest. I was honestly surprised that he was still in lock-up. Richard had been at the top of his class in law school. He worked at one of the most prestigious law firms in Boston.
The fact that he wasn’t out on bail said something about what the police and the DA had against him. Apparently, Richard had been stalking me for months, and had all kinds of information on Cole. When police had searched his apartment, they’d found dozens of photos of Cole and I together. Evidence of him sending the strange, but threatening gifts, I’d received were slowly turning up, too.
“You can do this,” I reassured myself as I climbed out of the car. After entering the fenced in area, I walked up to the visitor sign-in. I was searched, sent through metal detectors, and given a badge before I was escorted into a small room with several small tables. My hands shook as the guard motioned for me to have a seat.
“Thank you,” I whispered shakily.
“We can cuff him to the table if that would make you feel better, Miss.” The guard smiled as he waited for me to have a seat.
“I’m fine, thanks,” I sank down onto a chair and waited. It didn’t take long before the door across the room opened, and the subject of my nightmares strolled in wearing an orange jumpsuit.
He smiled as he saw me,
and what should have sent me running actually caused my back to straighten and my hands to ball into fists at my side. “Madison,” his voice was deep, daring me to respond. I lifted my chin in defiance, as he sat down across from me. “Still trying to stand tall I see.” His voice lowered as he skimmed his eyes over me.
“What do you want?” I growled.
He tsked at me before shifting on the chair, “Can’t I just want to see you?”
“I’m not here for you,” I hissed. “You can rot in here for all I care,” I couldn’t believe the words spewing out of my mouth, but I couldn’t stop them. His eyes darkened and flashed with fury as he leaned over the table, coming within inches of my face.
“Don’t kid yourself, Madison.” He looked down at my chest, which was rising in pants as I fought to control myself. “If I wanted to hurt you, I could. I could put you in your place, but then I might end up being stuck in here.” He lowered himself back into the chair before continuing. “I wanted you here so you could tell that boyfriend of yours that he needs to back off.”
“What are you talking about?” I furrowed my brow in confusion.
“He thinks he can actually win when we go to court,” Richard sneered. “He thinks he can actually have you. You’re mine!” Richard lifted his cuffed wrists and slammed them down in the table between us. “You hear me? Mine!”
I jumped when his hands hit the table so hard it shook. Shoving back, I scanned the room in search of a guard. I wanted out, and as quickly as possible. Coming to see Richard wasn’t helping me; it only reaffirmed that this man still thought he could control me.
“No!” I shouted as I stood up and slapped my hands down. “You don’t get to do this anymore,” I ground my jaw as I watched his face redden.
“Keep it up,” he warned. “You’re making it that much better for me when I get out of here. The first thing I plan is finding you and sinking my dick so far into you that you remember who you belong to.” I trembled with rage as I watched the smug smile of his face curve up even further, “You’re always going to be mine. You have to know that by now,” he scoffed.
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