She didn’t finish. This was because a brouhaha was commencing. That was to say, Sadie’s loud voice was coming at us and she was being sarcastic and bitchy.
Not good.
Indy and I looked that way to see Sadie was into it with some woman who Sadie clearly did not like.
“Here we go,” Indy murmured and looked at me.
I threw her a grin and did what we Rock Chicks always did.
Got close to a Rock-Chick-in-need in order to take her back.
And I was right. As the events unfolded, one after the other, it became clear something was still very wrong with Sadie. It wasn’t that she wanted that outed. It was just that what happened gave her no choice. Being recently raped and consistently traumatized by four criminally insane brothers (literally, to all of that), it was time for the lid to be blown off.
And blow off it did.
It happened after Hector lost his mind when we all learned Sadie was secretly planning to move to Greece (Greece! What the fuck?) and he dragged her to her office.
No, that wasn’t right. It happened after what happened in her office leaked out into the hall when Sadie came rushing out.
“I’m protecting you!” Sadie screamed at Hector, “Don’t you get it? I’m protecting you!”
My head whipped around to the hall, and at her tone, my body went tight.
She went on screeching.
“You deserve better than me, Hector Chavez! You’re a good man from a good family surrounded by good people. My father was a Drug King. He kills people! It’s what I am, he made me. And Ricky Balducci raped and brutalized me. You know it. You saw it. You were even there! You saw me! You told me you’d never forget. You saw me! You’re better than that and I know it. You deserve more than that. You don’t think you do but you’ve got a tattoo on you that reminds you to think with your head, not your body. I don’t want to be the next tattoo you get when you learn your lesson one day and realize what you’ve done. That you could have had better. That you could have had more. That you could have someone good and clean and right. Someone who belongs at your side. Not someone vile and ugly and tawdry and used that you should have never, ever, ever settled for!”
I watched, my heart bleeding at her words, as she yanked free of Hector and started running.
“Don’t follow me,” she shouted over her shoulder. She stopped and turned. “Don’t!” she shrieked in a voice so shrill, it lacerated me.
My throat closed and I was weirdly paralyzed as others sprung into action when Sadie made a desperate dash through the gallery, grabbed something from a drawer and took off.
God, I fucking hated it when the Rock Chick Drama entered this stage. When the raw thing the Rock Chick was hiding was exposed in all its hideousness and we got to see inside to what we were actually battling.
Not that something like that happened every time. Not that I was there to witness it every time it happened. But I still hated it, whether I saw it or heard about it.
I was good at giving one-liners, making people laugh, giving support in my way. I could be gentle with the honesty. And I was always there, no matter what, no matter when, if they needed me.
But I had no healing hand, like Jules did (because she was a cool chick, but also a social worker). Or like Jet did (because she was shy, quiet and sweet and had a way about her). Or like Daisy did (because she had so much love, it leaked out of her pores and you couldn’t help but feel better if it leaked on you).
So I had not only not made amends for being a bitch to Sadie, I had nothing to give to her right now. I didn’t have the skills to get in there and make her see she was not even close to the things she saw in herself.
And that killed me.
“Ally.”
My head jerked at that familiar, deep, sweet voice and I looked up at Ren.
He was staring down at me looking gorgeous and worried.
“You okay?” he asked.
“No,” I whispered.
He lifted a hand, and it seemed like he was going to touch me but I moved before he could.
Fast.
As quick as my four inch stiletto heels could take me, I dashed to the counter where Sadie had her cash register.
I grabbed my bag.
And I got the fuck out of there.
* * * * *
Three hours later…
I sat in the dark on my ass in my living room. My back was to the wall, my knees up. I was still in my killer dress, but I’d taken off my heels.
The Rock Chick phone tree had been engaged so I’d learned that Sadie was okay. She had her thing, let it out, and then Duke had done his thing.
Duke worked at Fortnum’s with us. In fact, Duke had been working at Fortnum’s way before Indy inherited it from Grandma Ellen, so he was the veteran.
He was a Harley guy with a gray beard, long gray hair and a rough voice that somehow felt smooth on your soul whenever he used it (even if he was tearing you a new one while using it; I know it sounds crazy but it’s true, trust me). He wore Harley tees (always), leather vests (occasionally) and rolled bandanas around his forehead (without fail).
And he was wise. Very much so.
Therefore, when the Rock Chicks came to the point in their drama where it was clear everyone needed to quit fucking around because they needed their shit sorted—tough love or gentle and sweet (as the case may be)—Duke stepped in.
So it was Duke who stepped in with Sadie and sorted her shit.
Duke could do that.
But not me.
I closed my eyes, shook my head to get my mind off that path, and opened my eyes, pointing my thoughts in a new direction.
I stared into the dark at the shadowy shapes in my apartment and commenced trying to figure out what the fuck was up with me.
And not why Sadie’s outburst that night so deeply affected me.
I sensed I wasn’t ready to face that.
No, I thought about where my life was leading me.
I gazed at the shadows.
I liked my apartment. That said, it wasn’t much to write home about, but since I wasn’t there often, it didn’t need to be.
The building was two-story and built in the fifties. The rooms were not spacious and there was no personality. Though, the last couple of years, the landlord had pulled out all the dull, uninspired bathrooms and kitchens and put in new dull, uninspired bathrooms and kitchens.
Not much, but it was something.
He’d also jacked up the rent.
Annoying but not surprising.
Recently, though, my unit had been getting a facelift that came all from me.
I had new cushiony, awesome furniture that invited you to sink in and stay forever (major discount from a person who used my services who knew a person who owned a furniture store). I had a new flat screen TV (ditto on the discount, as you know). Due to gift certificates from other “clients”, I had new kitchen implements (not that I cooked much, seeing as I was never home; still, gadgets were gadgets, and everyone needed as many gadgets as they could get), new bathroom towels and sheets (total lush—I should so totally have gone the way of expensive towels and sheets ages ago; alas, a bartender/barista couldn’t usually afford luxury).
Also due to my activities, I had more shoes and clothes in my closet and a collection of gift cards of a variety of denominations to restaurants, bars and movie theaters.
All payments for my services.
All making life that little bit sweeter.
I’d done the defensive/evasive driving course and kicked its ass. I was all over defensive/evasive maneuvers in a vehicle and could not wait to do the chase program. And with more practice at Zip’s and wisdom from Darius, I’d also cleared the house in C. Springs without killing one innocent.
This shit was it for me.
I loved doing it and I was good at it.
And it made life better in a variety of ways.
So I didn’t understand what was holding me back from going whole hog, getting li
censed and putting out a shingle.
And maybe more importantly, with all that going so well, why did I think I was missing something?
That you could have someone good and clean and right.
Sadie’s words haunted me, yanking me back to the path I was avoiding, and I closed my eyes.
I had to get on making amends. I had to be certain, in my way, to make sure Sadie knew she was part of the family.
She seemed to be getting there.
But I’d sensed she wasn’t there entirely.
And tonight proved I was right.
On that thought, a knock came at my door.
I looked to the door. I didn’t want to get it. I had no cases brewing. I’d cleared the slate when Sadie’s shit hit so I could focus on that.
However, since I’d gotten home that night, my phone had been ringing. All the calls were from the Rock Chicks to natter about what happened and what we were going to do next about Sadie. So once I got the “all’s good” with Sadie, I’d turned off my ringer.
Now someone was at my door.
I knew one thing. Behind that door was not a Rock Chick. They all had their Hot Bunch boys at home and it was past bedtime. They would be nowhere near my door.
So it was probably someone who needed me.
I wished I had an office with a hotline. This hitting my pad business, interrupting me while I was sitting on my ass in a sexy dress in a dark apartment evaluating my life was not working for me. Not that that happened all the time, but once was enough.
The knock came again, and when I gave it time and there was more knocking, I knew they weren’t going to let up. So it would seem I had to haul my ass off the floor and tell them to take a hike.
This, I did.
Except when I got to the peephole, I saw Ren out there.
He wasn’t looking down the hall this time. He was looking at the doorknob as if he expected to hear the locks turning.
Fuck.
I pulled away from the peephole and rested my forehead against the door.
He knocked again.
Fuck!
Okay, I was Ally Nightingale. I figured whatever this was wasn’t going to be a lot of fun, but I didn’t shy away from anything.
Sucking in breath, I unlocked the door and opened it.
Ren stood there in all his glory.
I swallowed the lump that suddenly clogged my throat and asked, “What are you doing here?”
“You didn’t look good after Sadie’s thing, honey,” he answered.
I didn’t look good because I wasn’t good.
And he’d noticed and done something about it.
Why couldn’t he be a dick?
I mean, seriously.
I didn’t ask that.
I asked, “Where’s your date?”
“I was worried about you. You weren’t pickin’ up your phone. Dropped her and came to you.”
Again.
Why couldn’t he be a dick?
Seriously.
“You still don’t look good, baby,” he whispered, and it happened.
What happened was something that never happened. Not to me. I was a Nightingale. I was a cop’s daughter. I was the daughter of a cop’s wife. I was tough. It was born in me and bred in me.
So it took serious shit, like Indy marrying my brother—something she and I both wanted since forever—to make me lose it.
But right then, I lost it.
I felt it happen and had no hope of stopping it. The wet forming in my eyes, making my vision bright. Then the tear breaking loose and gliding down my cheek. Then one on the other side.
“Ally,” Ren murmured, eyes to my cheeks.
“I was mean to her,” I whispered.
His eyes came to mine.
“Baby,” Ren whispered back.
Another tear.
“I was mean to her, and that night, she was raped.”
“Honey.”
Another tear. “She looks like a fairy princess and she was raped.”
Then I totally lost it, taking two steps back to escape at the same time I stupidly lifted my hands to cover my face and hide my emotion (which would make escaping difficult, seeing as I couldn’t see).
But I got no further.
The light from the hall was extinguished because Ren was inside, and I knew this because I was being held tight in his arms.
As I felt the strength of his arms surrounding me, the heat from his body penetrating, one of those hiccoughing sobs burned up my throat and made my body buck in his embrace.
God!
I so totally hated crying!
His arms separated, one going low and again tight around my waist. The other one moved so his hand could stroke my back and I heard him encourage into the top of my hair, “Talk to me.”
I didn’t know why I did it. I just knew I needed to do it and he was the only one around.
So I did it.
I pressed my hands and face into his chest and let it all hang out.
“I thought she’d been mean to Daisy. I thought she hated Hector. And I came to Lee’s office the day she came to Lee’s office to ask for his protection.” My head shot back and I cried, “And I was mean!”
His hand soothingly stroking my back (and I had to admit, I’d lost it, but it still was soothing) moved to cup my jaw and he replied, “I know what went down with Daisy and Sadie, and also Sadie and Hector, and Sadie’s not the kind of girl who lets people in. So at the time, honey, you couldn’t think anything different.”
“She got raped that night, Ren!” I stated loudly.
“I know, baby,” he said comfortingly.
“Now she’s a Rock Chick and you heard her tonight!” I kept talking loudly, tears sliding from my eyes. “And I haven’t figured out how to make amends.”
“You and your posse taking her in and having her back is doing that, Ally,” he pointed out.
“Obviously not fast enough!” I returned. “But none of my posse was ugly to her. Except me and Shirleen, but Shirleen got her chance to make amends. Sadie even asked for her.”
And this was true. Shirleen was Darius’s aunt, Lee’s receptionist, and also a Rock Chick of the Daisy variety (which meant she wasn’t attached to a Hot Bunch boy, but she was a Rock Chick all the same).
She’d been snippy with Sadie that day. But when Sadie finally reported her rape, she’d asked for Shirleen to be there.
“Ally, baby, what happened with Sadie tonight didn’t have anything to do with you.”
“I know that,” I snapped, yanking out of his arms and taking a step away. “But she…” I shook my head. “God, that monster broke her wrist. Gashed her face. Made her feel tawdry.”
“Come back to me, honey,” Ren urged.
I shook my head again. “No. I can’t.” I stopped talking, started pacing then kept babbling. “I have to sort this out in my head.”
I continued pacing and Ren didn’t say anything.
This didn’t last very long before he said something.
“Jesus, you really can’t deal with being mean,” Ren murmured incredulously.
I stopped pacing and whipped around to face him. It was dark but I still could feel he was watching me.
“Not to someone who doesn’t deserve it!” I yelled. “I’m all for a smackdown if a bitch is a bitch. But Sadie is no bitch.”
“No, she’s not,” Ren agreed cautiously.
“So that means I kicked a sister when that sister was low. I don’t do that shit, Zano.”
“Fuck, you’re back to Zano,” he muttered.
“What?” I asked sharply.
“Nothing, honey. Just come here, will you?”
I shook my head again. “No. I…” my eyes narrowed on him and I re-asked an earlier question. “What are you doing here?”
He gave me the same answer. “I was worried about you.”
“You ditched your date because you were worried about me?”
“Yes,” he answered immediately.
/> Shit.
What did I do with that?
“Ally, look at me,” he ordered.
I was looking at him, or at least I was looking at his shadow. But he sensed I wasn’t focused, and how he could sense that, I had no clue. It weirded me out and made me feel all warm inside at the same time.
Still, I focused on him and he sensed when I did that, too.
Yikes.
When I did, hesitantly and gently, he asked, “Did something like what happened to Sadie happen to you?”
Oh God.
He thought I’d been raped.
That was why he was worried.
I couldn’t let him think that so I replied softly, “No, Ren.”
“Back to Ren,” he whispered.
Oh shit.
He was trying to figure me out.
I couldn’t let that happen.
Okay, time to end this.
“I—” I started to do that, but that was as far as I got.
“Shut up and listen to me.”
I clamped my mouth shut, and I did this with a bit of surprise and not a bit of temper since he’d suddenly turned macho alpha on me.
Before I could start yelling, he started talking.
“I don’t know what’s up with you, but tonight, watching you at the gallery in a dress that succeeded in making me fight my dick getting hard faster than that other one, and your response to what went down with Sadie, I don’t give a fuck.”
He’d been watching me?
When?
And how did I miss that?
Ren kept talking.
“You take the backs of that crew of yours like your blood flows through their veins. Indy may be their foundation, Daisy and Shirleen the emotional support. But you’re the backbone.”
Jeez.
How did he know so much about the Rock Chicks?
And why did what he said make me feel even warmer inside?
And last, why the hell was he saying this shit at all?
He didn’t make me wait for an answer to the last.
“You don’t need to make amends to Sadie. You’re set on giving her a lifetime of sisterhood the like she’s never had before and never even dreamed of having. That’ll do it, so you can let that go.”
That was all nice, and true, and made me feel better, but unfortunately he wasn’t done.
“You’ve got your way, the way you are and the way you are with the ones you care about. And that tells me, a man gets in there, you give that to him, the children you give him, that man will be all kinds of lucky. And I’ve decided we’re gonna see if that man is me.”
Rock Chick Revolution Page 9