by Amelia Grace
I’m sorry Ben, but I have to get on with my life…..
I liked Nic’s hand with mine. And it was okay to touch him, I told myself.
Even the slow and quiet stroll in the fairy light lit park after the movie was nice. Nic held my hand the entire time, until we got into his car to drive home.
He walked me to the front door of the house. He kept his hands in his pockets.
“Cate, I don’t think that I will be able to see you again until next Sunday night. I have an intense training camp all week, and then a cycling race meet at the velodrome on Saturday and Sunday,“ Nic said with disappointment evident in his voice.
“Then I shall look forward to seeing you next Sunday night Nic,” I said looking into his deep blue eyes.
He looked away, and took in a sharp deep breath. I was taken aback by the intensity of his feelings for me. He had only known me for one day. The cycling training camp would be good for him, as will the race meet on the weekend. I was worried that he was falling heavily for me.
“I’d better get going Madame, “said Nic with his French accent, “I have to board a bus at 5:30 am. I need to get some shut eye! Stay safe, and have a good week.”
“You too Nic,” I whispered, smiling at him.
He turned and walked down to his red car and opened his door.
I ran after him.
“Nic, I forgot one thing,“ I said as I stopped directly in front of him, and then hesitated slightly before kissing him lightly on the lips. Nic took a long time to open his eyes.
“You’ll have to forget one thing more often Cate,” he said looking into my eyes. I turned and walked back to the front door, and looked at him before I entered the house.
Then I ran straight up to my room closed the door and lay on my bed and cried.
Not just a little bit, a lot. My body heaving as I sobbed.
What have I done?
I heard a gentle knock on my door before my mother entered. She sat on the edge of my bed, feeling my pain.
“Cate, did everything go okay with Nic tonight?” she asked gently.
“Yes mum, that’s why I’m crying. I like Nic, like, I really like Nic. But I am crying because I still love Ben. Is it possible to love two people at the same time mama?” I asked.
“I certainly believe so Cate. I don’t think that you will ever not love Ben. He was such a big part of your life. But you have to allow yourself to love another, whoever that will be. You have so much to give Cate. Don’t waste it because you can’t be with Ben anymore. Nic is a beautiful guy. Your father and I like him already. Just see where the relationship leads you Cate. It may work out, it may not. You deserve to be deeply loved by someone, and you deserve to love another. You need to choose happiness in your life Cate,” my mother said wisely and lovingly, looking at me with compassion.
I slept very little that night, torn between my old world with Ben, and my new world with Nic. It was very easy to say goodbye to Ben in my head, but actually following through with it was extremely hard, and I felt the aching pain in my heart again. I had to work very hard on looking forward to a new love, and not looking back to the past deep and passionate love that I had shared with Ben.
I knew that my bond with Ben could never be broken. If Nic wanted me, he would have to live with it.
Could I?
Chapter 31
Burning the Midnight Oil
The rain beat down rhythmically on the window pane for an entire week, as I happily went off the work every day. There, I could use my creative spirit and then daydream about Nic, who entered my thoughts often. I looked forward to Sunday night, when he said that he would call.
Saturday and Sunday, I spent at my new house. I kept my mind busy with planning the interior decorations, and interviewing painters and tilers, which then I promptly chose so that I could move into my house as soon as possible.
It was 10:30pm Sunday night when my cell phone rang. It was Nic. Again he was calling from out on the street.
I ran out to him immediately and flew into him, hugging him. He wrapped his arms around me, slowly, and I thought how stupid I was. What if he had second thoughts about me? What if I wasn’t the one for him after all? Stupid, stupid, stupid!
I took a step back from him, embarrassed by my assertiveness.
“Cate, I’m taking you out to a midnight dinner. You need to wear black. I’ll go home and get changed and I’ll be back here in sixty minutes,” Then he slowly moved his face closer to mine and kissed me lightly on the lips.
I kept my eyes closed as our lips parted ways. He made me feel so good after I had felt so stupid. I opened my eyes and looked seriously into his, and then raced inside to get ready.
In exactly sixty minutes, I looked out of my window, and there he was, dressed in a black suit with a black shirt, casually leaning against his red car, waiting for me.
I looked at myself in the mirror once more and then headed downstairs to meet Nic at his car.
I pulled the front door closed quietly behind me, and then turned to Nic. His eyes followed me and I saw him catch his breath. I wore a sleeveless black fitted dress that showed a little of my cleavage, but not too much. The black dress finished just above my ankles, showing off my nicely shaped thin ankles and my high heeled shoes. I felt very elegant. I had straightened my curly hair, and walked with a huge smile, stopping in front of him.
“Mmm, delicious,” said Nic, with his hand resting on his heart. I smiled shyly at him and then dropped my eyes to the ground.
Nic hugged me gently, and then opened the door for me. He walked to the driver’s side door and got in.
“How was cycling camp and the race meet Nic,“ I asked, not taking my eyes off him.
“Good. If you were there though, it would have been much better!” he replied smiling at me.
“And how was your week Cate?“ he asked.
“It rained all week, which was good because I love the rain, but it did drag on, and, I had you stuck in my head all week – that was the nice part,” I answered honestly, and then touched his arm lightly. I saw him take a deep breath.
The city streets were quiet at this time of the night. The botanical Gardens were lit dimly with fairy lights in the trees, making a path that led to a restaurant named Burning the Midnight Oil. We sat opposite each other in the crowded restaurant. The background music was light and romantic, and couples danced closely to each other on the small wooden dance floor.
After ordering our meals, Nic stood and walked around the short distance of the table to me.
“Dance with me Cate.” He held out his hand for me to take. I hesitated at first, wondering if our relationship was travelling way too fast. Then I wondered if I was rebounding from Ben, and that I was not being fair to Nic. But then I told myself that there was no Ben anymore, and it was okay to fall in love with another guy.
I took Nic’s hand and held it as he led me to the wooden dance floor. Then he stopped and looked at me. He placed his other hand around my waist and moved it lightly up to the centre of my back. He held my gently, and closely to his body. His closeness was driving me crazy. But I could cope with it.
I began to relax my body more, finally closing my eyes, feeling Nic’s body close to mine and his arm firmly around me, keeping me safe. My heart began to beat faster at his presence. I knew that I was falling in love with him.
Then Nic gently led me to our table, where the food was served to us as soon as we sat down. We ate in silence at first, locking eyes on each other. Then Nic spoke.
“Cate, you look beautiful tonight. There are guys here that can’t keep their eyes off you, like me.”
“True beauty is not on the outside, but on the inside Nic,” was my reply.
“You have both Cate. Remember when you were chosen to be my partner for statues on that Saturday night Cate, and you caught me closing my eyes before I stood up to be your partner for the challenge, and then you were profusely apologizing to me for being there?” he recalled.
/>
“I remember it well Nic. You looked angry at having to play that challenge with me!” I added.
“That’s because I know that true beauty is on the inside, and I was highly attracted to your beauty on the outside. I was telling myself not to fall for you because of your attractiveness. It was only when we were forced together as statues, that I discovered your beauty on the inside. I told you, I am very particular with whom I choose to go out with,” Nic explained.
After we had finished our intimate dinner together, Nic held my hand and led me along the tree lined path. We came to a pond that held the reflection of the moon in it.
Nic stopped to admire the mirror reflection of the bright full moon. Occasionally, a duck would swim through it, creating gentle waves that continued along to the edge of the pond.
Then he turned to me, and looked deeply into my eyes. I was eager for him to kiss me properly.
I held Nic’s gaze.
He brought his hand up to my face, and gently placed his finger under my chin, lifting my face up towards his. Ever so slowly, our lips touched, and he kissed me lightly before pulling away briefly, and then brought his lips back to mine, to kiss me more firmly. Our kiss was very delicious before Nic pulled away and held me closely.
But after a while, I pushed Nic away from me slightly. Nic looked at me, worry evident in his eyes. He was about to speak, when I slid my hands up around his neck, and brought my lips to his again. I kissed him firmly and deeply, and then held on to him tightly.
Nic’s breathing was fast.
“I need to take you home Cate,” he whispered.
I breathed out audibly, sounding disappointed that he was taking me home, so soon. I loved his company. I loved his eyes. When he kissed me, I felt all gooey on the inside, and I wanted more of him.
“Will I see you in the morning?” I asked quietly.
“Yes, “Nic whispered back.
“Then you may take me home for now my beautiful Nic,” I said.
Nic lowered his head and smiled to himself. He held my hand and walked me through the tree lined path and back to the car. I couldn’t believe the feelings that he evoked in me. And it worried me.
Chapter 32
Ben
My training and racing schedule were heavy, but I saw Cate at every possible moment that I could. I needed to spend more time with her. I needed to tell her that I loved her. I wanted to ask her to marry me. I know that we had been seeing each other for a very short while, but I knew that she was the one. I had no doubt what so ever. But I would have to wait until I knew that she loved me as deeply as I loved her.
The fourth week since our dramatic relationship began, I went to surprise Cate at her parent’s house. I couldn’t wait to see her, to touch her, to kiss her, to hold her close to me. But, she wasn’t there.
She wasn’t answering her cell phone, and Cate’s parents did not know where she was. I paced nervously. She always answered her cell phone.
“Mrs Boswell, do you mind if I go up to Cate’s room? Maybe there is something there that will tell me where she is now,” I asked.
“Sure Nic. It the first room on the left,” answered Cate’s mother.
I sprinted up the stairs and went into Cate’s room. It was spacious, very orderly and decorated with fine taste. I walked around the room looking at her things, looking for clues as to where she was. I found nothing, but turned suddenly when a photo caught the corner of my eye. There were two photos in fact, one of me, and another of a guy who was dark haired with cerulean coloured eyes. I guessed it was the guy that Cate had been with before me. I felt a pang of jealousy shoot through my body, thinking that I had some competition for Cate’s affections. But then I reminded myself that that guy was in the past. Cate was with me now.
I quickly descended the stairs, thanking Cate’s mother for allowing me to go there. I tried not to show my emotions from seeing the other photo in Cate’s room.
“Nic, what is it? What’s troubling you?”
“Mrs Boswell, I saw a photograph of another guy in her room. He was quite spectacular. Was that her other boyfriend?” I asked, worried.
“Yes, Nic. But it is well and truly over between them. I see the way that Cate looks at you. There’s no denying that she is attracted to you Nic, and you have done wonders for her since she met you. You are her guy Nic. Don’t worry about her past. Look to the future,” advised Cate’s mother.
I hugged Mrs Boswell and thanked her for her encouraging words. Then I left the house to go in search of Cate.
My first port of call was the house that she was building.
My instincts had led me to the correct place. The double front door was open. I walked inside and listened for where Cate would be. She wasn’t far away, she was just to the right in the library. I quietly walked to the doorway, and stood and watched her arranging some furniture, taking in all of her beauty, my heart quickening at the sight of her. Then she looked up at me, startled at first to find me watching her, and then she smiled warmly at me and ran over to me hugging me tightly, whispering my name.
I wrapped my arms tenderly around her, breathing her in. Then I let her go, to kiss her. As my lips touched hers, I felt a strong surge of passion arise in me. I brought my fingers to touch her face as we kissed. Then I pulled away and walked to another room, trying to contain my feelings for her.
Concerned, Cate followed me.
“Nic?” Cate said, worry in her voice.
I turned to face Cate. I looked down and held her hand. Then I placed her hand over my heart. It was beating strongly and rapidly.
“This is what you do to me Cate,” I explained tenderly.
Cate softly touched my face, looking into my eyes. She kissed me lightly on my lips.
She took my hand.
“Come and see what I’ve done with the rest on my house. Maybe that will distract you a little Nic,” she said.
I breathed in deeply. “I certainly hope so…”
The house was a spectacle in itself. I was in awe with the way that Cate had decorated each room. The paint colours were perfect, the décor was perfect and the ambience that I felt throughout the house was perfect.
“Cate, your house is awesome. I feel like I am in a dream home, except my dream home would have my dream wife in it too, of course,” I commented.
She smiled at me, and then kissed me lightly again.
I looked down. I was worried about Cate’s ex-boyfriend. What if he returned? Would she choose me then? I turned around, so that Cate could not see the change in my mood.
“Nic?” Cate asked, worried in her voice.
I had to talk to her about the photo in her room. I had to know where I stood.
“Cate, why do you still keep a picture of your ex-boyfriend in your bedroom?”
“You’ve been in my bedroom?” Cate was slightly angry.
“Yeah. I went in there when I was trying to work out where you were, because you weren’t answering your cell phone and your parents didn’t know where you were,” I explained. “Please tell me, why do you still keep a photo of your ex-boyfriend Cate?”
I had become very irritated, that much was obvious.
Then tears came to her eyes.
“Do you miss him?” I waited for her answer. But there was silence.
“Do you still love him? What is it Cate, I need to know why you keep a photo of him?” I was erratic, and feeling very uneasy.
“If I am truly honest with myself Nic, yes I do still love him to a certain degree. But the more time that I spend with you, the more that he is fading into the background, and then I won’t think about him anymore,” she said.
I looked into her eyes for some time, silently, my heart breaking. Then I walked out of the house, without speaking to her, and left in my car.
Chapter 33
A Want, A Need
I sat on the floor and covered my face with my hands and cried. I had no idea whether I would see Nic again, and my heart hurt. I did love Nic, ver
y much, but nowhere as much as I had once loved Ben. But, I did love Nic.
I stayed on in the house. I wanted everything to be right and in its place before I officially moved in tomorrow. The electricity hadn’t been connected yet, so I used some candles and camp torches to light my way around the rooms.
My house was beautiful. It had turned out exactly the way that I had envisioned it to be.
I did the final walk through my house, checking each room as I went, blowing out candles or turning off camp torches. Now I would drive home and try to call Nic, maybe. I didn’t know whether he would want to hear from me, or see me. I could tell that he had been deeply hurt by the photo of Ben, and the confession that I still felt love for him. Maybe that was enough for him to leave me for good. I wanted the chance to explain myself to Nic, and to tell him that Ben was long gone, and that he was the one for me now.
I opened the front door and turned to closed and locked it behind me. I turned around to walk down the two steps that led to the pathway from the front portico.
I stopped in fright. A dark haired person sat there with his back to me, his head down. Then he turned to face me.
He looked up at me, sadness in his eyes. His face was beautiful, his eyes full of love, and he was intense. I could feel it.
He stood up, and slowly walked towards me, his face now unreadable. He gently brought his hand to my face and then brought his lips to mine. He kissed me with deep passion, tears falling from his eyes.
“Cate, I love you,” he whispered, emotion choking his voice.
“And, I love you,” I whispered back. It hurt me at first to say these words to another man. But it was the truth. I did love Nic.
“Let’s go back inside your house Cate,” Nic whispered.
Calmly, I opened the front door again, and led Nic inside. He followed me, holding my hand and keeping close to me. I led him to the grand room and lit a candle in the fireplace. The glow of the candle was mellow. I walked back over to Nic, who was standing looking at me, still, his eyebrows furrowed, emotion all over his face. I placed my hands around him and hugged him tightly and kissed his neck. I kissed him below the ear, along his jaw line and then to his lips.