by Renee Miller
“And that, among other things, is the difference between you and Amy. There’s no marriage left. We’re done but for the paperwork. Even if she did care about me, I can’t trust her, which is a deal breaker for me.” Wade shifted.
Kristina rolled away, giving him room to sit up.
“Why?”
“When we were first married, Amy told me she couldn’t have kids. She cried and apologized and I bought it. I was so sorry for her, I told her not to worry, we could adopt. Then, about a year later, I was going through some old papers, looking for a receipt or something and I found a letter, a reminder for a doctor’s appointment Amy had. It was a follow up for her surgery.”
Kristina held her breath, knowing what he was going to say, but hoping she was wrong. How could Amy do that?
Wade fidgeted with the sheet, bunching it in his fists. “She had her tubes tied; I don’t know what they call it. One month after we were married. She lied, and made sure she wouldn’t get pregnant. When we dated, I told her I wanted kids. I love kids, always dreamed of having two or three. She took the choice from me. Why? Because she didn’t want to get fat, or some stupid shit like that. Can you believe it?”
“No,” Kristina touched his hand.
He didn’t look back. “At the time, I was willing to work things out. People make mistakes you know?” He glanced at her and she nodded. “Well, turns out some people just pile on mistake after mistake.”
“Why not just get a divorce? Surely Amy wouldn’t be stupid enough to lash out over you ending a dead marriage.”
“Amy knows a lot of stuff about me, bad stuff that could put me in jail for a very long time. She likes the life she has. Money, a nice house, status…. She won’t give it up. Even if she wanted to, I don’t think they’d let her.”
“Who?” Kristina tried to catch his gaze.
He lowered his head. “The people I work for sometimes. You know who I mean. But it doesn’t matter. The point is I can’t leave her. She’d blow the lid on everything. I’m not worried about going to jail; if it meant we were through, it would be worth it. I’ve survived it before and I can do it again. But she might die for it and I don’t want that on my conscience.”
“But it’s not like she can prove it was just you. Unless she has evidence of what you’ve done, what can she really do? Jesus, she’s as guilty for keeping it quiet and spending your money, isn’t she?”
“I’ve done some bad things, and it’s not drugs or guns. Those are small time.” Wade ran a finger down her cheek. He stared at her for a long moment before taking a deep breath. “Amy knows where the bodies are buried. Know what I mean?”
A chill crept down her spine at the look in his eyes. She mulled over his words. Of course, he must mean metaphorical bodies, not murder. Wade wasn’t capable of murder. Kristina smiled and shook her head. “I think you worry too much.”
“It doesn’t bother you? What I’ve done I mean. You don’t hate me for it?”
“I could never hate you.” Her heart clenched at the moisture welling in his dark eyes and she reached out to wipe the tears that formed near the corners, unable to speak.
“Promise me someday you, me and Cadence will take off together. Run away from it all,” he murmured.
“I’d love to,” Kristina said.
He pulled her over his chest. “And I love you.”
***
The front door closed quietly and Kristina lay staring up at the ceiling. She thought about their conversation, how Wade worried she would hate him for selling drugs. Her chest ached as she recalled the tears in his eyes. She promised herself to never let him down. If they had to live this way forever, she’d do it. If they could get rid of Amy, things would be so much easier. The coldness of the thought troubled her. She paused. No, she didn’t mean literally get rid of her, just make her go away and leave them alone. Closing her eyes Kristina pictured lying on a beach somewhere far away. She heard the surf and tasted the salt in the air. If only life were simple.
CHAPTER 17
Hoots and blasts of raucous laughter erupted from the dance floor.
Kristina looked up from the bar and shook her head. Jack, a local and very regular customer, attempted to smash his skull while break-dancing in the middle of the floor. She glanced at Wade, who sat at the bar speaking in hushed tones with a stranger.
As though sensing her stare, he looked up.
She nodded to the dance floor.
Wade turned and his shoulders shook in laughter. He ran a hand across his neck, the signal to cut Jack off. She nodded and he resumed his conversation.
Kristina didn’t know the man Wade spoke to, she’d never seen him around before, but he stole glances at her now and then. His dark eyes staring holes through her made Kristina a little nervous. She’d probably be better off not knowing who he was. He only stared because he caught her staring at him. If she could just convince herself it was true, maybe she’d relax.
Kristina walked around the bar to gather empties from the closest tables. It had been a slow night. Sheila left an hour earlier, leaving her alone to work the bar and the floor. If it got too busy, Wade would slip behind the bar. Her thoughts drifted to the end of the night and her hand shook as she picked up the empty bottles. He’d whispered something about making dessert later when he passed her in the office, and Kristina spied a tub of whipped cream in the cooler.
A hand on her shoulder made her jump and she dropped a bottle to the floor.
Michelle, one of her oldest friends, stood smiling. “You should cut back on the caffeine, you’re pretty jumpy.”
“Jesus, I was off in la-la land there.” Kristina bent to pick up the bottle, glad it didn’t break. She had gone almost a month without breaking anything; she’d have hated to see her streak blown.
“Are you due for a break soon?” Michelle looked nervous. She twirled her blond hair around her finger and two red spots dotted her cheeks.
“Why? What’s wrong?” It had been ages since she talked to Michelle, probably a year at least. Her sudden appearance didn’t feel like a good thing.
“I just want to talk to you, nothing major.”
She lied. Michelle always looked embarrassed when she lied. Kristina walked around the bar and interrupted Wade.
He scowled.
She stammered, uncomfortable to be the focus of such a dark look. “Sorry to interrupt, but Michelle wanted to talk to me. Can I step outside for five minutes?”
Wade looked to where Michelle stood staring around the bar, and back to Kristina. When Wade hesitated, the man next to him nudged his arm and nodded.
Kristina frowned, since when did anyone tell Wade he could or couldn’t do something?
“Sure, you’ve been running all night.” He winked, though his face reddened.
She led Michelle through the door, grateful to be out of the other man’s sight for a while. Outside they sat at one of the tables in the patio. Really, a corner of the parking lot Wade had fenced off and stuffed with a bunch of picnic tables inside.
Michelle fussed with the hem of her shirt and took a breath before speaking. “I heard some stuff I know can’t be true but I didn’t know if you knew about it. I thought it would really bug you if someone asked.”
“What stuff?”
“That you were sleeping with Wade Bowen.”
Kristina cleared her throat. Her cheeks warmed and she laughed.
Michelle smiled weakly as she searched Kristina’s face.
“Come on, really? You don’t believe it do you?”
“Of course I don’t, I know you’re better than that. But they said he goes to your house all the time and you guys are here way after closing. I mean, you’re single and all, but I don’t want you to get hurt. I know you’d never go for a married guy, especially an old married guy.”
You’re better than that.
She would have preferred her friend to believe the rumor than to put her on a pedestal she didn’t belong on.
Kristina was
careful not to look away, or Michelle would know she lied. “Of course I wouldn’t. Look, I work at Dirty Truths. Wade drives me home sometimes, but he never comes inside. I’m sure there are worse rumors going around about me. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”
“But what about his wife? I heard she can be nasty.” Michelle’s eyes widened.
Kristina leaned over and hugged her. “I love you. It’s nice you’re so worried for me but don’t be. Amy wouldn’t blink if anyone said anything to her. She doesn’t give a shit about Wade or what he does. Not that he’s doing anything with me.”
Michelle stood. “Just promise me you’ll be careful, with everything. Know what I mean?”
Kristina nodded and Michelle turned away, walking across the parking lot to her car. She waved before climbing in and then drove away.
***
The constant ‘ting-ting’ of water falling into a metal pan nearly drove Kristina nuts. She called Daniel about the sudden leak in the roof, but he laughed. It was her problem; he wasn’t her landlord. Cadence continued to wander over to it, scooting across the floor on her bum and overturning the pot, clapping in delight when the water from the ceiling dripped on her body.
Now she slept and Kristina waited for her dad to come over and see what he could do about it. A week of rain had made it impossible to fix the roof, but he told her he might be able to come up with a temporary solution, perhaps cover it with a tarp or a sheet of plastic until the weather was drier.
She stared at the first page of her book, not really seeing the words, and heaved a frustrated sigh. Wade had come only twice this week. He had ‘other’ business and couldn’t make it over more than that. Kristina worried and wondered what he was doing, but she didn’t dare ask. When he’d been there he’d fidgeted, avoiding walking by the windows, and only stayed a short while. It wasn’t long before her imagination took hold and she began to create scenarios. He wanted out. He was no longer interested and didn’t know how to tell her. The very idea made her heart ache and filled her with dread. She couldn’t imagine life without him now. How would she pick up the pieces of her shattered heart if Wade changed his mind?
A knock at the door startled her out of her musings. After setting the book down, she stood and bent to look out the window next to the couch. Blurred by the water cascading down the pane, a red car sat in the driveway. Amy.
Kristina walked to the door, a cold, hard lump settling into her stomach. Amy had closed the bar every night this past week, saying nothing to Kristina, or anyone else for that matter. She’d come in at last call, said Wade had to go away on business, and shut herself in his office. Kristina wondered how bad the news would be. Was he in jail? Dead? Cold fingers danced on her spine as she put her hand on the knob and turned, opening the door to Amy’s scowling face.
“Can I come in?” she asked, pushing past Kristina and into the living room.
“Sure.” Kristina shut the door and turned.
Amy walked across the beige carpet, not bothering to take off her wet shoes and leaving grey footprints in her wake. Kristina stifled the urge to drag her back and remove the shoes for her. Obviously she didn’t consider it worth the bother to respect someone’s home. She imagined how she’d get the mud out of the worn fibers, and her dread turned to irritation.
“I don’t have the time or the inclination for niceties here. I want answers.” Amy said as she fiddled with the small crystal elephant on the TV stand. A gift from Wade. He’d set it there saying he once heard it was good luck to keep an elephant, trunk pointing up, in your home and he figured they could use all the luck they could find.
“Okay, ask the questions.” Kristina didn’t have the inclination to be polite either, not when someone waltzed into her home and spoke to her as though she were a criminal. Amy was just as guilty as they were. Everyone knew about her relationship with Daniel’s boss. They made no attempt to hide it.
“What’s going on with you and Wade?”
“Nothing.” It surprised Kristina that the lie didn’t bother her.
Amy’s eyes narrowed.
Kristina forced a confused frown to her face. Let her dig. She’d get nothing. “I’m getting tired of people asking me about this. Can’t a man and a woman be friends without someone instantly assuming there is something going on?” Kristina heaved a frustrated sigh.
Amy snorted.
Kristina’s struggle to work up a righteous indignation became easier. “Come on, he’s old enough to be my father. You’re making a mountain where there isn’t even a molehill. He’s been kind to me, but that’s all.”
“Okay, let’s pretend I believe you and you haven’t been stupid enough to sleep with him yet. I’m coming here as a friend, someone who actually gives a shit about you and your happiness. Wade is a master manipulator, and he’s good at making people think he’s a good guy. He loves younger women, because they’re so much easier to play with.”
Kristina’s hands trembled, the urge to slap the condescending smile off her face almost too much to resist. “I told you—”
“I know what you told me, and I’m telling you what I know. He’s using you to make himself feel like a big strong man, rescuing you from yourself. He likes to do that, you know? To come in like the white knight and make it all better. Then you, in your endless gratitude and admiration for his big tough guy act, are hopelessly devoted to him. That, dear Kristina is when he breaks your heart.”
“Really?” Kristina turned and walked to the couch, taking deep breaths to calm herself. She sat down placing her hands in her lap and stared at Amy. “Go on.”
Amy pressed her lips together, her brown eyes rolled to the ceiling as though she didn’t enjoy breaking this terrible news. But Kristina knew better. She enjoyed every minute of it.
“He enjoys leading people astray. It’s a game to him. You’re a game.”
“If you hate Wade so much and he’s so awful, why are you still with him?”
Amy shrugged and gazed at her hands, fidgeting with the strings at the waist of her jacket. “He won’t let me go. I’ve tried to leave, but his friends threatened me, told me if I left I may as well eat the bullet myself.”
Kristina laughed. She had to be joking. “A woman afraid of her husband doesn’t sleep with one of the biggest womanizers in town. Sorry, but if you were scared, I doubt you’d be doing things to piss him off intentionally.”
Amy shook her head. She looked up at Kristina, her eyes moist with unshed tears. “Carl? I love him and I don’t care if you believe me or not. Wade doesn’t care about where I go or what I do. He just won’t let me leave. Don’t you get it? He likes to see me miserable. I have tried to force him to hate me, to push me away, but he is obsessed with controlling everything and everyone in his life and he’s punishing me.”
“Punishing you?” Kristina felt the fingers again, this time they waltzed slowly over her back, pausing to make her shiver before continuing their course.
Amy wiped her tears and turned to the window. “I can’t have kids, never have been able to have them. I told him this and at first, I thought he was okay with it. We married and then later he changed his mind. He didn’t believe me, accused me of having a surgery to do this to myself. I told him I tried to fix it. That’s why I had the operation, and he said he’d never forgive me for what I’d done to his life. He promised he’d make me pay for lying to him and he has.”
Wade’s words fluttered around her head. Could he have been mistaken?
Amy paced the floor, her shoulders slumped, defeated.
Her heart went out to the woman and despite her resolve to hate her, Kristina recognized hopelessness and heartache. Amy was miserable. But did Wade do this intentionally? Her head ached; she didn’t know what to believe.
Taking a deep breath Amy walked to the door and put her hand on the knob. She didn’t open it. Instead she turned to face Kristina. “Whatever is going on, I felt the need to warn you. You’re still just a kid and I think you’ve endured enough bullshi
t in your life. I’m coming to you as a friend who has seen the damage Wade can do. He’s dangerous. He has friends who can get rid of someone without a trace. If Wade got tired of you, or you became a threat, they’d slit your throat and get rid of your body. No one would ever know what happened to you. He’s no different than them, except maybe he’s better at making people go away. In fact he is one of the best.”
The tone of Amy’s voice, the emotion in her words gave Kristina pause. She thought back to the man who attacked her, and wondered. Did Wade go back to visit him that night? She didn’t know. Desperate to trust her heart, but remembering the look in his eyes, logic and love battled over the answers. She didn’t know which to trust.
Now he knows I can find him.
Wade’s words floated through her mind. Then she remembered him holding the brown wallet. The coldness in his eyes…
“Just stay away from him, for your safety, for Cadence’s. Get as far away as you can.” Amy opened the door and walked out, the rain thundered in Kristina’s ears before she softly closed it behind her.
She stared at the door when an engine fired up. Gravel crunched and Amy drove away.
She heard crying. Cadence was awake. Kristina stood on shaky legs and walked in a trance to the stairs. No, Amy had to be wrong. Wade loved her. She couldn’t have mistaken the look in his eyes, the feeling of his hands on her body. He wouldn’t hurt her. Pounding in her chest, her heart threatened to burst. She couldn’t be wrong about him.
CHAPTER 18
“Me?” Cadence reached for the cookies and Kristina angled the cart away, tickling her belly. Cadence giggled.
“You have enough cookies at home.”
Guiding the cart around a stack of boxes to her right, Kristina made her way to the dairy section. She eased by Mrs. Connelly, gossip extraordinaire. What made Mrs. Connelly especially wonderful was the judgment she laced into every nasty, biting word. A devout Catholic, unless you counted her three marriages and four kids whose paternity was still debated. She enjoyed nothing more than to pass out pearls of wisdom mixed with a generous helping of venom to young people like Kristina.