by Suzi Love
She frowned at Alice’s hands twisting the strings to her reticule around and around, until they resembled a sailor’s knotted ropes. “Are you frightened of Max?”
“The Duke is a very serious man and I’m worried that when we’re wed...” A tear trickled down her face. “You’ve been married. I need to know what happens, in the bedroom,” she whispered. “The Duke is very experienced and I’m going to disappoint him, because I don’t understand what happens and I don’t know what to do to please him.”
Carina held Alice’s hands so she stopped twisting the strings. Alice’s hands were as cold as the Thames in winter. “Are you well? You’re trembling.”
“I don’t know what to do. Freddie, Lord Bromley, said I must be strong. He said the Duke abhors weak women. Freddie says─”
Carina raised a brow. “You seem to have discussed this a lot with Lord Bromley.”
Alice’s lips turned up at the ends, a small sad smile. She sighed. “Freddie takes me driving in the park. The Duke is always busy, and Freddie doesn’t mind driving me. He lets me talk as much I want and he’s wonderful to me.”
Alice’s face lit with excitement when she spoke of Freddie. Yet when she spoke of Max, her voice quivered.
“Perhaps you should speak to the Duke and explain your concerns?”
“But he’s so much older than me.”
Carina couldn’t help but laugh. “He’s only twenty-nine.”
“Twelve years my senior.” Another sigh. “Mama thinks twelve years is a perfect age difference because he’ll know how I should act, and I’ll become a famous hostess, though it’s a huge responsibility being a duchess, and an honor of course. Still, I’d much prefer to marry a younger man. One not quite so... large.”
“Someone like your Freddie?”
Alice’s expression turned dreamy. “Yes, my Freddie.”
Carina forced herself to remain calm. Somehow she must convince Alice that Max was a kind man, even if he occasionally appeared aloof. Actually, he often projected a restrained and impassive character in public, so Alice’s fears were understandable.
“Your family would be devastated if you broke your betrothal.”
“Please, please understand. I cannot marry him.”
Alice burst into tears, shuddering and noisy sobs which wracked her slender frame, and which would alert everyone within ten feet that the drama being enacted would make wonderful breakfast gossip. Carina drew the girl into the shadows and edged her along the wall towards the hallway.
“Shall I fetch your mother?”
“No, no, not Mama.” Alice clutched Carina’s arm. “She’ll be angry that I’m ungrateful for the chance to marry a duke, and she won’t forgive me for speaking about my fears with anyone.” She gave Carina an apologetic look. “Especially with you.”
“She’s your mother and she wants what’s best for her daughter. Tell her how you feel. Ask her what happens on a couple’s wedding night.”
“She’s told me to expect pain, but I don’t like being hurt. I’m supposed to be brave and pretend I’m happy, or the Duke will be angry.” She clutched Carina so tightly that she winced.
“I’m not an expert, but I believe that after their first time many women enjoy having their husbands join them in bed. I’m sure the Duke will make it pleasant for you.”
“Did you enjoy the Earl’s attentions?”
Carina was flummoxed. Alice would swoon if she heard the truth about the Earl. “My family arranged my marriage to a much older man,” she said, without thinking.
“The same as me.” Alice clung to Carina tighter than a passenger on a sinking ship clutched at the last life vest.
Carina gently disengaged her arm and shook her head. “My husband was unable to perform his marital duties and frustration warped his thinking, whereas your knowledgeable duke will be a gentle teacher. You’ll enjoy being with him and have a beautiful brood of children.”
“No, only his heir. My father said the contract states one son, no others, and Mama swore I mightn’t have to suffer many nights with the Duke because I’m only seventeen and everyone knows young girls catch a babe quickly.” Tears flowed and her sobs increased. “But I’m sure I won’t be able to endure one night.” She leaned closer. “The Duke tried to kiss me when we were first betrothed.”
“It’s natural for your fiancée to want to kiss you.”
“But his mouth was hard and ... wet. Not soft and sweet like when Freddie...”
“Freddie? Freddie Featherstone kissed you?”
“Yes, but Freddie’s kiss was gentle and romantic.” She pleaded. “Won’t you please save me and ask my parents to let me cry off the marriage?”
She patted Alice’s hand. “Let me speak to the Duke and explain your concerns.” The irony had her mentally rolling her eyes. “He’s the one you should discuss this with, not me.”
“No, not the Duke. If you won’t help me, I’ll ask Freddie.”
Despite Carina’s continued pleas, Alice wouldn’t listen and, soon after, pleaded a headache and was taken home by her parents without speaking to Max. Before she’d met the Johnston family, Carina had fretted about her sisters, worried about Gertie and been frightened for herself. Closure, not vengeance, had been her plan.
Now, she’d inadvertently landed them all in a worse predicament and wished she’d whisked the girls off to the country without delving into past problems, or seeking out the virile man of her dreams in the hope of easing her loneliness. Memories of Max had driven her to long nights of writhing under her bed linen until her hand crept between her thighs. She and Max had shared only one full night, nevertheless their connection had formed faster and deeper than many life time affiliations. They shared an illicit sin that shaped their entire lives.
A younger and almost reticent Max had demonstrated the mechanics of swiving as learned from prostitutes. She’d learned that being bedded by a man involved far more than physical release, or a need to procreate, and though he’d denied it, Max also remembered. His eyes revealed his bewilderment as he grappled with the concept of spiraling intimacy. Max’s reticence came across as coldness, which Alice interpreted as indifference.
She waited until another dance was in full swing and then slipped out a side door. Waiting at the shadowed end of the verandah, she thought about Max’s habit of following her and knew they’d been foolish to think no one knew of their affair.
“Why are you alone?” he murmured near her ear and, despite expecting him, she was startled. “A beautiful moon is meant to be shared with a lover.”
“I was waiting for you.”
He shifted to face her. “Surprising.” He raised an eyebrow. “After forbidding me from approaching you in public.”
“And still our relationship causes upsets.”
“What’s happened?”
“Your affianced bride went home.”
He glanced around as if expecting to sight Alice, and Carina realized that she’d been used as a shield against Max too many times.
“I don’t understand why Alice left without speaking to me first.”
“You left her alone and went to the card room.”
“Hardly alone. Five hundred people are crammed into that ballroom.”
She wanted to stomp her foot at his obtuseness. “Alice wants me to speak to you because she’s terrified of you, and if you don’t try harder, she’ll do something rash.”
“You’re not suggesting she’ll run away?”
“That’s exactly what I’m suggesting. Fred… another man kissed her and she enjoyed it. But your passion frightens her.”
“Passion? Good Lord. I kissed her, a very chaste kiss, when we became engaged. How will she cope with anything more? You, however, welcome my earthier appetites.”
To her dismay, Carina blushed like a schoolgirl. “I despise married men who pursue other women, but perhaps you should keep mistresses because you’re a lusty and virile man and Alice won’t survive your demands. But talk to her. Reassu
re her that you won’t push your way into her bed. She might reconsider.”
“Reconsider what?”
“Marrying you.”
Max frowned, but for the first time took her seriously. “Breaking our betrothal is impossible, no matter how much either of us wants to call off the wedding.”
“Then pacify Alice and hire another courtesan, before it’s too late.”
“I don’t want any woman but you in my bed.”
Her face felt hot and she couldn’t breathe. “Shush.” She took a surreptitious glance around. “Don’t say those things, especially not here.”
“Tomorrow, then, at the cottage. We have to talk about our future.”
She moaned. “We have no future. Why must I keep repeating that?”
“If I install another woman at our cottage and make love to her…” A rock settled in the middle of her chest and left no room for air.
“And show her how to please me like you do, by stroking my cock and sucking me into your —”
“Stop!” She held up her hand. “I can’t listen to any more.”
“See, you do care about us.”
“Fine, I care. About you, us, all of it.” She sniffled. “But how I feel or what I want makes no difference to what must happen. We can’t be together.”
“I’ll find a way to keep us together.”
She stepped away from him. “What you need to do is convince Alice that you truly want to marry her. She’s our good friend and I won’t ruin her life. And I’ve worked too hard to make things better for my family and I won’t let anything destroy their happiness.”
“Ah, yes. Your years of plots and plans.”
“Scoff if you must, but I survived the dreadful years by planning for a better future. I lay on my back on cold beds in strange inns three different times and prayed that Fate would intervene and save me, but no one helped me so I learned to save myself.”
She ignored Max’s wince, because after years of her pent-up anger and frustration she was close to uncovering the truth about those nights and the men who’d bought her, and nothing would stand in her way now, not even six-foot-two of seething male vigor.
“I’ve apologized for my part, but you can’t forgive any of us.”
“I’ve explained about the two men who did nothing.” She focused on two people walking through the ballroom doors. “But I want the fourth man.”
Carina tried to turn away, but Max was too quick. He led her down the steps to the garden and hid them behind a brick wall. “No more evasive answers about that man. Or I’ll drag the truth out of you and every guest here tonight will hear you scream, though not in pain but in ecstasy.”
She walked to a secluded bench seat and waited for Max to sit beside her.
“Before I tell you, you must promise to never reveal any of it or act on any of it.”
He ran his fingers through his hair and she saw his internal struggle. For a potent man like Max, relinquishing control wasn’t easy, especially when he was accustomed to taking revenge on anyone who wronged him. But revealing the truth might make him despise her and allow her to severe the bonds that tied them together so strongly.
“After the first experiment when Augustus was charged a fortune to have me –”
“Augustus didn’t have you. I did.”
“He paid for my body to be delivered. Who used me isn’t important.”
“It’s important, because picturing him anywhere near you makes me sick.”
“Anyway, the Earl picked a decent man for his second victim and I want to reassure him that I bear no grudge.” She sighed. “We connected, a brotherly sort of bond. I pretended to drink the drugged wine.”
“As you did with me.”
“Yes, and I made sure we weren’t watched by setting fire to the bedclothes and forcing them to move us to another room.” She braced herself. “Neither the Earl nor Augustus could see anything.”
He stiffened. “Why was my grandfather there?”
“Because he and the Earl had formed an unholy alliance through their common interest in secretly observing others.”
Max groaned. “I thought he only watched me, as he explained it, so I could be tutored on my performances the next day.”
“From what the Earl let slip, the pair paid a lot of money to watch anything and anyone who caught their fancy.” Max looked horrified. “My husband was often drunk and he liked to boast about their brilliance in joining forces and partaking of their illegal activities while also saving money. He drank to forget his impotence. Yet the more brothels they frequented, the more obsessed they became with their viewings and then, of course, the Earl liked to describe, in great detail, what they’d witnessed.”
“Jeezus! You tried to tell me and I couldn’t accept it. Despite discovering more and more of Augustus’s sickening habits, I wouldn’t believe that someone of my own flesh and blood acted so shamefully. More fool me for not asking questions a lot sooner. But please, tell me everything. Then I’ll know how to help.”
Carina frantically shook her head. “I’ve revealed this so you’ll stay away from me, before and after your marriage. Apart from my sisters, everything linked to me is perverted and evil.”
He nodded, though the militant look in his eyes made her wary. “Pray continue.”
“I knew immediately that he was a gentleman. And I recognized his fear.” She gave a small laugh. “He shook more than me.”
“I can sympathize, because you were so different to other women. You were a highborn lady, a virgin, and I was petrified.”
“You? But why?”
She shrugged. “Failing to live up to Meacham expectations.” Vulnerability clouded his eyes for a moment before he dropped his shield. Max was an expert at hiding his feelings.
“The poor man worried that he couldn’t perform. His elder brother had defied their father by joining the military, but he died on the Peninsular. So the father bought me for his second son.”
“Like a consolation gift?”
“No, because he was only eighteen and hadn’t been groomed to take over the titles and responsibilities.” Seeing Max’s blank look, she said, “Never sowed his oats in London.”
“Ah, so he was the true virgin that night. What happened?”
“We talked, and talked some more, and reached an agreement.”
Max smiled. “You know, I’m thrilled that he didn’t bed you.”
She huffed. “Yet I’m supposed to discount the countless women you’ve bedded.”
“Men are allowed far more leeway than women when it comes to carnal knowledge and sexual behavior.”
“Yes, women, both unmarried and married, are scorned for the slightest violation of our suffocating moral codes. Though thankfully, widows can have any number of affairs, as long as the couple is discreet, and the ton will turn a blind eye.”
He scowled. “Some widows may have dalliances, but not you.”
Carina bristled. “You can’t stop me from having liaisons after we’ve parted.”
“Yes, I can.” He sounded like a peevish two-year-old. She started to stand, but he stopped her. “Please, explain about the third man.”
She steeled herself to unburden more of her past, when someone called from the terrace.
“Georgie, I’m here.” She stepped out of the shadows and hurried towards the terrace, sensing Max close behind her. She forgot about her past when she saw the worry on her sister’s face and saw her trembles. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s Lord Featherstone. Freddie. He’s searching for Max and he’s very angry.”
Max looked at Georgie with confusion. “Featherstone follows Alice like a puppy, but what does he want with me?”
Carina spoke quietly, hoping Max wouldn’t explode. “When I spoke with Alice earlier, she mentioned that she and Lord Featherstone…”
“I remember.” He took Georgie’s hand. “There’s nothing to be upset about.”
“But he looked very cross.”
“Did he frighten you?”
Georgie nodded and looked towards the ballroom doors. Featherstone called out and Georgie jumped. Max stepped in front and shielded her from Featherstone, who was marching towards them.
“Stirkton, a word please.” He glanced at the women. “In private.”
“I’m busy, Featherstone. You may call tomorrow if the matter’s urgent.”
“Tomorrow will be too late.” He tried to pull Max aside, but Carina hovered beside them. “You’ve upset Alice, Stirkton, and goaded her into doing something rash.”
‘And what does this have to do with you.”
“I’m Alice’s friend.”
“Apparently, though I’d rather you left near my fiancée alone. And if you ever dare kiss her again, you’ll be dealing with my seconds.”
Carina gasped and Max shot her a sharp look, but thankfully Featherstone showed sense and walked away.
Lucy rushed onto the terrace. “Carina, Georgie, I danced with the most wonderful man and he’s quite acceptable because Lady Mallory introduced us.”
“What’s his name?” Max asked in a severe tone.
Carina smiled. “You sound like a concerned papa.”
He shook his head. “Lucille, I’m sure if Lady Mallory introduced you, he’s a suitable escort, but tell me his name.”
“Lord Vaughn.” Lucy sighed dreamily.
Max gave a fleeting smile. “Ah, yes. Ladies liken Vaughn to a Greek god.”
Lucy blushed. “I...I wouldn’t know. Though he is certainly very handsome.”
Carina hugged her sister. “Lucy, Max is teasing.”
The corners of Max’s mouth turned up slightly. “Lucille, I’ll make a few discreet enquiries, but from what I know of Vaughn and his family, he is a decent young man. You could do a lot worse for a husband.”
Lucy grinned impishly. “I’m not looking to marry quite yet.” Her happiness died for a moment as she glanced at Carina. “Unless I am forced to.”