Anna shifted in the seat next to me, her arm falling against Julian in the command seat. Hinckley crammed in the back with Sasha, who still cradled Ava in his arms. I wanted to worry about her, but the emptiness inside me wouldn’t allow it.
The glass grew warm with my cheek and the summer day. The overnight drizzle hadn’t burned off, and stubborn drops of water clung to the outside of the flexiglass. As I stared, the drops slowly joined together and ribboned down the window.
Now that we had escaped Kestrel’s facility, the reality of finding Raf hit me. I clung to the sliver of hope that he was still alive—that Molloy had lied to me and hadn’t killed him after all—but the most likely outcome of a search for Raf would be finding his body. Or worse, seeing what the pravers had done to him before he died. Part of me wanted to take the autocab when the mages were done with it and set an autopath to a rocky beach a thousand miles away where I could sit and watch the waves beating on the shore. Go as far as the unos would take me and not look back. Pretend that I hadn’t failed to kill the monster that had tormented countless jackers. Pretend that I hadn’t failed to free the changelings. Pretend that I hadn’t failed to keep Raf alive.
Anna twitched again, her muscular arm brushing mine in the tight space. She was already rousing from the dart’s sedative. She was so strong, and I was weak. Tired. Empty. If I had spent a long stretch of time in Kestrel’s facility like her, I would probably be dead. I had been ready to give up after just one week. Someone like Anna would never give up. She would keep looking until she found Raf. She would bring the body back to his parents, saying she was sorry her love for their son had gotten him killed. Sorry she couldn’t stay away from him long enough to keep him alive. Take the slap across her face that she deserved. My mind fled from that image, sinking into the black hole that was growing inside me, consuming me from the inside out.
I wasn’t like Anna. I couldn’t do it.
I was so mired in my thoughts that it surprised me when we pulled up to the mages’ headquarters. I almost didn’t get out, but I dragged myself from the front seat so Anna wouldn’t have to climb over me. I followed the crew inside, stumbling over the threshold into the cavernous building. I had to find Raf, but I could barely think straight, much less figure out where to start. The couch beckoned, and I sank deep into it, drawing up my knees and locking my arms around them. A shudder threatened to shake me into pieces.
Sasha shuffled past me, taking Ava to the racks in the middle of their converted factory. Julian joined Anna at the kitchen table where she was talking to the others, including Hinckley, who stood at attention by her side. She was probably debriefing, already back in command as if she hadn’t just woken up from a dart.
I should have been thinking of a way to find Raf, but instead I clamped my legs tighter to my chest, trying to keep all the pieces together. The mages bustled about, making their plans, whatever they were. I leaned my head against the back of the couch and closed my eyes. Minutes ticked by, and bit by bit, my body released the tension that was holding me together. Right as I thought sleep might take me, a weight pressed on the couch next to me, causing it to shift. I held still. Maybe whoever it was would go away. When they didn’t, I drew in a breath and forced my eyes open.
“Are you all right, keeper?” Julian said it gently, as if speaking too loud might shatter the tight space I had drawn around me. He propped his arm on the back of the couch and scanned me like he expected to find a wound or maybe a dart sticking out.
“Yeah,” I said, but it sounded like a lie. It was a lie. I slowly uncurled, and the cool air of the warehouse wafted away the warmth built up in my cocoon. Anna and the others were still discussing plans at the kitchen table and ignoring us. Julian had changed into all black clothes, looking more revolutionary now and less boardroom ready. Sasha and Ava were nowhere to be seen. “How’s Ava?”
A brilliant smile flashed like lightning across Julian’s face, then was gone just as fast. “She’s resting in her bunk. Between the thought grenade and the gas, she was hard hit. She’ll be fine, but it will be a while before she fully recovers.”
“That’s good. That she’ll get better, I mean.” I rubbed my forehead. My brain was still fogged, but I knew I needed help to find Raf—I had almost no chance on my own in Jackertown. If Molloy had traded Raf, that was where I would have to start. Would any of the mages be willing to help me search for a lost reader—especially one who was likely already dead? Was there something I could bargain with to get them to help? My brain couldn’t sort it out. I wondered if the thought grenade did more than make me nauseous. Julian had taken the full brunt of the grenade, and he seemed fine.
“I need to find Raf,” I said to Julian, “but I don’t know where to start. It’s like my head’s stuffed with cotton.”
“You’re just tired.” Julian peered at me. “I’ll help you find him, keeper. You don’t have to be alone in this. Not anymore.”
Relief washed through me, and a bit of the fog lifted. It was very mesh of him to help.
I managed a small grateful smile. “Thanks.” He smiled back, and that instinctual thing tugged at me again. It made me want to lean closer to him. Maybe something had gone wrong when he handled me, and a residual side effect was muddling my brain.
“What did you do to me?” I asked. “Back in my cell, when I linked into your mind? What did you do?”
Julian dropped his gaze and picked at lint on the couch. His face darkened and my eyebrows hiked up. Was he blushing?
“I didn’t mean for that to happen,” he said. “I’m sorry. I needed to talk to you and since I couldn’t link into your head—”
“You wanted me to link into yours. Got it. But…” I still didn’t understand. “One time I jack into your mind, and it’s nothing but a horror sim. The next time, I fall in love with you. What is that all about?”
The disgust in my voice made Julian wince. “It’s a reflex,” he said, still not looking at me. “Like a defense mechanism. When someone tries to jack me, they get nothing but an overwhelming urge to run away. I don’t know why it works that way, but it does. Like I said before, I don’t jack like you do. My ability is more… instinctual. I can link thoughts, but not much more. I’m actually just a linker.” A weak laugh escaped him, and he finally looked at me. “Normally, if I have to communicate without words, I can link in. If someone needs to link into my mind, I can try to control the effect that they experience. Reverse the response. But it takes a lot of effort. Usually I simply reflect the thoughts they want to hear, like I did with Harrier. With you…” He stared over the back of the couch at the distant machinery that was standing silent and unused. His voice was flat. “I needed to tell you the plan and we only had a short time. I thought if I triggered the mating instinct, you wouldn’t blow my cover story to get Kestrel to let me into your room. I didn’t think…” He turned back to me. “I swear I didn’t know the effect would be so strong. You were only linked in, Kira. Normally, I would have to handle someone to create such a strong result.”
“Normally?” I cocked my head to one side.
“Not normally with that particular instinct.” He rubbed his temples with both hands. “With any instinct. I’ve never… I don’t often have people linking into my mind. I underestimated the impact it would have. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, all right.” Was the urge to forgive him left over from when he messed with my head? I didn’t care for that idea at all. “Just don’t ever do that again,” I said, but the way he twitched made me feel bad for saying it. Maybe. Or perhaps it was that instinctual thing again.
“I won’t be able to.” He met my gaze. “Now that you know all my secrets, I’m sure you’ll never come near my mind again.”
“Secrets?” said Anna with a frown. While we were locked in our discussion, she had drifted over from the table. “I hope you mean your secret fondness for explosives and not something a little more…” She glanced at me. “Strategic.”
Julian rose up from th
e couch to face her. Nearly eye to eye, I could see how identical they were. Both dark haired, although Anna’s straight black hair hung neatly to her shoulders while Julian’s was perpetually mussed, like he’d just gotten out of bed. The angles in their cheeks were both hidden by softness, but Julian’s face seemed darker. Or perhaps he was blushing again.
“We’re trying to plan our next step with Kestrel,” Anna said. “Perhaps you’d like to join us?” Her tone said he was negligent in his duties, taking time to check on me. It rubbed me the wrong way, but I didn’t say anything. I wanted Julian’s help to find Raf, but it seemed like Anna was the one in charge. Could she order him not to?
“We can trust Kira,” he said.
“So you keep saying.” She peered down at me. “Still, things didn’t exactly go according to plan, did they, Kira?”
Julian’s jaw worked. “I told you—the plan failed because Molloy betrayed us.” He turned to me. “I figured Molloy set us up as soon as I woke up in Kestrel’s cell. I would have come for you sooner, keeper, but the juice Kestrel used was dampening my handling ability.”
“You would have come for her sooner?” Anna’s voice hiked up, but she didn’t seem offended that he came for me instead of her. More like she was shocked he would make such a bad strategic move.
All expression fled Julian’s face. “Kestrel had her for less time. I thought she might be stronger, better able to withstand the effects of the grenade.”
How could anyone think I was stronger than Anna? Maybe he was embarrassed to tell her how he had handled me.
Anna didn’t seem convinced either, and her shock morphed into concern. “You also thought we could trust Molloy.”
“I had no reason to doubt him,” Julian said, sounding defensive now. “His every instinct, as far as I could tell, was protective of his brother Liam. Your disappearance wasn’t a coincidence, Anna. I think Molloy arranged it, to bring Kira in. He was bent on having her on the team and forced her hand by holding her reader hostage.” He turned to me again. “I would never have sent you in there if I thought it was a trap. You do know that, don’t you, keeper?”
“Sure.” I believed Julian, but Anna seemed to think his judgment had taken a vacation.
“Kira was a prisoner like we were,” Julian continued. “And she helped us escape.”
“She also lost Kestrel, the main target of the mission.”
I was trying not to interfere, but I couldn’t let that stand. “As I recall…” I rose up from the couch to stand next to Anna. She was a good three inches taller than me. “It was your job to guard Kestrel.” Anna’s eyes widened, like she couldn’t quite believe my impertinence. Julian shot me a look like I wasn’t helping. I gave him a What? shrug. It was the truth.
“He recovered more quickly than I expected,” said Anna, the same intense eyes as Julian’s boring down into mine. “You were the one with the gun. Twice. And yet Kestrel still lives. I’m thinking that you didn’t want to kill him that badly after all.”
“You let him live the first time,” I countered.
She raised an eyebrow. “I thought he might be more useful to us alive.”
“Well, if I was a better shot, Kestrel would be dead.” I folded my arms. “I could have let that orderly inject Hinckley with whatever he had in his syringe so I could get a second shot. But I figured it was more important to save Hinckley than to go after Kestrel. What would you have done?”
Anna regarded me for a long moment, then nodded slowly. “I would have made the same choice.” Her shoulders relaxed a little, and she turned to Julian, who was watching us with wide eyes. “However, that means we’re no further ahead than we were before.” Her voice lapsed into command mode. “Kestrel is still in control, and the changelings and other jackers are still being held in his facility. Except now we have inside knowledge of the facility’s security systems. We should strike again, before they have a chance to regroup.”
“It’s too risky to attack now,” Julian said.
“We need to act soon, before they can move the prisoners again,” Anna said. “We should hit them hard while they’re down. Now is the perfect time. They wouldn’t expect it.”
“Or the place could be crawling with Feds,” he said.
She planted her fists on her hips. “I’m not going to leave them there, Julian.”
“Of course not.” Julian’s back stiffened. “But some of our strongest mages are still recovering. Sasha’s unable to scribe and he won’t leave Ava’s side while she’s out. You know Sasha is key to any plan involving Kestrel.” He put a hand on Anna’s shoulder. “I know you want your vengeance, Anna—”
She smacked it away. “I want to complete the mission!”
“I know.” Julian put his hands up but didn’t seem to take any offense. In fact, he softened his tone even more. “But we have surveillance set up. If they start to move the prisoners, we can mobilize a rescue team and go after them. Much has happened since you were taken, Anna. The crews and clans are coming together—they’re beginning to trust us. The mage cells have coordinated sentries at the outskirts of Jackertown in case Vellus decides to conduct another raid, and the clans are seeing the strength of working together. When we show them we’ve brought some of their fellow jackers home, they will see it even more. A rescue team is a perfect chance to bring people together, but we need time to recover and plan.”
The fire left Anna’s eyes during Julian’s speech. Was he handling her? He said he could, even though she was a keeper, but he also said he never would—because she was his sister, I supposed. She pressed a fist to her lips, tapping lightly. It reminded me of Julian and how he templed his fingers and tapped his lips when he was thinking.
She dropped her hand. “Okay. We’ll wait. But we’ll start planning right away.” She raised an eyebrow in my direction. “Are you up for another shot at Kestrel?”
“I have to find my boyfriend first.” I glanced at Julian. “And I could use some help.”
“Hinckley told me about your reader friend,” Anna said. “That’s an unfortunate business, but it’s not our concern.” Her voice turned formal. “While I do appreciate your help in getting out of Kestrel’s facility, the hundreds of jackers still stuck in there are more important than one wayward reader.”
I flexed my hands and tried to keep the bite out of my voice. “The only reason Raf’s life is in danger is because Molloy wanted to bring the mages to Kestrel.” I swept a hand out, gesturing at the mages clustered around the kitchen table. “Kestrel wanted all of you, all of us, for whatever his plans were, and he used Molloy to bring us in. Raf did nothing but get caught in the crossfire. I saved Hinckley because that was the right thing to do. Finding Raf is the right thing to do. I’m going after Molloy, and I’m going to keep looking until I find Raf. Are you going to help me or not?”
Anna’s eyebrows had hiked up to the top of her forehead. “I don’t think—”
“Anna,” Julian stopped her with a low voice. “Molloy betrayed us—all of us. He is responsible for the failure of the mission. I want to pay him back for that. And,” he glanced at me, “I made a promise.”
“A promise?” Anna drew back, then looked me over like she was doing a threat assessment. Finally, she gave Julian an exasperated look. “I wish you would stop doing that.”
“No,” he said with a small smile. “You don’t.”
She rubbed her face with both hands and took a deep breath. “Fine! What do you need to find Molloy?” she asked Julian.
“Just some time,” he said. “And possibly Sasha’s help.”
“Don’t take too long.” She jabbed a finger into his chest. “As soon as everyone is recovered, I want us ready to go.”
He smiled, but she refused to smile back and ignored me completely, turning on her heel and stalking back to the kitchen table. Hinckley watched her return with crossed arms, his frown matching hers.
Julian leaned close and said softly, “She’s not so bad once you get to know her.”
“I’m just glad she’s letting you help me,” I said. “I don’t even know where to start looking for Raf.”
“There was never any doubt about me helping you, keeper,” Julian said with a smile. “I’ve already been on the short comms. No one’s seen anyone who meets your friend’s description.”
My shoulders sagged.
“That’s better news than you might think.”
“It’s just… Molloy told me he killed him.” The words choked me. “I saw Raf’s body in his mind. If Molloy didn’t kill him before, he’s had more than enough time to do it by now.”
“Just because Molloy’s gotten what he wants,” Julian said gently, “doesn’t necessarily mean that your friend is dead.”
“You mean Molloy might have traded him.” I wanted to believe it, and saying it out loud made a tentative thrill of hope twirl up inside me.
“Maybe. Or Molloy could have set him loose in Jackertown,” Julian said. “If he did, it’s likely someone would have seen him. Jackertown’s not that big of a community. Maybe Molloy went back to the family, asking for ransom, or sent a contractor to do it. If so, it’s been long enough that the ransom would have been paid and your friend could be safely back home.”
The twirl of hope burst into a gush of possibility. I hadn’t thought of ransom. That happened—not as often as Vellus claimed or readers feared, but it did happen. Raf could be sitting at home, right now, worrying about me.
“Julian…” I couldn’t breathe.
“I know,” he said. “You need to go home. At once. And find out.”
The autocab rolled to a stop in front of the skinny suburban homes that surrounded my family’s rental house. The early afternoon glare made me squint. I had already swept the neighborhood, but Julian was scanning the area like he thought jackers might jump out of the bushes.
“If Molloy’s got wind that you’ve escaped,” Julian said, “he might come here instead.”
I wanted to program an autopath straight to Raf’s front door, but that was exactly where Molloy would expect me to go. If Raf was alive, it would be tricky keeping him that way, especially if Molloy saw us coming. Going home first was safer.
Closed Hearts (Book Two of the Mindjack Trilogy) Page 20