by M. Sembera
Not in the mood to deal with Hert, I quickly told him, “Emerson’s still asleep; I’ll tell him you called.”
I was about to hang up when I heard him yell, “Renni don’t hang up…please!”
Putting the phone back to my ear, I asked, “What do you need?”
I tried to sound as matter of fact as possible. It must have caught him off guard, because it took him some time to start talking.
“You want to know what I need?” he asked with a strained voice.
There was another long pause before he preceded, his voice sounding anxious, “Don’t say anything just listen Renni, okay,” then after a short pause, he continued, “I…I know you’re mad at me and you probably hate me but I just need you to know…know that I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you and… Well you just have to know that… It was hard seeing you like that and… We always…I… Renni, I…”
At that point I couldn’t take anymore.
With as much sarcasm as I could, I cut him off saying, “Well, thank you for telling me what I needed to know!”
I slammed the phone down.
My mind was racing. What did he mean by saying he was sorry? Hert had never been sorry a day in his life. I was furious. Not realizing how much noise I was making, opening and closing kitchen cabinets and slamming drawers, I woke Em.
Emerson came into the kitchen, fussing, “What are you doing? And why is your face all red?”
I stopped right where I was and shouted, “Did you do this? Huh? Did you put him up to this? Did you?”
He took a step back, appearing bewildered as he asked, “Ren, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Oh! Don’t you act like you don’t know, Emerson Roberts! And my face is not red! And if it is… It is because your stupid friend Hert is… stupid!” I shouted as I left the room.
Stomping all the way up the stairs, I slammed the door when I reached Em’s room. The door swung open with Emerson standing in the doorway ready with his rebuttal.
“Look here Ren!” he started.
“I am not talking to you Roberts!” I interjected.
Giving me a serious, ‘you better shut your mouth look,’ he proceeded.
“Good, then you can just listen, Rennillia! I tried to tell you but no, you didn’t want to listen. Hert’s been calling every day. Sometimes two or three times a day. And for your information, he’s been calling every day since before you got here. Since he tried calling you for six months and couldn’t get you because HE wouldn’t allow it. Three and a half years Ren, that’s how long he’s been calling here.”
I waited to argue back but it wasn’t in me anymore.
All I could say was, “I didn’t know,” as I shrugged my shoulders and sat down.
Emerson’s eyes seemed to soften as he said, “I know you didn’t but you should have,” before sitting down beside me saying, “You see what HE did to you? You see how HE made it impossible for us?”
I had to stop him.
“I am responsible too. It wasn’t just HIM. I could have left anytime,” I said, trying to take responsibility.
“HE would have just come after you and you would have gone back,” he insisted, “We just caught HIM before HE had the chance.”
Shock and confusion poured over me. I gasped with fear.
“Ren, HE was at the hotel. Jackson saw HIM sitting outside there in HIS car and called me. Hert came with me and we caught HIM just before HE went in. Didn’t you wonder how I knew where you were? Or how Jackson knew what was going on?” he explained.
I shrugged my shoulders waiting for more.
It had been a passing thought but I chalked it up to life in a small town. Emerson continued to fill me in on everything I had missed, not only in the last few days but in the last few years.
“We decided after that day you and Jackson got into it that we would have to wait for you to have a sane moment. I never thought it would take years, but when you did, we handled things from there.” As I stared at him, amazed at everything I had missed, he continued, “It was hardest on Hert. Jackson and I had to stop him so many times from just going over there and dragging you out but it would have made things worse. We have waited a long time for you Ren, longer than we ever imagined. When Jackson called and said you finally left… Well, we are all curious.”
With tears in my eyes, I asked, “About what?”
Em put his arm around me and questioned, “What made you leave?”
Tears streamed down my face as I shook my head.
“How did ya’ll stop HIM?” I couldn’t help asking.
Em looked at me and smiled before he explained, “Well in case you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of a big deal around here and we explained that things could get very difficult for HIM if HE, well, you get the idea.”
Not being able to help myself, I gave a little smile too before asking, “And that worked?”
Laughing this time, Em stated, “We can be very persuasive, Ren.”
Em was still laughing and shaking his head as he stood up and offered his hand to me.
Taking Emerson’s hand and letting him pull me to my feet, I said, “Sorry it took me so long.”
He grabbed me, causing me to fall into him.
Wrapping his arms around me, lifting me off the ground, he spun me around saying, “We got our girl back, that’s all that matters now,” before he put me down and said, “Ok, get dressed we have lots to do today.”
Then he left the room.
A range of emotions flooded my heart and mind. I had gotten it all wrong. I was happy and sad all at the same time. Thinking the worst of everyone, not knowing how Emerson, Jackson and even Hert had suffered. For the moment, HIS hold on me seemed to dissolve but I knew I was going to have to face my reason for leaving HIM eventually. Not right now, not today. Emerson was in too good of a mood for me to share my reason and after everything he went through for me, he deserved some good. They all three did.
Everything seemed to come together, as I fit the missing pieces in where they belonged. As I started to fill in the blanks of what they had been telling me through the years, I finally began to understand. Jackson’s sarcastic ‘Yea’ and ‘He’ll come around’. Em’s constant use of the word ‘we’. Emerson had been filling me in; gauging my responses. Watching my reactions to little things; waiting for the right time to tell me everything. Panic started setting in. I was feeling sick and wanted to go back to bed. I decided a cold shower might help. The shower helped a little. I grabbed some clothes from the closet and got dressed.
Hearing a knock on the bedroom door, I shouted, “I’m dressed,” as I finished brushing out my hair.
I was surprised to see Jackson walk in, instead of Emerson.
“Hey! How ya doin’ girly?” Jacks asked, smiling his perfect smile.
I blurted, “Wow! You look nice,” not meaning to sound as shocked as I was.
Jacks walked closer, laughing a little, he said, “Now that you’re available, I thought I’d take advantage.”
I rolled my eyes.
Still laughing, he came up right next to me, bumping me saying, “You’re lookin’ pretty good,” before he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, bumped me again, winked and said, “Hurry up and come downstairs.”
Rolling my eyes again, I waited for him to leave the room to shake my head and laugh too.
Making my way down the stairs, I looked around trying to figure out what was going on. The living room was empty. The kitchen was too.
“Where are ya‘ll?” I started shouting until Emerson popped out of the dining room.
“Hey sweetie!” he cheered before saying, “Me and Jackson have some stuff to do. Will you be okay here if we leave?”
Thinking I might get to crawl back into bed for a while but trying not to look too eager, I nodded and replied, “Sure, how long will you be gone?”
Em smiled a little and shared, “Maybe awhile but if you need me all you have to do is call The Bar and I’ll come straight home.
”
I gave a smile and a nod, already imagining being back in bed.
Jacks walked in, urging, “Come on, Roberts. It’s rude to keep people waiting.”
Suddenly curious, I noticed he emphasized the word ‘people’.
Raising an eyebrow, I said, “Oh I get it, date night.”
Emerson smiled and said, “I will be home later.”
Jacks patted Em on the back and laughed, “Hopefully I won’t.”
I made a face at Jackson and shouted, “Ewe!”
Em just shook his head, pointing at the dining room, he said, “I got you dinner. It’s in there. You’re sure you will be okay?”
“Yes go,” I insisted.
Making sure they were gone before I made my break for the big bed upstairs, I decided I might go ahead and eat.
Thoughts of climbing into bed with a full stomach sounded even better. Humming to myself and even skipping a little, I rounded the corner into the dining room.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. The table was set with candles lit and standing at the end of it was Hert. Overwhelmed, not knowing what to do, I just stood there. Seeing him knocked the breath right out of me. It had been so long. My heart started pounding.
I thought I might pass out when he softly said, “Renni.”
Wanting to cry but afraid Em would be called back home, I took a deep breath and said, “Hi.”
Hert smiled slightly and asked, “Are you hungry?”
As I nodded, he pulled out my chair. Slowly, I walked over. I wanted to hug him but it felt awkward. Sitting down, I waited to start eating until he was seated. There were so many things I wanted to say. Nothing would come out of my mouth, so I just smiled and started eating. Glancing back and forth at each other, we finished dinner in silence.
Hert was different than I remembered. Previous to our four year lapse, I had never gone more than a few weeks without seeing him. Looking at him now, he seemed strong and polished. I never noticed how striking his blue eyes were in contrast to his black hair. It was short and messy but it suited him. When Hert looked at me, his eyes; not soft like Emerson’s, had intensity to them. Trying to merge the Hert I remembered and the one sitting in front of me, made me nervous and left me speechless.
When dinner was over, I stood, grabbed the plates and headed to the kitchen.
Feeling his stare, I turned back, saying, “Get the glasses.”
Hert gave me a smile, picked them up and followed me to the kitchen. Washing the dishes in the sink, I was overwhelmed. I couldn’t understand why ‘get the glasses’ was all I could say. I had no problem sleeping every night wrapped in Emerson’s arms pouring my heart out to him. Seeing Jackson that first day while wearisome, was easy too. Why was this so different? I felt like standing to close or staring to long would cause me to hyperventilate. Then a moment of confidence struck me as I realized he was having the same struggle for words.
“Do you want to go sit in there?” I offered, pointing toward the couch in the living room, taking advantage of my sudden bravery.
We walked over to the couch and sat down, a reasonable distance from each other.
My heart jumped when Hert said, “You look….better than the last time I saw you.”
Not being able to maintain a sensible tone in my voice, I replied, “So do you!”
My comment, catching us both off guard, made him laugh. I shook my head and shrugged, unable to comprehend why I said that. It was perfectly reasonable that I looked better. The last time he saw me I was a mess.
Hert looked the same as he always had but seemed very different somehow. Looking at him now, I was very aware of all the details I never noticed. Hert was a man. His hands were a sturdy addition to his well-built arms, his face rugged and defined. Trying to be covert in my inspection, I took in tiny glimpses before frequently looking away.
Finally breaking the silence, Hert asked, “How ya holdin’ up?”
Forcing myself, to make eye contact with him, I answered, “Fine.”
His eyes grew more intense as if they were searching mine for hidden secrets.
Almost like he was letting me know he had been well informed, he said, “Roberts said the first couple of days were pretty rough.”
I nodded, giving Hert conformation that Em gave him accurate information.
Hert leaned his head closer and said, “I wanted to come see you the day Roberts picked you up,” as my eyes grew wide, he continued, sharing, “Roberts said it would be too much for you. Then, I found out Jackson came over. I called Roberts wanting to know why. I thought… I thought you didn’t want me too. Then, he said you needed me. And…”
I was on the edge of my seat, having an uncontrollable urge to hear him say he needed me too.
Things were getting out of hand. I felt like my whole body would catch fire, and all he had to do was say the word ‘need’ again.
I jumped at the sound of Emerson’s voice when he walked in saying, “Glad to see you two are getting along.”
Hert must have been startled too. He had the same look on his face that I felt on mine. Em sat down on the chair in front of us.
While I was trying to catch my breath, I asked, “Did ya’ll have a good time? Where’s Jacks?”
“He’s still out. I was ready to come home,” Em answered.
There was no doubt Em was worried about my seeing Hert and came home early to check on me. In a way, I was relieved he was back. I could focus on him, instead of the insane way sitting there alone with Hert was making me feel.
Hert stood up and shook Em’s hand before saying, “I gotta go.”
Feeling sad, almost as if it would be another four years until I would see him again, I blurted, “Oh, you do.”
He looked over at me smiled and said, “Yea.”
Emerson stood up and walked out with him.
My mind was reeling from my visit with Hert. I went upstairs and put my pajamas on as fast as I could. My heart was still racing when I hopped into bed. A few hours ago I could have slept for days. Now, I couldn’t imagine sleeping. Emerson walked into the room, looking concerned.
“Hert said you didn’t say much,” he probed.
I rolled onto my side and shut my eyes as tight as I could. Em reached over placing his hand on my shoulder. Thinking about Hert’s hands, I started to imagine it was his instead of Emerson’s hand touching me. It thrilled me.
Suddenly, all the nervousness of the evening caught up with me as I sat up, looked over at Em and shouted, “I’m going to be sick!”
Emerson jumped back and ran to the bathroom, bringing me a trash can and placing it beside me.
Appearing regretful, he fussed, “I knew it was too soon. I was worried seeing Hert would be too much for you.”
“No it’s…not that…” I whispered.
He ran back to the bathroom bringing a damp washcloth for my head before pulling a chair up next to me, ready in case I needed anything else.
With a shaky voice, I shared, “I’ve been feeling bad.”
Em looked me over, saying, “I’m going to call the doctor in the morning.”
I shouted, “No!”
My time had run out.
Now full of panic, he started to question, “But if you’re sick…”
With my voice shaky, I explained, “I was just there last week, I’m not sick.”
With shock in his expression, he quietly asked “Is it stress?”
That was all I could handle before grabbing the trash can beside me.
Chapter 5
Emerson was on the phone when I woke. It sounded like he was talking to Jacks. I could hear him saying ‘I told him last night to come back to see her after work but now I’m not so sure’ and ‘Well what else could it be?’ Feeling terrible and having a slight headache, I sat up as slow as possible. I vaguely remembered taking a shower but I really wanted to get up and take another. Finally, I decided to go for it and if I passed out I was sure Emerson would find me. I made it through my shower and managed
to get dressed. Then, I had to lie back down. Hoping Em would change his mind or Hert would ignore Emerson’s suggestion to stay away, I concentrated on feeling better.
While I wondered if seeing Hert again would have the same effect on me as it did last night, I thought about things I would say to him. Maybe if I wasn’t caught off guard this time, it wouldn’t be as difficult.
Emerson walked into the room, carrying a bottle of club soda and saying, “Remember the time we played quarters? I thought this might help.”
Just the thought of that night in high school made me queasy.
“Thanks for bringing that up, I was starting to feel better,” I scolded.
He laughed a little and said, “Just take a few sips and see if it helps.”
I did and it did. Em sat on the corner of the bed being careful not to shake it.
“So you are not sick?” he asked before questioning, “Then would you like to tell me what is wrong with you? Did Hert upset you?”
I figured now was as good a time as any, so I explained, “No, I am not sick, and no, Hert did not upset me,” not feeling the need to tell Em what Hert did do to me, I continued, “You all wanted to know why I finally left. Right?”
Not wanting him to interrupt, I held up my hand to stop him from asking what one had to do with the other. I was quickly losing my nerve.
“Well, like I said I’m not sick…..but I am…pregnant,” I stated, closing my eyes tight, not wanting to see Emerson’s reaction.
The look on Em’s face, when I opened my eyes, was crazed as he asked, “Does HE know?”
I looked at Em directly in the eye and firmly said, “No, HE doesn’t. HE will never ever know. Do you understand?”
Sighing with relief, he asked, “How do you plan on accomplishing that?”
I hadn’t put that much thought into it, so I said the first thing that came to mind.
“Well, I’ll be about three weeks tomorrow, so I guess since I’ve already been here for almost a week and you are the only person I have told, well I have time for…It would be easy to say…It was anybody’s,” I answered.
Em began to smile.
Laughing, he said, “Okay, that could work. You come here all heartbroken, not able to resist the powerful Roberts’ charm and in the throes of passion we conceived a child.”