by M. Sembera
“And if it’s yes?” I asked.
With a wide smile he answered, “When it’s yes, I leave and visit each company to finalize the changes.”
Nodding with a light smile, I thought, ‘it figures’. What’s good for The Office is usually bad for me.
We didn’t really talk after that until we were almost at the hotel.
Hert informed, “I’ll have to leave first thing in the morning.”
Doing my best to sound happy for him, I replied, “Well, good luck.”
He smiled as we pulled up to the hotel. Hert turned to me and before I knew it, my face was in his hands and he was kissing me. I could hardly believe it. Completely caught off guard, I just stared at him.
Pulling away, he shared, “For luck,” then kissed me again.
Stunned to say the least and wide awake now too, it had been so long I had almost forgotten what it was like. As we walked into the hotel, my mind raced with thoughts of how we could celebrate if everyone voted yes.
Hert walked me into the dining hall. There were place cards on the tables. I found my name and noticed I was seated at the same table with the ladies from the brunch.
Hert whispered, “I love you,” in my ear as he left for the last meeting.
Truly excited this time, I smiled wide.
Angelina waited for Hert to walk away before saying, “Now we know why she’s not interested in Jackson.”
I didn’t understand what she meant until Nadine chimed in, saying, “I wish my husband looked at me like that.”
Pleased, I continued to smile. My husband was still very interested in me and it was noticeable to others.
They sat around the table with me nodding at each other, agreeing with Nadine’s statement. Thinking it might be possible to share Hert with The Office and be happy about it, I wondered what the other wives relationships were like.
“Ya’ll are happy though, right?” I asked.
Angelina started by saying, “It’s not a matter of being happy, it’s more about being where you belong.”
“I’m not sure I follow,” I stated.
Pearl explained, “Happiness comes and goes. If I wasn’t Solomon’s wife, where would I be? My place is with him.”
It seemed a little sad but I understood exactly what she meant. Erin had spent her whole adult life being a wife to her husband. Once he was gone, she seemed without purpose. You could see it in her eyes. These ladies were not so different from Erin. Not as refined but they too were all completely dedicated to their role as wives.
Hoping I wasn’t out of line, I asked, “So ya’ll are fine not knowing where your husbands go or what they’re doing?”
Lightly smiling, Angelina replied, “Not everyone’s situation is quite like yours, however, we are in the same boat so to speak.”
Nadine added, “You get used to it all after a while, besides you find things to occupy your time. Keep busy with your own projects. That way you don’t feel neglected and your husband doesn’t feel like he’s neglecting you.”
Silently nodding, I couldn’t help but think this is not the life I wanted. Hert was the man I wanted, but when I married him this was not at all what I thought it would be like. I wanted things to get better, not just get use to them but it was a package deal. If I wanted Hert, I had to take The Office too.
Happy our food arrived, I was starving. The only thing I was going to eat before now was the bowl of cereal I threw in the sink. With every bite I took, I felt a little drowsier. By the time I was finished, I could hardly keep my eyes open. The waiter brought me a cup of coffee. That didn’t help at all.
I heard Brooke say, “Were there drinks and no one told me?” with a laugh.
The other ladies laughed too as I corrected, “I am just really tired,” then fighting off each yawn, I explained, “My daughter’s teething and it’s just awful. I haven’t slept at all.”
After getting a few poor baby’s and you must be exhausted, Hert showed up.
We silently walked to the car. He held the door open for me as we got in. The driver pulled away from the hotel.
Barely able to keep my eyes open, I asked, “Well?”
Hert cheered, “We got a yes! All the way around!”
I remember being happy for him but that was it.
Chapter 5
I woke up at four in the morning. The night was over and it was time for Hert to leave. I couldn’t believe I fell asleep on the way home.
I looked over at Hert as he said, “Good morning sleepy head.”
“Morning,” I sighed.
Hert sat down on the bed next to me saying, “I have to get going. Sophia’s asleep. I’ll be back next week.”
Nodding, I whispered, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” he assured.
Giving him a light smile, I watched Hert pick up his suitcase and walk out of the room. My last night to be with my husband before he left and I went to sleep. Oh, why couldn’t he have kissed me again when we left the dinner? That would have kept me awake.
Crawling out of bed, I walked to the bathroom to take a shower. After my shower, I got dressed checked on Sophia then headed downstairs. Eating a bowl of cereal at the kitchen table, I heard something outside the back door. When I walked over and opened it, Emerson fell into the kitchen.
“Are you drunk?” I fussed, watching him pick himself up off the floor.
Without looking at me, he spouted, “Psh, are you?”
Feeling a bit motherly, I questioned, “Did you just get home? Were you out drinking all night?”
Stumbling to the living room, Emerson laughed, saying, “Like you give a damn about anybody but yourself.”
Following him, I argued, “That’s just not true! And I sincerely hope you didn’t drive home like that!”
Emerson almost missed the couch as he flopped down on it saying, “Why are you still talking? Your ass isn’t so precious. You’re not worth any of this and…” I broke in asking, “Any of what?”
He laughed again, mumbling, “How stupid are you?” as he passed out.
I didn’t know whether to be really mad at him or feel sorry for him. His father’s death was no excuse for his behavior but at the same time I understood.
I pulled out a blanket and covered Emerson with it. Sitting down in the chair across from the couch, I watched him sleeping off his bender. It didn’t take long for me to miss the friendship we once had and wish I had someone to talk to. Remembering I did have an outside friend, one that I was supposed to call two days ago. I glanced at the clock and hoped seven thirty wasn’t too early.
Amila’s voice came through the phone saying, “Hello.”
Just hearing her voice made me smile as I replied, “Hey Amila, sorry I didn’t call the other day. Sophia’s teething and it’s awful.”
“Oh no, poor baby!” she exclaimed.
She sounded wide awake but just to double check, I asked, “Did I call too early?”
Amila cheerfully answered, “No, in fact it’s a great time. Romero just left for The Office.”
“Yea, Hert left this morning and Sophia’s still asleep,” I shared.
Her voice was hesitant as she asked, “Not to be nosey but what did you mean the other day when you said you were trying to be the right kind of wife?”
Glad she brought it up so I didn’t have to, I shared, “I just feel like there’s a lot expected of me now that Hert is in charge of everything and I wanna make sure I’m doing this right. Jacks thinks…” I didn’t get a chance to finish when she blurted, “Jacks?”
“Jackson. Jackson Thomas he’s head of the accounting department,” I informed.
Changing her tone, Amila said, “Oh okay, Romero’s mentioned him before.”
Giving her a little extra explanation, I shared, “I’ve known him since high school. Jackson is a good friend of mine.”
“So what did he say about it?” she asked.
Feeling a little sad, I stated, “He seems to think I’m worrying a
bout the wrong thing but he’s mad at me right now anyway.”
“A lot of people don’t understand how important being a wife is. I think if you are making sure your husband is taken care of when he’s at home then you’re doing it right,” she imparted.
As I asked, “Would you like to go to lunch sometime?” I heard Sophia start to cry.
She offered, “Sure I’ll call you when I can make it.”
“Sounds good,” I agreed before saying, “Sophia just woke up, talk to you later,” and hung up the phone.
I rushed upstairs and into Sophia’s room. She no longer had a fever. However, she was still pretty cranky. After changing her, I brought her downstairs for breakfast. Sophia seemed to have her appetite back also. She drank her bottle and ate an entire serving of her cereal. I cleaned her and the dishes up before taking her back upstairs. I preferred playing with Sophia in the living room but with Emerson passed out on the couch I thought it best to stay upstairs. Sophia and I played in her room for the next few hours. Once she was down for a nap, I decided to go get lunch ready.
The moment I walked into the kitchen I could tell, even though Emerson wasn’t still drunk, he wasn’t fully sober either. Hoping I could talk to him a little and it would get through to him, I sat down at the table.
“We need to talk,” I urged.
Emerson immediately argued, “We don’t need to do anything. You may need to talk but I don’t need to do a damn thing.”
Holding myself together, I took a deep breath and informed, “Look you can do whatever you want. You’re a grown man even though you’re not acting like one, but you’re not going to come here drunk again. You’re mad at me, fine. You hate me, whatever, but I have a baby here so if that’s what you’re gonna do then stay someplace else.”
I have to admit, I was surprised when the only comment he had was, “Fine.”
Feeling good about our little talk, I hopped up from the table and made myself a sandwich.
The day proceeded a little less pleasant than I had hoped. It wasn’t long before Sophia’s teeth were bothering her and Emerson was bothering me. Constantly trying to keep Sophia calm, while ignoring Emerson was becoming quite a chore. Just when I thought I might lose my mind, Sophia fell asleep and I realized I could go to bed. I walked to the dresser to pull out my pajamas and found a note from Hert.
Renni,
I was going to tell you thank you for everything you did for me this week but you fell asleep on me. I’ll be back as soon as I’m done. Kiss Sophia every night for me.
Love Hert
It made me smile and for the first time since Hert took over, I felt appreciated. Laying the note on the pillow next to mine, I climbed into bed.
I missed Hert being in bed with me even if it was just to sleep. I tossed and turned for a while missing him before I started feeling bad for the way I acted with Jackson. He just didn’t understand. How could he? He wasn't in a relationship and did not understand the sacrifices or compromises you make in a marriage. Every married woman I had talked to more or less said the same thing. Being a good wife meant keeping my husband happy at home. I was determined no matter what it took, no matter what I had to put up with, no matter how incredibly depressing the thought of me just idly standing by ‘yes dearing’ everything with a smile was, I was going to be the right wife for Hert. Finally, I fell asleep thinking, with my biggest problem solved, the week with Hert gone might not be so bad. Sophia seemed to be doing better and even though Emerson was still unpleasant, it was clear that he was a manageable situation.
Chapter 6
As it turned out, the week was prolonged by irritation and exhaustion in Hert’s absence. Sophia was still having a difficult time cutting her teeth and the irritation was a direct result of Emerson’s unpleasant commentary. I was already unhappy about going back to The Society Tea, but when I got there and found out it was cancelled, I was infuriated. After calling Mrs. Thomas to tell her I was coming back to get Sophia, I took her advice and let Sophia stay with her for a while so I could go straight home and relax. Since I only had to make it one more day without my husband, I decided even Emerson’s constant snide remarks wouldn’t ruin my day. That way, when Hert arrived home in the morning, I would be calm and relaxed, not exhausted and strung out like I was when he left.
Walking in the back door, I set my purse down on the table just as Emerson walked in to see who it was.
“Oh, it’s just you,” he griped, before turning to leave the room.
Whatever I thought I was going to do when I walked in the door, quickly changed as I instantly lost my temper.
I shouted, “You know what!?”
Turning around, he barked, “Bet you’re gonna tell me.”
“Don’t you have something better to do than hang around here and complain all day?” I questioned.
With extreme sarcasm he answered, “Sadly no.”
My patience had disappeared and I was no longer willing to put up with Emerson’s remarks.
“That’s it. I have had it with you,” I stated, adding, “I am going to change and when I come back down you can either go somewhere or keep your mouth shut,” as I stomped up the stairs.
In my room, I violently kicked my shoes off and pulled the drawer open so hard it flew out, hitting me right on my ankle. As I sat there on the floor, I tried to calm down and remind myself Emerson was just having a hard time dealing with things. Unfortunately, thinking of how he used to be just made me angrier at him for being such a jerk now. I threw some comfortable jeans and a t-shirt on and headed back downstairs, hoping he took my advice and I would get to relax after all.
Well of course not. The moment I sat down on the couch, Emerson started.
“I’m sorry Mrs. Herterand, I would never want to purposely upset you,” he patronized.
I could feel my face turning red as I tried to ignore him.
“Maybe you should leave again, if you’re so unhappy,” he continued.
Unable to control myself any longer, I was on my feet shouting, “Maybe you should go to hell!”
On his feet now too, he was right in front of me saying, “Sure, and I’ll tell your parents you said ‘Hi!’ while I’m there.”
Hurt beyond comprehension, I shoved him as hard as I could and shouted, “Get out!”
Trying to stop shaking, I went to the kitchen, hoping to get away from him long enough to gain some perspective on how he could say that to me. Leaning over the bar, I closed my eyes and spread my arms out across it. I felt Emerson walk up behind me. Before I could move, he wrapped his arms around me tight, holding my arms against my chest. The more I struggled to break free the tighter he held on, pushing me against the bar.
“I’m sorry Ren, please, I didn’t mean it,” he urged repeating, “I’m sorry Ren. I’m sorry,” over and over.
Somewhere between my struggling and his I’m sorry, I started to cry. I quit trying to free myself and leaned my back into him sobbing. Releasing his hold Emerson took a step back. Turning to face him, I slid onto a barstool. Sitting there staring at him I couldn’t stop shaking my head as he stepped closer.
“You’re not the first person to lose a parent you know,” I cried.
He wrapped his arms around me. The feeling flooded my heart, provoking instant forgiveness.
With his chin resting on my shoulder, he pleaded, “Please believe me. I didn’t mean it.”
He started to let go until I leaned my cheek against the side of his head and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Unwilling for him to let go, I relaxed into him until I realized what was happening. I felt his lips softly drag against the side of my neck.
I tensed up and pushed him off of me, hopped down from the bar stool and ran upstairs. Slamming my bedroom door behind me I flung myself onto the bed. Terrified at how easily I lost myself. Emerson’s touch felt simple comfortable. With no heart palpitations, no nervousness, no excitement to warn me, it was effortless. Guilt over what could have happened devoured me, making
me sick. I laid there hugging Hert’s pillow tight trying to convince myself there was nothing to worry about.
After a while, I sat up wondering if this was still manageable or if Jackson had been dead on with his questions. My door slowly opened and I braced myself. Relieved that it was Hert, I jumped off the bed, ran over and threw myself against him.
Laughing a little, he said, “I missed you too.”
I didn’t bother to ask why he was home early, because I didn’t care. Frantically kissing and pulling at every part of him I could grab a hold of, he didn’t say another word. Lifting me up Hert carried me to our bed sitting down as I clung to him. Pulling at his clothes with one of my arms secured around him, I refused to let go. Less than affectionate, I aggressively proved to myself there was no one I wanted like I wanted Hert.
Out of breath and still partially dressed we laid there recovering from my attack.
Hert declared, “That was the best hello I’ve ever gotten.”
Although he had a giant smile on his face, I was still intent on shaking off the feeling of Emerson’s lips brushing my neck. Slower this time, I kissed him.
Whispering, “I missed you,” in between kisses, I needed more.
He didn’t seem to mind the extra affection as I drug my fingers across his chest. My second attempt at forgetfulness was far more successful with Hert taking the upper hand. There was something about the careful but firm way he handled me that vanquished everything except the two of us.
Hert’s fingers trailed down my cheek ending with his hand resting on the side of my neck. He softly kissed my lips with a concerned look in his eyes.
“Renni,” he started, “Is everything alright?”
Nodding slowly at him, I answered, “Yes.”
“I know your lying,” he stated.
Unable to be completely truthful with him, I replied, “I’ve had a rough week with you gone and before you left too. I didn’t want to say anything or stress you out.”
Smiling at me, Hert offered, “Tell me.”
I smiled back a little already knowing how I was going to end the conversation.
“That stupid thing today was cancelled and no one even called so I drove all the way out there for nothing. Mrs. Thomas was nice enough to keep Sophia anyway so I could have a break. I’m not trying to complain but I am really tired of it all. It’s not so bad when you’re here but even when you are here it’s like you’re not. Do you realize how long it’s been before today? On top of everything else, Emerson is just ridiculous now. I really just can’t deal with him anymore,” I explained.