by M. Sembera
She continued crying as she said, “I don’t even know him, not really. He showed up at my door and Romero was out. He looked so sad and said he needed someone to talk to. It just happened. I have just been so lonely and he made me feel wanted. I told Romero this morning. The guilt was killing me. He walked out. Didn’t say a word. He just walked out.”
Curious, I asked, “Who was it?”
Placing her hands over her face, she replied, “Emerson Roberts.”
The moment I heard his name I couldn’t breathe. How could he? I sat there stunned for a while before I could speak.
“Em? You slept with Emerson?” I asked, making sure I heard her right.
Crying harder into her hands, she nodded.
“I have to go. I’ll call you,” I blurted, getting up from my chair and grabbing Sophia.
Leaving her sitting at the table crying, I rushed out of the restaurant.
I did hate her a little bit but I hated Emerson more. How could he? If I hadn’t told him to leave, I could go home and assault him. It didn’t make sense. Why would he go there and do that? And Poor Telli, instead of being rewarded for all his hard work this is what he gets? I don’t want to help run my father’s company but I’ll sleep with your wife.
I made it as far as the parking lot before I turned and walked back into the restaurant.
Resuming my seat at the table, with Sophia on my lap, I apologized, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that.”
With teary eyes Amila nodded saying, “You know I do feel guilty but part of the reason I told Romero was…well I hoped he would…I don’t know pay attention to me.”
Nodding back at her, I shared, “I know exactly what you mean.”
“He’s my whole life Ren, I don’t have anything without him,” she confessed.
Seeing how much she truly loved her husband, I pulled a Jackson, advising, “Just give it some time.”
There was hope in her eyes as she nodded in agreement. The rest of lunch was fairly silent. When we left the restaurant I hugged her and reassured her offering anything she needed. With a hug in return she left. My lunch with Amila, rekindled my detest for The Office.
Arriving home just in time to pull up before Hert, I hurried inside. I set Sophia in her playpen in the living room. Hert quickly walked in, slamming the door behind himself.
“How was lunch?” he asked in a demanding tone.
I stayed silent.
“Did your friend tell you what she did?” he demanded again.
I answered this time, stating, “She told me what happened,” adding, “You can’t put all the blame on her. Emerson had no business going over there.”
Hert’s expression quickly changed, “What?” he shouted.
Realizing he did not know who she cheated with, only that she cheated, I now assumed Telli didn’t either.
Wishing I kept that piece of information to myself, I sat down on the couch.
“I know what she did was wrong Hert but you didn’t see her. She feels so bad. Telli is gone all the time. She was lonely,” I shared.
Hert was angry as he snapped, “I’m gone all the time.”
Feeling this situation quickly getting out of hand, I yelled back, “Hey, I am not Amila and you are not Telli. So don’t even start with that. This is their problem, not ours. All I was saying... I know how she feels but that doesn’t mean I would do that to you,” before I continued my rant, saying, “Maybe ya’ll should remember The Office isn’t ya’lls life. Your wives are supposed to be.”
Hert turned and walked upstairs without saying another word to me.
Sophia and I ate dinner by ourselves. After I put her to bed, I walked to my room, hoping Hert wasn’t mad at me. Hert was lying on the bed with his arms folded behind his head, staring at the ceiling.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I asked, “Are you not speaking to me now?”
“We are all doing the best that we can. It’s not going to be this hectic forever and the main person that should care doesn’t and is apparently off sleeping with other peoples wives,” he grumbled.
I explained, “That’s kind of what I was trying to say earlier. It’s Emerson’s fault. He knew what he was doing going over there.”
Fuming, Hert argued, “Roberts isn’t married to anyone. Roberts didn’t cheat on anyone, Amila did.”
Tired of the conversation, I suggested, “Okay, they are both to blame then. Let’s just leave it there.”
Shaking his head, Hert stated, “People can’t just go around blaming other people for the choices they make or do something and say well if this hadn’t happened. Someone always gets hurt and it’s usually the one who is doing right that gets wronged. Goodnight,” then rolled over and went to sleep.
I couldn’t help feeling his statement was somewhat directed towards me. Throughout everything I had always managed to find fault in someone else as a reason for my actions. In this case however, I was completely blameless. I did not give in to Emerson when the opportunity presented itself. Hert needed to understand, not everyone was like him, in control and responsible to a flaw. His principals were unshakeable, under every circumstance. How could he possibly expect people to do the right thing all the time?
I had no part in what happened with Amila, yet I was still getting blamed. I did not agree with what she did but I did understand.
Nudging Hert, I stated, “Why are you so angry about this?”
Without moving he said, “Because, it’s selfish to betray someone and then use being lonely as an excuse.”
“But, Hert…” I started before he sat up cutting me off and shouting, “You think I’m not lonely? Do you? You think I like hardly seeing you? Being so tired when I get home that all I can do is go to sleep because I just have to turn around and do it all over again the next day?”
I couldn’t help myself as I replied, “You must because that is exactly what you do.”
On his feet now, Hert shouted, “That’s right Renni, I don’t miss you at all when I’m gone. I don’t think about you all day while I’m at work. And I sure as hell can’t stand having to spend the last five minutes of my day getting to see you before I go to bed.”
Thick with sarcasm, I sympathized, “Well then, these last few days must have been just horrible for you.”
Hert didn’t say another word. Grabbing his pillow off the bed, he stormed out of our room. Taking a deep breath, I laid back thinking how quickly the conversation went bad. With all Hert’s principles, why couldn’t he have some understanding too?
Chapter 11
Hert left for work before I woke. Feeling horrible about our argument and how all my hard work was out the window, I would have to start over being a….Well, whatever it was he wanted me to be. I decided it might not be a bad idea to take Mrs. Thomas up on her offer to talk. After breakfast, Sophia was content playing by herself and I decided to make a call. Mrs. Thomas offered to stop by for a visit and I gladly accepted. Quickly straightening, up before she arrived, I hoped she could advise me on how to have a happy home.
Hardly able to control myself, for what was sure to be a day of imparted wisdom and cheer, I skipped to the door opening it wide for her. I smiled as Mrs. Thomas smiled back and walked in.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I assured.
She cheered back, “I am happy to be here,” then asked, “Now is this about Scott or Jackson?”
Her question confused me as I informed, “Well really it’s about me.”
“Oh, then go ahead,” she said, appearing confused herself.
Suddenly I was side tracked.
Curious, I questioned, “Is Jackson mad at me?”
“I don’t think so,” she answered, before saying, “So this is about Jacks.”
I couldn’t help thinking she was messing with me as I replied, “It wasn’t but since you brought him up…” raising my eyebrows and smiling.
Serious in response, Mrs. Thomas asked, “Is there something going on between you two?”<
br />
“Oh, no ma’am!” I quickly blurted.
The smile returned to her face as she said, “That does make me feel better. I was a little worried.”
Nodding at her, I couldn’t help but laugh a little.
Mrs. Thomas laughed a little too. She picked Sophia up setting her on her lap. Although, I was happy to have eased her mind, I was incredibly curious as to how she could worry about me and Jackson. In addition to that I was having problems with Hert that needed fixing.
Taking a deep breath, I shared, “Things just don’t seem to be going the way I thought they would.”
She nodded before replying, “Well honey, I hate to break it to you but that may be because ya’ll rushed things a bit,” before giving an understanding expression. She continued saying, “I understand why and I am proud of you both for doing the right thing but it may have helped for ya’ll to get to know one another a little better first.”
“I’ve known Hert my whole life,” I disagreed.
Nodding in confirmation, she said, “That’s not the same. Ren honey, I meant as grownups. I’m sure it isn’t what you expected.”
Seeing her point of view, I explained, “It’s really more about his job.”
Smiling wide, she advised, “If it really is his work that’s causing a problem, it will get better. Just give it some time.”
I had to smile. She sounded just like Jackson.
When I really thought about it Jackson sounded just like her. No wonder he always knew the right thing to say. He had a mother that spent years giving him the words.
“Mrs. Thomas, why did you ask if there was something going on with us?” I asked.
Shaking her head, she replied, “I was really just making sure. I never know with Jacks.”
With a laugh I said, “Yea, he’s somethin’ else.”
“That he is,” she agreed continuing to say, “You know you are still the only girl he’s ever brought home to meet JP and I.”
Smiling, I said, “I remember when I first met ya’ll, you saying that I was the first girl he brought home and that I must be special.”
Nodding, she laughed, saying, “Jackson’s face got all red.”
Laughing with her, I added, “That was one of the few times I’ve seen him speechless.”
Suddenly nostalgic, I said, “I always loved being at ya’lls house. I hope Jacks knows how lucky he is to have you and Mr. Thomas as parents.”
Taking a moment to think about things, I decided to tell her about Jackson and I’s argument.
“I think I hurt Jackson’s feelings the last time he was here,” I shared.
Appearing confused, she said, “If this is about the thing with Emerson, he’s not still mad.”
Quickly realizing Jackson had already told her, I said, “He hasn’t come by since then.”
Her smile returned as she informed, “He’s not mad at you.”
Not quite believing her, I asked, “Then how come when Hert asked him to stop by he said he was busy?”
“Did it occur to you that he just might be?” she asked.
Nodding, I replied, “Yea, he was just so mad and it wasn’t even that big of a deal.”
With a sigh Mrs. Thomas shared, “Ren, we raised Jackson to treat women a certain way,” then asked, “So why do you think he would be okay with Emerson disrespecting you?”
“He was just…” I tried to explain before she cut me off asking, “And after what happened at the hospital?”
Shrugging, I replied, “His father had just died.”
“You really need to stop making excuses for people,” she stated.
Feeling guilty, I said, “It’s just…I know how Em feels…when my parents died I was really stupid.”
With an understanding smile Mrs. Thomas stated, “Yes you were but honey, you were a young girl. He is a grown man.”
“Well, it turns out Jackson was right,” I admitted, continuing to say, “Maybe I should apologize and tell him that.”
Her eyes grew wide as she imparted, “Oh honey, don’t do that. You can apologize but if you tell him he was right you’ll never hear the end of it.”
Smiling at her wisdom, I said, “I’m really lucky to have you in my life too.”
Serious in expression, Mrs. Thomas shared, “JP and I love you Ren. We always have. We just adore Sophia too. I would hate to think if there was a problem or if you needed help, you would feel like you couldn’t come to us,” then nodding at her, I almost cried as she said, “I just don’t want you to get into a mess like you did before and think you had no one to turn to. JP and I would do anything for the two of you.”
As I concentrated on keeping the tears that were welling up in my eyes from falling, I couldn’t help feeling good that I had someone that was simply on my side with no affiliation to The Office and no attachment to Hert.
Watching her smile at Sophia and seeing the way she looked at her, I was glad Jackson hadn’t settled down. Selfish maybe but I couldn’t think of a better person to be a grandparent. If Jacks had settled down and had kids she might not feel the same about Sophia. Taking full advantage of Mrs. Thomas’ visit, I decided to get her advice on a more pressing issue.
“Mrs. Thomas, a friend of mine…well, she cheated on her husband and for some reason Hert’s mad at me now,” I said hoping she could help me resolve the problem Amila’s affair had caused for Hert and I.
With a confused expression she asked, “Were you involved somehow?”
I quickly assured, “No ma’am,” before explaining, “She told me what happened and how bad she felt about it. When Hert came home from work he already knew and was really upset. Then we got into an argument and now he’s not talking to me.”
“What was there to argue about?” she asked.
Taking a breath, I shared, “Well, I know who she cheated with and I just felt like he went there on purpose for that reason. Hert was blaming her for everything and I’m not saying she’s not responsible for what she did but I also know how lonely she was and I was just trying to explain…”
Mrs. Thomas stopped me, saying, “Oh honey, you didn’t.”
“What?” I questioned.
Shaking her head, she shared, “Your husband never wants to hear that you can see how someone would be unfaithful. Men need to be reassured that they are the only one.”
Nodding, I understood where I made my mistake.
Realizing Mrs. Thomas was an untapped resource, I couldn’t believe it took me so long to grasp she was the one I should have talked to. Suddenly all sorts of things came to mind. Unfortunately, I couldn’t discuss them with her. Facing the fact that no matter how much I wished for it, she was not my mother, I would have to figure the hardest things out on my own. I spent the rest of my day with her enjoying the happiness and cheer she brought into my house and pretending things could be simple and that my little family could be like hers.
I wasn’t surprised when Hert came home from work late. Knowing he was still mad at me, I decided it was best to let him have the night to ignore me. While making an active effort to appear pleasant without pushing him to talk, I smiled each time he looked in my direction. I actually felt impressed with myself for being such a grownup. Although I saw no reason for him to take what happened out on me, I also knew I preferred to be left alone when I was upset. So, in the interest of being a good wife and the bigger person, I quietly spent the evening letting my husband get over his issue.
Sitting on the couch, I allowed Hert to go to bed a good hour before I even thought about joining him. When I was sure he would be asleep, I headed upstairs to our room. As I climbed into bed with him, I thought about all the reasons why I was willing to stay silent. I decided the main one was for him to see I was without fault and that he had overreacted. This was definitely the right strategy with him. He had time to think about things now and maybe appreciate the fact that his wife was faithful. Satisfied with my efforts, I assumed this would all be over by tomorrow. After all, how long could he sta
y mad at me for something I didn’t even do?
Chapter 12
Three days had gone by since the knowledge of Amila’s affair wreaked havoc in my house. Everyday Hert came home hardly saying a word to me. Finally, I had enough of the silent treatment.
After dinner Hert put Sophia to bed and came back downstairs. When he sat down on the couch I snuggled up next to him.
“You know Telli and Amila are together and working through it. Shouldn’t you be getting over it too?” I questioned.
Sliding away slightly, he answered, “I am not mad about them.”
“Then what are you mad about?” I asked.
With a look of disbelief he said, “I‘m mad because you acted like there was a perfectly good explanation for her to cheat and there’s not. Does that mean you think being unfaithful is okay?”
Taking a breath, I remembered what Mrs. Thomas said and replied, “No Hert, I don’t think it’s okay. And for your information, I felt terrible for Telli.”
Narrowing his eyes, Hert asked, “So then why were you defending her?”
“I wasn’t. I was simply saying Amila is not solely to blame. I don’t understand why Emerson even went over there. I guess I was more mad at him because I feel like that’s why he went,” I explained.
Hert speculated, “Are you jealous?”
I couldn’t help myself, answering, “Are you stupid?”
Hert glared at me then got up, heading straight upstairs.
I walked up the stairs determined for this to be over. Unhappy with how their situation had affected us, I was going to put an end to this and I was doing it now. I stepped into our room closing the door behind me.
“Hert, you are being ridiculous,” I stated.
Sitting up on the bed, he stated, “Am I? 'Cause you sure wanted Roberts out in a hurry.”
“Yea, you’re right I did. Before you got home, I told him to go to hell and he told me that he’d tell my parents ‘hi’ when he got there. So yea, I sure did want him gone,” I half-truthed.
Hert’s expression softened. “I didn’t know he said that to you,” he said before I broke in, assuring, “I’m over it.”
I was over it. Hert wasn’t completely wrong though. I was jealous. Not because I wanted Emerson because he wanted someone other than me. How sick is that? I should have just told Hert the truth but it was already too late. If he found out now, why I wanted Emerson gone, he would never believe nothing happened. I thought about how stupid I had been. I had no business spending so much time with men that were not my husband. Bad things were bound to happen eventually.