by M. Sembera
“What are you doing?” he blurted.
Irritated that he was questioning the rationality of what I was doing, I urged, “Either help or get the hell out of the way!”
With a heavy sigh, Jackson moved the corner of the dresser away from the wall and lifted his end.
Once the dresser was in Hert’s office, I stood in my doorway thinking, ‘Yep the bed has got to go.’ Pulling off the comforter and sheets, I threw them to the side before lifting the mattress up and sliding it into the office. Pleased to see Jackson behind me with the box spring, I returned to my room and kicked the bedframe apart. With the head board and foot board now in Hert’s office, I pulled the mattress off my old bed in Sophia’s room and let it fall where Hert’s bed had set.
Extremely proud of myself, I walked into the hallway and said, “Let’s go get a drink.”
Confused, Jackson shook his head saying, “Ren, I don’t think…” before I cut him off cheering, “It’s only eleven thirty. The Bar won’t close 'til one. Maybe Gus will let us close it down like we used to.”
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Energized and sure of myself, I exclaimed, “I am great! There’s nothing wrong with me!”
With a hesitant expression, Jackson replied, “Oh there might be a little somethin’ wrong with you.”
Shaking my head, I declared, “No see, it’s not me it’s him! I can’t believe I didn’t realize! Hert’s never gonna love me, not really!”
Jackson’s eyes were sympathetic as the words I spoke echoed back at me.
I stood there quietly staring at him before whispering, “Hert doesn’t really love me.”
Stepping closer, he offered, “He loves you.”
Shaking my head, I shrugged saying, “Not like I want him to.”
Jackson started to console, “Ren, I’m sure…” before I stopped him, sharing, “I…I have that meeting with Salvador in the morning. I think I’m just…just going to go to bed.”
Turning away, I stepped into my room and closed the door behind myself.
Staggering toward my mattress on the floor, I grabbed the comforter and pulled it over me as I curled up in a ball on my old bed. I started to cry. At first, I cried because I was hurt. Then, I cried because I felt stupid. Lastly, I cried because my life was a mess once again and I couldn’t see a way to make it better.
Chapter 17
Wishing I hadn’t cried all night, I splashed cold water on my face. I was up in plenty of time to take my time getting ready to meet with Salvador before I picked up Sophia. No matter what I did my eyes stayed red and puffy and I wasn’t looking forward to going downstairs and having Jackson see me either. Giving up, I did my best to put on a pleasant face as I headed downstairs.
I wasn’t particularly hungry but in an effort not to be starving later, I fixed myself a piece of toast. Sitting at the kitchen table, I kept my eyes on my plate when Jackson walked in. After pouring himself a bowl of cereal, he sat down at the table with me.
With a hint of pity, he asked, “How are you this morning?”
Nodding, I continued to eat my toast.
“When are we heading to your meeting?” he questioned.
Keeping my eyes down, I said, “We’re not, I’m calling a driver.”
It took him a minute before he asked, “Do you want me to get Sophia for you?”
Shaking my head, I replied, “No, I’m picking her up after.”
“Is there anything I can do for you?” he asked, almost pleading.
Looking up at him, I answered, “Yea, you can be normal.”
The second he saw my eyes, I could feel his heart going out to me.
Stopping him before he said something that made me want to cry, I urged, “Please don’t Jacks. I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine,” he shared.
Nodding, I agreed, “I know,” before assuring, “I am though. I’m just… I’m sad but I’ll be okay.”
I quietly finished my toast while he ate his cereal.
When I was ready, the driver arrived and I was on my way. Careful not to be found out, I asked the driver to stop at a little diner on the way to get Sophia.
As the driver parked the car, I informed, “I am going to get a cup of coffee and I will be right back.”
After the driver replied, “Yes ma’am,” I stepped out of the car.
Taking a deep breath, I walked into The Diner and up to the counter. I ordered a large black coffee to go then stepped to the side. Glancing at the back corner, I saw Salvador, seated at a table by himself.
Appearing pleased as I walked to his table, Salvador greeted, “This is a pleasant surprise.”
“I have not made a decision yet,” I assured.
Narrowing his eyes, he questioned, “Is it possible you simply wished to see me again?” with a sly grin.
With a serious expression, I stated, “It occurred to me, I am unable to make a decision without knowing what you actually want from me.”
Another slight smile preceded, Salvador complimenting, “I am pleased you asked. I have to admit, I would have thought less of you, had you agreed without knowing what I require.”
Not fond of his compliments, I questioned, “Well?”
Sighing with a slow blink, he explained, “I am not sure; however I know it is you I need.”
Struck by momentary brilliance, I offered, “Then I propose we both take a month to consider…Things… and then meet again.”
With a slow nod Salvador agreed, saying, “I look forward to our next meeting.”
My number was called and with a sarcastic grin, I excused myself from his presence.
I took my coffee from the counter and walked out of the dinner and slid into the car. It was possible already being hurt and disappointed from the night before made this meeting with Salvador easier than the first. However, the fact that I had a whole month to think and plan gave me a settled feeling. I arrived at Mrs. Thomas’s shortly after.
Mrs. Thomas opened the door before I knocked, informing, “Sophia just fell asleep.”
Smiling, I said, “Oh, it’s kind of early for her nap.”
Nodding, she explained, “She was very upset when Jacks left to go home last night. It was so sad. She was up pretty late.”
“Awe, you should have called me, I would have gotten her,” I replied.
Giving me an odd look, she assured, “It was your anniversary.”
Suddenly, I had a pang of sadness.
Shrugging, I said, “It wouldn’t have mattered.”
Taking a closer look at me, Mrs. Thomas asked, “Have you been crying? What happened?”
Shaking my head, I sighed, saying, “It’s just…He doesn’t…”
Patting me on the shoulder, Mrs. Thomas suggested, “Let’s go sit down.”
Nodding, I followed her to the den and sat down on the couch with her.
I couldn’t tell her everything but at the moment, I was in serious need of a mother daughter talk. Since I had no mother and she had no daughter, I hoped cashing in her, ‘If you ever need to talk,’ offer was as welcome as I needed it to be.
“Hert wants me and loves me but not in the right way,” I shared.
Appearing confused, Mrs. Thomas asked, “There’s a wrong way?”
Nodding, I explained, “He wants me…when he wants me which I guess is fine. But he doesn’t have room in his life for me other than that.”
“I see he wants you, not the relationship,” she confirmed.
“Yea,” I agreed before saying, “I guess I’m really not that surprised but it hurts…because I thought he did.”
Teary eyed, all the feelings from the night before spilled out.
“Plus, it’s insulting for Hert to think I would be okay with an arrangement, that I’m just some…” I complained, before she stopped me saying, “I don’t know him very well and you say he loves you but honey, no one who really loves you makes you feel like that.”
Starting to defend Hert, I shared, “He�
�s had a really hard life. Maybe he just doesn’t know how, ya know.”
Giving me blank stare at first, she went off on a little tangent, informing, “Well who hasn’t? I was eight when my parents died and even though it put a terrible financial burden on my aunt and uncle, they took me in anyway. JP’s parents all but disowned him when he married me and I planned on having six children and couldn’t. But you know what, through everything neither JP nor my family ever made me feel unloved.”
Shrugging, I said, “We aren’t like you and Mr. Thomas, and our families weren’t that great when we had them.”
Smiling softly at me, she imparted, “JP and I’s marriage hasn’t always been easy but we never lost sight of each other because above all else, we were committed to each other. You and Hert are married and that is serious. I don’t think anyone should take their vows lightly or not try to make it work. But honestly honey, when someone really loves you, they never make you question if you deserve it or if they do… because it’s a gift.”
Nodding at her, I burst into tears.
We sat there on the couch for a while. I cried as she consoled. When Sophia woke up Mrs. Thomas suggested I take a little nap and calm down so I didn’t upset her. With a slight headache I agreed and curled up with a blanket. I woke hearing Sophia giggling, then Jackson’s voice. Sitting up, I used the tissues Mrs. Thomas left for me and tried to look like I hadn’t just cried my eyes out.
Obviously checking on me, Mrs. Thomas walked in, asking, “Feeling better?”
Nodding, I asked, “Can Sophia and I stay tonight?”
“I would like that,” she replied with a smile.
Jackson walked in with Sophia and she instantly threw her arms out to me.
As he set her down with me, I hugged her saying, “I love you,” kissing her forehead.
I held her as she snuggled up with me on the couch.
“You wanna stay for dinner and then head back to the house?” Jackson asked.
Before I could answer, Mrs. Thomas said, “Ren is staying here tonight.”
Jackson gave a confused look as I nodded at him.
“I’m going to start dinner,” Mrs. Thomas informed, before leaving the room.
Sitting on the floor in front of me, Jackson questioned, “Did something happen?”
Confused at first, I realized that Jackson expected me to pick Sophia up and head back to the house after meeting with Salvador.
Giving him an apologetic smile, I said, “No it went fine, I got over here and kinda fell apart on your mom.”
“I was worried about you,” he admitted.
Nodding, I apologized, “I’m sorry.”
Smiling at me, he assured, “You’re lucky this was the first place I checked and you were here, I was fixing to go around shakin' people down for information.”
I laughed a little, asking, “Are you gonna stay here too?”
Still smiling, he replied, “I would but I’m pretty sure my mom won’t like that idea.”
“Yea, but you’re staying for dinner right?” I asked.
With a wink he offered, “I’ll stay until they tell me to go home.”
Smiling at him, I nodded.
After dinner, Mr. Thomas sat at the table with stacks of folders and a laptop. While Mrs. Thomas and I played with Sophia, I noticed Jackson sit down at the table with his dad.
Smiling, Jackson asked him, “Need an extra pair of eyes?”
Mr. Thomas laughed out loud, saying, “Boy with those glasses you’d think you could see through the paper.”
Mrs. Thomas overheard them too and fussed, “Stop picking on him, JP.”
Smiling at them, I shook my head saying, “I like his glasses,” and stood up.
Taking Sophia with me, I changed her and rocked her to sleep before returning to the den.
“Sorry I don’t have a bed for you, I made up the couch,” Mrs. Thomas said.
Chiming in from the kitchen, Jackson commented, “You could always curl up in the crib with Sophia in my old room.”
Sticking my tongue out at him, I said, “The couch is fine.”
Mrs. Thomas walked up behind Mr. Thomas, patting him on the shoulder and asking, “Are you about done hun? It’s getting late.”
Shaking his head and rubbing his forehead, Mr. Thomas answered, “We’re behind and until we’re not shorthanded anymore …” looking at his parents, Jackson broke in, offering, “I’ll do it.”
“Jacks your on vacation,” Mrs. Thomas reminded.
Jackson smiled at her, assuring, “I don’t mind,” before adding, “Besides dads old, he needs his rest,” as he laughed.
Hopping up, Mr. Thomas said, “Oh yea, bet I can still take you.”
Mrs. Thomas rolled her eyes, saying, “Okay, boys,” as Mr. Thomas tried to put Jackson in a head lock.
Laughing at them, I told the Thomas’ goodnight as I went to the den and Mr. and Mrs. Thomas went to their room.
It didn’t take long for me to realize my nap earlier in the day was making it hard for me to fall asleep. It was either that or the fact that there was still a piece of pear cake in the kitchen left over from dinner. Mrs. Thomas’ pear cake was the most delicious desert in the world. Getting up, I walked to the kitchen.
Smiling at Jackson, as I passed him, I said, “That was really nice of you.”
Without breaking his concentration, Jacks nodded saying, “Yea.”
Thinking the cake could wait a minute, I sat at the table with him asking, “You want some help?”
Jackson looked up from the papers and questioned, “You wanna help?”
Nodding, I said, “If I can.”
Jackson smiled at me, saying, “Okay,” before he handed me a stack of folders and instructed, “Highlight every third line then put them in order by date.”
With the two of us working together we finished in a little under an hour.
When the work was done, I hopped up from the table.
“Are you fixing to go home?” I asked.
Nodding, he answered, “Yea, it’s pretty late,” then asked, “Are you going to bed?”
Shrugging, I said, “I might watch some TV in the den, I’m not really tired now.”
“I’ll hang out and watch a movie with you if you want,” he offered.
Narrowing my eyes, I teased, “Aren’t you supposed to go home? I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
Laughing, Jackson stated, “I’m a grown man.”
Shaking my head at him, I walked to the den and sat down on the couch. Jackson put a movie on then walked to the kitchen and came back with the piece of cake I had forgotten about, until it was in his hand.
“Ah, that was mine,” I complained as he took a bite.
Giving me a strange look, he sat down on the couch saying, “I didn’t see your name on it.”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I argued, “Your mom made it because it’s my favorite, so the last piece should be mine.”
“It’s my favorite too,” he disagreed.
Not wanting to wake his parents, I fussed, “Give me the cake,” in a hushed tone.
Refusing, he laughed, “No.”
Crossing my arms, I sat there pouting.
“Okay pouty baby, we’ll share it,” he offered.
I held out my hand and he shook his head saying, “I’ll hold it, I don’t trust you.”
Giving him a stupid look, I leaned over to take a bite. When Jackson moved the cake up to my mouth, I quickly grabbed hold of his hand and shoved the rest into my mouth.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” he laughed as he ate the tiny bits of smushed cake from his fingers.
Unable to reply with my mouth full, I nodded and smiled with my cheeks filled with Mrs. Thomas’ delicious pear cake.
It took me a little bit but I finally swallowed my huge bite of cake. Feeling incredibly proud of myself for high jacking the last bit, I looked over at him.
“Told ya the last piece was mine,” I cheered.
Shakin
g his head at me, Jackson said, “I guess I should be grateful I didn’t lose a finger.”
Rolling my eyes, I scoffed, “Oh, whatever.”
Scooting right next to me, he shoved his thumb in my face, saying, “Yes huh, you bit me, see.”
Turning to face him, I argued, “No I didn’t, let me see,” pulling his hand down and inspecting his thumb.
Pointing to a tiny red mark on his thumb, he insisted, “Right there.”
Rolling my eyes, I admitted, “Okay ya big baby,” and kissed his thumb.
When I leaned back up his face was turning red and he was starting to fidget.
The moment quickly turned serious as I realized how close we were. Still holding his hand I rubbed my thumb against the tiny red mark I had just kissed. Jackson appeared as though he wanted to say something but couldn’t. Oddly enough, I seemed to be having the same problem. Hearing Mrs. Thomas clear her throat from the doorway, Jackson instantly jumped up.
Pointing at me, Jackson fussed, “She bit me!”
Outraged, I pointed back, saying, “He tried to eat my piece of pear cake.”
Mrs. Thomas looked at us like we were ridiculous before patting Jackson on the back and saying, “Now this really should go without saying but Ren is our guest and you should share,” then turned to me and said, “And no biting.”
In unison, Jackson and I replied, “Yes, Ma’am.”
Shaking her head at both of us, she said, “Night kids,” and left the room.
I waited to hear her door shut before whispering, “Tattle tale.”
“Well you did bite me,” he stated.
Giving him a stupid look, I blurted, “So you told your mommy on me?”