by M. Sembera
Nudging him, I asked, “Umm, can I have my legs back?”
I saw him smile before saying, “If I let go, then I can’t do this,” and started tickling the bottoms of my feet.
Instantly flinging my arms around to hit him, I laughed uncontrollably. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t break my legs free.
“Are you going to respect my boundaries from now on?” he asked.
Still laughing, I blurted, “Yes!”
Without stopping, he questioned, “If I tell you I don’t want you to see something, are you gonna look anyway.”
“No!” I laughed.
Quickly letting go, so I could sit up, he grabbed his glasses and put them on as he scooted to a sitting position also.
Smiling wide, Jackson said, “Remember you promised.”
“That’s not fair, I was under duress,” I pouted.
Shaking his head at me, he laughed, saying, “You’re so silly.”
After sticking my tongue out at him, I asked, “What do you want for breakfast?”
“Whatever you want to make is fine,” he replied before saying, “You know I was serious when I said you and Sophia could stay with me. I mean…I know my apartments kinda small but if ya’ll needed to…”
As he trailed off, I assured, “I know Jacks.”
Almost as if he was trying to take his offer back he said, “I mean you probably wouldn’t want to, especially after being here.”
“I don’t like it here,” I shared before explaining, “I wanted a little house, like your parents have. In fact, when I left, I had talked Hert into buying a house in Amila’s neighborhood after I met her. We even went and looked, but then Mr. Roberts died and Hert took over. We had to stay here.”
The thought of all my attempts to get away made me sad. Every time I had a chance to move or even leave for a weekend, something Office related came up, making it impossible. I couldn’t even count when I left because it turned out, the hotel I stayed in belonged to The Office and Hert even had his very own suite there.
Sincere in expression, Jackson questioned, “If this isn’t where you want to be and Hert isn’t…Ren, what are you even doing here?”
Shrugging, I heard the phone ring. A little relieved I didn’t have to answer; I walked upstairs to get Sophia while Jackson answered the phone.
Standing in Sophia’s room I waited for her to wake up. As I watched her sleep, I knew why I was still here and it was hard to admit. It would be easy to say, it was because I loved Hert but I could love him no matter where I stayed. The truth was, I was scared. Not once in my life had I been on my own, not really. Even when Hert left me he was still here every day after work. I had never paid bills or even had a job for that matter. As much as I hated the idea of being kept, that’s exactly what I was and I always had been. Starting to feel bad about myself, I was happy to see Sophia wake up. Smiling the moment she saw me, I wondered, if finding out I was pregnant with her gave me the courage to leave HIM, could wanting what was best for her give me the same courage to venture out on my own? Still, I knew I needed to be here until I sorted things out with Hert. If Hert and I were really over, I hoped I wouldn’t stay just because it was easier than leaving.
Carrying Sophia downstairs, I saw Jackson at the bottom. Trading with me, he took Sophia and I grabbed the phone. I watched them smile wide at each other before Jacks took her into the kitchen.
“Hello,” I sighed into the phone.
Hert asked, “Still mad at me?”
“What?” I asked, caught off guard by his question.
His voice was smooth as he said, “I know I upset you. I’m sorry. I can’t stop thinking about you. I want you to come see me. Mrs. Thomas can watch Sophia or leave her there with Jackson.”
Hoping he meant something different then how he was coming off, I asked, “Why don’t I bring Sophia, we can spend the day together and you can see her too?”
“I can see her when I get back, I want you to come see me,” he confirmed.
The tone of his voice and knowing what he wanted, made it hard for me to resist my own urge to give in.
I asked, “Why just me?” making sure I wasn’t wrong.
“Come on Renni, you know I want you… I can’t concentrate. All I keep thinking about is you in that dress,” he shared, causing every muscle in my body to tense up.
Ignoring my personal want, I stated, “I am not going to go service you so you can get your mind right.”
He yelled, “You’re my wife, why are you being so difficult!”
“So that means I should be at your beckon call?” I questioned.
His frustration was clear as he replied, “It means you need to get over yourself, be a good little wife and come over here.”
The realization that Hert’s demand made every inch of my body tingle, made me a little sick.
“Wanna know what you can do with yourself?” I griped, before he growled, “What good are you!” and hung up the phone.
I had to sit there for a minute and concentrate hard to keep myself from crying.
Saying as little as possible, throughout the day, helped me keep my composure. I couldn’t wait for Sophia to be down for the night so I could be alone and wallow in the grief of Hert and I’s dying relationship. Finally, I had my chance. Sophia was bathed and fast asleep in her crib. As I left her room, I saw Jackson at the top of the stairs.
“Can you come here for a second,” he asked.
Nodding, I watched him walk back down. Thinking, ‘great,’ I followed him.
Before I made it to the couch, Jackson turned to me asking, “Are you okay?”
Clenching my jaw tight to stop the tears, I nodded at him.
“If you’re really okay, then say ‘Jackson I’m okay’,” he insisted.
Taking a deep breath, I tried but ended up crying instead. Reaching his hand out to touch my shoulder, I shrugged it off. Wiping my eyes, I sat down on the couch.
Jackson sat next to me and placed his arm around my shoulders, saying, “I’m sorry.”
Suddenly mad, I fussed, “Why are you sorry? Hert’s the one that’s sorry. He should be sorry.”
Nudging me a little, he said, “I know… I’m sorry that you’re hurting.”
That was all it took for me to cry so hard, I was practically heaving.
Chapter 21
In the same position I fell asleep, both Jackson and I were sitting up. He slept with his glasses on and his arm around my shoulders. I had a slight headache from crying so hard but other than that, I felt better. Knowing I needed to start getting ready for my Society meeting before my visit with Ms. Herterand, I started to get up. When I moved, Jackson slowly opened his eyes.
“You okay?” he whispered.
Smiling, I replied, “Yes Jacks, I’m okay.”
Smiling back, he said, “Don’t get up.”
“I have to,” I informed.
With a pouty expression, he said, “But it’s only five.”
Glancing at the clock, I hadn’t realized it was so early.
Weighing my options, I decided to stick to my original plan, saying, “I know but I have that meeting and then I’m going to see Ms. Herterand.”
Giving up, Jackson said, “Alright,” as he stretched out across the couch.
Sitting on the edge of the couch, I leaned down, saying, “Thank you for being a good friend,” and kissed his cheek.
Wrapping his arms around my waist, Jackson hugged me tight.
Patting his shoulder, I said, “Ummm, I really need to get up.”
Shaking his head into my side, he shared, “It’s either this…or I’m kissing you back.”
“Okay, but I’m pretty sure both are inappropriate,” I said.
Letting go he sat straight up with a startled expression on his face, saying, “Oh, and checkin' me out in my sleep isn’t?”
I stood up, assuring, “That’s different.”
“I know what you did was worse,” he insisted.
Making
my way to the stairs, I disagreed, “No, if I had said hey I’m going to sneak a look at you in your sleep that would be. I simply was taking advantage of an opportunity that presented itself.”
Shaking his head, he laughed before lying back down.
When I was dressed and ready to go Jackson asked if he could take Sophia to his mom’s then meet me there for dinner. I agreed and after I kissed Sophia goodbye we headed our separate ways. The Society meeting seemed to last forever, going over rules for The Ball and making sure everyone knew what was expected of them. When the same question was answered for the fifth time, I had to actively stop myself from rolling my eyes. Finally, it ended and I was free to leave.
Ready to see Ms. Herterand, I was happy to be headed her way. Unfortunately, when I got there she had not been feeling well and I did not get to see her. The nurse informed me she was getting better but not ready for visitors just yet. Disappointed, I left, having the driver drop me at the Thomas’ house. Surprised Jackson’s car wasn’t outside, I knocked on the door. Mrs. Thomas smiled opening the door and letting me in.
“Is Sophia here?” I asked.
Nodding, she answered, “Jackson dropped her. He went to pick up his tux for Friday and then he was going to help JP out.”
“Sorry I’m early, Ms. Herterand is sick so I didn’t get to see her,” I shared.
Appearing genuinely concerned, Mrs. Thomas said, “I hope she gets better.”
Nodding, I picked Sophia up and gave her a hug.
Noticing Mrs. Thomas’s exceptionally cheery smile, I asked, “Am I missing something?”
“I finished your dress,” she cheered, before asking, “Do you want to try it on while no one’s here?”
Nodding, I was excited too.
Mrs. Thomas pulled my dress out of her closet. Even though I had seen it before, there was something about it being completely finished that made me want to jump up and down. The very thin sheer gold fabric laid over the white lining looked unbelievably elegant. Mrs. Thomas stepped out of her room with Sophia so I could try it on. Thankful for the side zipper, I knew there was no way I could have done the back by myself. The waist up to the front was snug enough to make me stand up straight but not so tight I was spilling out of the top. The bottom flowed down, barely brushing the floor, so in my heels it would rest on the tops of my feet. Instead of straps, there was a soft roll of fabric that rested over one shoulder and down the back. After standing in front of the mirror for a few minutes, I let Mrs. Thomas back in.
Holding Sophia, she cheered, “Oh, you look beautiful!”
Nodding at her, I complimented, “It’s better than anything I’ve ever seen, thank you so much.”
Smiling wide, Mrs. Thomas replied, “Awe, you’re welcome honey, I have something else for you too. Take the dress off and I’ll be back in a second.”
I did what I was told, taking extra care, while hanging my gown back up. Mrs. Thomas stepped back in and handed me Sophia. Walking to her dresser she picked up a box. I watched her expression carefully as she made her way back to me.
Appearing happy, yet emotional, she offered, “I want you to have these.”
I watched her open the box and saw a pair of emerald earrings and a ring.
Shaking my head, I said, “Oh, I can’t…” before she held up her hand and shared, “They were my mother’s and her mother’s before that.”
Tearing up, I declined, saying, “Mrs. Thomas, they’re beautiful but I can’t.”
A little teary also, she insisted, “Yes you can. The earrings are for you and I want Sophia to have the ring,” before I could say anything else, she explained, “The ring is a Claddagh, the emerald heart stands for love, the hands are for friendship and the crown is for loyalty. It can be worn different ways but you need to wear it on your left ring finger with the heart pointed towards your wrist, because you’re married. I think you should wear it Friday but it’s for Sophia.”
Appreciative but still hesitant, I questioned, “But what if Jackson gets married and has a daughter?”
Shaking her head, she replied, “It doesn’t matter if she’s blood or not Sophia will always be special to me just like you are and I want her to have it.”
Nodding, I hugged her.
Words really couldn’t describe how I was feeling. Pulling out a garment bag, Mrs. Thomas zipped it around my dress and placed the box in a pocket on the front. Still holding Sophia, I sniffled, kissing the side of her head.
Wiping her eyes, Mrs. Thomas stated, “Well, enough of that,” as she patted me on the back.
I wrapped my free arm around her and whispered, “Thank you, I love you,” as tears rolled down my cheeks.
Hugging me back, she said, “I love you too.”
Walking out of her room with both of us sniffling, we heard the front door open. Mr. Thomas and Jackson walked in laughing.
“We got finished early,” Mr. Thomas announced, before looking at us with concern.
Mrs. Thomas and I laughed a little before she said, “Good, you can go pick up dinner then.”
Jackson’s eyes questioned me as I softly smiled at him.
“I’m going to ride with JP are ya’ll staying for dinner?” Mrs. Thomas asked.
Nodding, I hugged her again before taking Sophia into the den.
After Mr. and Mrs. Thomas left, I sat in the den playing with Sophia. It was clear missing her nap made her a little cranky. Jackson sat on the couch after he couldn’t seem to cheer her up. Nothing seemed to make her happy, until finally, she fell asleep. I carried her into Jackson’s old room and laid her in the crib before heading back to the den.
Sitting down next to Jacks, I informed, “Your mom finished my dress.”
Nodding, he asked, “Did something happen?”
Shaking my head, I smiled declaring, “I just…I love your family.”
Leaning a bit closer, he confirmed, “They love you too.”
I placed my hand on the left side of his chest, clarifying, “All of your family.”
Placing his hand over mine, Jackson smiled wide. As I felt the warmth in my chest start to spread, I heard Jackson’s parents coming in the house. With a slight laugh, Jacks shook his head and got up.
Dinner was loud and full of laughter as the Thomas’ talked about when they first met. After dinner, I helped clean up while Mr. Thomas repeatedly commended Jackson on his accounting skills, taking time to poke fun at his glasses too. We stayed there long enough that Sophia’s late nap had no effect on her falling asleep in the car on the way back to the house. Once she was in her own crib and down for the night, I headed back downstairs.
Feeling a little guilty about earlier, since I let a moment get the best of me, I put on a smile and pretended Jackson and I didn’t have another blur in the friendship line.
When I made it to the bottom of the stairs, I saw Jackson coming out of the downstairs bathroom, smiling at him, I asked, “Are you going to bed?”
“I was thinking about it,” he replied.
Feeling the need to clear the air, I said, “I’m sorry about earlier, it’s just the dress your mom made me and then she gave…” before he interrupted me, saying, “Why are you sorry? You love my family. Why wouldn’t you? They’re great.”
“Jacks,” I blurted, knowing he was upset.
Shaking his head, he stated, “Nothing happened, so there’s no need for an apology.”
A little frustrated with him, I said, “I know nothing happened but something was fixing to.”
Fluffing me off, he sat on the couch and shared, “I was just going to tell you, that you looked pretty today.”
Giving him a stupid look, I sat down on the couch, assuring, “I know you’re lying.”
“Oh, you don’t look pretty?” he sarcastically asked.
“Okay, stop,” I stated, before saying, “Look, I’m right here with ya, there’s nothing you’re feeling that I’m not.”
Quickly turning to me, he questioned, “Then tell me how I’m not supposed to
feel like a sorry ass person for this?”
As I shrugged, I shook my head as he explained, “I mean, most of the time I’m good just talking to you. I know I mess with you a lot but I always have. Then sometimes I look at you…Ren, I remember what it was like to kiss you and I was serious when I said I went from wanting to get with you to just wanting to be with you. It’s not that I don’t want you like that, because I really do…I just want everything else from you too.”
There was nothing I could say, all I could do was hug him and remind myself the last thing I wanted, was for him to get hurt.
Chapter 22
Wednesday came and went fairly quickly. Neither Jackson nor I said anything about our feelings. Filling the day with Sophia, we were cheerful but not quite back to where we were in our friendship. I knew a little breathing room was necessary to let things settle back to normal, so when Thursday rolled around I planned to spend most of the day out.
I stayed in my room until Sophia was awake. After getting her changed and dressed for the day, I packed her diaper bag and headed downstairs. Setting her bag on the counter, I fixed her cereal and mine too. When Jackson walked in, I noticed he did not have his glasses on. His eye was better and there was no way he planned on wearing them to the event, still I missed them. I handed him a bowl and pointed to the box on the table.
Confused, he asked, “Are ya’ll going somewhere?”
“Yea, I have a few last minute things to do for tomorrow and I thought you might like to have a break from us for a little bit,” I replied.
Shrugging, he offered, “Well, you could leave Sophia here with me.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
Cheering right up, he said, “Yea, she’ll be at my mom’s all day tomorrow, then I’m going home and back to work after that. I won’t get to see her as much.”
Nodding, I smiled saying, “Okay then, ya’ll have a fun day and I’ll be back later.”
Before I could tell Sophia bye, the phone rang.
Taking a breath, I assumed it was Hert as I picked up the phone. To my surprise it was Amila.
“Hey!” I said, before asking, “How is everything?”
Her voice was pleasant as she replied, “Hey Ren, I just wanted to let you know, if you were planning on stopping by today, I won’t be home from eleven to one.”