by M. Sembera
Slamming it on the table, he urged, “Read it!”
Realizing I had caused an argument, I said, “I don’t want to,” in a soft voice.
Flustered he flipped his file open, saying, “Here then, I’ll read it to you,” before lifting a page and saying, “Somehow, I managed to turn a brief high school relationship with you into a long term friendship and ulterior motives lie beneath my actions.” Pulling another page out, he snapped, “Oh and this is one of my favorites, I also manage to take your unfortunate circumstances and use them for my benefit,” then pulled another page and said, “And how about this, here I seem to be making a great effort to flaunt my conquests in front of you, no doubt in hopes to make you jealous,” before finally flipping the file over and pulling the last page saying, “To sum up, everything I have ever done was for myself but in doing that I proved myself a useful and trustworthy asset to The Office.”
“Jacks,” I whispered, not really knowing what else to say.
Nodding, he said, “Hert had this. Hell, I’m sure he put together most of it. So if he’s such a good father, why would he want his daughter to be raised by this,” giving his file a little shove.
“Because that’s just something someone wrote about you. It’s not who you are,” I assured.
Staring at me he shook his head, saying, “Some of it’s true.”
With a soft smile, I stepped in front of him.
Knowing I felt bad about myself after reading my file too, I wanted to reassure him. Nearly every mistake we made was written down, highlighting the flaws none of us wanted to acknowledge.
As sincere as I could, I asked, “Does it say when we went to that little place by your house and you kissed every bruise my father put on me? Or when you fought Emerson for grabbing me? When you yelled at Hert and wanted him to be honest with me? And how about the time I was coming down the stair and heard you telling Sophia the pea story?”
Jackson shook his head in silence.
“Those are the things that make you the man you are. Besides, Hert knows how much I love Sophia and if I want her with you then he knows that’s the right thing,” I said.
With a slight smile he asked, “What else makes me the man I am?”
Smiling back, I replied, “Wren stories, tattoos and sleeping on a friends couch just to look out for her.”
“I am pretty damn amazing,” he agreed.
Smiling, I laughed. All he needed was a little ego boost to get right back on track.
As Jackson and I laughed together, Emerson walked into the kitchen. Jackson excused himself to go shower, leaving Em and I at the table.
With a light smile I asked, “How is Amila?”
Taking note of the way his eyes lit up as he answered, “Good,” I questioned, “Do you want her to come to see you?”
Appearing surprised, Emerson nodded saying, “I don’t think she will.”
“Why not?” I asked, wondering if she was upset with me.
“She is not a big fan of Hert right now,” he shared.
Nodding, I understood.
After taking a moment to think, I informed, “Well, Hert is gone for the day and I’m sure he won’t be home ‘til late this evening.”
“How do you know that?” he asked.
With I slight smirk I replied, “He’s out looking for you.”
Emerson’s confusion quickly turned to humor as he blurted, “Oh no, what if he finds me.”
Shaking my head at him as we laughed, I thought of something.
Sitting at the table smiling at Emerson’s humor, I wondered how involved he was with Hert persuading me. Recalling when Em said he had a big part in it and that he was sorry, I decided to apply my one question a day to him too.
With I light smile I questioned, “If I ask you something, will you tell me the truth?”
His expression changed as he replied, “I will try.”
Nodding, I appreciated his honesty.
“Hert told me something and it doesn’t make sense,” I shared.
Visibly taken aback, he asked, “What did he say?”
Taking a breath, I said, “It’s about something you told me, when I first came back here,” unsure if Em knew about the deal Hert made with Salvador.
“What did he tell you?” he questioned, appearing nervous.
Cautious, I replied, “It’s more about what you said.”
“What?” he asked.
Tilting my head to the side, I replied, “Well, a few days after I came back here, you said that me being with HIM was hardest on Hert. That you and Jacks had to stop Hert from coming to get me and ya’ll had to convince him it would just make things worse. After what he told me, I don’t see how that’s possi…” stopping suddenly as Jackson rushed up.
Grabbing hold of Emerson, Jackson shouted, “You sorry ass…” before I jumped between them, blurting, “Stop!” as I shoved Jacks away.
“Is that what happened?” Jackson yelled, trying to reach around me to get ahold of Emerson again.
“Stop it, Jacks!” I fussed, stepping closer to Emerson.
With a furious expression, Jackson shouted, “Back up Ren!”
Worried and confused, I stood between them as Jackson grabbed the top of Emerson shirt, pulling him out of the chair.
Slapping Jackson’s arm away from Emerson, I hollered, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
Focused on Emerson, Jackson shouted, “I talked Hert out of going to get her? That’s what you told her?”
It only took a moment for Jacks to lunge at Emerson.
Forcing myself between them, I urged, “Stop it! You’re gonna hurt him!” as Jackson started to swing.
“Damn right I am,” Jacks assured moving to the side, intent on hitting him.
Emerson walked around me saying, “Its okay Ren.”
Looking up at Emerson, already severely bruised with a broken nose courtesy of Hert, as he took short breaths and his eyes filled with tears, I realized why Jackson was so upset.
Stepping back between them, I pleaded, “Jacks, please don’t. He’s sorry.”
Slowly lowering his glare from Emerson, Jackson’s eyes met mine.
“Please,” I breathed, before Jackson shook his head at me and walked out of the back door.
Standing there silent for a moment, I let everything sink in. Taking a deep breath, I turned to Emerson. As he hung his head, I reached up and placed my hands on the sided of his face.
“Em,” I quietly said.
Shaking his head, Em shared, “It was Jackson.”
Nodding, I assured, “It’s okay.”
Shrugging my hands off of him, Emerson walked out of the kitchen.
Standing there by myself, I wondered if the information would have changed anything, if it had been the truth that Emerson told me. Stopping myself from questioning the reasons I fell in love with Hert, I didn’t want to dwell on it. Reminding myself, what was done was done and that all I needed was to concentrate on the future. The last thing I needed was to feel even closer to Jackson. With a deep breath, I walked out of the back door and into the garage. Jackson was standing with his back to me. Closing my eyes for a moment, I shook off any feelings that would complicate things between us.
“You okay?” I asked, trying to get his attention.
When there was no response, I walked up and placed my hand on his back.
Taking a step forward, he replied, “No,” as my hand slid off of him.
“Will you take me to pick up Sophia?” I asked, hoping he would turn around.
Nodding, he answered, “Yea, I’ll be out here when you’re ready.”
Mumbling, “Okay, it’ll be a minute,” I turned and walked back into the house.
In my room, I quickly changed, before heading to Emerson’s. After giving the door a light tap, I walked in. Emerson was sitting on the end of the bed, looking sad.
Taking a seat next to him, I said, “I still love you.”
Glancing over at me, he asked, “Do you?”
Nodding, I assured, “Everything’s gonna be okay,” before wrapping my arms around him.
Holding me tight, Em kissed the side of my head and let go. I softly smiled at him.
“I wonder how our lives would have been if we had fallen in love with each other…You know what I mean,” I thought aloud.
Leaning in close, Em smiled and said, “No one stood a chance after Jackson.”
Giving him a strange look, I laughed, “Tell that to Hert.”
Shaking his head at me, Em imparted, “At some point you are going to have to admit to yourself that you fell in love with Jackson the first time he smiled at you.”
“Don’t say that,” I griped.
Emerson’s eyes were thoughtful as he stressed, “It’s true, I saw it in your eyes, just like I do now,” before he said, “I could tell how hard it was for you to believe what I was telling you about Hert. You know all of us so well but instead, you let yourself be persuaded.”
Quickly standing up, I stated, “I don’t wanna hear it. Not from you,” then left the room.
The ride to pick up Sophia was quiet. I didn’t want to even glance at Jackson. Frequently closing my eyes, I concentrated on forgetting the morning’s information and Emerson’s oh so unhelpful declaration. Mentally assuring myself over and over, none of it mattered now.
When we arrived at the Thomas’, Mrs. Thomas appeared relieved to see us.
As she handed a crying little boy off to Mr. Thomas, she informed, “Gus’ boy, William has pneumonia, he’s in the hospital.”
Instantly heartsick for Gus and his wife Sarah, I asked, “Is he going to be okay?”
Nodding, she answered, “They think so, he’s only five so…” before asking, “Could you stay here and watch them so JP and I can go up there and give Sarah a chance to rest?”
Glancing around, I saw two more boys running in from the den and tackling Jackson as I hesitantly said, “Okay.”
Noticing my reluctance, she assured, “You’ll do fine, they’re just kids.”
Forcing a nod and a smile, I thought, me and five kids…yea, sure.
Mr. Thomas’ smile was wide as he laughed, “Good luck,” while peeling the smallest boy off of himself and setting him down at the table.
Mrs. Thomas informed, “Lunch is on the table for them,” as they headed out the door.
Walking into the den, I saw Sophia and Penny tugging back and forth on a little blanket. Stepping closer to the playpen they were in, I leaned over it smiling at them.
“Hey ladies,” I cheered.
They both squealed throwing their arms in the air. Smiling down at them, I grabbed Sophia, holding her tight before reaching in and picking Penny up. Securing one girl on each hip, I carried them into the kitchen. Sliding the girls into their high chairs, I looked at the little boy still crying at the table.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” I softly asked.
The oldest boy walked up behind him, saying, “He’s a crybaby.”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I snapped, “That’s not very nice,” watching the little boy cover his face and sniffle.
“Ah, he’s a mama’s boy,” he griped, giving me a bad look.
As Jackson made his way over to the table with the other boy still on his back, I fussed, “And what’s wrong with that?”
Making another face at me, he smarted off, “Nothin’ if you’re a crybaby mama’s boy, I guess,” before Jackson popped him on the back of his head, saying, “Watch your mouth boy.”
Giving me a look as if I got him in trouble he sat down and started eating.
“Alright kid, eat your lunch,” Jacks said, swinging the boy off of his back and into his chair.
Making his way around the table, Jackson placed his hand on the older boy’s head and introduced, “Ren, Auggie,” before moving to the next one saying, “Braden,” as the boy spastically waved and then to the youngest boy saying, “And this little guy is Ailin,” as he scooped him up and sat in the chair with Ailin on his lap.
Auggie glared up from his plate at me, asking, “You’re named after a bird?”
Shaking my head at him, I stated, “It was my grandmother’s name.”
“Was she named after a bird?” he sarcastically asked.
Before I could answer Jackson scolded, “Turning ten doesn’t make you grown, show some respect.”
Auggie’s whole face turned red as he scowled at his plate and continued eating.
Smiling slightly at Braden, I asked, “And how old are you?”
Sitting up tall in his chair, Braden announced, “I’m Seven!”
“How old are you Ailin?” I softly asked.
Covering his face, he held up three fingers before I said, “Wow, you’re three.”
Glancing around the table I thought, ‘Good Lord, ten, seven, five, three and almost one. No wonder Gus stayed at The Bar so much, I would lose my mind.’
A while after lunch, Sophia and Penny had tired themselves out playing and were asleep. Jackson took Braden and Auggie to the back yard to play, while Ailin sat on the couch watching cartoons and appearing sad. Sitting next to him I thought with his dark auburn hair and face full of freckles, he was just adorable.
Tapping him on the shoulder, I asked, “Are you sad?”
Without answering, he looked up at me with big green eyes that were red and swollen from crying.
Smiling softly at him, I offered, “When I was little and sad about something, I would think of something happy to make myself feel better.”
Wiping his eyes, Ailin answered, “I want my mama.”
Nodding, I assured, “It works for that too.”
I noticed a hint of a smile, as he turned to face me.
“Okay, think of one thing that makes you really happy,” I instructed.
After sitting very still for a moment, he said, “My book and mama.”
Thinking for a minute, I asked, “When your mom reads you a book?”
Nodding, he said, “My book.”
“Okay what is the book about?” I asked, hoping maybe I knew the story.
With a little grin he replied, “Me.”
Remembering Mrs. Thomas showing me Penny’s book and telling me Sarah loved to draw and that she made picture books for each of her kids, I had a great idea.
“I don’t know that story, maybe you could tell it to me,” I suggested.
After blinking a few times, Ailin told me, “I’m hansmon and I murry a pricness.”
Smiling wide, I said, “You’re handsome and you marry a princess.”
Nodding, he grinned saying, “And happy foreber.”
Laughing, I said, “Well you can’t get much better than that.”
Ailin gave a shy snicker then rolled onto his side and fell asleep.
I sat there for a few minutes thinking what a sweet little boy he was before stepping outside with Jacks and the other boys.
Before I had a chance to do or say anything, Braden was in front of me saying, “You're Sophia’s mom.”
As I nodded he asked, “Are you Jacks’ girlfriend?”
Caught off guard, I drew a blank as Jackson ran up giving him a little shove and saying, “Boy, go over there and play.”
Seemingly proud of himself, Braden smiled wide before darting off towards his brother.
Raising an eyebrow at Jackson, I laughed, “Umm, okay.”
“Sorry, he’s a little knuckle head,” Jackson said as he shook his head.
Shrugging, I admitted, “Well, I’ve been accused of worse things.”
Slightly smiling, Jackson nodded before saying, “You should call the house so they know everything’s okay.”
“Are you still upset?” I had to ask.
“Yea,” he replied before saying, “You should go ahead and call.”
I stood there for a second waiting for him to say anything else before stepping back inside.
The rest of the day was nothing less than chaotic. Sophia and Penny were all over the place, while Ailin
was practically glued to my side. Auggie and Braden got into a fist fight, more than once, before Jackson threatened their health and well-being. By the time dinner rolled around, Mrs. Thomas called and asked if we could stay the night with the kids because Sarah needed her and Mr. Thomas to stay. I agreed and after calling the house again, I made dinner.
When dinner was over, it didn’t get any better. No one wanted to shower, so Jackson took over the older boys and made them. Deciding Sophia, Penny and Ailin would be alright with just changing into pajamas, I was ready for bed myself. As we tried getting the girls to sleep, Ailin whined until Jackson took Penny so I could hold both Ailin and Sophia. It took about two hours of crying and fussing before everything settled down. Auggie and Braden were stretched out on the floor watching a movie in the den, Sophia was asleep in the crib in Jackson’s old room, Penny was in the playpen sleeping and Ailin was sleeping curled up on my lap.
I sat on one end of the couch with Jackson on the other. The movie the boys were watching was really stupid but I was happy to watch, now that everything else was quiet.
“I’ll get it,” Jackson mumbled as he got up to answer the phone when it rang.
The moment Jacks stepped out Braden quickly turned and asked, “Are ya’ll gonna kiss after we go to sleep?”
“What?” I blurted, almost feeling embarrassed as I asked, “Why would you ask that?”
Laughing, Braden shared, “When dad is home he says for us to go to bed so he can kiss mom.”
I couldn’t help but smile as I thought that was the cutest thing I had ever heard.
“Um… that’s different,” I assured.
Appearing suspicious, he questioned, “Don’t you like Jacks?”
Wondering why I was explaining myself to a kid, I stated, “Yes, he’s my friend.”
Auggie quickly sat up and argued, “Nu unh you’re a girl.”
“So?” I snapped.
Giving me a little smart-assy smirk, he said, “Boys and girls can’t be friends.”
I actually had to remind myself that I was talking to a ten year old.
“Yes they can,” I griped before questioning, “Aren’t ya’ll a little young to be talking about this anyway.”
Auggie narrowed his eyes at me saying, “So you haven’t ever kissed him.”
Then Braden chimed in, asking, “Ooh, if Jacks wants to kiss you, will you kiss him?”