by M. Sembera
Pressing my hand into the left side of his chest, I reached up with my other one and brushed my fingers over the scar above his eyebrow as I whispered, “Jacks.”
He closed his eyes briefly before repeating, “What are you doing?” softer this time.
Trying to keep my breathing even, I worked at appearing innocent. I wasn’t opposed to being aggressive but I knew he still thought of me as that same seventeen year old girl that was inexperienced and afraid. Lots of things still scared me with Jackson but at the moment, they were replaced by an overwhelming need to get lost in him.
Surprised to see my hand shake as I ran it down the side of his face, I stopped for a second. After drawing in a slow deep breath, I brushed my finger against his bottom lip. The expression on his face sent tingles up and down my spine. Giving a soft smile, I wished he would hurry up and do something. I looked down to see how close we were and inched a little closer. As I gazed up at him, Jackson swallowed hard and I noticed him start to fidget. That was it, I couldn’t wait anymore.
Caressing the side of his face as I stood, I gave him a sweet smile. I took a step back and slipped my shoes off before reaching back and unzipping my dress. The moment my dress fell to the floor, Jackson reached up and pulled me to him. Still seated against the wall, he sat up a little straighter as I settled down on his lap.
Sitting on top of him in my bra and underwear, I thought I would give him a little nudge by saying, “What do you want?”
When he didn’t answer, I started to get up.
“Don’t go,” he whispered, sliding his hands to my hips.
That was all the incentive I needed.
Leaning in, I gently kissed his lips. Slowly Jackson responded, kissing me back.
“We’re really gonna do this?” he questioned at a whisper while my kiss traveled down his neck.
Without answering, I leaned my forehead to his chest. Inhaling deeply, as his hands gripped me tighter I pulled the bottom of his shirt up. Jackson leaned into me as I pulled his shirt all the way off. Placing my hand on the left side of his bare chest, feeling his heart, I was ready.
Jacks brushed his lips against mine, whispering, “My Wren,” before I kissed him with everything that I had.
Our hands wandered as we readjusted. Unable to get close enough to each other, there was only one thing left to do.
Wrapped up in the moment, I barely heard the knock on my door. I did however instantly notice my front door open. Quickly pulling me to his chest, Jackson wrapped his arms around me as if that was going to hide the fact that I was straddling him in my underwear.
Mr. Thomas’ voice was surprised as I heard him stutter, “Hey…A…Oh!...Come to the house…When …when a… you’re done…No!... I mean…,” before Jackson fussed, “Alright dad,” and I heard the door shut.
“Are you okay?” Jackson asked as I shook my head into him.
Finding it hard to change my frame of mind, I replied, “Just give me a minute.”
Jackson continued to hold me as I tried to pull myself together. Several things swirled in my mind. From what I was going to do with Jackson, what had taken place earlier in the day and Mrs. Thomas is going to hate me.
Pulling away, I sat there looking at him as he offered, “He turned around, I don’t think my dad really saw you.”
Embarrassed now, I felt my face turning red as I reached back for my dress, saying, “I guess it’s better than if he had walked in a few minutes later.”
He started to smile then quickly changed back to serious as he nodded.
Jackson and I put whatever had been taken off back on and stood there for a moment.
Stepping to me, Jackson reached down and held my hand asking, “Are you going to tell me to leave you alone again?”
Taking a deep breath, I admitted, “I might.”
Nodding, he assured, “I’ll wait for you and when you’re ready I will be right here.”
In the back of my mind, I thought, I was ready and I’m still ready but I knew he meant for more than what Mr. Thomas interrupted.
“I wish you wouldn’t say things like that,” I sighed.
Stepping close, he let go of my hand and loosely wrapped his arms around my waist, saying, “Wanna know what I wish?”
“That your dad hadn’t interrupted us?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
Jackson smiled wide before answering, “I don’t know how to answer that without sounding like an ass.”
With a heavy sigh, I informed, “You know this isn’t going to go anywhere and I meant what I said before.”
“You know, I really do know you, even though you like to think I don’t,” he rebuffed.
Confused, I questioned, “What is that supposed to mean?”
With a heavy sigh, Jackson replied, “Now probably isn’t the time to have this conversation.”
Instantly, I knew he was hiding something from me.
Narrowing my eyes at him, I snapped, “No, now is the perfect time because my forgiving people, for lying to me, is wearing pretty thin.”
“I haven’t lied,” he stressed before I shared, “Keeping secrets, telling lies, it’s all the same thing at this point.”
Jackson let go of me and took a few steps back.
He appeared different for a moment as if he was truly ashamed of himself.
“I could have been your first,” he stated, staring at me like that was supposed to mean something.
Making a face at him, I said, “Jacks, really? That conversation’s pretty old.”
Shaking his head and looking at the floor, Jackson corrected himself, saying, “Okay. I was almost your first.”
My first thought was ‘what the hell did he just say’ before I stared at him, waiting for more information.
“Ren, we almost slept together,” he all but blurted.
Trying to figure out if he was talking about just now or another time, I asked, “When?”
“On your birthday at The Bar, that’s when Hert told me about your father, after you passed out,” he replied.
Concentrating very hard, I questioned, “When I turned eighteen?”
Nodding, he explained, “He didn’t tell me about the shares but that’s probably because he didn’t…” stopping him, I said, “That’s because my father didn’t sell them until after I was eighteen. That was why Mr. Roberts stepped in and what does any of that have to do with us almost sleeping together?”
“What is the last thing you remember from that night?” he questioned.
Shaking my head, I replied, “Waking up in The Dog House with Hert yelling at me. Why?”
“Before that?” he asked like he was begging me to remember something.
Stopping to think for a moment, I said, “I remember Gus had to leave and I guess you and me were taking shots. Oh and Emerson passed out first.”
“We were having a good time,” he said before sharing, “Roberts passed out and it was me and you. We were laughing and throwing ice at him and then each other. The floor was wet from all the ice and you slipped. I tried to catch you but I missed and you fell on the floor. Since your shirt was all wet, I gave you my hoodie and you went to the back to change. It seemed like you were taking a while so I went to check on you. I was going in and you were coming out and we ran right into each other. You were laughing and you looked so happy, I couldn’t help myself and I kissed you.” He stopped for a minute as if he was dwelling on the memory, before continuing to say, “Anyway, you were kissing me back and we ended up on the bed. Then all of the sudden you sat up and told me you didn’t want us to be friends. You said you wanted to try everything with me. I didn’t understand what you meant at first and I started kissing you again. When you pulled away, you said…You said a lot of things but you told me why you broke up with me and how scared you were. You told me what your father thought about you and how I made you feel. Then you said it and I said it back.”
All I could say was “Oh,” as I realized, he did know me.
�
�By the time Hert walked in we were both in our underwear. I was pissed when he came in, mostly because you were almost naked and he was looking at you. Ren, I knew you had been drinking and I was too. I didn’t realize how much until Hert yelled for me to look at you and you had passed out. You were actively participating, I didn’t even think about how drunk you were.”
Shaking my head, I asked, “So that’s the big secret? We were drunk and almost had sex? Sorry, on the list of things that have been hidden, that’s pretty mild.”
“Do you know what that would have done? To both of us, if we had? Ren, I would have had you for the first time, your first time and you wouldn’t have even remembered it. That’s why when Hert said I didn’t know what was best for you and he did, I believed him.”
Sympathizing with him and thinking about how I wished I didn’t remember my first time, I offered, “If we had, I would have been upset but not with you.”
“I know that because I know you but I don’t know what’s best for you and neither does Hert. Do you know how many times I wished you would just show up at my house and tell me… Only you know what’s best for you,” he said before declaring, “I’m…uncomfortable, in a lot of ways, with the fact that my dad just walked in on us but something keeps stopping us and I can’t believe it’s just bad luck either. I don’t want some of you, I want all of you. Until then, I’m Sophia’s godfather and an old friend. When you decide or get better or are ready, then I’ll keep the promise I made you and then you’ll have all of me.”
Swallowing hard, I was speechless.
Spending the whole walk to the Thomas’ house bracing myself for what Mrs. Thomas might to say, I tried not to look at Jackson. After giving each other a ‘well here it goes’ look, we walked in the front door.
Mr. Thomas glanced away from me as he said, “Jacks come outside with me for a minute.”
Thinking ‘okay just be calm and you can explain yourself’, I walked into the kitchen to see Mrs. Thomas.
“There’s your mama,” Mrs. Thomas cheered, handing Sophia to me.
“Hey,” I greeted as I gave Sophia a little squeeze.
Looking around, Mrs. Thomas asked, “Where did JP and Jackson run off to?”
“Um, before you say anything, please let me explain,” I said feeling she was drawing this out to torture me.
With a little head shake and a sigh, she assured, “Honey, I already told you, we are happy to watch Sophia for your party.”
“Mrs. Thomas, Please if you’re mad…” I started before I saw Jackson step behind his mom, with eyes wide, frantically shaking his head.
“Don’t be silly, why would I be mad?” she laughed.
“Oh, I don’t know. I was just making sure you know,” I fluffed, faking a smile.
Giving me a strange look, she smiled, asking, “Okay, are you staying for dinner?”
Suddenly Jackson broke in, saying, “She has to get home, mom.” Then taking Sophia from me, he offered, “Come on, I’ll walk you back.”
Mrs. Thomas hugged me and told me goodbye, while all Mr. Thomas offered was a ‘see you later’.
Walking back to my house, I wondered how long it was going to take for Mr. Thomas to get over what he walked in on. Hoping it wasn’t more than a week, I still needed to discuss my personal account with him.
“So what did your dad say?” I asked.
Laughing, he replied, “That you need to learn how to lock your door.”
“That’s all he said?” I questioned.
Switching arms with Sophia, he answered, “He’s not going to tell my mom.”
When we got to my driveway I stopped, saying, “So you’re not going to tell me what he said?”
“It was between me and him, Ren,” he replied, giving me thoughtful look.
Nodding, I dropped it and told him goodbye.
Chapter 18
When my bed shook, I sat straight up, waiting for my eyes to focus in the dark. Unsure if I was having a nightmare, I sat very still waiting to hear a voice.
Starting to freak out a little, I scooted back asking, “What do you want?”
I heard a voice reply, “I want to know why you are doing this to me.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, I fussed, “Damn it Hert, you scared the hell out of me,” as I reached my foot out and kicked him.
There was silence again before he asked, “Is it because I slept with someone?”
“I’m not happy about that,” I snapped before saying, “But I’m not doing anything to you.”
Even in the dark, I knew he was moving closer as he informed, “I saw the way you were looking at HIM.”
Grateful for the dark at the moment, I said, “Whatever you think is going on, isn’t what’s going on.”
“Was HE in your car?” he asked.
I answered, “Yes.”
“Have you been going to see HIM?” he questioned.
Getting upset, I replied, “A few times but it’s not like you’re making it sound.”
All of the sudden he was right in front of me, asking, “What is it like then?”
Shrinking back, I almost told him what I was planning before I stated, “I needed to know something.”
“Why would HE help you? HE hates you,” Hert snapped.
Feeling frustrated, I fussed, “HE doesn’t hate me, HE’s just mad at me that’s all.”
“Now you’re defending HIM?” he growled.
Even though I didn’t think I was, I decided to give in and get this over with saying, “What do you expect, I’m just a whore remember.”
There was a long pause before Hert said, “You’re so much more than that but I still can’t trust you.”
‘Did he seriously just agree that I was a whore’, I asked myself before concentrating on the trust issue.
“So you won’t trust me but you trust people like Ramsden?” I questioned.
His voice was full of irritation as he snapped, “He was right about you.”
Angry, I jumped out of bed and flipped the light on.
I saw the look of pain on Hert’s face. He really hated me. It was a good thing I was mad at him, otherwise I may have started crying.
Walking back to my bed, I griped, “Oh yea, what exactly was he right about?”
“You are untrustworthy,” he replied.
Baffled, I argued, “So I’m not to be trusted yet he advised you to sign your shares over to me?”
“Mr. Ramsden is and has always been invested in the best interest of the company,” he stated.
Done with our conversation, I said, “Well, thanks for waking me up to let me know how you really feel about me. Now, get out of my room.”
At first he didn’t move, then he was quickly in front of me, assuring, “I shouldn’t have married you,” before he walked out of my room.
Convincing myself if Hert knew what Mr. Ramsden was really like, he would not feel the same about me, I sat on the edge of my bed.
With that in mind, I pulled Ramsden’s file out of my dresser drawer and wrote down everything he had Henry do to me. Writing as if I was a third party helped a little but not enough to keep the queasy feeling, thinking of that day gave me, away. By the time I was done, it was time for me to get up anyway. After hopping in the shower, I thought of something. If Mr. Ramsden liked to give advice, I would call him in to advise me.
Hert was very unhappy about having to work from the house and he was even more unhappy that I gave every single Office employee the day off. Pleased with myself for having that kind of pull after Hert acted like he did, I made a quick call to The Brothers before heading to The Office.
Sitting behind Hert’s desk in the main office at M.R. Industries, I glanced over and saw my picture at the corner. Narrowing my eyes, I glared at it thinking, ‘what are you doing here’. The more I focused on the picture of myself, the angrier I became. Without thinking, I placed my fingers on a folder that was near the frame. Pushing the folder back and forth against the desk, I watched it tap the frame
.
As the picture of me rocked back and forth slightly, I heard Ignacio ask, “Mrs. Herterand, what are you doing?”
I was so focused on the picture, I forgot The Brothers were in the room with me as I thought, ‘waiting to see if it falls’.
Looking up to him standing at my right, I folded my hands in my lap, saying, “Nothing.”
As I sat behind the desk with The Brothers at my side, I tried to think of how it felt for Hert to love me but I couldn’t.
The office door opened and instantly Ramsden froze. Standing in the doorway, he didn’t move a muscle.
With a slight smirk, I offered, “Mr. Ramsden, please come in. Have a seat.”
It took him a few minutes before he finally walked to the chair facing the desk and quietly sat down.
Sure he noticed the four of us were the only ones in the building, I questioned, “Do you know why you are here?”
“No Mrs. Herterand, I do not,” he stated.
Smiling at him, I shared, “I wanted to thank you, you advised I have more impressive allies.”
Keeping his focus on me, he replied, “You are welcome.”
Clearing my throat, I offered, “I was thinking, since your advice was so helpful and I know how you like to advise, perhaps you can help me with another matter.”
“I am always willing to advise on matters that pertain to the best interest of The Office,” he stated.
“Good,” I chirped with a smile before informing, “Apparently, someone has taken it upon themselves to raise doubt, where I am concerned. I am sure, Mr. Ramsden, you are well aware of what could happen if my leadership is brought into question.”
I could see a smile playing at the corner of his mouth as he stated, “Yes, I am.”
Drawing in a slow deep breath, I leaned forward, saying, “Unlike my husband, I do not base my decisions on the word of one person or even two. And I feel it is only fair to tell you, the advice given by these gentlemen seems a bit, gruesome. So what would you suggest?”
Whatever contentment he had was long gone as he replied, “Perhaps this someone was unaware how serious a simple suggestion would be taken.”
Nodding, I agreed, “I suppose,” before saying, “However, it is entirely possible that this someone knew exactly what they were doing. How is one to know the difference?”