“I think it will be fine.” I cross the room to her.
“I think it will be mostly fine, however, we have a few that we’re not used to having around. Oh, and we have Julie’s mom—that ought to be a blast.” She rolls her eyes.
“Why do you say that?”
“If you looked up narcissism in the dictionary, you would find Cynthia’s face. Everything gets rolled back to her. It’s the biggest reason why she and Julie aren’t that close.” She takes in a deep breath. “Man, Kyle, we’re both really lucky we have the parents we do.”
“Oh, for sure!” I agree. “So what’s the scoop with Maddie bringing the Viking?”
“And his kid—don’t forget that! Not really sure. Hopefully, he meshes in well.”
Just then, the doorbell rings. Knowing that Mitch was dropping Charley off early this morning, CiCi goes to let her in. I take off to the media room and enjoy the calm before the storm . . . or at least till Ceese starts yelling for her cleaning captain.
It’s noon and just about everybody’s here. We’re waiting on Maddie and the Viking to arrive. Shit—I’ve got to stop calling him that. Fuck it. He’ll always be “The Viking.” I just can’t wait to see what this son of a bitch looks like!
“Oh. My. God! I’m going to choke her! Why do I subject myself to her?” Julie yells in a whisper, making sure her mother doesn’t hear her.
“Look, there are a lot of people for her to spread her sunshine to, don’t sweat it.”
“Easy for you to say; she avoids you like the plague.” She rolls her eyes and grabs a celery stick filled with cream cheese. “That’s the beauty of being a ‘bad influence’ on me.” She chomps into it.
“Yes, of course. Although, I think I’ve really let her down, I mean, why aren’t you a crack-whore yet? You’ve been around me long enough.” I open the oven to check on the turkey. Actually, I wanted to get hit with another strong blast of turkey smell.
“I know. You’re such a disappointment. I mean, I’m not even a proper alcoholic. Hey, is that a new apron?” She touches my arm to turn me.
“Yeah. Kyle’s mom gave it to me.” I look down at it with her.
“Don’t stop basting your turkey in my oven, ’til my buzzer goes off!” she reads aloud. “Kyle’s mom gave you that?” She laughs. “Oh, Imma like her for sure!”
“Aww, she’s great. I adore her.” I beam.
“Whom do you adore?” Winnie asks after sneaking up from behind me, placing her hands on my upper arms.
“Oh, were your ears ringing?” I tap her hand gently.
“They must’ve been. What can I do to help?” She stretches her neck around to see what’s what, I’m guessing.
“Nothing really. Shall we pass out your appetizers?”
“That may be a good idea; I think the natives are getting restless.” She puts her hand up by her mouth, like it’s a secret.
“What are you girls up to?” Mom asks as she heads in.
“We’re just waiting for the rest of the women to pile in here so we can all hold hands in a circle and sing “Kumbaya” until something miraculously pops up that needs to be done before dinner is ready,” Julie replies. She’s my smartass understudy and sometimes . . . I’m hers.
“Oh, I know all of the words! I could lead you all in like I did for my college choir. I was the main soloist.” Cynthia chimes from behind us. We all collectively roll our eyes before acknowledging her.
“It was a joke, Mom. We all want to help, but there’s nothing to do right now.” Julie rubs her temples. I feel for her. The problem is that Julie’s mom has been self-absorbed for as long as Julie can remember, so even the tiniest thing her mom says sets her off.
“C’mon, Cynthia, let’s go see if anyone’s made any clutter for us to clean up yet.” My mother puts her arm around her shoulder and guides her out. I don’t know why, but my mom has always had extra patience for Cynthia even after knowing what Cynthia has said about me. I think it’s my mother’s own personal way of saying “fuck you” to her but she will neither confirm nor deny that if asked.
“I’m pretty sure Kyle has more than a handle on the clutter situation,” Winnie says after my mom and Cynthia walk out.
“Yeah, what’s up with that?” Julie grabs another celery stick.
“Ha! People think I’m bad!” Winnie laughs.
“Oh, leave Mr. Belvedere alone.” I head over to the fridge. Do you know what excites me about this time of year besides the obvious? Egg nog. I fucking love me some egg nog! I will watch the amount of stuff I put in my mouth just so I can overindulge on this instead.
“Isn’t that your second glass?” Julie grabs a glass out of the cabinet and places it next to mine.
“You know you wouldn’t be getting any of my shit if it wasn’t Thanksgiving.” I grab her glass aggressively and pour her some.
“Yeah, yeah . . . shut your pie hole and fill ‘er up!”
“You know, when she says that to me, it’s got a completely different meaning.” Blake pipes up from behind us.
“Jesus! What is it with everyone sneaking up on us this morning?” I turn around, almost dropping my glass.
“Sorry, love,” he says before placing his hands on Julie’s hips. He leans down and plants a few kisses on the back of her neck. Julie belches—loudly.
“You are one sexy bitch,” I say in aww.
“Isn’t she? I’ve come to believe that she does this kind of stuff to deter me, but in all honesty, nothing turns me on more than to know she’s comfortable enough with me that she will belch like a trucker.” He grinds into her a little just to show her how much, I’m assuming. I watch as Julie closes her eyes and bites her lip. I wish she would just give in already. Blake is a great guy.
“I bet you two have hot-ass-sex.”
“I haven’t had her in the ass yet, but as soon as I do, I’ll let you know if it was hot.” Blake smiles. Can you tell he’s been around us for a while? Julie stomps on his foot. I’m sure that would have some oomph to it, but she’s barefoot.
“You should be nicer to him, Julie; he’s the only one that comes back for more.” I nudge her with my elbow.
“Shut-up, Ceese,” she says quickly and under her breath.
“What’s this, now?” Blake asks, confusion all over his face. Just then, Cynthia walks in and huffs dramatically when she looks at Blake and Julie.
“What is your problem now?” Julie snaps at her.
“I just don’t know what you are doing with your life.” Cynthia sighs.
“What do you mean by that?!”
“You don’t have a solid job and your boyfriend is going nowhere fast with you. He’s just with you for your money, you have to know that.” She pushes her hands out at nothing.
“Now you wait just a bloody second, you daft cow!” Blake yells.
Holy fuck.
“She has three solid jobs doing the things that she loves to do!” he continues.
“Oh, modeling? Please!” Cynthia laughs. “Do you think she will look like this for the rest of her life?” She waves her hand at her daughter.
“Not just the modeling. She spends her days promoting authors with her blog and tour services! She’s got a knack for it and is very sought after!”
“Blog?” Me and the other girls ask as we are all now standing front and center to this shit show.
“I don’t even know what that means.” Cynthia rolls her eyes.
“No, you wouldn’t, you know why?” he asks through his teeth. “Because that would require you to stop thinking about you for one moment of your life! As far as your comment about me, that just proves to everyone in here what a self-absorbed, ignorant lady you are. You should be ashamed of yourself, the way you walk around, judging people. Look in the bloody fucking mirror, Cynthia!” his voice crescendos before he slams his fist on the counter. I have never seen Blake like this.
“Ha! What do you know? Look at you, fighting so gallantly for her. Meanwhile, you’re not the only egg in her b
asket . . . or her bed, buddy!” she laughs.
“Mom!” Julie yells.
Let’s get something straight right now; Julie lies. She tells us all about these guys that she’s sees—one night stands. It’s bullshit. However, I’m the only one who really knows that. She’s been a one-man woman ever since Blake came along. She won’t even admit it to herself, though. So, as far as everybody else knows, she’s been the same ole same ole.
“Alright, now, that’s the second time I’m hearing some sort of comment like this. What is going on, Julie?” He grabs her arm and tries to turn her to face him but she doesn’t budge.
“I was only kidding with my comment,” I say quickly, trying to lessen the blow.
“Are you still seeing other guys?” I can almost hear the lump in his throat as he swallows.
Don’t do it, Julie. Don’t do it, Julie.
Julie takes in a deep breath. “Yes. I am,” she states, still not looking him in the eye.
She never listens.
“Are you sleeping with them?” he asks in a much lower voice. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who heard him as most of us are all standing here . . . listening. Yes, we’re all assholes but we just can’t help it.
“Yes.” Her eyes fill up.
He hesitates for a few moments. Opens his mouth and shuts it. It’s almost painful to watch. I can see him fighting back the anguish he must be feeling. His nose flairs once again. “Right. I suppose that’s my cue, then. You all have a lovely holiday. He nods towards all of us then heads out of the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” I grab her arm and pull her. “Why did you lie to him?”
“I’ll tell you why she lied,” Kyle interjects. “Because, just like you, she’s afraid of how she feels for him. She’s pushing him away on purpose. It’s asinine! I don’t know why you women pull this shit,” he starts to raise his voice. “It’s clear to me and everyone else here that you are not only destroying that man, who clearly cares about you, but you are destroying yourself! It’s all over your face, Julie, don’t even try to deny it.”
“Kyle, this really isn’t—”
“—any of my business?” He finishes my sentence. “No, it’s not. But I know exactly what that guy is going through. You did the same damn thing to me and it killed me every time! And for what?!” Kyle yells at me.
“I’m so sorry I did that to you.” I grasp his face in my palms. “I really am.” I lean up and kiss him.
“What’s going on here?” Maddie asks grabbing our attention.
“The Viking . . .” Yes, every woman in the room just said that in a collective sigh. Except for Cynthia, she doesn’t know about him.
We hear the door slam and Julie lets out a small sob. I turn back to her. “Kyle’s right, Julie. I did that to him and it was awful on both of us. I stopped doing it, gave into my feelings, and have never been so happy in my life.” I plead with her. Kyle’s hands slide around my waist and he hugs me to him. Julie looks at me apprehensively. “Do you care about him?” I ask. She nods frantically. “Go after him, then. Tell him the truth; otherwise you’re going to lose him.”
“Oh God, you’re right.” She gets a look of panic across her face. “Excuse me.” She rushes by us and out of the kitchen. Slam goes the door again.
“Well, I don’t know why she’s bothering. He’s not good enough for her anyway.” Cynthia shakes her head.
“You wouldn’t know what’s good for your daughter if it slapped you in the fucking face!” I yell.
“Why you disrespectful piece of trash!”
I swear not a minute has flown by yet and Cynthia is screaming.
Ok . . . my mother may have thrown a pie in her face.
I look around to see where my mom is. Oh . . . it was not my mother who threw the pie. She’s too busy climbing Daddy like he’s the ropes on a wrestling ring and she’s Jimmy “The Superfly” Snuka. Who the fuck threw the pie? I look around the room again and my eyes finally fix on a very pissed off Winnie Cooper who’s heading towards Cynthia with a wet towel.
“You have some nerve, coming into my son’s house and disrespecting his girlfriend like that. I don’t know where you come from lady, but you have no class. CiCi is damn good friend to your daughter. She’s a damn good friend to anyone who needs one. I’ve heard nothing but nasty things come from your mouth since you got here.” She hands her the towel.
Cynthia takes it, wipes her face, and heads over to the sink. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says almost too quietly.
“Oh, you most certainly do. You just didn’t know anyone heard you make those comments to Julie. Now, I can tolerate a lot of things—Lord knows I have—but I refuse to listen to such downright nastiness. Not one word from your mouth had an ounce of truth to it. I think it’s high time, lady, that you stop and reevaluate your life. Try to take the time to figure out why people don’t like you and, for the love of God—change it!” And with that, Winnie Cooper leaves the kitchen to collect herself, I’m sure. I’m also sure that someone needs to scoop Kyle’s jaw, and mine, off the floor.
Now that it’s quiet, we can hear the yelling that is going outside. So we do what anybody would do when they know two people are arguing right outside the house . . .
We all run to a vacant window.
I can’t really make out what they are saying. I can tell that Julie is pleading with him and crying. He keeps trying to look away from her except for when he yells at her. Finally, I see her nodding repetitively, like she’s agreeing to something. She starts crying again and lays her head against his chest. He looks up to the sky like he’s asking for a little help from the big man upstairs. He then wraps his arms around her as he looks back down. He kisses the top of her head. She looks up at him and his hand threads into her hair before he brings her in for a kiss.
“That’s so hot,” I say under my breath.
“I can top that,” Kyle says quietly in my ear.
“I bet you can.” I smile up at him.
“Shit—they’re coming!” Ava announces and we all find something random to do. Yeah, not suspicious looking at all, are we?
Cynthia heads to the door just as Julie and Blake walk in. “Mom? What the hell happened to you?” Julie’s eyes are wide but there is humor dancing around in them. I know she is doing everything she can not to laugh at her mother. Her mother, who still has apple filling, flattening her hair. The pieces of pie crust add a nice texture, as well.
“It’s been made very clear—as you can see—that I’m not welcome here.”
“What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything but state my opinion.”
“She called my daughter a piece of trash in her own home! She’s lucky I didn’t mop up that floor with her, goddamn it!” Mom raises a fist. One hundred percent Irish—that’s all I’m sayin’ ‘bout that.
Julie gets out of the doorway and holds her arm out. “Goodbye, Mother.”
“You’re not coming with me?” Cynthia seems shocked.
“No. I’m spending Thanksgiving with my real family.” She snuggles into the side of Blake’s chest.
“I’m your family.” Cynthia’s eyes fill.
“Only on paper. I’m done with this. With your behavior. With always trying to have a relationship with you. You’re miserable and the only thing that makes you happy is to put the people around you down. There’s no reason for me to subject myself to this kind of abuse anymore. Please leave.” Julie opens the door wider for her.
“Abuse?” Cynthia’s voice cracks.
“Yes. That’s exactly what it is . . . what you have been doing to Julie, Cynthia.” Maddie speaks up.
With all of us standing and staring at her, I think Cynthia’s light bulb finally comes on; she leaves. As soon as the door closes behind her, Blake wraps his arms around Julie as she sobs into his chest.
“Hey, Blake,” Maddie places her hand on his forearm, “can you let us take over from here?”
“Absolu
tely.” He nods and gives her another quick kiss before letting her go.
We immediately encircle her. “I just can’t anymore. I’ve reached the end of my rope,” she cries. “Now I feel guilty that she’s going to be all alone.”
“Are you kidding me? Now she can go have a pity party and invite anyone who will listen. She’s probably as happy as a pig in shit right now.” Charley scoffs.
“Hey, ladies, not to break up your super power Asswhore meeting, but I can’t contain these kids any longer.” Mitch interrupts us.
“I’m sorry; did somebody mislead you into believing we would give a shit?” I ask.
“Mitch, send them out to the kitchen to meet Hunter and help us set up their table. That will keep them busy for a few.” Kyle waves Mitch in.
“Thanks, man,” he says. “C’mon, kids!” he yells over his shoulder. They come parading out, past our huddle (unfazed, mind you), and out to the kitchen.
“Dipshit,” I say under my breath at Mitch.
“Love you, too, Ceese,” he calls out.
“C’mon, girls, let’s get in there.” Julie wipes her eyes. “Oh my God—Maddie! I’m so sorry! What a first impression to make on the Viking!”
“Oh, fuck it! I warned him that you were all a bunch of crazy bitches. He knew not to be surprised by anything.” She pats Julie’s back and rubs it. “Let’s go.” She nods her head in the direction of the kitchen.
“He’s Australian, right?” I ask as we walk.
“Yes.”
“Well, see that? We’ve introduced him to a proper American Thanksgiving!” I say.
“For sure! What’s Thanksgiving without yelling, crying, and laughing?” Ava asks. “Rock the fuck on with Kyle’s mom, by the way!” she adds.
“I love that woman.” I do. I really truly do.
“Here is your mission, if you choose to accept it,” I start and give Kyle, Mitch, Trent, and Blake the “stare down.”
“What if we don’t choose?” Trent asks. He’s been around us girls the longest; I don’t even have to say what we’re after.
In the Mix Page 26