by Rita Hestand
"Where? Nowhere, I just run."
"Do you believe in God and heaven?"
Mike was asking some very interesting questions. Questions he'd never ask Claire himself.
"God, heaven? Well…there is no heaven…." She began.
"Claire…?" Mitch frowned at her.
"Well, he should know the truth. There is no heaven Mike." Claire repeated.
"Of course there is. My Mommy went to heaven." Mike cried suddenly.
"Your mother died, Mike, yes…but…"
"I think we should move on now." Mitch got Claire's attention.
For the life of him, he never knew Claire believed this way. He was as disappointed in her as Mike was now. And to say such a thing to a child.
Mitch looked sympathetic toward Mike. "Women are hard to understand, sometimes."
"What do you and Sarah do when you are home…?" Claire asked raising a brow.
"We play cards, we play games, and we watch Disney movies together. We go to church, and sometimes we swing together. Sometimes she lets me help her cook. We sing songs together."
"Swing?"
"Yes, when I was little she would push me, but now that I am bigger I do not need pushing, so she sits in the swing next to me and we see who can go the highest. I have beaten her a couple of times, but she would get so scared for me…."
"Do you go places together?" Claire asked.
"Of course, she goes to my school to see my work, or sing or play soccer. I like soccer, I do not play well, but I like it. We had just started karate together. We always go to church together."
"And do you ever have friends you play with?" Claire thought she might trip him up on this question.
"Oh Si. Sometimes she lets us bake cookies when they come over. Or reads us a story like about this captain, Ahab with the wooden leg. When we have the money, we go bowling and skating together with my friends. I spend the night with some of them every now and then and as long as I keep my chores done and my grades good in school. But I am only in kindergarten and it is easy so far." Mike explained.
"When you marry my father, will we do these things together?" Mike asked.
Claire glanced at Mike and saw him smile. "Well…I don't know. Perhaps some of them, when we aren't working."
"Working is very important to you?" He asked.
"Yes…of course. Isn't it to your Aunt?"
"Si, but if I am sick, she takes off and stays with me."
"How can she afford to do that?"
"I do not know, but she does."
"Perhaps it's because you do not have a regular babysitter."
"No, just me and her."
"Well, when we marry our home will be different and you will have many things to entertain you, I'm sure." Claire said.
"Oh…then you do not want to play with me?" Mike asked his face seriously considering her.
"There's a time to play…and a time not to." Claire answered.
"Si…I understand." From there it went downhill all the way, Mitch noticed. Mike took her hand, but there was something about the way he did it, that sent a signal to Mitch. Like a new fear had entered his life. This disturbed him. Deep down, he had expected this reaction from both of them. Claire finding no joy in being with Mike and Mike finding no love coming from her.
Until today, he had hoped that Mike would bring out the mother in her, but there was no mother in Claire. She was unmoved by the routine Sarah had kept up with him. Plain and simple she was a businesswoman, and had no desire to be mother of the year.
However, the cincher for Mike was when she said there was no heaven. He could see in Mike's face all sorts of disappointments. And it upset him.
What's more, it upset Mitch. She made no attempt to like anything about their day together. It was as if she was sending him a private message that she merely tolerated the boy because he was kin to him.
He thought about that.
From the moment he had heard he had a son, he'd been thrilled. And ever since, he realized how important it was to have a family of his own. However, it was easy to see, Claire wanted no part of it.
Chapter Twelve
Mitch decided quickly to call it a day and took them home.
When they arrived, Claire expected him to make plans for them that evening, but he shook his head.
Claire moved into the room, and set her purse on the coffee table.
"I'm sorry Claire…I think I have had it for the day." He rubbed his temple.
Claire studied him a moment then nodded. "It has been rather tiring hasn't it?" She leaned into him to kiss him.
He moved away. "It certainly has."
She frowned, not liking the way he ignored her advance. Watching his body movements for body language, she waited. "Is something wrong?"
"Oh you bet there is." He loosened his tie and took his jacket off. He hung it in the closet. When he turned around, he saw her frowning at him. "I found out today just exactly who you are, Claire. And it was an eye opener." Mitch nearly shouted. "You are a savvy business woman, a great partner, but even though I know you don't like kids much, I figured you were smart enough to know how to handle them. I was wrong. Very wrong."
Mike had gone to his room to change clothes.
"I'm not good with kids. I admit it. You should know that by now. However, if you are referring to Mike, you've thrust him on me. Frankly, I'm having trouble with that. We've never crowded each other, but treated each other with respect. Until now. I've had choices with you and I've always appreciated that."
"You don't have the foggiest idea of what it is about, do you?" Mitch asked, turning on her.
"Of course I do. It's about that kid in there, isn't it? Of course it is. It's all you talk about these days. You can't possibly expect me to accept this arrangement. My God…he's…not from our world, Mitch. He was a weekend fling for you, that's all, and you're taking him so seriously. As though you plan to have him in your life forever. And I'm too old to be changing my outlook on life for a kid…" She declared angrily. "I've always come first, until now!"
"He's from my world Claire. I love him. And don't call on God if you don't already know him."
"I accept the fact that I'm not Mother of the Year, but now you're attacking my beliefs too? This is outrageous. You…love him? Already?" Claire frowned. "The sensible thing to do would be to let this…Aunt have him and raise him. She's done a good job it would seem."
"He's mine. And yes, I love him already. He's perfect. And I want him to be a part of my life, Claire." Mitch said loudly.
"Alright…so you want him. But you've got to see my point too. You had an affair with some little Mexican girl and now…he's your family? How can you change overnight like that? How can you expect me to change overnight?"
"I didn't know you were so cold Claire. And it wasn't an affair. I loved her. And she loved me. And she wasn't just some little Mexican girl, but even if she were, I resent the way you said that."
"Well, who would have known about her if this child hadn't come up in your life. How did you find out about him in the first place?"
"Niles knew. Maria came to him, she was married at the time and she found out I was engaged. She didn't want to upset our engagement. That's the kind of person she was. She wanted to let someone she could trust know that I had a child. And I love her all the more for doing so."
"But…You didn't say a word about her all this time I've known you. How can you expect me to accept this? It hasn't been part of our lives together. You've known I wasn't the motherly type. We've even talked about not having children."
"Another thing I didn't like."
"You never said anything."
"I thought I might change your mind."
"And I thought you were more ambitious than that. If you think I'm going to act like I like this, forget it. I'm not the type. I never have been. At least I've been honest all along about it. If we were to ever tie the knot, I'd want to send him to military school where he could really learn somethin
g."
"Not in your wildest dreams. I'd never do that to a kid of mine. I'd want to watch him grow, become a decent young man with values and morals and a sense of character. You don't find that in military school. You find that in active parents who take pride in their child. I love him. Why would I even think of sending him away? And as far as Maria is concerned, you want to know about her. She was warm, and loving and caring. She nursed me back to health and spent one heavenly weekend together. She was engaged to marry another man. We met, we fell in love and we had a child that I am just now having a chance to get to know. Yes, I love him. It's like…automatic, Claire. I've realized something from this day. I don't love you! And I never really knew you until today!"
Claire's mouth flew open…"Three years…and you're just going to throw it away…over this…kid?"
"He's my kid. And yes, I'm throwing it away. Amazing isn't it?" Mitch glared at her. "But to be honest, I haven't with you in many ways. I didn't tell you about Maria, because I never thought it would go anywhere. What was the use in upsetting you over something that was a onetime thing? I had no idea she was pregnant with my child."
"That's another thing, how can you be so sure, he's yours?"
"I had the test run before I went to get him. He's mine."
"This is all so ridiculous. Call me when you've come to your senses…" She grabbed her bag and headed for the door.
"Don't hold your breath." Mitch frowned and shook his head.
"I love you Mitch, but I won't be something I’m not. You knew me well enough to know I couldn't and wouldn't accept this from you. If you really feel this way, then its best I know it now. So I don't waste another three years on you."
"I realize that, and I am sorry for you…sorry we wasted so much time."
"Maybe it's best we don't say anymore…" Her voice almost broke.
He looked at her. "Goodbye Claire."
"I can't hate you for this…but I can't love him either…It's just not me."" She cried.
"I know that now, and I'm sorry for what you will miss."
Claire slammed the door and Mitch stood rock still for a long time. It amazed him that he ever thought he loved Claire.
Mike hadn't come out of his room. Mitch went to look for him. Had he heard any of this? He hoped not.
~*~
When Leann and Sarah came home, Mitch was beside himself. He was pulling at his hair and grinding his teeth.
"What's wrong?" Leann asked seeing the distress on his face.
"I've been such a fool. It's Mike. I can't find him."
"What do you mean?" Sarah looked at him.
"Claire and I had a fight and he must have heard it." Mitch admitted.
Sarah nodded and instantly she sighed and smiled sadly at Mitch, then glanced at Leann. "I'm sorry for you. Oh…I will find him…he is here. Do not worry."
How could she know that so easily? How could she walk into a room and fix everything so easily.
"What do you mean? I've looked everywhere." Mitch cried.
"When Maria and her husband would fight. Mike would escape it. He is under his bed. But please…let me talk to him…"
"Of course…I never thought to look under there." Mitch sounded so relieved. "Tell him I’m sorry."
She nodded.
Sarah went into his room. She moved around the room and twirled about. "I wonder where my little peanut went? I cannot find him."
Nothing happened.
"I am so sad. He has run away…"
"I am here…" he hollered from under the bed and scooted out.
He ran to her and hugged her.
"Why were you hiding?" Sarah sat him on her lap as she sat on the edge of his bed.
"Papa was yelling and the lady Claire was yelling. It reminded me of when Mama fought with Carlos. I was scared." Mike cried and hugged Sarah tightly.
"Mike, my sweet little peanut. All people fight some. I am sorry you heard it. But it happens. You must not be afraid. Someday you may grow up and fight too."
"You do not fight?" He offered.
"Oh yes, remember me and Julio fighting? You would hide then too. Wouldn't you?"
"Si. I forgot that."
"Fighting is when grownups act like children. They yell, holler, and scream some times. But they get over it. Just like children do when they fight over a toy."
"Am I the reason they were fighting?" Mike asked.
"What makes you think that?"
"Because I heard them."
"Well, you were a big surprise to her. And she has to get used to the changes you make in her life. It is natural. And as you grow older you will understand it better."
Sarah smoothed his hair back and rocked him to sooth his nerves.
"I do not like Julio," he looked into her face, "and I do not like Claire. I tried to like them both. But I do not like them. They don't seem to like me either. She said there is no heaven. I don't believe her. How can that be? My Mama went to heaven. I know she is there. And Julio wants you, but he does not want me. I see it in his eyes. Is there something wrong with me?"
"No my sweet, there is nothing wrong with you. However, when things change, it takes a while to adjust to that change. It isn't something that happens overnight. If your father marries Claire, you will have to learn to accept her and love her."
"I do not know if I can?"
"Neither does she, my pet."
"How can grownups not know there is a heaven?"
Sarah closed her eyes and felt the pain. "Si…to her there is no heaven. She does not believe. Some do not. You must know this and accept that some people do not believe in God. God gave us that choice. However, we should feel sorry for them, and care for them even more because they don't believe in heaven. They are God's lost children."
"Si…but…Mama is in heaven. I know it."
"Yes my darling, she is. No matter what some grownups say, you must always know she is safe and happy in heaven. No matter what. Okay? I am sure she is watching and is very proud."
He nodded and hugged her.
"My father loves me. I heard him tell Claire." Mike smiled up at her.
"Si….my sweet. He does."
"And I love him too."
"My sweet, your mother is looking down on you right now and she is happy that you have a father that loves you so much."
"I'm sorry, Auntie, I didn't mean to be afraid. I do not know what I would ever do without you. You know how to make me unafraid."
"We all are afraid sometime. And there may come a time when I have to leave here, but you will have your father." She smiled and looked into his young and innocent face. "Now, he is worried about you. Let's go and find him."
"Si." He smiled and took her hand. "But promise me…you will never leave me?"
"Oh I cannot promise what I do not know. But in my heart, I will never leave you my sweet. I love you…forever."
When they walked out on the patio, Leann and Mitch were talking.
Mike went running up to him and climbed up in his lap.
"There he is!" Mitch broke into a smile. Leann glanced at Sarah and smiled.
"I am sorry for hiding…from you."
"It's okay…I don't blame you."
"Auntie Sarah says Mama is looking down on us. And she is happy!"
Mitch gathered him into his lap and hugged him. "Well Auntie Sarah is right."
Mike smiled and laid his head on his chest. "I will not be afraid anymore."
"Good. And I promise not to yell any more…"
Leann looked at them and chuckled. "Don't promise what you can't keep."
"I'll keep this one…." Mitch smiled and ruffled Mike's hair.
He suddenly realized how upset he was when he realized Mike had heard them yelling. He never wanted to frighten his son again. He'd do his best not to ever raise his voice like that again.
Chapter Thirteen
It was late in the evening, when Mitch sat alone by the pool. Leann was out on a date with Jerry again. Lucas retired early s
ince he'd been out the previous night late. Ray hadn't come off his shift and there was still no sign of Daniel yet. Mitch reflected on the day, amazed at how it had turned out. Mitch was staring out at the beautiful moonlit water of the pool. It had a calming effect. He felt a relief wash over him that he'd never felt before and he looked up in the sky and smiled. "I know you are watching Maria, but you have nothing to worry about. I love our son. And I'll take very good care of him. I promise."
"What do you promise?" Sarah asked, pulling her robe closed and tying the sash.
"What are you doing up?" He asked, his mind wandering wildly at what might lay beneath that thick terry robe...
"I couldn't sleep." She yawned and laughed. "I didn't know anyone else was up."
"Actually, I was making Maria a promise that I would always love and protect our son." He said solemnly.
Sarah looked amazed. She stood there staring with her mouth open.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"It's just so strange. I was doing the same thing, a while ago. I wanted her to know he would always be protected. That he would always be happy and cared for."
Mitch stared at her. "I know you love him too. I also know you are like a mother to him."
"Si…but I do think maybe I should start backing away from him so that he can adjust and not rely on me so much. I think maybe I care too much some times."
Mitch took her hand across the table and his fingers stroked hers. He watched her reaction, and she smiled ."Sarah, I don't want you to back away. I want you to step forward. You are his Aunt, and his nanny and I need you. And believe me. I feel completely competent that he is in the best of hands with you. No one could do as good a job as you, because no one knows him as well as you. Maria would want it too. So we are in agreement. For your sister's sake and mine, stay."
"But I am making it harder for Claire…" She began. "And I do not wish to. For any woman whom you might marry to step in and take over. If I back away now, he might learn to accept someone new in his life."
"You don't have to worry about that. Claire and I are through." He announced. She started to pull her hand away, but he kept it in his grasp.