In a Heartbeat

by Janice Kay Johnson

  “I’ll think of something fun.” That had been her blithe explanation for what they’d be doing.

  Now, he paused at the foot of the stairs. “Molly?”

  The silence lasted long enough that he had put a foot on the first step before he heard the soft sound of her bedroom door opening.

  “Your mom’s here,” he added.

  She appeared, pulling her pink day pack by one strap so that it slid on the hardwood floor in the hall and bumped down the stairs behind her.

  When she stopped a couple steps above him, he kissed her head and swung her to the floor. “It’s only for the day. Be nice. Your mother has to be excited.”

  “Why can’t I stay home with you?” she begged.

  Remembering when she’d tried to wriggle out of visits with him, Nate felt sudden empathy for his ex-wife. He had to remind himself that she’d done it to herself.

  Just as he had blown it with his excessive work hours.

  “Nope. Go. Have fun.”

  Looking forlorn, she dragged her pack toward the front door.

  Sonja waited on the porch. The closed garage door told Nate that Anna was gone.

  “Sweetie!” She stooped to hug their daughter, then hoisted the pack. “What’s all this?”

  “Stuff. ’Cuz I don’t know where we’re going.”

  Oops, he thought. Should have asked. Had she brought a book or her iPod? Either would probably annoy Sonja, who’d want Molly’s undivided attention.

  She jingled her keys. “Well, let’s be on our way. I’m sure your father is eager to get to work. Or eager for something.”

  “No digs,” he said quietly.

  Apparently resigned, Molly climbed into the back seat of the car and closed the door.

  Sonja gave him a dirty look. “When I go back to court for custody, the judge might be interested in knowing that you’ve moved your lover into your house, even though your daughter is there.”

  “Don’t be a bitch.” He maintained his relaxed position leaning on the door frame. “Anna and her children live above the garage, as you know well.”

  Although he damn well wished she was his lover. But they were getting there. His body had taken to vibrating whenever he saw her. Or thought about her.

  “Are you bringing Molly home before dinner?”

  “Of course not. I plan to treasure every possible minute, since I’ve had so few of them.”

  “Before bedtime, then.”

  She rolled her eyes and got into her car. He stayed where he was, lifting a hand when he saw that Molly’s head turned so she could keep him in sight as long as possible.

  He was left feeling out of sorts. Why hadn’t he planned to go into the office? But he knew—he hadn’t expected Anna and her two to be gone today, as well.

  Peace and quiet, which he ought to savor. Instead, the empty house reminded him of the year and a half after his divorce, when he’d lived alone and missed Molly.

  Now he didn’t like Molly’s unhappiness at having to go with her mother, and he was ashamed of the part of him that was gratified because she preferred him.

  And he wanted Anna home, where he could at least catch glimpses of her moving around the house, humming off-key when she thought she was unheard, laughing with one of her children. This peace and quiet reminded him of what he’d have if she went through with moving out and on with her life.

  He wished he understood what was holding her back.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  “CAN I, MOMMY?” Jenna pleaded. “Practically everyone else is spending the night.”

  Who’d have thought Mrs. Schaub would offer a sleepover? It made sense, though; because her regulars kept coming to her, she hadn’t taken any younger children in years. Jenna was the last to turn five, a milestone. Mrs. Schaub had decided to give them a treat, now that they were old enough—the kids laying their sleeping bags out on the living room floor, watching rented videos, eating pizza and popcorn and nothing but goodies instead of the usual healthful meals.

  Anna laughed, hiding the excitement simmering below the surface. In the three weeks since that passionate kiss, Anna had plotted a dozen unlikely ways to have a night without her children. Now one had dropped into her lap.

  “Of course you can go! You’re a big girl, plenty old enough. Just think, you’ll be in kindergarten in no time.”

  “Yeah! I ’specially want Sierra and Ashley and Livy in my class. I thought I wanted Austin, but he’s a poophead.”

  They had a brief discussion about why that kind of name-calling wasn’t very nice, even as Anna chose not to remind her that, come fall, there was still a possibility they wouldn’t be in Bellevue where her friends would be starting kindergarten.

  Instead, she calculated who she could foist Josh off on Friday night. This was to be Molly’s first overnight visit with her mom, so the timing was perfect.

  With a gulp, she thought, If I’m not ready now, I never will be. Anyway, it was just sex. No promises.

  Just before bedtime that evening, she stopped Josh before he went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. “Hey, did Jenna tell you about her sleepover?”

  He curled his lip. “That’s all she talks about.”

  “You know Molly is spending Friday and Saturday nights with her mom. This might be a good time to invite yourself to one of your friends’ houses.”

  His expression brightened. “Or I could have one of them stay overnight here. He could sleep in Jenna’s bed, and we could use the Xbox and—”

  “No, you can’t,” she said firmly. “Molly’s house isn’t ours, even if we treat it that way most of the time. With her gone, we’ll be stuck in the apartment.”

  “But there’s nothing to do there,” he whined.

  “That’s why I suggested you go to a friend’s house. Besides, maybe I could have an adult outing.” Like an overnight romp in bed with the sexiest man she’d ever met.

  He looked at her dubiously. “Like what?”

  “I do have friends, you know.”

  He snorted. “I’ll ask Jaden. Or maybe Patrick.” During the forced hiatus from soccer, Josh had become closer friends with Patrick, a budding computer nerd.

  “Let me know.”

  The next evening, he told her he and another friend, Dylan, were both spending the night with Jaden. She hugged him. “Sounds fun.”

  And then she tried to decide whether to tell Nate they’d have a whole night to themselves...or surprise him. If she could persuade her kids to keep their mouths shut.

  * * *

  NATE APPEARED WEARY and irritable when he came in the door Friday evening at almost seven o’clock. Heart drumming, Anna closed the oven door, set the cookie sheet with sourdough biscuits on the granite counter and said, “Hi. Perfect timing.”

  “Really?” He yanked off his tie and tossed it with his laptop case and suit coat toward the sofa. The tie fell short, but he didn’t seem to notice. “I thought I’d have to warm up my own dinner.”

  “Nope.” She smiled. “I was about to give up on you and eat, but it so happens tonight it’s just you and me.”

  He froze. “What?”

  Maybe she should have popped out from behind the kitchen counter naked. Or wrapped herself in ribbon. Or...warned him in advance?

  “Surprise.” Well, that sounded weak, maybe because most of her bold decision to do this had drizzled away while she waited for Nate to come home.

  He walked toward her. Stalked was more like it. “Where are your two?” he asked roughly.

  “Mrs. Schaub decided to have a sleepover for all her kids. Since Josh wouldn’t have had anyone to hang out with, he went to Jaden’s.”

  He stopped inches from Anna, who still wore an oven mitt. “If you’d called, I’d have cut out of the office hours ago.”

  “I didn’t get home until four thi
rty, and I wanted to make us a nice dinner.”

  The hunger in his eyes wasn’t for food, but he read something on her face. Shyness? Nerves? He flicked a glance at the steaming stir-fry in a ceramic bowl and settled for stroking his knuckles over her cheek. “We could have gone out on the town.”

  “I’d rather stay in, with you.” Her voice had gotten a little husky, too.

  He backed off a step. “What can I do?”

  Convince me this isn’t a mistake.

  No. It wasn’t. It couldn’t be. Whatever came of their relationship, she needed to make love with Nate. Create a memory she could hug in the future, if that’s all she had.

  “Not a thing. All I have to do is dish up.”

  She’d set only two place mats, not across the table from each other, but kitty-corner so they could easily touch. Carrying a bowl of rice to the table, she admitted, “This isn’t actually a very fancy dinner. It’s just something the kids would hate.”

  He grinned, studying the stir-fry. “You’re right. All those different foods mixed together.”

  “Although maybe I’m wrong.” She had to chatter to hide her nerves. “It does have green beans.”

  He looked more closely. “Molly would have had to pick out the onions and cashews—she claims not to like them—and soy sauce? Nope.”

  “Then I made a good choice for tonight.” She added the basket of biscuits and butter. “Maybe I should light some candles.”

  “I like electric lights,” he said huskily. “I can see you better.” He moved to pull out her chair.

  Flustered, she let him seat her. A soft pressure to the top of her head let her know he’d pressed his lips there before he sat down.

  They’d eaten so many meals at this table. This shouldn’t feel so different, but it did. They talked, but kept their voices low; silences had a weight and intensity. He did want to know how she’d kept Jenna from telling him about the sleepover, and Anna admitted to having conned her daughter into “surprising him,” with a promise that she could tell him all about it tomorrow.

  “You don’t think she’ll chicken out in the middle of the night?”

  “No, this is perfect. She knows everyone, loves Mrs. Schaub and is somewhere she’s spent so much time, it must feel like home. Although I’ll keep my phone close.” She chuckled. “The hardest part was convincing Josh that he shouldn’t take advantage of his sister’s absence to host his own sleepover.”

  Nate’s mouth curved, although his eyes remained dark and intent. “How’d you pull that off?”

  “I reminded him that this is not his home, and he didn’t have free run of the Xbox and your TV.”

  Nate’s smile vanished. “I’d like your kids to feel like this is home.”

  “Are you sorry massive explosions aren’t erupting from the family room right this minute?”

  “No. I’m not sorry about that. The home part, though...”

  “Let’s not talk about that tonight.”

  He didn’t like that, she could tell, but he nodded and applied himself to his meal.

  Anna went back to picking at hers. She should be hungry—this had always been a favorite—but nerves and anticipation had knotted in her stomach.

  What if making love with Nate didn’t live up to her dreams? No, that wouldn’t happen—she couldn’t imagine he’d be a selfish lover, and she already knew that his slightest touch ignited her body.

  What if she disappointed him? She and Kyle had had their routines, satisfying but not wildly imaginative. What if Nate asked for something that shocked her? What if...?

  She yanked the reins and tried to restore herself to sanity. Maybe the dinner wasn’t such a good idea. If they’d just gotten it over with...

  Except, she hoped “it” would happen more than once. That a meal would be the last thing on both their minds once they got in bed together.

  “You know,” he said, heat in his eyes, “if you keep looking at me like that, I’ll have to kiss you. And then dinner will get cold.”

  “Oh.” Her cheeks warmed. “I’m sorry.”

  “There’s not a thing for you to be sorry for.”

  * * *

  THE MEAL WAS probably amazing, but he ate only because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. All he could think about was finally stripping her and exploring her body, finding out where the skin was softest, where she was most sensitive. He was achingly hard already, but tried to avoid shifting to relieve his discomfort—assuming anything short of him driving deep inside her would do that.

  “You didn’t look like you were in a very good mood when you first got home,” she said, forcing him to wrench his thoughts back to the romantic dinner she’d planned.

  “Ah...” He had to struggle to remember anything about his day before she said those magic words: tonight it’s just you and me.

  “I didn’t like knowing Molly wouldn’t be home.” Yeah, that was it. “I wish I trusted Sonja, but I don’t.” In fact, her supersweet act toward Anna last weekend had made him uneasy.

  Anna nodded. “I don’t blame you, but I’m sure she was sober when she picked Molly up, and Molly seemed happy to see her. She did wish Jenna or one of her friends was going, too, and Sonja promised she could have a friend overnight some other weekend.”

  He hoped she’d hold off with that for now.

  “Spent part of my day dealing with Thing One,” he added. “Remember him?” He loved her laugh.

  “Yes! Did he fire another CEO?”

  “No, but he had a management brainstorm I had to squelch. Sales on his first game are going well, if not spectacularly, but the best we could have hoped for after the original promotional misfire. The second game is months away from launch. He’s lagging on the third game, not happy with the artwork or the physics or something, so he’s practicing avoidance.” Nate prayed that second game took off into the stratosphere, inspiring one of the big players in the business to buy out the idiot savant and make him someone else’s problem.

  When he said as much, Anna laughed again.

  Nate looked down to see that he’d emptied his plate, and she’d become more relaxed.

  “Normally I’d beg for seconds,” he said. “But all I can think about is you.”

  Her fork clanged to her plate. “I... Me, too. Except... I guess you can tell I’m nervous.”

  He didn’t want her so much as thinking about Kyle, which meant it was up to him to make her forget the guy in the coming hours.

  He smiled, slow and sure. “Time to get your feet wet.”

  Anna gulped. “I should put the food away.”

  Overcoming his impatience, he asked, “Will you feel better if you do?”

  “I sound silly, don’t I?”

  The tenderness he felt for her always blindsided him. He’d never felt anything like it for another woman. It allowed him to push back his chair without a word, stand and collect dirty dishes. He could do this.

  Anna scuttled to carry the leftovers to the kitchen. She set the bowl on the counter and then didn’t move. “This will be soggy by morning, anyway.”

  Nate bent to nuzzle her neck. The butter was still on the table, but he wasn’t about to point that out. Instead, he took her hand and led her from the kitchen, flicking off the lights as they went. If he kissed her now, they wouldn’t make it upstairs. Another time, one of the sofas would work fine, but tonight he wanted to do this right.

  With no argument, she let him draw her toward the stairs. Driven by pure need, Nate wasn’t sure how much patience he could summon. They could save the exploration, the savoring, for a second time.

  Yet this—walking with her, fingers twined together—was unexpectedly sweet, and he found he wanted their lovemaking to be the same. That unnerving tenderness mixed with passion. A first time should be special.

  The staircase looked like Mount Rainier t
o a man as aroused as he was, but as he and Anna climbed the steps, side by side, he wondered if they’d still want to hold hands on their way to bed ten years from now. Forty years from now. He hoped so.

  They walked down the hall, passing several open doors: Molly’s bedroom, his office, a guest bedroom, a bathroom. Two other closed doors—those rooms were empty. They’d be perfect for Jenna and Josh.

  Finally, he led Anna into his bedroom.

  * * *

  WHY HADN’T HE kissed her into mindlessness? Why was he giving her time to think? In the kitchen, when his mouth had moved down her neck, when he’d let her feel a graze of his teeth... But Nate had decided to contain his intensity. When she’d stolen a glance, his expression had rattled her. The raw hunger was there, but tempered with gentleness.

  Because she’d admitted to being nervous. The result was that their walk upstairs had felt...solemn. A procession that carried the weight of every complicated thing she felt, and hoped or feared he felt.

  Maybe Nate was acting on the knowledge she shared that there was nothing impulsive about this. Passion usually launched a relationship. In their case, because of the guilt and anger and confusion, she and Nate had both suppressed their attraction. Now...she knew him so well. He’d shared his troubles with her and listened to hers. They already had a powerful bond. And yet she’d never seen him without a shirt, never slid her hands over the strong muscles on his back without a layer of fabric covering them. It felt a little scary to know she was going to bare herself to him now, and so literally.

  It would have been so much easier if he’d just swept her away.

  They stepped into his room. He shut the door and snatched her into his arms.

  “Finally,” he said, in an unrecognizable voice. He found her mouth unerringly, but the kiss was initially clumsy. Straining upward, grabbing on to his shoulders, Anna felt awkward, ignorant, forgetting all their other kisses, wanting so much from this one.

  The kiss became softer, slower, tempting instead of demanding, as it had started. And, oh, she was tempted. The meltdown began as she gripped his shirt in two fists on his back. He kissed her until she could barely stand and was all sensation—the scratch of his evening stubble, the power in the hands roving from her butt to her nape, the groan rising from deep in his chest.