by Elks, Carrie
Caitie Russell was a beautiful woman. But when she was absorbed in her work, she took on an almost ethereal glow. Such a contrast to the ache in the pit of Breck’s stomach as he looked around the rooms. Seeing the reception room in its full glory was like walking into the lion’s den for him. A reminder of all he’d lost, of all he’d avoided. Even empty of people, his every nerve was on edge. God only knew how he’d feel tomorrow when the celebrations were in full swing.
This was exactly why he left for Hawaii every December, preferring to spend his time surfing, holed up in a cabin where nobody could disturb him. There was nothing lonelier than being the only unhappy guy surrounded by a joyful crowd.
“So, I’ve asked the band to play Christmas tunes after dinner,” Caitie said, grabbing a list from her pocket. “It’s not too cheesy, is it? I can change it if you hate the idea.”
Lucas grinned. “Nah, Ember will love it. She wants to go all out. She thinks if people have been willing to give up their Christmas to spend it with us, we should at least bring them a little festive cheer.”
Caitie looked relieved. “Okay. I’ve told them to keep it low and slow, but they’ll probably throw in a few modern classics, too. Just kick me or something if it becomes too much.”
Breck’s chest tightened at the thought of the music. He really needed a drink. Just one. Enough to get a handle on the way he wanted to turn around and get the hell out of there.
“You okay, man?” Jack asked. “You look pale.”
Breck’s laugh was thin. “I’m good. Just wondering when we’re going to get that first beer.”
“Amen to that.”
Caitie looked at him, concern on her face. He tried to catch her eye, but Griff walked between them, blocking his view.
God, he wanted to touch her. He knew that would make him feel better.
Caitie took a deep breath and turned to Lucas. “The atrium is over there.” She pointed to the glass covered room. “And the bar is on the other side of the lobby. I’ve reserved both areas. And the tab is all set up, you just need to order.”
Finally their gazes met. Breck felt the corner of his mouth lift into a half smile. Her eyes were soft as she looked at him, telling him all the things her words couldn’t.
He needed to get a grip on himself. It was only a couple of days. He could get through this. Yeah, it was a reminder of everything he’d lost, but Caitie had worked so damn hard to make everything perfect. He wasn’t going to let his dislike of Christmas get in the way of that.
She was his girl. The one he’d been waiting most of his life for, even if he hadn’t realized it. And her job – her passion – was Christmas. There was no way he was going to take any of her accomplishments away from her. She deserved it all. To be loved, to be admired, to have a guy who was proud of her.
“Come on, man,” Griff said, grabbing Lucas by the arm. “Time to start celebrating.”
“You’ve got two hours until dinner,” Caitie told them. “And when it’s over, the bar is all yours. You can do whatever the groom does the night before his wedding.”
Griff laughed. “Not when the bride’s staying in the same hotel.”
Caitie shook her head. “The bride and bridesmaids have the atrium. The two of you shouldn’t have to cross paths unless you want to.” She leaned forward. “But if I hear of any problems, you’ll have me to get past. I want tomorrow to be perfect.”
Lucas gave her a warm smile. “So do I. We’ll only have a few drinks and head to bed. I don’t want to miss a thing about tomorrow.”
Breck could see how much Lucas meant it. His eyes were soft as he talked about his wedding day, and his bride-to-be. They’d done the right thing not burdening him with their relationship until afterward. Tonight and tomorrow were all about Lucas and Ember.
Lucas made to leave, Griff and Jack close behind. Breck lingered there, still looking at Caitie. The way she was staring at him made his mouth turn dry. What wouldn’t he give to pick her up right now and drag her to his room?
“Breck, you coming?” Griff asked, turning toward him.
Ah, damn it. One moment wouldn’t hurt. He lifted his hand at Griff. “Go on ahead, I’ll be right behind you. I have something quick I need to do.”
As soon as the door closed behind them, he grabbed Caitie and pulled her into the first room he could find, a closet stocked with mops and brooms. Flicking the light on, he saw her staring up at him, tenderness shining from her eyes.
There was that wobble again. The feeling of not being good enough. Of letting her down every time she talked about her job, her favorite time of year.
Swallowing it down, he cupped her face, kissing her firmly, his lips warm and strong against hers. Her mouth parted and he slid his tongue in, loving the warmth, the fullness of her. By the time they parted they were both breathless.
“I can’t stay here long,” she whispered. “If I don’t get to the dining room before Mom she’ll have rearranged the seats, again. She seems to think it’s a puzzle she can solve.” She smiled at him.
Breck could feel his equilibrium slowly seeping back. Away from the decorations, the wedding, all the people, it was him and Caitie, plus a whole closet full of cleaning supplies. “This won’t take long,” he said, unbuckling his jeans. “Probably a couple of minutes.”
Her eyes widened. “Breck, we can’t… not here. What if somebody walks in on us?”
He tipped his head back with laughter, slowly buckling his belt back up. “I was kidding, baby. Even I don’t get turned on by brooms and mops.”
“You were?” She frowned. “Now I feel disappointed.”
He ran a finger down her arm. “I hate to disappoint you. You know, I could close my eyes and pretend the mops aren’t here.”
She smiled. “If I got my hands on you, you’d forget everything, including the goddamn mops. But since I’m trying to organize a wedding practically single handed, you’ll have to wait until tonight.”
“Tonight?” He lifted a brow.
“Yeah. You’re coming to my room, aren’t you?”
He cupped her face and kissed her again. “Do you need to ask?” Surely she could feel his need pressed so tightly against her.
“Just wanted to make sure,” she murmured. “It’s probably the only way I’ll get through this evening. It sounds awful, but I can’t wait until everything is over and done with tomorrow. I want to lie in bed with you and actually enjoy what’s left of Christmas. I barely managed to buy all my gifts.”
“Gifts?”
“Yeah, you know, those strange boxes people put under trees. The ones they give out on Christmas morning.”
His mouth turned dry. “Ah, yeah, I’ve heard of them.”
“Are you okay?” She frowned. “Jack said something about you being pale earlier. Do you think you’re coming down with something?”
He shook his head quickly. “Nothing a beer won’t fix. That and a night with my girl.”
“Speaking of which, you should probably join the others before they come looking for you. And I have a billion things to do.” She stopped talking long enough to press her lips to his. “I can’t wait to spend some time with you tonight. I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too, baby. More than you’ll ever know.”
24
The rehearsal dinner was running smoothly as planned. Caitie took a sip of her champagne and tried to tell her body to relax, but it wasn’t getting the message. She couldn’t help but be on high alert, making sure each course came out on time, and the guests with special dietary requirements were given the right dishes. A glance to her left told her that Lucas and Ember were having a good time, and that was what really mattered.
Just before they’d gathered for dinner, the bridal party had done a quick run through of the ceremony in the ballroom which was all ready for the big day tomorrow. Caitie had watched with her heart full of joy as Ember and Lucas stood at the front of the room with the officiant, smiling at each other as they practiced their words. It had
been so beautiful to watch. She couldn’t wait to see the real thing tomorrow.
It was almost enough to take her attention away from the way Rachel kept grabbing Breck’s hand with excitement, and smiling up at him with an adoring expression.
God, that was excruciating.
The wait staff had cleared away the main courses, and there was a hush for a moment as they walked back into the room carrying a huge cake stand. On top of it was the groom’s cake, the traditional dessert at a rehearsal dinner. It was decorated to look like a firefighter’s hat, surrounded by a coiled hose, representing Lucas’s job.
The men around him cheered when they saw it, and Lucas laughed, looking over at Caitie to mouth a ‘thank you’.
She winked back at him, and nodded at the staff to cut it up and distribute it around the room.
In the corner, the band struck up a song. The Most Wonderful Time of The Year began to echo across the room, making Ember smile as the violins kicked in.
Deenie leaned in to whisper in Caitie’s ear. “That’s beautiful. One of my favorite songs.”
“Mine too,” Caitie said, smiling.
She took a deep breath and scanned the room. How many times had she turned her head to look at Breck that night? Too many for comfort. She was sure somebody would notice sooner or later.
And yet she couldn’t help it. She was like a masochist, desperate to see if her worst fears were happening. If Rachel was leaning into him and whispering, the way she had a few times during the meal. Or if Breck was replying, a smile catching his lips.
Caitie’s chest felt tight every time she saw it. She knew it meant nothing, but she hated it anyway. Hated the way it made her feel.
But this time when she looked, there was a frown on his lips. He was looking down at the table, as though he was concentrating on something. She stared for a moment too long, aching for him to glance up and see her.
But instead, his frown deepened.
She grabbed her phone and quickly tapped out a message to him, making sure her mom couldn’t see the screen.
Are you okay?
She watched as he reacted to the buzz of his phone. But he didn’t take it out of his pocket.
“The cake is amazing,” Deenie said when the staff had handed their slices out. She slid a forkful between her lips. “You’re so clever, sweetheart. Of course it had to be a firefighter cake. It’s so Lucas.”
Caitie tried to smile. “Thank you.” She looked down at her own slice. The sponge was red velvet – Lucas’s favorite. Any other time she’d be devouring it.
The band segued into Let it Snow, the lyrical arrangement echoing through the room. Rachel was talking to Breck again, forcing his eyes up from the table where Caitie hadn’t been able to. He nodded, but didn’t smile.
“Should Daddy do his speech now?” Deenie asked when the music ended. “Don’t worry, he’s keeping it short. Just a few words to welcome Ember and her family.”
Caitie nodded. “That would be a great idea.”
As hosts for the rehearsal dinner, her parents stood together and welcomed the guests. They turned to Ember and told her how happy they were to have her in the family, and then to Ember’s mom and sister, saying they weren’t losing a daughter, but gaining a whole new clan.
“So let us raise our glass to the Kennedy family. Thank you for raising a beautiful daughter, and for letting her be part of our lives,” Wallace said, holding his glass up. The guests all stood and repeated his toast, taking a sip of their champagne to close the deal.
Lucas leaned in to kiss his soon-to-be-wife, and walked over to where his father was standing. He whispered something to Wallace and shook his hand, taking the microphone from him.
“This is going to be quick,” Lucas said, smiling out at the guests. “Mostly because I plan to spend tomorrow telling you exactly how lucky I am to have a wife like Ember.”
That was greeted with a loud cheer from his friends.
“But tonight I want to say thank you to one person. She’s responsible for everything you see here in this hotel. The venue, the food, the band, the décor. She arranged everything perfectly.” Lucas smiled at Caitie, his eyes soft. “Growing up, I don’t think I was always her favorite person. I know I drove her crazy half the time, and ignored her the other half. It’s a big brother thing, I guess. But now she’s all grown up and I couldn’t be prouder of her. Along with Ember and my mom, she’s my favorite woman in the world. She’s beautiful, she’s classy, and she’s so talented it makes my heart hurt. I don’t deserve to have her as my sister, but I’m glad I do. I give you my sister, Caitlin Russell.”
Everybody started to clap their hands and stamp their feet. Caitie bit her lip, trying to ignore the tears filling her eyes.
Lucas leaned into the microphone. “She’s also planning to move a little closer to Angel Sands, which I’m over the moon about. And I guess this would be a good time as any to remind all my friends to back off.” He turned around, grinning at the group of men behind him. “She might be gorgeous and single, but she’s my little sister and she deserves better than you bozos.”
The men started to laugh. Caitie swallowed hard, looking over at Breck. But he wouldn’t meet her gaze.
“Okay, that’s all I gotta say for now. Except thanks to each and every one of you for coming to our Christmas wedding. We can’t tell you how happy we are to have you here. Now let’s dance, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow I’ll be a married man.” He lifted his glass. “To Caitie and to everybody. Cheers.”
“Cheers!” the crowd echoed back.
The music started up again, this time the band began to play Winter Wonderland, and Lucas and Ember walked over to the dancefloor hand in hand, and began to waltz to the beat of the music.
Before long they were joined by Wallace and Deenie, Brooke and Aiden, and Ally and her boyfriend, Nate. From the corner of her eye, Caitie could still see Rachel and Breck talking. She wondered if it would look strange if she walked over there.
“Miss Russell?” A voice whispered in her ear. She turned to see one of the wait staff standing next to her.
“Yes?”
“The chef would like to see you in the kitchen. He wants to discuss timings for tomorrow’s meal.”
“Sure.” Caitie nodded, standing to follow the waitress out of the ballroom. She couldn’t help but take a final glance back. Not at the dancefloor, but at the two people talking closely in the corner.
Breck stood, too. Caitie blinked, waiting for him to walk over to her. But instead, he leaned down and said something to Rachel before turning and walking out the door on the far side of the room.
“It’s this way,” the waitress said when she realized Caitie wasn’t following. “Are you ready?”
The door on the far side of the room swung closed. There was no sign of Breck anymore.
“Yes,” Caitie said, though she felt anything but. “I’m ready.”
* * *
Breck’s hands were shaking as he splashed water onto his face. Even in the men’s room he could still hear the music blasting out from the banquet hall. Every note made him feel sick. His heart beat pounded in time to the rhythm, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t slow it down.
God he hated Christmas music. Hated the way it made him feel, and the memories it always stirred up in his mind. Of the stereo his mom had in her hospital room, tuned to a radio station that played Christmas hits twenty-four hours a day. He’d sit and hold her hand as she tried to sing along, her lips weakly trembling from the exhaustion the cancer had caused.
It made him feel like that kid again. Seventeen-years-old and losing his mom. Not knowing how the hell he was ever going to take care of his eleven-year-old brother.
Slowly, he looked up at himself in the mirror hanging over the sink. His eyes were rimmed red, his skin sallow. He looked as nauseous as he felt.
Pull it together, he told the man staring back at him. It’s only music. It couldn’t hurt him. And yet his chest ached in a
way it hadn’t for years. This was why he traveled at Christmas. So he couldn’t get caught up in the horror of the season.
The door pushed open. Breck swallowed hard as Griff walked in.
“Hey man,” Griff said, heading for a stall. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah, fine.” Breck nodded.
“Still up for a drink in the bar after the dancing?”
His stomach clenched at the thought of any more alcohol. “Of course,” he said, taking a deep breath. “It’s Lucas’s stag. I’ll be there.”
Griff washed his hands and put them under the dryer. “It’s been a good night so far, hasn’t it?” he said, loud enough to be heard over the dryer, oblivious to Breck’s unease. “Everything looks amazing. I can’t believe what a great job Caitie did. I knew she was talented but…” he shook his head, grinning. “She’s even better than I thought.”
“It looks great,” Breck agreed. His heart was racing so fast he was worried he was having some kind of attack.
“I can’t believe she’s single.” Griff pulled his hands from the dryer and shook them even though all the moisture had gone. “She grew up to be a gorgeous woman. No wonder Lucas is protective of her.” Griff grinned. “I guess we’re protective, too, right? She’s like our little sister. Nobody’s good enough for her.”
Breck could taste the nausea rising up through his throat. “Nobody,” he repeated. He couldn’t look at himself in the mirror. There was no way he wanted to see his sickened reflection.
This was supposed to be a celebration. Of Lucas and Ember, and of Caitie, too. And yet all he wanted to do was run as far as he could from the décor and the music and the feeling he’d never be good enough for Lucas Russell’s little sister.
He’d never be able to show her the support she needed. Never be able to revel in her achievements in her business. What kind of boyfriend did that make him?
Less than worthless.
“You sure you’re okay? You’re looking grey around the gills, my friend,” Griff said. “Maybe lay off on the beer until we’re back in the bar.”