by Elks, Carrie
“It’s what I need to do.”
“Are you taking her a gift?” Daniel asked. “You can’t really show up without one. Not at Christmas.” Not again. Daniel may not have said it, but Breck heard it anyway.
“Yeah, I need to figure that out.” And figure out how the hell he was going to find something this late on Christmas Eve.
“I’ve got an idea,” Daniel said. “It’s gonna take all the time you’ve got, a bit of effort, and you’ll probably need to go on Craigslist and beg, but it might work.”
As Daniel outlined his plan, Breck listened, a smile forming on his lips. His brother may have been a pain in the ass growing up, and a real know-it-all now that he’s an adult, but there was no denying he was always full of good ideas.
And maybe, just maybe, this one might actually work out.
29
There was a cool breeze dancing in from the Pacific Ocean as Breck drove through Angel Sands on Christmas morning. It lifted his hair and caressed his skin through his car’s open window, carrying the sound of singing from the Baptist Church on the corner, next to Megassey’s Hardware store. But this time he didn’t wince. Didn’t even blink. Somehow the pain of the past few days had taken away the potency of it all. Christmas wasn’t responsible for him losing his mother all those years ago. Cancer was. And that sucked, but he still had a life to live.
As far as he was concerned, that life started today.
From the corner of his eye he could see the gift wrapped box he’d placed on the passenger seat. It had taken him all night to prepare it – he’d had to call Daniel three times to make sure he had it completely right. It was almost midnight by the time he’d realized he had no Christmas gift wrap, and had to dash to the convenience store in the next town along to pay the extortionate price for a single sheet.
But it was worth it, because she was worth it.
He was aching to see her. Even though she was angry with him, she still managed to touch him like nobody else could. And her anger was deserved after what he’d done. He’d make it up to her for as long as it took.
If it took forever? Well, he was a patient man.
He pulled his car into an empty spot next to the little cottage facing the beach and climbed out, closing his eyes against the grains of sand lifted by the wind. He took a deep breath in, enough to fill up his lungs and push out his chest, then walked to the back door and wrapped his knuckles against the wood.
“Breck?” Lucas’s brows dipped as he saw his friend standing on the porch. “I wasn’t expecting to see you. Are you feeling any better?”
Breck had forgotten all about his excuse for missing the wedding. He’d forgotten about almost everything except Caitlin Russell. “I’m good.” He nodded firmly. “And congratulations. I’m sorry I missed your wedding.”
Lucas gave him an easy smile. “No harm no foul. It’s better than throwing up over the bridesmaids, right?” He inclined his head into the living room. “You want to come in? Ember’s just cooking some breakfast.”
Breck shook his head. “No, I don’t want to impose. I just needed to talk to you about something.”
“You do?” Two tiny lines formed on Lucas’s brow. “What is it?” He paused then continued, “Oh man, it’s Christmas. Is it something to do with your mom? I’m sorry. I know it’s been a while but you never really get over something like that.”
There was a look of sympathy in Lucas’s eyes that cut Breck to the core. He’d lied to his friend, done things behind his back that no friend should do. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to regret any of it – not a single touch, a single whisper, a single kiss. Every moment with Caitie was worth it.
“I didn’t leave your wedding because I was sick,” Breck said, his voice low. “I left because I was an asshole.”
“You were?” Lucas’s voice was full of confusion. “How?”
Where to begin? Breck frowned, trying to work out how to tell his best friend about his feelings for Caitie. But somewhere in the middle of his brainstorm, he found his lips moving without even thinking it through.
“I’ve been sleeping with your sister.”
Wham!
Lucas’s fist barely glanced Breck’s cheek before it hit the hard wood of the door, but it was enough to make him lose his balance and fall to the left. Breck reached out to try and stop his fall, but his head hit the doorjamb, the edge of it slamming into the corner of his eye before he could brace himself against the impact.
“Shit!” Lucas jumped back, cupping his fist in his hand. “Damn that hurts.”
Breck steadied himself, his left eye throbbing with pain. “Sure does.” He lifted his hand to his cheek and touched himself gingerly, wincing at the tenderness of his skin.
“What the heck is going on?” Ember asked, walking into the living room with a spatula in her hand. “Lucas, did you just hit Breck?”
Breck took a deep breath and tried to open his left eye, but he could already feel it swelling. “It wasn’t his fault, I just told him I’ve been sleeping with Caitie. But what I should have said is that I’m in love with her. I can’t remember a time I wasn’t in love with her.” He pressed his lips together and looked Lucas straight in the eye. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice soft, “that I didn’t tell you before. I should have. And I know you want better for her than a loser like me, but I love her, man. And I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”
Ember had reached the doorway. She lifted Lucas’s hand up and sighed as she inspected the rawness of his knuckles. “I can’t believe you hit your best friend.”
“I can’t believe he’s been sleeping with my sister.”
Breck winced. He could barely believe it himself.
Ember turned her head to look at Breck. “Did you force her to sleep with you?”
He winced. “Hell no.”
“And you said you love her?”
He nodded. “Love doesn’t seem like enough of a word. I adore her. I worship the ground she walks on. And then I broke her heart the night before your wedding.”
“Can I hit him again?” Lucas muttered.
“Stop it,” Ember told him. “Listen to him. He’s in love with Caitie, and she loves him back.”
“I don’t know about that…” Breck mumbled.
“Well I do.” Ember smiled. “No wonder she looked so upset on our wedding day. I kept wondering why that was. Every time she thought nobody was looking tears would fill her eyes.”
“I was an asshole,” Breck said again. “I’d do anything to take it back.”
“Of course you would. But people do stupid things sometimes. Like hit their best friends.” She raised her eyebrows at Lucas. “Doesn’t mean that they wanted to hurt the other person.”
“I really am sorry,” Breck told them both. “For causing you problems at the wedding, and for upsetting your sister. I know how angry you must be at me, because I’m angry at myself. But I’m going to make it up to her.”
Lucas looked him in the eye. “You’d better,” he growled.
“Stop it.” Ember rolled her eyes. “It’s Christmas, be nice. Breck’s your friend, and he’s come over here to apologize.” She rubbed his knuckles and smiled at him, the corner of her eyes crinkling.
Lucas sighed then held out his injured hand. “She’s right, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“You were thinking about Caitie. The same way I am.” Breck offered him a smile. “I can’t blame you for taking care of your sister.” He took Lucas’s hand and shook it gently, being careful not to injure him further. “And for what it’s worth, I promise you don’t have to worry about her. Not with me. I meant what I said, I love her. I’m as protective of her as you are.”
Lucas nodded. “I know. You’re a good guy, Breck. Just take care of her heart, okay? It’s precious.”
“I will.”
“Good.” Ember grinned at them both. “I’m glad you’ve made up. Now who wants some breakfast?”
“I thought
you’d never ask,” Lucas said. “I’m starving.”
“Not for me, thanks.” Breck shook his head. “There’s somebody I need to see.”
Ember’s eyes sparkled as she raised her brows. “Then what are you waiting for? Go get your girl.”
* * *
The whole house smelled like Christmas when Caitie woke up on Christmas morning. The aroma of a ham baking in the oven, combined with the yeasty goodness of the freshly cooked rolls, made her mouth water. She felt as though she’d eaten nothing for days, and her stomach was contracting with the need to be fed. Grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl, she unpeeled it and practically stuffed it in her mouth whole. Once she swallowed, she took a hot roll from the cooling rack and stuffed it in her mouth. When her hunger was finally appeased, she glanced at her phone expectantly, checking to see if he had called.
Of course, he hadn’t.
If Harper were here, she’d tell Caitie to call him instead. Maybe she would if he didn’t contact her soon. But something inside her told her to wait it out, to let him take the lead. He’d opened himself up to her yesterday, finally showing his vulnerability. Now she needed to let him show his masculinity, too. Another thing she’d learned from her talk with her mom.
“There’s an envelope with your name on it over there,” her mom said, inclining her head to the white-painted cabinet. Like everything else in the kitchen it screamed shabby chic. “It was on the doormat when we got up this morning. Somebody must have put it through the letter box late last night.”
Intrigued, Caitie grabbed the white rectangular envelope, staring at it with her brows pulled down. There was no indication of who it was from, just her name written in all capitals with black ink. She slid her thumb into the corner opening, sliding it across.
Inside was a white card with red and gold glossy print.
All I want for Christmas is You.
Caitie bit down her smile, opening it up to see the handwriting within.
Dear Cait,
It’s cheesy but true. You make me want to celebrate the one day I’ve been avoiding for most of my life.
Wait for me. I’ll be there soon.
Breck
She tried to picture him pushing the card through the door in the middle of the night. Had he ever sent a Christmas card to anyone before now? She couldn’t imagine him writing any out as a teenager, and ever since he’d been avoiding the festive season like the plague.
“Is it from him?” Deenie asked.
“Yeah, it is.” Caitie slid her fingers over his words, reading them again. This time a smile broke out, curling her lips up, whether she liked it or not. The fact was she did like it, very much.
“He must have been up early. Or late. Either way it was nice of him.”
“Yes, yes it was.” She hugged the card close to her chest.
Her dad chose that moment to walk in, stopping to give his wife a kiss on her cheek before ruffling Caitie’s hair. “Merry Christmas, ladies. Caitie, I’m so glad you’re here with us this year.”
She looked around the old familiar kitchen, warmth coiling inside her. “So am I.”
* * *
It was almost lunch time when the doorbell rang, making Caitie jump as she set the table, only three places now that Lucas was a married man. She looked up, her fingers still wrapped around a fork handle, her heart hammering in her chest.
“Brecken, Merry Chri… oh my, where did you get that?” Her mom’s voice echoed from the hallway. Caitie frowned. What on Earth did he have that made her mom falter? It took her less than a minute to find out, as her mom led him down the hallway and into the dining room.
The sight of him made Caitie’s mouth drop open. Where he’d only had tired lines and shadows before, was now a fresh, shining black eye.
“Ouch.” She winced. “That looks painful.”
He walked toward her, stopping a few feet short of where she stood. In spite of the black eye, he was smiling, his wide grin making his eyes crinkle. “Nothing more than I deserved.”
“Where’d you get it?” She was a little breathless. The way he was looking at her – bruises not withstanding – was making her heart speed up.
“At Walmart. They were selling two for one. I thought I’d save the other for later,” he joked.
“A bargain.” She grinned and shook her head. “Now seriously, who hit you?”
“Lucas.”
That shut her up. Her eyes widened as she took in his words. “My brother hit you? Why?”
“I told him about us. And I told him how I left you the night before the wedding. Then he tried to hit me and I stumbled into the door jamb. It wasn’t either of our finest hours.” He grinned sheepishly.
“You guys are crazy.” She reached up, her fingers gentle as she stroked the edge of the blackness. “We need to put something on your eye before it gets any worse.”
Breck shrugged. “I kind of like it. A badge of war or something. Anyway, it was worth it to come clean to your brother and make our peace. He’s my closest friend, I owed him the truth.” He tipped his head to the side, staring at her. “You don’t mind me telling him, do you?”
“I…” She blew out a mouthful of air. “I don’t think I mind.”
“You don’t sound too sure.”
“I’m not sure of anything right now.”
Deenie walked in, carrying their old medical kit. Though she hadn’t seen it for years, Caitie recognized the red box right away. She’d seen it enough as a kid.
“I thought you might need this, young man.” Deenie said. “I’ve got some ointment in there somewhere. And I made you an icepack. Now sit down. Honestly, I thought you were thirty, not thirteen. What the hell are you doing getting into fights at your age?”
Breck sat there patiently while Deenie cleaned him up, all the while huffing and puffing about him having more muscles than sense. By the time he was all bandaged up, Caitie was smiling in spite of herself.
“So, I guess I should leave you two alone,” Deenie said, looking from left to right at them. “Dinner’s going to be another hour. You’ll be joining us, won’t you, Brecken?”
He glanced at the decorations hanging from the tree in the corner, his face turning pale. “Um, yeah. That would be great.”
“Just a simple dinner,” Deenie continued. “Ham and potatoes. It’s only the four of us so no party here.” She didn’t have to tell him they wouldn’t make it too festive, they all heard her subtext. Breck gave her a relieved smile.
“That sounds great, Mrs. Russell.”
“Maybe you should take Breck to your room, Caitie. I’ll be in and out of here as I finish getting dinner ready. I don’t want to disturb you.”
Two red spots formed on Caitie’s cheeks. The thought of taking Breck to her room made her feel like she was fifteen years old again. “Oh, yeah, okay.”
When they got there, Breck leaned on her old desk, still looking at her with those hot, dark eyes. “This room looks exactly how I remember it.”
“That’s because it hasn’t changed in years. I’ve hardly been here over the last decade. I guess Mom didn’t want to empty it out without me here to guide her.”
“I feel seventeen years old again.” Breck shifted on his feet. “Like I’m up to no good.”
“You’re always up to no good.”
His grin was so sexy it made her want to run at him. “That’s a true story.”
“I got your card this morning. Thank you.” She pointed at the windowsill, where she’d propped it up. “You must have been up late last night.”
“I got you a present, too.” He took a small rectangular package from his pocket. It was wrapped in the gaudiest, cheesiest paper she could imagine. Reindeers and Santas playing in the snow. “I hope you like it.”
Her hand shook as she took it from his grasp. His fingers lingered on hers, as though he was as reluctant as she was to break the connection. Finally, he pulled back. “Open it,” he said, his voice thick and deep.
Sh
e pulled at the clear tape, tearing it loose from the paper. Whatever it was inside, was small and light. No bigger than a cellphone. Unwrapping the paper, she watched it fall to the floor, revealing a thick white iPod. The old kind she hadn’t seen in years.
“You got me this?” she asked, feeling confused. “Where did you find it?”
“Craigslist,” he said. “It’s not exactly the same as the one you gave Daniel, but it’s close enough.”
She touched the wheel on the front, making the screen flicker to life. That’s when she saw the playlist. Song for song, it was the exact same as the one she’d made all those years ago. Starting with Jeff Buckley’s Hallelujah.
Her eyes shone as she looked at him. “Should I play it?” she asked. “I’ve got some speakers here.”
Breck nodded. A moment later she plugged it in and cued up the music. The first notes rang out of the speakers, soft and melancholy. That’s when Breck touched her for the first time, taking her hands in his and pulling her flush against him. Curling the fingers of one hand around her palm and sliding the other onto her waist, he began to move her in time to the music.
Caitie closed her eyes, resting her face against his shoulder. She could feel his lips against her head, soft and gentle. Everything about him made her heart ache.
“I missed dancing with you at the wedding,” he whispered, as he pulled her closer still. “I missed doing everything with you. I can’t be without you anymore.”
“What did you do that day?”
“I paced the bungalow, a lot. Shouted at my reflection. I even thought about going for a run. But nothing helped. It didn’t mean a thing without you, Cait. Please let me in. Give me another chance. You’re all I can think about.”
They were moving in circles around her bedroom, their bodies tight against each other as they swayed. Everything about the moment felt perfect, from the painfully sweet song to the way he was touching her.
It was then Caitie knew. It wasn’t about fear, it was about overcoming it. About laughing in the face of the things that kept her awake at night. About trusting the person her heart yearned for.