“Say what?”
“Alright,” the young man replied, doing his best Robert, “this one's gonna be a little different.”
“I don't always open these meeting that way.”
“You do.”
“I didn't last time,” the traveler pointed out.
“You didn't?”
“No. You said it last time, remember?”
“Oh yeah,” the young man nodded. “Anyway, am I right?”
“Yes...” the traveler sighed.
“I knew it! Alright, lay it on us.”
“This mission is a case of text-book time-abuse. Delmont took a piece of junk Inter-Continental-Ballistic-Missile and sold it to a planet in the past on the edge of a world war.”
“Why would he do something like that?” Azure asked with disgust. “Didn't he care about the lives that would cost?”
“Actually, Azure, as far as we can tell Delmont was never actually trying to do damage. He was just a complete idiot! If you look at his thefts, the only one that stands out as truly blackguard-esk was the kidnapping of Calvin Rex. And really, that one was a little personal.”
“How so?” Morgan asked. “And you didn't mention it before.”
“We weren't discussing the morality of the thing before,” the traveler pointed out. “Either way, the company Delmont sold Rex to developed weapons that his home world purchased for their military. He was actually trying to do something patriotic for the greater good, but he was a complete fool. The weapon he helped develop cost millions of his own people’s lives years after his death. Delmont wasn't always a bad guy, he was just a complete moron that didn't understand what the repercussions of his actions would be.”
“How did a guy like that get a time machine?” Cleo asked.
“We can go into that later, love, we're already off topic enough. The point is that Delmont had two motivations for this sale. First, he just happened to have a junk ICBM laying around...”
“Why would...” Morgan interrupted.
“Because, Morgan,” the traveler counter-interrupted, “Delmont was a intergalactic junk dealer. He had all kinds of stuff just sitting around. Including weapons. Anyway, his second motivation was actually that a well-placed ICBM can help bring a war to a speedy conclusion.”
“I don't believe that,” Azure replied.
“Well,” Doc said shaking his head. “I'm afraid it's true my dear. And history can more than prove it. Killing millions can sometime save billions.”
“It's still monstrous,” she exclaimed.
“I didn't say whether it was right or wrong,” Doc pointed out, “only that it is effective.”
“Well, fortunately for us, this ICBM didn't shorten the war. It extended it for about twenty years.”
“Why, exactly, is that fortunate for us?” Cleo asked.
“Well, dear,” he replied, “imagine that the weapon had undone the war and we had to undo that.”
“I guess I do see your point, love,” she admitted.
“Love?” Robert asked with a smile.
“Well...” she replied instantly turning a dark shade of teal. “Yeah...”
“Exactly how did it extend the war, Rob?” Vox asked.
“Good question! You see, Delmont actually had a bit of a conscience. He sold it to the right side instead of the most powerful side. Had he done it the other way there's a good chance the war would never have happened.”
“Wow...” Morgan replied. “I didn't expect that.”
“Yeah,” Robert nodded. “You can never tell about people.”
“Either way,” Vox observed, “I know this one can't be as simple as it looks. If it was just a matter of un-selling them the ICBM we could have disabled Delmont's machine again back in Never Never Land.”
“Right,” the traveler agreed. “The problem is that this one missile not only extended the war, it also led to a technological revolution that made serious changes to the time lines.”
“So what can we do?” Vox asked. “This seems like a pretty much all or nothing proposition, Rob. I mean, we take the missile or we don't.”
“At first glance I agree,” Robert replied. “But I want to stagger our changes as much as possible. We're going to create paradoxes with this one, there's nothing we can do. However, if we break the changes up it may be enough for the random elements to correct it.”
“Okay,” Vox nodded. “Then what's the plan? We take the missile from the good guys and give it to the bad guys?”
“Good idea,” the traveler admitted, “but I think it's too risky. I want to try something else first.”
“Like what?”
“I want to give the good guys a little more of a moral conscience. I want to stop them from ever firing their missiles.”
“And exactly how do we do that, Rob?” Cleo asked, her skin tone having returned to normal.
“Well, fortunately these guys had developed something incredibly similar to television at this point in their history. I want to setup a small satellite system that can hijack all their signals.”
“That should be doable,” the green maiden agreed.
“Then we're going to broadcast a dubbed and subtitled version of the greatest military conscience movie ever made: Planet of the Apes!”
“You Maniacs!” Morgan yelled leaping to his feet. “You blew it up!”
“Little Dr. Zaius,” Azure smiled.
“That was actually from Rocket Man,” the young man pointed-out.
“I know,” she replied. “But I like it better than Planet of the Apes.”
“How do you know about either of those?” Robert asked.
“Oh,” the blue maiden replied, “Cleo got me programmed with all that crazy Earth stuff before we went shopping. I'm actually glad she did. You guys make a lot more sense now.”
“I'm sure we do,” the traveler agreed.
“Either way,” Cleo said shaking her head, “this is crazy, Rob. There is no way...”
“Cleo,” he said smiling at her, “think about Earth history. At one point two truly massive and terrible powers stood locked on the edge of war for decades. One of the reasons war never broke out was because of the evolving moral conscience of the people. And that conscience expressed itself in television, movies, and music. We can share some of that wisdom, the wisdom not to push the button, with these people. Their weapons technology has been pushed unnaturally forward. I think we can undo some of the damage by pushing their cultural evolution forward enough to match it. They need the wisdom to not use the power they've been given. It may not work, but I think it's where we should start.”
“I agree,” Doc nodded.
“And so do I,” Azure said. “I mean, it's certainly worth making the attempt.”
“Yep,” Robert nodded, “And besides, if it doesn't work we can always just blowup Delmont's machine from Never Never Land and take our chances.”
“Well I'm glad to see you've got a backup plan,” Cleo replied rolling her eyes.
“Indeed! Now, let's get started.
And get started they did. Fortunately for the crew, years earlier Robert had Sister assign a special team to the project. As a result they had everything they needed ranging from Planet of the Apes to Enemy Mine, to Steppenwolf's Born to be Wild, all the way out to M.A.S.H. After all, he didn't want to depress the people into mass suicide...
With the media they needed for their saturation campaign already in hand they immediately focused their attention on the satellite system. For Cleo hijacking the target signals was about as difficult as finding the remote and turning on the TV would be for most people... Well, maybe not quite that difficult... Especially not if the remote has gotten under the cushion of the chair you never sit on... And Vox didn't even have to pay attention when he was prepping the satellites themselves. In fact, he let Morgan sit their quoting basically every movie they were going to play for the people from beginning to end without interruption. Due to the ease of the task they were prepped up in less t
han two days.
“Alright, Honey-lamb,” Robert said, turning gaze to Cleo. “Pump up the volume.”
“Honey-lamb?” she replied, tilting her head to the side.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Honey-lamb. That's my new pet-name for you.”
“Well you better come up with a new new pet-name,” she demanded.
“Sweet-thing?” he suggested.
“No.”
“Hot-lips?”
“Don't be stupid!”
“Miss Goodstuff?”
“Rob!”
“Right,” he chuckled. “Do it Cleo.”
“Thank you,” she said before pushing a number of buttons on the console. “We're broadcasting.”
“Good,” he replied with a wide smile. “And I like Cleo best anyway. It's one of the most beautiful names there ever was.”
“Liar...” she giggled.
“No, I'm serious,” he replied. “There's only one possible way I can think of to make your name any better than it is.”
“And what's that, Rob?” she sighed.
For a moment the traveler said nothing. He just stared into her eyes a half-smile on his face.
“I'll tell ya later,” he finally replied.
“So what's the plan now?” Morgan asked.
“We're going to fast forward a week and pick the satellites up,” the traveler replied. “There's no reason to trash 'em and a solid week of non-stop...”
“Rob,” Cleo interrupted, gazing down at one of the monitors. “Something's wrong.”
“What is it?”
“They seem to think the broadcast is some kind of propaganda attack... They've fired one of their missiles.”
For seconds the traveler stood in silent contemplation.
“Shoot it down,” he said after taking a deep breath.
“We can't be sure what the effects will be,” she pointed out.
“We'll take our chances,” he replied. “We're not going to sit here and watch that thing hit.”
“You're the captain,” she replied, quickly pushing buttons.
“So you are...” Morgan began.
“No,” the traveler interrupted. “She's just humoring me. She does that sometimes.”
“I do that way too often,” Cleo asserted. “And the missile is down.”
“Good!” Azure exclaimed.
“Let's hope so,” Robert sighed. “We'll give them a few minutes and see if they try again. If not we'll go grab the satellites.”
They didn't try again.
“And that's the last one, Rob,” Vox said. “We're done here.”
“Great!” the traveler replied. “Cleo, what are the results?”
“Hmmm,” she said thoughtfully. “It looks like you did too well, Rob.”
“How so?”
“Well,” she replied, “the war never took place, which kept millions of people alive that should have died. Needless to say, that had countless other ramifications.”
“I was afraid of something like that,” he sighed. “What were the long term effects?”
“Not as bad as they could have been,” she replied. “It seems that the time-lines have an easier time dealing with people that should have died living than they do with people that should have lived dying. All things considered things are definitely better than they were. Still, they're not as good as they could have been.”
“It'll have to do,” the traveler replied. “Back to Never Never Land.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I love it when you humor me.”
“I know, sir,” she giggled.
“Still... don't overdo it. Fighting with you keeps me young.”
She didn't overdo it and just minutes later Robert and Morgan were sitting alone on the bridge.
“Well,” Morgan sighed, “that didn't go quite like I had hoped...”
“How so?” Robert asked.
“Well,” the young man explained. “I had hoped that something crazy would happen and I would save Azure's life again.”
“Ah,” the traveler nodded. “She hasn't kissed you again then?”
“No she hasn't. No saving her life, no kissing. At least that's the way it seems to be...”
“Did you try asking for an advance?”
“I did,” Morgan nodded. “She said she only did cash on delivery.”
“I'm sure she was just joking,” the traveler laughed.
“Actually, I'm basically positive of that too,” the young man admitted. “At least she was giggling a lot when she said it.”
“She probably just wants to keep it special, bro.”
“Maybe,” Morgan replied. “But whatever the reason I can't get her to kiss me no matter what I do.”
“Yeah, about that,” Robert replied. “You're gonna have to cut back on that cologne, man.”
“I guess,” he sighed. “It's not getting me the results I want, anyway. Of course, Azure will just walk up, jam her face to my chest, and take a few deep breaths before she lets me go.”
“Really?”
“Oh Yeah! She's done that like twice just this morning. I've got to admit I like it a lot, even if she's just basically doin' lines of Rob right off my chest.”
“Now that's funny!” the traveler laughed heartily.
“Maybe to you!”
“Well let me tell you something that should be funny to you then.”
“Okay. Shoot.”
“Have you noticed Cleo lately?” Robert asked.
“Not really,” the young man admitted. “I've been preoccupied.”
“I can understand that. Either way, she's been avoiding you.”
“Why?”
“Well it ain't because she thinks you stink, I can tell you that.”
“Oh,” Morgan chuckled. “I get ya.”
“Yeah,” the traveler replied. “Between my looks and you being constantly coated in Rob cologne she's pretty much been ready to climb the walls lately.”
“Funny,” the young man admitted. “But not very nice.”
“No, I agree. I've been meaning to tell you for days. It's just that I didn't want to throw off your game.”
“And I appreciate it. But all things considered I think the cologne has run its course.”
“Agreed,” Robert replied. “That's why we're going to get you a bottle of Morgan before we leave Never Never Land. We should have done it before. I just didn't think about all the ramifications of you strolling around the ship smelling like a dozen Robs.”
A few hours later the ship was once again on the very outskirts of Never Never Land. In mere minutes the team had, for the sixth time, KABOOMed Delmont's machine. Although it didn't completely repair all the paradoxical damage Robert had high hopes that finishing their next job would take care of it completely.
The two young men then took the time to make an emergency visit to Ye Olde Perfumery... It wasn't really old... After all it was in the future... The owner just felt that calling it old made it seem like it had a long history of successful business... And he was right... Sorry, I seem to have gotten off topic... With their new Morgan cologne in hand, as well as a refill of the Rob, they made their way back to the ship. Just minutes after their arrival it was back in non-space and Morgan was taking the first of five hot showers.
Four and a half hot showers later the young man strutted on the bridge simply reeking of his new cologne.
“Man!” Robert exclaimed. “How much of that stuff did you use? I think I can taste it! You smell like a musk ox!”
“Just be thankful I didn't walk up here and spray it all over you,” Morgan pointed out. “I was sorely tempted to after having to wander around for days smelling like you.”
“You didn't have to,” the traveler corrected. “And it's not my fault my scent just drives all the ladies wild.”
“Whatever!” the young man replied. “You're about to witness the awesome power that is Ode du Morgan.”
“Maybe we will,” Robert laughed. “I've got to say, you
're new self-confidence is pretty impressive.”
“Well it's about half bluff,” the young man admitted. “I learned that from you!”
“You're welcome! And the other half?”
“The other half,” Morgan explained, “is having one of the most beautiful women who ever lived kiss me twice.”
“Yep,” Robert nodded. “That's a shot in the arm to the old confidence there.”
“It is,” the young man said with a contented sigh. “Anyways, I been thinking...”
“You surprise me!” the traveler interrupted.
“How often are you going to use that joke?”
“About as often as you use the cliché I've been thinking, I guess.”
“Either way,” Morgan replied turning his seat to his companion, “there's no way we're going to be able to reliably take the girls out once a week. I mean, how many days has it been since the first date?”
“Three? Or is it four? You got up the following...”
“Look, Rob, the point that you don't even know is good enough,” the young man interjected. “What I'm saying is that we're not about to do Paris on the Half-Shell again in the next two or three days.”
“Probably not...” the traveler admitted.
As the pair sat talking Vox strode onto the bridge to check a few things. He was, however, wise enough to refrain from getting involved in the young men's inane conversation... Well, mainly...
“So, we need to be able to do dinner here, on the ship,” Morgan continued. “And we ain't gonna be able to do that with them crappy MREs of yours.”
“They ain't so bad,” Vox replied without glancing up from the screen.
“Well no, they're not,” Robert agreed. “But the MREs aren’t exactly dinner with a girl quality either.”
“No,” Vox agreed. “They sure ain't that.”
“Of course, Morgan,” Robert continued with a grin. “You could try one of our dehydrated meals.”
“We have dehydrated meals?”
“I just had 'em deviled to the ship right before we left!” the traveler exclaimed. “So, you should invite Azure to have a dehydrated five course meal with you. Just add water and you’ll have everything you need: starter salad, hot soup, steak and baked potato, burning candles, and your choice of chocolate cake or apple pie.”
“How does it know which one you want?”
The Last Time Traveler Page 27