by M. J. Scott
“They hurt him,” Holly said. “Because of me.”
She was worried about me? Something strange twisted in my stomach. I moved closer still, but Lily shook her head. Simon waved me away.
“Holly, I need to take a look at you,” Simon said, as the sobs grew noisier. “Lily will take Guy to Bryony. She’ll heal his head. Everything’s going to be all right.”
HOLLY
“Am I going to be blood-locked?” I asked as the door closed behind Guy and Lily. I was propped up against a pillow, Lily’s handkerchief still clutched in my hand. I’d gotten the tears under control, but horror and shame still twisted in my stomach, making the room swim. Worst of all, beneath the disgust, I could feel satisfaction sliding under my skin, as though I’d recently left a lover’s bed.
It made me feel slimier than the geas ever had. I’d drunk vampire blood. I’d come from drinking vampire blood.
Simon drew up a chair. “It’s unlikely. The Fae don’t get blood-locked.”
“I’m only half Fae.”
“Yes. So we’ll watch you for the next few days.”
I twisted the handkerchief. I didn’t have a few days. Guy needed to know what I had learned. And I needed to figure out how to get to Cormen. Behind the Veil, Ignatius had said. Which meant he was in Summerdale. He had my mother and Reggie somewhere in the bloody Veiled Court. I had to get them out. Though how exactly I was going to do that—face him down on his home ground where human law didn’t apply—I had no idea.
“What happens if I am?” I asked. I knew the answer. There was no cure for blood-locking. The cravings grew stronger and stronger until they consumed everything else. Until you died.
“Let’s cross that bridge if we need to,” Simon said.
It should have made me feel better, but I couldn’t help feeling unclean somehow. I had drunk blood. Ignatius’ blood. And it had felt good. I clenched my teeth so I wouldn’t retch, breathed through my nose a few times until I was sure I could speak.
“Lords of hell,” I muttered. For almost the first time in my life, I wished I were full Fae. Smart enough to stay out of trouble.
Simon patted my arm. “Don’t worry. Other than humans, I’ve never come across anyone who was instantly addicted. Just make sure you don’t do it again.”
“I wasn’t exactly intending to do it this time.” I didn’t want to explain how I’d gotten myself into this mess. It was too complicated. I rubbed my forehead. Trying to think through the ache in my head and heart. How was I going to get into the Veiled Court? How could I get Cormen to see me?
By bringing him what he wanted.
Fuck. I’d forgotten. Simon. I made myself focus. Yes. There. I could still feel my charm at his side. So he hadn’t discovered it and discarded it. It was still there. Still working. I had to take it back. Ideally, I’d leave it for longer, but who knew if it would last? Or if I’d get another chance to be alone with Simon.
My stomach twisted suddenly, and the urge to reach over and grab for the charm rose within. I fought the sensation, but the geas fought back, the twisting sensation changing to biting jabs of pain as I resisted.
I knew it would only get worse. Which meant I really had no choice at all. I had to do what it wanted. Go after Simon’s secret.
Simon who was Guy’s brother. Guy who had saved me. Who trusted me. They all trusted me.
And I was going to have to betray them.
Lords of hell. I felt exhausted, as though Ignatius had drained my blood rather than the reverse. Sick with what I had done and what I was going to do. I had no idea if I could summon enough power to glamour Simon.
I had to take the chance. I straightened, pushed my hair back from my face, and winced as the pain jabbed again.
“Does anything hurt?” Simon asked, leaning closer. “You didn’t hit your head when you fainted, did you?”
“How would I know?” I asked.
“Good question. Do you feel dizzy?” He peered at me. “Perhaps I should take another look.” The pain eased a little as the distance between us lessened.
Now. This time the urge was irresistible. But still I worked to keep control. The geas had no concept of subtlety or safety. Maybe if I hadn’t been brought back to the locus of its need, I could have staved it off. But it was too strong.
“Simon.” I put my hand on his arm, flesh to flesh. I bit back the tears. I didn’t want to do this. But I had to.
I gathered myself and threw the glamour at him. He froze and for a moment I thought I had failed. But then his face went vacant and relaxed.
“Simon, you won’t remember this,” I ordered softly. “But I need you to reach into your pocket and give me your charm.” He did as I asked, face still dreamily empty. Lady help me if Lily came back now and saw what I had done. I didn’t have much time. I doubted Bryony would take very long to heal Guy’s wounds.
The charm was still warm when Simon handed it to me and I tried not to fumble as I worked at disentangling my charm from his, whispering words of power to speed my fingers and unwind the binding I’d wrought on them. Not to mention keep Simon happily glamoured. It seemed to take forever, but eventually it was done.
I gave the invisibility charm to Simon. “There, you can put it away again now.” I tucked my charm into the evening bag, which had somehow made it back from Halcyon with me. There was no way to trigger it now and see if it had recorded anything useful. I would have to wait.
Later tonight. I could see if I’d gotten what I’d come for, if I had a way of getting the information Cormen wanted. If he’d retreated to Summerdale, then my options were rapidly narrowing. I didn’t want to help him, nor did I trust him to release my mother and Reggie if I did.
I still wanted to find a way to ruin his plans.
If I could.
If not—if I couldn’t find them or if I couldn’t resist the geas—I still needed backup to make sure Cormen could be persuaded to release them when I did bring him Simon’s secret. Either way I still needed Guy’s help.
Needed to keep on betraying him.
Right now I didn’t know if I hated my father or myself more.
First things first. I released Simon from the glamour. “My head doesn’t hurt,” I said, continuing our previous conversation as though nothing had happened.
“Indulge me,” he said with a smile. “That way I can reassure my brother your brain is perfectly intact.”
“After tonight, I don’t think your brother cares all that much whether or not my brain—or any other part of me—is intact.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Simon said.
I wanted to ask what he meant. But I wouldn’t. I wasn’t going to let myself hope. Guy would learn the truth about me soon enough. About what I’d been doing all this time. And once that happened, there’s no more laughing knight in my bed. No, I’d be sleeping with guilt and desperation. Which were, at least, fairly familiar bedfellows.
Chapter Eighteen
HOLLY
It didn’t take long for Guy to return, his face clean and only a thin pink line showing where the cut had been. It was strange. I still wasn’t entirely used to what a healer could do. At the Dove, there were illnesses and babies. Few actual wounds. Somehow making flesh meld with flesh seemed different from curing a cough or making labor go easier.
“Is she all right?” Guy asked Simon.
I couldn’t really read his tone. Angry? Scared? About to call the whole thing off? “I’m right here, you know,” I said, wishing he’d look at me.
“Is she?” Guy repeated, eyes still on Simon.
All right, so angry had to be part of it, I thought. If he couldn’t even look at me . . . Fear gripped my stomach, biting down with icy fingers. If Guy backed out now, then it would be even harder for me to get to Mama and Reggie.
I had to tell him about Henri. If I was still useful to him, he would still help me. Would trust me a little longer. “I’m fine,” I said. I stood, wanting to demonstrate. “Fine,” I repeated.
My voice sounded vaguely distant to my ears. The room swam around me suddenly, the light breaking into little jagged daggers.
Damn. I’d expended too much power. I swayed backward and someone caught me, lowered me back to the bed. I shut my eyes, willing the dizziness to subside.
“She fainted,” Guy said. “That’s not normal. Are you sure she’s not . . .”
“Healing is draining,” Lily said gently. “She just needs rest. She’ll be perfectly well, Guy.”
I hoped she was right about that, but I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes and join the conversation again. Not quite yet. I needed just a few minutes to breathe. I focused on doing just that while the DuCaine brothers argued over my head. When Guy’s voice went icy again, I pushed myself back up to sitting. “I’m all right,” I said again.
“Yes, you are,” Simon said. “But you need to rest and eat and recover. You should stay here tonight; someone needs to keep an eye on you.”
Guy was watching Simon, not looking at me. “I can do that.”
A whisper of relief eased the knot in my guts. He wasn’t leaving. Not yet. I snuck another look up at those icy eyes. He still wasn’t looking at me.
Simon apparently was wise enough not to get in the middle of whatever was happening. “In that case, I’ll leave you two alone. I’ll get someone to take you to a room.”
I blinked. I hadn’t really taken much notice of our surroundings, but now that I did, I saw that this was indeed not a proper patient room. It was far too small. Even after Simon left, Guy seemed to take up most of the available space. Even if he was trying to keep his distance.
I pushed myself to my feet, reached up to touch the new scar on his face.
Guy caught my wrist. “Don’t.”
“Does it hurt?”
“No. But we have things to talk about.” His voice rumbled, his anger palpable.
My heart sank. “Yes, we do.” My knees wobbled and I sat on the bed. Might as well let him say his piece. In my experience it was simpler to let men blow off steam than try to reason with them. “Go on, then.” I folded my hands, waiting for him to start.
Guy stayed where he was, his face twisted in frustration. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Why not?”
“Mostly because a lot of what I want to say isn’t fit language for ladies.”
I almost laughed. “I think we’ve established beyond all reasonable doubt that I’m not a lady.”
He blew out a breath, but he didn’t argue with me on that point. “Why? Why in the name of—just why?”
“Why what, exactly? Why did I bargain with a vampire?”
“Why were you idiotic enough to go up there alone?”
“I saw a chance, I took it.”
His hands flexed suddenly, the snarling beasts stretching as though they were roaring disapproval. I’m sure he wanted to roar his displeasure too. “I was right there. My job is to protect you.”
“I thought I’d be all right.”
“You went to talk to Ignatius Grey in the heart of his little fiefdom and you didn’t think it would be dangerous?”
Definitely roaring now. I schooled myself not to wince. Or yell back. That would only fan the flames.
“No. I knew it was dangerous. But I thought I could handle it. Anyway, I was looking for Cormen, not Ignatius.”
“Next time, my lady, perhaps you’d do me the courtesy of running your idiotic plans past me so I can lock you in the nearest dungeon until you come to your senses?”
“Excuse me?” My own temper, which had been on shaky ground all this time, blown up by nerves and adrenaline and a healthy dose of knowing that I was in the wrong. “Idiotic? It worked. I found out where Cormen was. And I found proof—”
I broke off as the door swung open. A nervous-looking orderly cleared his throat.
“What?” Guy snapped.
“Healer DuCaine said you needed a room. I’ve come to take you to it.”
“Come back in a minute.”
I stood abruptly. If we were going to yell, I’d rather do it in a larger room. If only because it might give me more scope to find things to throw at Guy’s arrogant head. “No, it’s fine. Let’s go.” I picked up my bag, squared my shoulders, and marched past Guy. The orderly looked at me, then at Guy, and gulped. But he gestured for me to follow him and I did, sweeping out after him into the corridor, trying not to think what I must look like with my hair half falling around my face and my dress wrinkled beyond rescue.
I didn’t wait to see if Guy was following me. At that moment I didn’t care.
But somewhere in the journey through the endless corridors of St. Giles, my indignation started to fade again, leaving only shame. Guy was right. I did deserve to be locked up. I’d let my concern for my mother drive me to do something reckless. But I’d also survived and as I’d been about to say, I’d gained something from the risk I’d taken. So maybe we were both right.
Not that Guy was likely to see it that way.
The orderly ushered us into a room in what seemed to be a mostly deserted corridor of the hospital. Painted white, it was larger than the room I’d had before. And the bed was big enough for two.
Subtle, that Simon.
Though he was likely going to be disappointed. I doubted Guy would be touching me any time soon.
Besides the bed, there was a small desk against one wall and several chairs for visitors. In the far wall, a window showed the night sky. I had no idea what time it was. The moon was still high in the sky, the stars peeking determinedly through soft clouds.
For a moment I was tempted to climb out through the window, over the roof, and away into the City. Anything to be free of this wretched situation.
But dancing slippers and evening gowns hardly lent themselves to rooftop adventures. And running away wasn’t going to change anything.
The door clicked shut and Guy’s footsteps crossed the room, then came to a stop. I didn’t turn around.
“I did use the charm. I called for help when I needed it.”
“A little too late.” Guy’s voice was somewhat calmer.
“Things happened fast.”
“Things usually do in bad situations.”
“I know.” I did. I’d been in enough bad situations in my time to find out firsthand. But apparently I was a slow learner. Or stupid enough to ignore what I’d learned when enough was at stake.
“Then why,” Guy said. “Why risk it? Couldn’t you see that Ignatius wouldn’t let you out of there easily? Or was that what you wanted?”
“What?” I whirled from the window. Guy’s eyes were ice blue again, cold as they watched me. “You think I wanted anything to do with a vampire?”
“You were quick enough to deal with him. How should I know what you want? As you keep telling me, the Night World is your world. Perhaps you know it a little better than you admit.”
There was scorn in his voice now, along with the anger, his words lashing at me until I was sure I might bleed from them. “You think I’ve been lying to you? That I’m some Night World slut? Quick to spread her legs or offer her throat?”
He didn’t deny it, watching me with accusing eyes.
“I was doing what we went there to do,” I spat. “I found out something about Henri and Ignatius. And I found out where Cormen is. Where my mother likely is.”
Guy clenched his hands. “And is that information worth dying for?”
My hands clenched. “To me, yes. You’re right. I’m a thief. And a spy. I grew up in the border boroughs and the Night World. And yes, my mother was a whore. All of that is true. But she’s my mother. She and Reggie are my family. I won’t let anything happen to them. Anyway, you’re the one who wanted to know more about the Beasts and Ignatius. That was important enough for you to risk your standing in the order over.”
“I didn’t drink vampire blood!” His voice wasn’t angry now, more anguished. His hands were fisted at his hips.
“I did that to get out of there.
To get us both out of there. If you can’t handle that, then I suggest we call this off. End the charade.”
“I won’t leave you unprotected.”
My hands tightened further, nails digging into my palms. Impossible, contrary man. I wanted to hit him and kiss him at the same time. “I don’t understand you.”
His face twisted. “That makes two of us.”
I sat down on the bed abruptly, head pounding. I wanted to cry. But there was no time for that. “Do you want to know what I found out about Henri or do you want to fight?”
Guy’s eyes were bleak. “I—no, go on. Tell me.”
“He was trying to get in and the Trusted turned him away. He was shouting something about being owed. Wanting payment. Said he wanted more for being shot. So it seems Ignatius is the one behind that, at least. I had a hear-me. It should have recorded the whole thing.”
“Did he mention Ignatius by name?”
“No. But it’s a start. A connection. You can tell the Templars to watch him and Antoine. You can give them the charm. And I can find out more.” I looked up at him, set my jaw. “But we need to get Mama and Reggie first.”
“You want to just march into Summerdale? Do you even know where she will be?”
“Somewhere in the sa’Inviel territory, I would imagine.”
“Which is where?”
I rubbed my head as my temples throbbed. “I don’t know exactly, but I’ll find out.”
“And how will you go about that?”
There was plenty of accusation behind his words. Too much, in fact. I didn’t think I could handle anything more tonight. If he stayed, I was going to break. “I want to rest. You should leave now.”
“Simon said someone needed to watch you.”
“I’m in St. Giles. Surrounded by healers. I don’t need you.” A lie, but I wasn’t sure how much more I could take right now. Along with the pounding in my head, there was still the faintest pulse of heat in my veins, but I didn’t know whether that was still the blood or whether it was the ever-present awareness of Guy tugging at my senses. Either way, it did nothing to ease my mood.