by Claire Adams
“He dragged you out?” she questioned.
I sighed. “Yeah, I’ll admit I’m a bit of a recluse. An introvert, really.”
“No! You? I would have never guessed.” She giggled, sending shivers down my spine.
I couldn’t stop myself from touching her hand that rested on the table. When my fingers touched hers, she looked at me but didn’t pull back.
“Why did he have to drag you out?” she asked.
Another deep breath and I prepared to tell her my sad, sordid story.
“My wife and little girl died a few years ago,” I started, feeling a little strange saying the words out loud to a woman who was basically a stranger. “Since then, I kind of, faded away, I guess you could say.”
She turned her hand over and squeezed mine, encouraging me to continue.
“I don’t do all that well in public.” I winced.
Another squeeze followed by a warm smile.
I cleared my throat. “My wife, Miriam, she was the social butterfly. She was always dragging me to social functions. When I was with her, I was comfortable. I didn’t mind meeting new people or jumping into her social circle. When she died, I felt, I don’t know—adrift. Alone. She was my anchor to that world. When she was gone, I drifted back into my lonely little corner. It’s where I’m the most comfortable.”
“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “No, I’m not. I mean, I am, but not like that. Never mind, I sound like an idiot. What I meant is, I’m sorry you stuck yourself back in that corner, and I am sorry your wife and daughter died, but I know the last thing you want to hear is someone saying sorry. It gets old,” she explained.
I raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, it does. You seem to be talking from experience. How do you know that?”
She looked down at our joined hands. “How do you do it?” she asked, in such a quiet voice I almost didn’t hear.
“Do what?”
She waved her free hand in the air. “Get through it. The grief, the sadness, and wanting to stay in your house all day.”
It was then I realized she was suffering from serious grief as well. I jumped at the chance to help her. I wanted to soothe away those lines in her forehead. I wouldn’t ask her for the details. She would tell me when she was ready.
“It’s a day to day thing. Every day is different. Some days it’s like you didn’t have your heart ripped out. Other days, you want to fucking die. It sucks. I wish there was a secret, but I don’t know it,” I said, gazing into her eyes, and watching the emotions cross her face.
She nodded.“Doesn’t it?” she said, with a weird, almost mischievous smile.
It slightly alarmed me.
She threw her head back, exposing that beautiful neck that was now glistening from the mist. She laughed, before meeting my eyes again. “It sucks. Death is bullshit. I think we should all get to live forever or have suicide pacts. When one of your family or loved ones has to die, you all die together.”
I shook my head. “No. That is not the way to deal with it. Who would tell others about how great your loved one was. Somebody needs to tell the stories and remember them.”
“I like my idea better,” she said, scrunching up her nose.
I knew she was only partly joking. She was in pain. A pain I knew all too well.
“It’s my sister,” she blurted out.
I looked at her, not saying a word.
“My sister, she d-died eight months ago. We were Irish twins, as my mom would say. Talia was eleven months younger than me. She went out boating, like we always did, but she didn’t come home,” she said, choking out the last bit.
I leaned forward, wanting to cradle her in my arms and squeeze away the pain.
She held up a hand. “Don’t you dare say it.”
Leaning back in my chair, I nodded. “The wound is still raw. Give it time, Tessa. I’ve had nearly four years to process everything. Don’t push yourself.”
She picked up her coffee and studied the cup before taking a drink.
I waited, not pushing her. She would talk when she was ready.
“Thank you,” she said after several minutes. “Really. It’s nice to hear it straight and not all sugar coated and crap.”
“Death does funny things to people. Everybody deals with it in their own unique way. Some people want to shower you with casseroles, and others want to run the opposite direction because they don’t know what to say to you.”
She slapped her hand on the table. “Yes! Thank God! I thought it was just me. Do you know I only have one friend who stuck around after Talia died? I live with her,” she continued, then took a drink of coffee and winked. “She can’t escape me.”
I laughed. “I have a cat, Dexter. He is the world’s laziest ball of fur and does nothing more than eat, sleep and poop, but he has stuck by my side. And my brother. My kid brother is always there pushing me, but at least he knows when to back off.”
“Yep, Maria is the same way. I’m glad you have someone,” she said, in a serious tone.
“Me, too. I mean, I’m glad you have Maria. Being alone at home every day is rough. I know from experience. It amplifies the loss.”
She shook her coffee cup. “Empty.”
I tried to hide the disappointment on my face. I was enjoying her company and really liked talking to her. She was only twenty-two, but she was wise beyond her years.
“Want me to take yours?” she asked, standing and walking to the nearby trash. She was standing within a foot of the mister. She held her arms out, “That feels good. Come stand here for a second.”
I stood and walked towards her, staring at the way her skin glistened. Dewy. That was the word she used. It made me think of sex.
“I should go,” I said abruptly. “Listen, Tessa, it gets better,” I said before I quickly dashed out of the cafeteria.
She was standing there, staring at me, “Bye,” she said to my back.
I knew I was acting a fool, but I had to get away from her. She made me feel too much.
Chapter 8
Tessa
A warm breeze washed over me, bringing the smell of wet leaves and rotting plants. Most people would hate the smell, but I loved it. It was the smell of the water. This was my special place. It was where I came to think and be alone. Being in nature and near the water always made me feel close to Talia. We both had a natural affinity for water.
I stared out at the water, watching it gently move under the marshy layer on top of the pond. The way it moved slowly and without a care was calming. It was easy to get lost watching the way nature ebbed and flowed. I tossed a rock in the center of the thick, green film. It created a small hole, but the water kept moving. It didn’t stop or change course. The hole would fill in, and everything would carry on as if I had never destroyed the smooth even layer on top.
If only human pain and sorrow was so flexible. My thoughts drifted to Professor Dunlap—Ian. The hole created by the deaths of his wife and daughter was slowly closing. I hoped I could get to that point a lot faster than he had. Four years was too long. The hole in my life was still gaping. Everything I did seemed to lead to thoughts of Talia.
My stomach grumbled, reminding me I hadn’t eaten this morning. Or last night for that matter. I stood, brushed off my butt, and started the walk back to my car. It was a quick drive into town, and I wanted to try something new. After my coffee date with Ian, I had this weird feeling, like I got a new lease on life somehow. I wanted to experience new things and squeeze every last drop out of life. I had to do enough living for me and Talia both.
A small cafe practically materialized in front of me. It reminded me of one of those greasy spoons my mother was always so against. How bad could one greasy meal be?
“Looks good,” I declared, pulling my little car into a parking spot out front. I was only a little concerned by the empty lot. Maybe the rush hour had already passed.
I walked in, taking in the sweet scent of baked goods combined with a variety of coffee aromas. Coffee sent my mind back to Ian. T
he last coffee I’d had was with him.
“Have a seat anywhere you want, hon. I’ll be right over,” a waitress called out to me.
“Thanks,” I said, quickly scanning the nearly empty restaurant.
My eyes landed on the back of a very familiar looking head. I walked down the row of benches and tables. “Ian?”
He looked up, surprise on his face. “Tessa?”
“Hey, I thought that was you. I’ve become very familiar with the back of your head. I would recognize it anywhere,” I joked.
“Are you eating?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’ve never been here before. I was in the mood for something new,” I replied.
“Have a seat.” He gestured to the empty bench across from him. “The food is great. A little on the unhealthy side, but when you taste it, you won’t care.”
“I’m counting on that. What did you eat?” I said, not taking his offer to sit down, just yet.
“I haven’t ordered yet. Please, eat with me, so I’m not the lonely widower again. It gets old. The waitress has already tried to set me up with every eligible female she knows. This way she’ll think I have a girlfriend and lay off.” He winked.
Hesitating for a moment, I threw caution to the wind. “Sure, I would love to play your doting lover.” I waggled my eyebrows, causing him to chuckle.
I slid into the bench and picked up the menu. I scanned the selections and settled on French toast before putting down the menu, waiting for the waitress to come by. It was a splurge, but one I was going to relish down to the last bite.
“Kind of weird running into you here,” I started, trying to fill the awkward silence.
He chuckled. “Yeah, it really is. This place isn’t exactly on the main drag, and it’s not a huge draw for college students.” He paused, looked serious and then met my eyes. “Maybe it’s a sign.”
“A sign of what?” I asked, a little unsure. His gaze was making me squirm.
Shrugging, he smiled. “I don’t know, like the universe is pushing us together, perhaps.”
I laughed, ignoring that little tingle in my belly. “It seems that way, doesn’t it?” I looked at him and in a serious tone said, “I don’t mind.”
He looked away, leaving me feeling like a fool. Clearly, I made him uncomfortable with my forwardness.
“How’s your weekend?” he asked, ignoring my not-so-subtle come on.
Happy to pretend it never happened, I jumped into the very normal conversation. “I’ve been busy with homework, but today I am relaxing. I spent some time down by the water,” I said, drifting off. “You?”
He blessed me with another one of those sexy smiles. “My exciting weekend has involved lesson planning and cleaning up after a fat cat.”
The image of him and a cat made me want to roll on the floor laughing. He didn’t look, or act, like a cat person at all.
“A cat? Why do I see you more as a dog person?”
He rolled his eyes. “Because I am. Or even a fish person. I am definitely not a cat person, but let’s just say I inherited the damn thing. I don’t know how long cats live, but I hope not much longer.”
I giggled, holding up a hand. “Sorry, it sounds miserable but funny.”
Ian shook his head. “I suppose it is if you don’t have to live with the monster.”
“Lots of exciting stuff on the menu next week?” I asked, turning the conversation back to the one thing we had in common—school.
“I think it is, but I’m guessing the students will be bored out of their skulls. They want to get in the water and not actually do any of the book work it takes to get there. They’ll kill themselves if I turn them loose. So, they’ll be cranky for a bit, but they’ll get over it,” he said.
“Yes, they will. We all have to start at this point. I’m sure I was chomping at the bit to get in the water and explore plant life and all that good stuff, but we all had to do our time in the classroom,” I assured him. “Nobody wants to suck in water or step on something they shouldn’t. They’ll survive. Don’t worry about them.”
The waitress returned, and we ordered, then returned to talking about the ocean and life below the surface. Our breakfasts were delivered, and we continued our conversation. I was enjoying myself. I really liked being with him, and my breakfast was close to orgasmic.
He tossed his napkin on top of his nearly empty plate. “This place makes the best omelets. Did you like your breakfast?” he asked.
I was just finishing my last bite of toast. “Mmm,” I mumbled, not wanting to spit toast at him. I was only a little embarrassed by the fact I had nearly licked the plate clean.
I quickly swallowed my food, pushed the plate away and before I knew it, blurted out the dumbest thing I could have said. “Do you come here a lot?”
My question made him laugh. I realized it probably sounded a bit like a line. He leaned in, dropped his voice, and said, “Why, yes, I do.”
The ridiculous way he said it made me laugh a little louder than was appropriate.
“I’ve been coming here for a couple years. It’s close to the beach, and I really like the food.” He smiled.
“Your secret is out. I may just have to invade your otherwise tranquil space. I’m out here quite a bit as well. I’ve never really paid that much attention to this part of town, though.”
When he looked at me, questioning, I shrugged. “The water. It pulls me here as well.”
He nodded in understanding. We didn’t need to explain why we were drawn to it. It was one of those things fellow water-lovers simply understood and accepted.
“I should get going. Maria and I are supposed to go grocery shopping today,” I said, preparing to leave, but not wanting to. I could sit here and chat with him all day.
He stood, following me out the door. We stood on the sidewalk, facing each other. Both waiting for the other to say something.
“Well, okay, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said. I could hear the hesitation in his voice. He didn’t want to leave, either.
I smiled, not sure what to say, but nodded my head and waved goodbye.
My day had started off on a bit of a sour note, but it had steadily improved. I loved that he was warming up to me. I only hoped our new friendship continued to grow. He’d been a tough nut to crack, and I didn’t want to start back at square one.
I grabbed my phone and quickly dialed Maria’s number. “Hey, I’ll be there in about twenty minutes,” I blurted as soon as my roommate answered.
“Where have you been?” Maria asked.
“Uh, well, I went for a walk, hung out at the beach and then went out for breakfast,” I said, leaving out the run-in with Ian.
Maria sighed. “Hurry up. I need to do laundry and study. I just know we’re going to have a test this week.”
“I am. I’ll be there in a bit.”
I hung up and focused on my driving, only letting my mind drift to the professor a few times. He seemed so different today. I really liked this side of him and hoped to see more of it at school.
When I pulled into the driveway, Maria came out to greet me. “Don’t even get out of the car. Let’s just go.”
She was irritated, but I knew she wouldn’t hold it against me for long, especially when I told her who I had breakfast with.
Maria climbed into the car.
“I’m really sorry, but you’ll forgive me when I tell you who I was with,” I said, giving her a sneaky smile.
“Who?” Maria squealed.
Bouncing my eyebrows up and down, I replied, “Professor Dunlap.”
“What? No! Like a planned meeting? Or was it a chance encounter? Tell me, and don’t leave out any details, please!” Maria said, slapping my arm.
Throwing the car in reverse, I told her about running into Ian.
“There are some cosmic forces at work here,” Maria said, shaking her head with awe. “Seriously. What are the odds you two would end up at the same place?”
“Funny, we said the same thing. F
ate or something, but it’s not. I don’t believe in that stuff.” I waved a hand in the air.
Maria shrugged. “You don’t have to believe in it. It’s happening whether you accept the reasons for it or not.”
“He’s my professor. I work for him. Plus, he’s like ten years older than me,” I reasoned. “Actually, I don’t even know how old he is, but much older, I’m sure.”
“Older isn’t a bad thing. Trust me; I went on a date last night with someone our age and older looks very good.”
“That bad, huh?”
“You have no idea. I’m not a fucking babysitter,” Maria grumbled.
“I’m sorry. Maybe we need to start hanging out in the teacher’s lounge or something if you are dead set on an older man,” I joked.
Maria shrugged. “It has to be better than the club scene. Maybe I’ll sign up to be a teacher’s assistant next semester and find me my own hot professor.”
I pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store. “I didn’t find a hot professor. He’s a widower. He isn’t going to be interested in a relationship, especially with someone like me. I’m like half his age.”
Marie rolled her eyes at that exaggeration but smiled anyway.
We got out of the car and headed inside. I mulled over what Maria had said. It did seem strange to keep running into him. That got me wondering if maybe we had been running into each other for months or years but never noticed each other. It took my sister dying and me needing some extra credits for us to be thrown together.
Was it the universe?
Chapter 9
Ian
I managed to unfold my legs from the car that was too small for me and stood next to it. I needed to sell the stupid thing and get something a little more suitable for my size. It was Miriam’s car. I hadn’t been able to sell it after she died and opted to sell my big truck instead. A single guy didn’t need two vehicles. Especially an unemployed single guy. Now that I was working, it was time to find something I could actually fit in without banging my damn knees.
I walked towards the main door of the science building, a little nervous about what today would hold. Would Tessa be cold and aloof or would she treat me as a friend? Yesterday had been one of the best days of my life since the accident. It had been a simple breakfast, but I loved every minute of it.