by Claire Adams
He smiled. “Yes, you will be okay, but wouldn’t it be nice if you could tell someone what you’re feeling before you have these breakdowns? I can tell you from experience there are plenty of sneak attacks like this still to come.”
I nodded but wasn’t ready to commit to any kind of counseling. “Oh joy. I can’t wait to do this all over again.”
“I’m sorry. I truly am, but it does get better,” he promised.
Suddenly, I felt totally ridiculous. I was sitting in a classroom bawling my head off with my professor wiping my tears. I literally had a complete snot-sling breakdown in front of him. How embarrassing is that? These things should be done in private. My mother would freak if she knew. She was the consummate southern woman who followed the old rules of etiquette. One did not blubber in public; it simply wasn’t done. Even Talia’s funeral had been a very somber, yet dry affair, with everyone being so polite as to cry in the bathroom or in their cars.
“I should go. Thank you, for listening and letting me make a fool of myself,” I said, standing abruptly, and nearly knocking him on his butt.
As I finished shoving papers into my backpack, I looked at him one last time. “Seriously, thank you, and I’m really sorry I dumped all of this on you. I’m sure you have enough on your plate without that. I promise I am not normally like this.”
I rushed out the door without giving him a chance to say another word. The way he had been looking at me made me want to cry all over again. This morning he had been a complete dick. He had been aloof and ignored me, much like he had those first couple of days of class last week. Now, he was the perfect gentleman, willing to give me a shoulder to lean on.
His moods were too much for me to deal with. The last thing I needed was a basket case in my life; I already had the market cornered there. There wasn’t room enough for both of us. Walking to my car, I pulled out my phone.
Maria had texted, asking how I was doing.
I called her back. “I’m fine. I just made a complete fool of myself in front of the good professor, but I’m fine now and going home.”
“I’m sorry. Maybe you should call your mom,” she offered.
I flinched at the thought. “No, not yet. We’ll both end up bawling. No point in getting her all worked up. I’m going to crawl into bed, turn on Netflix, and binge watch Gilmore Girls.”
“Again?” her friend asked.
Laughing at that, I explained, “It’s predictable. I know nobody is going to die.”
Maria laughed. “Okay, I’ll check in with you later. There’s ice cream in the freezer.”
“Thanks,” I said, hanging up the phone.
I looked up and saw Ian walking out of the building. He appeared lost in thought. Probably wondering what kind of crybaby freak he had working as his assistant.
Chapter 11
Ian
“Hey, Professor,” one of my students said, as he walked into the classroom.
“Good morning,” I replied, unable to remember his name. I should have known it by now and promised myself I would, eventually.
As usual, the kid headed straight for the desk where Tessa sat. She stood, hugged him, and laughed when he swatted her ass. All of the young men in the class seemed to have a crush on her. It really pissed me off. They trotted after her, begging for her attention. It was disgusting.
“Good morning, Professor Dunlap,” my self-proclaimed favorite student said, standing about three inches in front of me.
“Hi, Jennie. How are you?” I asked, hoping to distract myself from the little gathering occurring in the corner.
Jennie said something, but I didn’t hear. My attention was drawn to Tessa and what looked to be her fan club. The sun was streaming through the windows, highlighting her blonde hair. She looked angelic. I half-expected a halo to appear above her head. I couldn’t move my eyes away, even though I knew I should. If she or any one of the students caught me staring, it would be bad. If they called me on it, my job would be in jeopardy.
“Professor?” Jennie said, bringing me back to her.
“Yes?”
She looked frustrated but kept it to herself. “I asked if we will be going in the field this week.”
I nodded. “Likely. It’s on the agenda,” I mumbled.
She nodded and took her seat in the front row. I glanced over at Tessa’s desk, where she was holding court, and glared. I shouldn’t be mad. This is my fault. We are nothing more than boss and employee, professor and student. I’m the one who cut off the friendship. Nipped it right in the bud even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.
“If you’re all ready to go, we could probably start class. Everyone else is in their seats and waiting,” I said, with a pointed look at Tessa and her fans.
Tessa looked at me, challenging me a moment before backing down.
“We’ll talk after class,” she promised the student I knew as Jeff. He was one of the guys who seemed a bit more serious about the topic of marine life. He was a sophomore, a little closer to Tessa’s age, but still younger. Maybe she was into younger guys. Again, I didn’t need to go there. It was none of my business if she liked her men younger or older. I needed to mind my own damn business!
She met my eyes. “Was there something else you needed from me?” she asked, in an all-business tone.
“No.”
I turned back to the class, suddenly losing my energy. I wasn’t in the mood to teach and was still struggling to find the joy. Last week, I had actually cursed at a student. I snapped. It was completely out of character for me. I blamed Tessa. She had looked especially pretty that day in one of her many sundresses and had been on her damn phone the second she walked in the door. Whoever she was texting was making her very happy. I was jealous.
“Did you need the PowerPoint put up?” she asked, cutting off my silent self-deprecation.
“What?” I snapped, before realizing I was doing it again.
“A PowerPoint? Book? What do you need to get started?” This time she wasn’t quite so nice. She was being a bit of a bitch about it.
“Nothing. I was just gathering my thoughts,” I retorted. I looked at the clock. Only a few minutes had passed. It wasn’t like I had fallen asleep at the wheel.
I cleared my throat and began my typical stroll down one row and up the next as I spoke. “The lecture for the day will cover pollution in the water.”
There were a few groans, as I expected. Another boring topic they knew all about and didn’t want to hear another word on. Each of the students knew all about pollution, but I needed them to know what was really happening under the water. What the soda cans, chip bags, and beer bottles were doing on the floor of the ocean.
I dove in, giving it all that I had. I glanced over at Tessa on occasion. She was always writing or staring out at the class. I knew this was a topic she was passionate about. Back when we were friends—three entire weeks ago—we had touched on the subject of the destruction of our oceans. She appeared interested in my lecture, but not enthusiastic, much like the entire class.
I was missing something. My lack of true passion was obvious, and the students weren’t buying my spiel. I needed help.
I decided to draw her in. “Miss McShane, our lovely assistant?” I said, staring at her, waiting for her to look at me.
“Yes?” she asked.
“Do you have an opinion on this subject?” I asked, hoping she would jump into the conversation.
She shrugged, then stood and moved to stand beside me, imitating my posture. Her backside was leaned against the desk, her flowing sundress loose around her legs. Her bare, tanned arm was very close to my own and made the hair on my arm stand up. There was electricity thrumming between us, and I could literally feel it pulsing.
“Professor Dunlap is someone I would trust, guys,” she started, making eye contact with the students. “He isn’t making this stuff up. If you are serious about a career in marine sciences, you have to be sure the ocean is still there, right?” she joked.
“I hope you will all listen to him and take it seriously. I know I do.”
I watched as the students perked up. They liked her. She was more of an asset to my class than I had anticipated.
“Thank you, Tessa,” I told her, genuinely meaning the words.
She looked at me, smiled, and used an elbow to gently push me. That’s when it happened. She zapped me!
“Ow!” she said, yanking her arm back. “You shocked me.”
I had to chuckle. “It was definitely the other way around.”
She removed her backside from my desk and returned to her seat. I watched as the students watched her. When they turned back to me, I knew I had their attention. She had infused them with the desire to learn from me. It was pretty damn amazing. She had given me a similar infusion. Now, I was ready.
The class flew by after Tessa’s intervention. Students stopped by her desk on their way out to turn in the latest assignment and to chat, of course. I watched out of the corner of my eye, not wanting to be obvious. One of the young men I noticed paying her a great deal of attention was still hanging out, as if he was waiting for the students to leave so he could have her alone.
I cleared my throat. “Tessa, can I have a word?”
“Sure,” she said, standing and walking to my desk.
As I expected, the student who had been lurking quickly dropped off his work and filed out the door. I had her all to myself. No! That was wrong, terribly wrong. I couldn’t think like that.
“What’s up?” she asked, looking at me, and waiting for me to say something.
“I wanted to thank you for bailing me out. They were fading fast and I was about to lose them completely. Your support meant a lot, and you made it cool. Maybe in the future, we can tag team when there are topics you like?” I asked, hoping to find a way to work more closely with her, knowing full well that I shouldn’t.
I shut down that little niggle of conscience telling me it was wrong on so many levels. I didn’t care. At this moment, I wanted this, badly.
“That would be awesome!” she said, with a great deal of enthusiasm and a big smile.
“How about you go through the syllabus, then let me know which topics you’d like to help me out on?”
“I will, thank you,” she said, picking up a stack of papers.
“Here are the latest quizzes. Grades seem to be improving a little.”
When I reached out my hand to take the stack, our fingers touched and another jolt of electricity shot through my body. The woman was truly electrifying.
“Dammit,” she muttered, looking down at her feet. “It must be these stupid shoes. Or maybe it’s you?”
I shrugged. “Same shoes I’ve worn several times.”
“It’s me,” she muttered, shuffling out the door. “Not wearing these damn things again.”
Turning away I hid a smile. The pretty sandals had revealed her delicate feet, but unfortunately, they would probably electrocute her if she wore them again.
Checking the time, I realized I had a few minutes before the next class. I needed to square up my weekend plans with Jake.
“Hey,” I said, surprised when he answered his phone, I’d expected it to go to voicemail. “What are you doing answering anyway? Don’t you have a court case or something?”
“Yeah, but it got continued, so I have a relatively free morning now. What’s up?”
“What do I need to bring to the barbecue?” I asked, half hoping he would tell me nothing. I wasn’t exactly a gourmet cook. Whatever I was asked to bring I’d be picking up at the deli or store.
“Nothing. They are hosting and William’s wife is doing all the menu planning. She says if anybody brings anything she’ll throw it out,” Jake laughed. “She is very serious about having a menu that works together.”
My mind whirred as I tried to remember who my old friend’s wife was. “Is she the chef? Tara?”
Jake chuckled. “Yep, that’d be her. Word of advice, don’t walk into her kitchen. She might go after you with a cleaver.”
“I do remember her, very well actually, and can’t believe I forgot. Who else will be there?” I asked, wanting to know what I was walking into.
“Oh, everybody from the old days. You haven’t seen these guys in a while. It’ll be fun to get together and reminisce about our misspent youth,” he joked.
“Jake, you were a toddler when I was misspending my youth with those guys.”
That sent him into another fit of laughter. “Not exactly a toddler, but I consider myself very mature. I’ve been hanging with them and their younger brothers as long as I remember. It’ll be fun, seriously. Don’t you dare back out on me, man,” he scolded.
“I won’t. I’m actually looking forward to it. I haven’t seen most of those guys in years. It will be good to catch up and talk about something other than school or the accident. That subject is off the table,” I said in a firm tone.
“Not a chance, man. This is all about having fun, and nobody wants to get serious. You’ll be fine. Looks like I’ve gotta run, my secretary is buzzing me,” he said, before hanging up.
I put away the phone and sighed. This would be my first real foray into society since I had withdrawn all those years ago. I was excited to have a few beers, eat some good barbecue, and act like a normal human being. Sunday was a long way away. First, I needed to get through what I expected to be a shitty week. One day at a time.
I looked at the stack of papers on my desk, remembering the moment Tessa handed them to me and what it had felt like to touch her fingers. In all of the three years I had been married to Miriam, I had never experienced that spark. Never felt it right down to my toes. It was a new feeling. I liked it, but it made me feel horrible. I shouldn’t be feeling that way about another woman. Especially a woman much younger than I, and a student to boot. Just my luck I’d be drawn to what I couldn’t have.
Chapter 12
Tessa
I am so over it already, and it’s still the first month of school. What the hell was I thinking?
“Rise and shine, sunshine!” Maria sang from outside my door.
“Go away,” I mumbled. “I don’t want to be an adult today.”
I could hear her laugh as she headed down the short hallway into the kitchen. It wasn’t long before I heard the whirring of the Keurig. Within seconds, it started up again. She was making me a cup of coffee, thank God. I felt like I needed a direct line to even get out of bed.
The door swung open and in walked Maria, carrying two cups of steaming coffee.
“Here, drink up. This will give you the little burst of energy you need to get your ass out of bed,” she said, handing me the cup.
I scooted around and sat up in bed, taking the first hot sip. As she promised, I could feel the coffee flowing down my throat, triggering little neurons or whatever and zapping them awake.
“You going to make it?” she asked, in a serious tone.
I nodded. “Yes, but I’m going to bitch about it the whole time. I’m exhausted.”
She slowly nodded her head. “I shouldn’t say I told you so, but, well, I did. You heaped too much shit on your plate, girl. I don’t know what you were thinking.”
“That I didn’t want to spend five years in school doing something that should only take four. I don’t want to spend money on stupid classes. I am ready to be done with school and get busy actually getting to work and making some money,” I reminded her.
She shook her head. “I know, I feel you there. I’m sorry, really. I know this is brutal for you.”
I smiled. “I can’t believe how much homework I have. I wasn’t anticipating that. Between my class schedule, the homework, and then the assistant position, I feel like I’m being pulled in a hundred different directions. I have no time to do anything. Eat, sleep, school, and sometimes, the first two have to take a back seat,” I grumbled.
“Maybe you should tell your hot professor to lighten up,” she replied.
“I can’t do that!” I s
aid in horror. “His credit is the most important.”
Maria shrugged. “I think he could do some of his own grading at least. You aren’t supposed to be his slave. He’s getting paid to teach and that means grading papers and all the other crap you do. Don’t let him take advantage of you.”
I had this sudden need to defend Ian. “It isn’t like that. I like the grading and stuff, but the guy gives a LOT of quizzes. More than any other professor I’ve had.”
“Are you leaving after class on Friday?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yep. My flight leaves at 3:30. It’s cutting it close, but I’ll make it.”
“Good. I’m glad you’re going home for the weekend. It will do you good.”
I wasn’t quite so sure, but I needed to go back. I had to check on my mom, and I really needed to visit Talia. I hadn’t been able to go to her grave on her birthday. I owed her some flowers.
Maria nodded and took a drink of her coffee before patting my knee. “Okay, get moving. I need to go put my face on.”
“Thank you for my coffee delivery,” I said as she walked out the door. I allowed myself another minute of wallowing in bed drinking coffee before I forced myself to get up and get my butt moving.
“Only another eight months, Tessa, you can do this,” I muttered as I pulled open drawers and started grabbing clothes. Eight months felt like an eternity.
I managed to get to class about two minutes early. I knew Ian wouldn’t approve, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I was tired.
“Hi,” he said when I came in. He actually smiled at me. It was a real smile, one that I had seen only on a few rare occasions.
It let down my guard. “Hi,” I said, a little hesitantly. I glanced around the room, expecting there to be a firing squad or something equally terrible.
“You okay?” he asked, with real concern in his voice.
Now, I was really convinced there was something going on. He had barely spoken more than a few words to me in the past three weeks, and now he was acting like we were buddies. I wasn’t in the mood.