by Claire Adams
“See you in a few, Ian. Don’t you dare try and sneak out of here. Grab a beer and get ready for the best barbecue you’ve ever had.” She winked.
“Can’t wait,” I said, heading out of the kitchen.
When we emerged onto the patio, a few heads turned, staring at us as if we were gods. We had just left the kitchen which wasn’t something mere mortals were allowed to do. I smiled, feeling a little better.
William clapped me on the shoulder. “Is this going to be a regular thing or did Jake make some deal with you to get you out of the house?”
I shrugged. “I’m hoping a regular thing. It’s time,” I said in a lower voice.
“Damn straight it is. You know how sorry I was about everything, but I’m glad to see you crawling back. I can’t even imagine what you went through,” he said in a somber tone.
I grimaced. Nobody could. No one knew that this guilt is what drove me to pull away from everything I loved and enjoyed in life. Grief, sure, but mostly, it was guilt. No one knew the real reason behind our marriage or what the marriage had been like. My grief was solely the result of Ally’s loss. She was the little girl who had brought light into my life. Ally was an innocent party in my sham of a marriage. She didn’t deserve to bear the brunt of her mother’s deception.
If I could have loved her more, her life would have been happier. More meaningful. It had been far too short, and I always wondered if her brief life had been truly happy. Did I love her enough in the short amount of time we had together?
“Hey!” Jake called out, walking across the large backyard.
I felt relieved to see him. He was my rock through everything. William was great, but my little brother understood a lot more about what I was dealing with, and just how this first venture into society was going to hit me.
A beautiful woman was walking by his side as he headed our way. She was a bit older than he was, but Jake had always been very mature for his age.
“Hi, guys. This is Megan. Megan, this is William, and this guy is my big brother, Ian,” he said, making the introductions.
She smiled, and I could see she was nervous. I imagine meeting those close to her boyfriend for the first time would be a little stressful. I felt sorry for her and did what I could to make small talk. I was still not all that great at it.
Tara’s head popped out of the patio door. “William,” she called. It was a voice that demanded his presence. He quickly left to do her bidding, leaving the three of us standing on the patio.
“Let’s find somewhere to sit,” Jake said, quickly finding three chairs and a small table off to the side.
We all sat down before Jake jumped up to grab us drinks. Megan and I sat in the chairs, facing each other and not saying a word. Jake returned, and I quickly grabbed the fresh Corona and twisted off the lid.
“How’s school?” Jake asked. It was a strange question since I had talked to him just yesterday about school.
“Good. We’re starting our outdoor lessons this week. It’s something I know the students will be excited about.”
“You’re a teacher?” Megan asked.
“Yes, at the community college,” I told her.
Jake felt the need to give her my resume. I looked at him, realizing he was up to something, just a little too late.
“Oh, hey, I need to go talk to Chase over there. You two sit tight. Chat about the weather or whatever,” Jake said, quickly leaving us alone.
Now I knew his game. He was trying to set me up. I looked at Megan, who was very uncomfortable. Did she know what Jake had been up to?
She looked at me and smiled. “Sorry.”
“For?”
She waved her hand between us. So, she had known. That is why she had looked so nervous walking into the barbecue.
“I’m the one who’s sorry. I had no idea he was going to do this,” I explained.
She shrugged. “We work together. I am one of the new paralegals at the firm. He asked if I’d like to go to a barbecue with his friends and his older brother.”
I shook my head. Leave it to Jake to be so forward.
“It’s okay. We can sit and talk or not talk. It’s a setup. My friends do this to me all the time. It never gets old, that’s for sure,” she said, taking a nervous drink from her beer.
“You don’t have to sit here. Feel free to mingle. There are plenty of eligible bachelors roaming around here,” I told her, feeling a little foolish. Her revelation made it very clear she wasn’t interested in me or even pretending like the setup was a success. I felt about two inches tall. I was going to kill Jake, slowly.
We both sat back in our chairs, drinking our beers that were quickly getting warm, lost in our own thoughts. My mind drifted to my upcoming week. I was excited to get outside, but I was dreading doing it without Tessa. I was going to truly miss her the next couple of days. I know it’s wrong. I’ve been wrestling with it all weekend, but no matter how much I tell myself to ignore her and get over these feelings she stirred up, it doesn’t work.
I took another sip of the warm beer, praying the food was served soon so I could make my escape shortly after. I want to go home and think about her. It pisses me off and makes me hate myself that I am so hung up on her, but it’s the truth. I’ll figure out a way to rid myself of the demon that has drawn me to her. I have to. I can’t lust after her or miss her or anything else with her. She’s a student. I’m a teacher. It stops there.
Chapter 18
Tessa
I strolled down the hallway, doing my best not to walk too fast. I couldn’t help it. I was very excited to be back—for more reasons than I cared to admit. The hall was empty. I showed up early with the expectation he would be early as well. I knew it was wrong and very risky, but I wanted a few moments alone with him. It’s a terrible idea and I know better, but that naughty side of me won the war, and here I am.
I slid my key in the lock and pushed the door open. The classroom was dark. I was a little bummed he wasn’t here, but slightly relieved. I wasn’t sure what I wanted him to say or do when we saw each other, but I knew I wanted to see him.
Footsteps behind me made me smile. I stood there, unable to move, my back to the door. His footsteps stopped, and I could feel him in the room. It was like his presence had filled the space around me.
I took a deep breath and turned around. There he was, looking back at me. Our eyes met for a brief second, and then he smiled. The smile made me feel warm and tingly, creating a little sizzle of electricity that started in my toes and spiraled up and throughout my body to my fingertips.
“Hi,” he said, the smile still on his face.
“Hi,” I repeated.
He stepped forward, coming to a stop mere inches from me. I watched him, waiting to see what he would do next. In the back of my mind, I knew I should step away. I was playing with fire. I hadn’t turned on the lights in the classroom, and neither had he. We were alone, in the dark.
I could feel his breath on my face. I was still tingling from his smile. I felt primed and ready for anything, even if I knew it would be wrong and I would regret it the second it happened. I didn’t care. I wanted to throw caution to the wind.
I flinched when he held up a hand. He was going to touch me. Maybe pull me in for a kiss or caress my cheek before he kissed me. I waited, holding my breath.
He stepped back a good foot, opening a chasm between us. I looked up to see a strangled look on his face. The man had some serious self-control.
“I’ve missed you,” he breathed out.
I nodded, still trying to recover from the kiss that never happened. I knew it was the right thing, but I couldn’t help but feeling as if I had lost something.
“I’m glad to be back,” I muttered.
“How was your trip home?”
We were standing there in the dark, just chatting, as if we hadn’t almost crossed a line. His body was stiff as he stayed put. It was as if an invisible line had been drawn. Neither of us could cross it. Both of our
bodies were straining to get closer, but the line kept us apart.
“It was good. I enjoyed myself a lot more than I thought I would,” I said, excited to tell him about my trip.
He smiled. Not the same toe-curling smile, but a genuine smile nonetheless. “That is really good to hear. I hope you managed to get some rest?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I did actually. Thank you for that.”
He shrugged the words away. “Did you go see your sister?” he asked, in a quiet, tentative voice.
“Yes, I did. My mom and I spent several hours at the cemetery. We cleaned up her plot and put in some new flowers. It was actually a really nice time. When we were finished, we went to Talia’s favorite restaurant and stuffed our faces with the best, unhealthiest food in the world.” I grinned.
He laughed. “It sucks that the unhealthy food tastes the best. It’s all some horrible joke played on us humans by the universe.”
I laughed. “Yes, it is. I’ve decided to give myself some more free passes to eat that horrible food. I’m going to have to visit your diner again soon. I still have dreams about that French toast,” I joked.
It was then I realized I was actually laughing, enjoying myself and had just told him about my time at the cemetery. In the past, the mere mention of Talia’s name or the fact she was dead would send me into a crying jag. I couldn’t believe I had glossed right over it. It was as easy to talk about as the diner and what we ate. Did this mean I was finally getting through the grief?
“You okay?” he asked with concern.
I nodded. “Yeah, I was thinking about how easy it was to talk about my visit to Talia’s grave. I didn’t cry for once,” I said, with a smile.
He nodded. “Good. Sometimes you will. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I’m telling you, grief is a bitch. It is sneaky and will attack you when you least expect it.”
I smiled, appreciating his words of wisdom. “What did you do this weekend?” I asked, not wanting to make the conversation all about me.
He smirked. “I went to a barbecue with my brother.”
“Uh-oh. It didn’t go well?” I asked, noticing the pained look on his face.
“I think it could have gone better, but it wasn’t terrible. It’s been a long time since I sat around in someone’s backyard, drinking beer and making small talk,” he explained.
“You did know the people, right?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah. I’ve known most of them for twenty years or more, but, well, after the accident, I stopped hanging out with them. People change. Or maybe they stayed the same, and I changed,” he said with a sigh. “I don’t know that I’ll ever enjoy those things again.”
I looked at him, feeling bad for his predicament. “Did you enjoy them before?”
At first, I thought he was going to say no, but he surprised me. “I did, but it was mostly because Miriam was there. She was the social butterfly, buzzing about each group, chatting and bringing me in. Granted, they were my friends, but they all seemed to like her. I guess it’s all a part of growing up.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, not sure what he was trying to say.
“Like I said, they were my friends. I spent a lot of time with those guys before Miriam and I hooked—got married. They all got married, and we were no longer a bunch of guys drinking beer and talking about cars and fishing,” he explained. “We were married guys talking about projects around the house and very little fishing.”
I started to see what he was saying. He had transitioned into the next stage of life, the marriage chapter, with Miriam by his side. Now that she was gone, he was back in the pre-marriage stage, and all of his friends were still moving forward. He didn’t have the wife buffer.
“I get it. I’m sorry. That had to be rough, but I’m thinking it will get easier once you get into the swing of things. Not all of your friends can be married. You said your brother wasn’t, right?”
He cringed. “My brother is on my shit list right now.”
“Oh no,” I giggled. “What did he do?”
Ian looked very uncomfortable, and I realized I had asked a personal question. I started to tell him not to answer, but he shook his head.
“He set me up,” he mumbled.
“Set you up?” I asked, thinking along the lines of a set up in terms of a scheme gone bad.
“With a woman from his work,” he said, clearly irritated.
I jerked back. “Oh.”
I was a little jealous, but I had no right or reason to be. Ian wasn’t mine. His brother was trying to set him up with a woman to help him get over his dead wife. It was expected. Ian needed to start dating. I knew that, but it still stung.
He rolled his eyes. “It was awful. I was a complete moron. Don’t worry; it didn’t go anywhere. I don’t even remember her name.”
I looked at him with a mixture of emotions. He told me not to worry as if I had a right to. Deep down, that made me giddy.
As if he realized what he’d said, he looked up at me with a look of horror and embarrassment. “I didn’t mean it like that. You didn’t need to worry, regardless.”
“I knew what you meant. It’s okay,” I assured him. I quickly changed topics to one that was a little safer. “How have the last two days gone? With classes,” I clarified.
He seemed relieved to be talking about something else. “Good, actually. We had some challenges, and I forgot the teaching material here on Monday, but we muddled through. The students seem a little more eager to learn now than they have been the past month.”
I laughed. “Of course. Getting outside and playing in the water is always better than sitting in a stuffy classroom. I know I’m excited to get out of here.”
“I’m sure they will all be thrilled to have you back. I know I am,” he said, in a voice that caused a shiver to run down my spine. “Uh, you really bring an extra something to the class.” He said it as an afterthought, as if to explain or justify what he’d said before.
“I’m glad to be back. I’ll be working around the clock to catch up on everything I missed the past couple of days, but I know I’m going to really like getting off campus and in the water.”
The first student showed up at the door but hesitated. It was then I realized the lights were still off. I walked around Ian, flipped the switch, and invited the young woman in. Looking back at Ian, I could feel his sadness over our time together being interrupted. We had only a few, brief, precious minutes alone together.
I loved talking to him. I didn’t even know why. I talked to people all day, but talking with him was different. He was attentive and seemed to really get me. I know that sounds horribly cliché and like a schoolgirl crush, but it was all very real.
I headed to my desk, and our shoulders brushed as I walked by. I paused, looked at him and smiled. “Until next time,” I whispered.
He smiled, another one of those truly genuine smiles that made me feel like the most important girl in the world. That smile is going to carry me through the whole day. I know it will be a busy one and not doubt stressful, but all I will need to do is think back on that smile.
“Okay, guys, who’s ready to get out of here and get wet?” he was saying from the front of the classroom. “We aren’t going to even bother getting comfortable in here. I want to get out there and get every minute we can in the water.”
I could feel the excitement in the room. Jeff noticed me and waved. “Glad you’re back, Miss Teacher,” he said, with a wink.
“Glad to be back,” I said with a saucy grin.
Jeff clutched his heart and waggled his brows.
I laughed but stopped suddenly when I felt the glare. Ian was looking at me in a way that was very different from earlier. Oops. He clearly didn’t appreciate the flirting between Jeff and me. While I would like to think it was because he was jealous, in reality, I’m sure it is more about his own moral standards. Apparently, only teachers are allowed to flirt with the students, I mused.
Chapter 19
Ian
>
I felt an energy buzzing through me and it’s something I haven’t felt in years. I remembered back to my first teaching job; it had been good, but not this good. This energy was electrifying, and I found myself wanting to smile. I even wanted to walk a little faster, and I found myself wanting to wave at complete strangers. I felt as if I were a young man in my early twenties again, with my entire life ahead of me.
It’s Tessa. I know it. She has a way of making me feel alive, really alive. It’s odd though, it’s not like she is a perky ray of sunshine—far from it—but there is this weird vibe between us. Maybe it’s the ‘two negatives make a positive’ thing.
When we first met, we were both pretty down. She was fresh off her sister’s death, and I was, well, me. I had been stuck in a perpetual gloom for years, but the moment I saw her, it was as if a pinprick of hope popped my bubble of doom and gloom. The more I saw her and the more we talked, that hole enlarged, and it wasn’t long before the dark cloud disappeared altogether.
I could see the change in her as well. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but to me, it seemed like she was happier. I didn’t catch her drifting off or looking sad nearly as often.
I walked through the main doors of the building and practically glided down the hall. When I opened the classroom door, there she was. It always made my day to see her first thing in the morning, usually wearing one of those flowing dresses she favored.
“Good morning,” she said, greeting me with a lovely smile and a steaming cup of coffee.
“What’s this?” I asked, taking the cup.
She smiled. “You’ve bought me coffee a couple of times. I figure I owed you.”
“Thank you. This is really nice, but you don’t owe me. I owed you if you remember, right?” I took a sip of the hot coffee, letting it mingle with the electricity already running through my veins. I felt on fire!
“You seem, different,” she said, looking at me with a strange expression on her face. “You seem… happy?”