by T V Hartwell
A couple of days had passed since Jake’s conversation with Mike about Amanda. Jake knew that Mike wasn’t happy with him and that their conversation had ended uncomfortably. Although Jake felt that he was right about not being bound by any formal agreement to stay away from Amanda and to cease any further communication with her, he had promised not to reveal that he knew of her alleged mental illness. If he confronted her about it, he risked betraying the trust and confidence of his boss and mentor, and the consequences of doing that would likely be an early exit from the firm and no shot at partnership. Rick was Mike’s client and Jake didn’t want to do anything to compromise that relationship or the attorney-client privilege. However, at the same, Amanda had been his fiancée and, after what he’d been told and led to believe, the idea that another guy could step in so easily and so soon to pursue a romantic relationship with her so publicly didn’t add up.
Although Jake had seen Mike in passing since their conversation, he’d decided that it would be best not to press him on whether he’d spoken to Rick. However, despite Jake’s conclusion that he should leave Mike out of it, not involving him any further in his quest for more information, Mike showed up at his door before week’s end.
Jake had his head buried in a legal document he was reviewing and editing when he heard a little knock at his door and then looked up to see Mike standing there.
“Got a moment?” Mike said.
“Hey, Mike. Yeah, of course.”
Mike stepped in and closed the door behind him. “It’s been a busy week and I’ve had a lot on my plate, but I finally got a chance to touch base with Rick. Plus, he had been traveling, and we were playing phone tag for a bit there until we finally connected this morning. Anyway, I asked him about Amanda and how she was doing and pointed out to him that you’d noticed her on television recently, out dating again—”
“And what did he say?”
“Basically, he said that her psychotic episodes have all but disappeared for the time being, but that they’re monitoring the situation as best they can and will do whatever is necessary if she has a relapse and starts acting out . . . threatening to harm herself again and such.”
“So just like that she’s all better now?”
“He didn’t exactly say he felt she was better, but in the absence of these episodes where she thinks she’s Maggie, what you’re basically seeing is the Amanda you came to know moving on with her life.”
Jake sighed in frustration, gritted his teeth, and looked away, staring blankly at the wall.
“Jake, I know how difficult this must be for you—”
“But why him and not me? Amanda, or Maggie, rather, isn’t threatened by the new guy? Maggie only feels threatened by me?”
“I don’t know, Jake. You and Amanda were together for a longer period of time so maybe that alternate personality developed alongside your relationship in a way that was unique to your relationship. Perhaps it might appear the same way or in a completely different way as Amanda moves on with her life and enters into new relationships. Only time will tell.”
Jake sat there in silence for a few moments, contemplating and digesting Mike’s words, and then Mike had more.
“I also should mention to you that during our conversation, Rick reiterated that his monetary offer to you is still on the table. They really don’t want you interfering and confronting Amanda about this situation, Jake. They are very afraid of what that might trigger in her. They don’t know how she would react to being questioned about something she thinks only her parents know about. And then would her alter ego take over and have a different reaction, one that could be harmful or destructive?”
“Mike, what would you have done if you were in my shoes?”
“You know, I think my reaction likely would’ve been much the same as yours in the beginning. Disbelief, a sense of anxiety. My first inclination probably would’ve been to talk to Shelly about it directly and try to get down to the bottom of the situation. As her boyfriend and fiancé I would’ve wanted to check things out with her first before making any decisions. But the more I think about it and then after talking to Rick again today, I’m not so sure that would’ve been the right move. As a father I see it in a completely different way and like Rick, if I came to you and told you that my daughter’s life was hanging in the balance and that she’d already suffered in the past with anorexia and that signs of her mental illness were coming back and she was threatening to harm herself again, I probably would hope that you would be willing to understand and make whatever sacrifice was necessary.”
“But if that sacrifice was to walk away from her . . . if you’d been asked to walk away from Shelly instead of just keeping to yourself what you knew or had been told and just letting the chips fall where they may, what would you have done?”
Mike sighed heavily as he contemplated and chose his words carefully. “Everyone’s situation is different, Jake. You shouldn’t try to compare your relationship or the decisions you’ve had to make to what you think others might do in a hypothetical scenario where the players involved and family dynamics are completely different. You made the decision you made for a reason and you ultimately have to look deep inside of yourself and figure out what motivated you to decide to walk away. Clearly it wasn’t the money. So was it purely out of love for Amanda, out of fear because of the perceived threat to her well-being and safety and possibly to yours, or were there some other things that factored into your decision that might’ve been a little less apparent on the surface? Maybe it was a combination of things, but I can tell you’re still really struggling with this and that you’re not at peace with your decision.”
“No, you’re right, I’m not at peace about it,” Jake said with a heavy sigh of his own, swamped by feelings of despair and regret over how he’d handled the situation.
“You know, perhaps, it might be worth seeking out professional help, like talking to a counselor or someone else you trust who can help you work through these issues so that you can move forward with your life. All I ask is whatever you decide to do, that you do not break your promise and reveal to Amanda that you were told about her condition by her father nor reveal your knowledge of her condition to anyone else.”
“I know that I made that promise to you and Rick, and I won’t break it. I want you to have trust in me, Mike. It’s important to me that you know that I’m good for my word. However, that doesn’t mean that I might not make an attempt to reconcile with Amanda, as impossible as that might seem at this point.”
“Well, as you so audaciously pointed out earlier this week, you didn’t take any money and you didn’t sign an agreement promising to stay away from her, so you’re free to make that choice. It’s your life and you have to do what you think is best for you and your future, but you must also be prepared to face the consequences if your course of action backfires.”
* * *
Chapter Forty-Three
After the Golden Globes, Amanda’s life had become more exciting and full than ever before. She’d flown overseas with Adam for the London premiere of his film the following weekend. They were then off to Sundance for the film festival, and after that she headed to New York to work with Lucy and the public relations firm they’d hired to plan the launch party for their Novel handbag line. With the samples finalized by the design and production team they’d been working with since the early fall, they were ready to begin introducing the line to the fashion world.
As part of the lead-up to the launch, they’d been working with a publicist to create buzz on social media and to raise awareness among the fashion trades about their new line. That turned out to be not terribly difficult as Lucy was the daughter of famous parents and the girlfriend of an Oscar nominated actor and Amanda likewise was the daughter of high powered, influential people and also happened to be dating an Oscar nominated Hollywood insider. After she’d blown up as one of the top three red carpet favorites among many fashion critics and observers for her Alana Dupree frock,
she had received hundreds of mentions between TV shows, major magazines, and a host of Internet blogs and websites. Photos of her in that dress and of her with Adam had popped up everywhere. She even started to receive calls from several of the top modeling agencies in New York and LA about being added to their celebrity rosters for special ad campaigns and editorial spreads.
Sitting in their New York office with their publicist to go over their media strategy, Amanda was still overwhelmed by it all. “Look at all of these comments about you on the Us magazine website,” Lucy said to Amanda who leaned over to look on Lucy’s laptop with her.
Amanda read aloud one of the anonymous comments beneath an article about fashions at the Golden Globe Awards where a photograph of her was prominently featured. “Although I wouldn’t look as good as her wearing it, I’d love to have this dress, but it probably costs a gazillion dollars which I don’t have. Anyone know where to buy a good knockoff?”
“Oh, that reminds me, did I tell you that the Alana Dupree website crashed the day after the Globes?” Lucy said.
“No.” Amanda looked surprised.
“It was down for about an hour before our tech team was able to get it back up and running again. Orders for that dress are through the roof. We can barely keep up with the demand for it.”
“Did you not already have it in stock?” the publicist asked.
“No, it was a one of a kind that had originally been made for Anne Hathaway, but Mom ended up offering it to Amanda instead, which turned out to be a very good move.”
“It looked gorgeous on you,” the publicist said to Amanda. “It probably would’ve worked well for Anne Hathaway too, but you have this natural grace and sereneness about you which I think made the dress look extra beautiful when you wore it.”
“Oh, thank you,” Amanda said. “I’m just so happy for Alana, it’s great that she’s getting so much attention from it.”
“It just goes to show how important it is to pick the right person to make your design stand out and shine. Had it been worn by that horribly bad actress, whose name I won’t mention, but who only seems to get roles in horror flicks, it would’ve been a total disaster.”
Amanda laughed, knowing exactly whom Lucy was referring to while the publicist looked at them, curious. “Who are you guys talking about?” she asked.
“I’d rather not speak her name. She hit on Cass not that long ago when she knew we were dating so she’s on my shit list now.”
“You know we should consider creating a fan page for you on Facebook,” the publicist said, changing the subject as she looked at Amanda.
“Really?”
“Yeah, a lot of celebrities use their social media platform to promote and drive interest in their brand and products.”
“You mean like Paris Hilton and the Kardashians?” Lucy said, sounding a little skeptical.
“But I don’t consider myself to be like them,” Amanda immediately said. “I’m not looking to become the next girl who’s trying to become famous for being famous or famous for dating a famous person.”
“Me neither,” Lucy agreed.
“Plus, I think that it would cheapen the brand if it’s so personality driven. It should stand on its own, based on the quality of the design and material and the craftsmanship behind it.”
“Yes, but instead of using social media just to post a bunch of selfies you could use it to blog and to share things that interest you, like your ideas about fashion, music, travel, food. Tell them what you’re doing and what you’re working on next. You want to build a lifestyle around the brand that your followers can buy into which will in turn help grow sales. We need to get you on Facebook, Twitter, and there’s this new site called Instagram—” The publicist was interrupted by Amanda’s ringing cell phone.
“Oh, it’s Adam,” she said before answering it. “Hi!”
“Did you hear the news?” Adam shouted excitedly on the other end of the line.
“No. What news?”
“We’ve just received Oscar nominations for best picture, best screenplay, and Tom was nominated for best actor!”
Amanda screamed as she jumped up out of her seat. “Oh my God! That’s so awesome! They just received Oscar nominations for best picture, best screenplay, and best actor for Tom,” she said to Lucy and their publicist, and they too jumped up, cheering and clapping with elation at the news.
“You’re my lucky charm, princess,” Adam said. “You know that you’re the real reason I got nominated. People want to see you on the red carpet again.”
Amanda smirked. “I don’t know about that—”
But Adam continued over her, “So while you’re there in New York, start looking for more amazing dresses to wear. I’ll pay for them, whatever you want, but we’ve got some campaigning to do leading up to the awards, lots of parties and other awards shows to attend, and I want you by my side every step of the way to help sway Academy voters in our favor.”
Amanda laughed, all giddy. “Well, if you think I can help to sway voters just by showing up and sipping cocktails, I’m there. Count me in,” she said grinning from ear to ear while giving Lucy and the publicist a wink and nod.
* * *
Chapter Forty-Four
Ever since learning that Amanda and Adam had gotten back together, Jake had begun to follow Amanda’s activities religiously through her private Facebook profile (they hadn’t unfriended one another) as well as through other Internet media sources. After he’d told Mike that he might try to reconcile with her, Jake didn’t act immediately. He hesitated, knowing that the likelihood of her taking him back was slimmer now than before, in light of his admission that he’d been cheating on her with Kirby for a very long time combined with the fact that she appeared happy and content in her new and very public relationship with another guy. However, after Adam’s film had received several Oscar nominations, a slew of new photos of Amanda with Adam at parties and other industry events began popping up. There were more red carpet appearances and TV interviews of them appearing cuddly, in love, and happy. It all became too much for Jake to take, and feelings of jealousy arose in him. That was his girl and that was the happiness and joy that they were supposed to be sharing and experiencing together as a married couple. The idea of someone other than him being with Amanda made him feel cheated and misled. Even deceived. Jake hadn’t expected to feel that way, but he also hadn’t expected to see Amanda in a new relationship with another person so soon, and before he’d done the same thing himself.
His growing anger became so consuming that he wouldn’t allow himself to seriously think about, explore, and address other unresolved feelings and emotions that he had, and Jake came to realize that if he didn’t talk to a professional or someone else that he trusted, as Mike had suggested, he might explode and act irrationally. After racking his brain for the best person to turn to for help, he finally decided who to call. Jake thought it was the natural choice, and he made an appointment to see him right away.
***
Although he and Jake had stopped working out together after their falling out, Kirby continued to show up at the gym at the same time and on the same days he and Jake had originally scheduled together. Kirby hadn’t seen Jake at their gym in Hollywood since Jake had moved out of the bungalow they’d been sharing. He assumed that since Jake had decided to avoid him, he was probably working out at Sports Club LA, where he used to go with Amanda on the weekends. However, one early evening in the middle of the week, Kirby was astonished to see Jake at the Hollywood gym.
Kirby had just arrived to begin his workout, but it appeared to him that Jake had been there for a while, as he had a noticeable pump in his arms and chest and a brow that seemed slightly sweaty from his vantage point. Jake didn’t notice him, but Kirby could see him across the weight room floor, packed with the after five workout crowd. Jake had his face turned toward Kirby as he spoke with another gym patron Kirby casually knew, a well-built African American dude named Reggie who modeled for muscle
and fitness magazines and moonlighted as a private trainer and bartender to make ends meet. Reggie and Kirby had hooked up once, but since they’re both tops, the experience hadn’t been all that satisfying for either of them. However, they maintained a chummy relationship, running into each other at the gym on occasion.
Kirby stood there, frozen as a mix of emotions and thoughts flowed through him. Should I go up to him and barge into their conversation? Should I pass by so that he sees me but ignore him, like I don’t care? Should I let him come after me? Is Reggie cruising him? I know Reggie would like to have a piece of that, no doubt, Kirby smirked to himself. Reggie probably assumed, correctly, that Jake was my boy, but now that he hasn’t seen us together for quite a while and Jake is here by himself, now Reggie’s trying to make a move on him, Kirby concluded. “Fuck it, I’m going over there,” he finally said under his breath having not seen, heard from, spoken to, or touched the guy he still loved in nearly four months.
Just as Kirby began to make his way over to them, the two men shook hands and bumped shoulders before Jake started to walk away, appearing to head for the locker room. “Jake . . . Jake,” Kirby yelled to get his attention.
Upon hearing his name, Jake turned to look and then he saw Kirby walking toward him. He froze and managed to crack half a smile when Kirby reached him. “Hey, Kirby.”
“What’s up? Long time and no see, man.”
“I know,” Jake said stoically. “How have you been? How’s your family?”
Kirby’s heart raced at the sight of Jake; he desperately wanted to connect with him, but Jake’s lack of emotion and polite indifference made Kirby feel a bit unsettled. “I’m fine. They’re fine. Everybody’s fine,” Kirby said smiling uneasily, knowing full well that he wasn’t fine, but tormented. “How about you?” he asked.