by Cathy Johns
But I never sleep with them.
I strip because I need the money. My mother’s medicine costs a fortune and making sure she doesn’t miss out on any of her appointments with the best neurologist in town, requires money. Michael is all I’ve got and a reminder I need to stay sane even when everything else is falling apart. I took him to a good school and that’s a relief for me. I’m not rich, neither am I poor and I manage with what I can afford. So, when I’m working, I draw the line between what's real and what's not. I’ve never had a boyfriend and my purity, I believe it belongs to someone who’s worth it and I'll treasure that until the right man comes my way.
“See you at seven,” Molly says, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. It’s only three in the afternoon. I have to go home and get ready for tonight while I spend time with Michael.
“Seven it is,” I murmur in her ear before kissing her cheek.
She walks towards the door, opens it, then turns to look at me one more time. I wish I could tell what she’s thinking when she gazes at me like that. Her colored hair is in a messy bun on top of her head. I don’t know how she does it, but I can attest that the different shades of color in her hair make her stand out. Molly has never been one to spot the same hairstyle since I’ve gotten to know her. If it’s not some purple shade, then she has blonde or red. She has blue denim shorts that exposes her long graceful legs, her caramel skin glitters from sweat after our dance rehearsal earlier. Her heart-shaped lips shine from her lip-gloss. She's three inches taller than me, making her five-eight. She’s had her heart torn to pieces by someone she gave her all to and even though I know little about relationships, I believe she deserves someone who’ll treat her like a princess.
I gaze at her waiting, but she says nothing before leaving the room. She closes the door behind her as the other girls and I move about the room. Arranging my locker, I place the nude lingerie on top of my black silky robe ready to rock this night. I lock my locker, say my goodbyes to the other girls, and head out.
When I’m outside Magic Well, reality creeps in, reminding me of what awaits me. My mother is a shell of the woman she once was, and I’d give anything to have her back. To say I’m hurting is an understatement, what I feel is killing me. I’m broken down, torn to pieces and fighting so I don’t drown. And it’s hard to do so when your own mother doesn’t recognize you half the time or what role you play in her life.
~*~
“Hi, Mama” I whisper the minute I walk into her room, I find her lying on her side her back to me. I walk around the bed and sit beside her and when our eyes meet, hers are empty and that has my eyes tearing but I fight the pain. I fight the tears when I see her void eyes staring at me and I know today is one of those days when she can’t tell who I am.
“Who are you?” she asks and that breaks my heart a million times. It hurts to know I’ve become a stranger to her, to my best friend.
To my own mother.
“It’s me, Hope” I whisper, fighting the tears I can no longer hold back.
“Hope” she says my name laughing. “I know no one by that name.” she utters and that hits me harder than ever before.
I don’t know how long I can do this without feeling like losing my mind. I take her hand in mine and massage her knuckles, feeling her warmth in my hand and search her eyes. “I don’t know how this happened or why it had to happen to you, but I hope to God that one-day, Mama, you’ll get better and you’ll come back to us.” I lean in and plant a kiss on her temple before leaving her room. Closing the door behind me, I go in search of my adorable little man.
In my peripheral, I spot Nelly in the kitchen fixing something for Michael’s afternoon snack. She’s been with us for a year now, helping me out on the days I feel it’s too much. Juggling being a mother figure to Michael and having to work on the busy weekends. I don’t like being away from my family, but I’ve got to work.
I turn and head towards Michael’s room. Knocking on the door, I find him playing with his toys, talking to himself. I try to give him the best I can and be there as much as he needs me. Smiling, I think of the times he’s refused to sleep in his room, screaming at the top of his lungs so I can get the point he wants to sleep in my bed. The minute he notices me his face lights up, giving me the widest smile I’ve ever seen, cute little smile and two missing front teeth. My heart leaps with joy as it goes mellow. God, he makes me forget the ugly, dark, gray days that keep clouding my head.
I walk into his room and kneel next to him, placing a kiss on his temple, raking my fingers through his black curly hair. We both resemble our mother. The only difference is our skin color while I’ve got Mama’s mocha skin, Michael’s is brown.
“How’s my main man doing today?” I ask him, his small hands trying to put toy bricks together.
“Fine,” he retorts. “Look, mama,” he says lifting a brick he was busy working on before I came into his room. He calls me Mama and I’ll always be a mother to him for as long as he wants me to and when the time comes to share the truth, then I’ll be ready to tell him the truth.
“That’s beautiful,” I say smiling. “Will you teach me how to make one?” I fake a pout.
He laughs. “You don’t know how to do it?” he asks.
“No,” I answer. “I was hoping you could teach me.” I pull him in my arms, cupping his little face. “Please,” I beg, planting kisses all over his face the way I always do when I want something from him, making him giggle.
“Mama,” he laughs screaming my name, “Stop, please.” He fights to get away from my arms. And I let him. I’m proud of him despite all the struggles we go through every day, even when he can’t comprehend why Nana is the way she is. Michael is my source of energy. I draw strength from him. Just one look and my day is peaceful and hopeful at the same time.
“Mama has to go to work in a while,” I say the minute he looks at me and that smile of his spreads across his face because he knows what I’m about to say next. “Can I trust you to be the man of the house when I’m gone?” I tickle him.
“Yes,” he answers, giggling.
I lean in and give him a kiss on the tip of his nose then his forehead before pushing myself up, towering over him. I turn to look at him one more time before leaving the room and see his eyes are on me and something sad crosses my heart. Fuck. I don’t like him looking at me this way.
“Mama.” He calls before I can utter a word.
“Yes, baby?”
“I love you so much,” he says blowing a kiss. That makes me want to cry.
I walk back to where he’s seated on the floor, stretching my arms and lifting him up as I swirl us around. “I love you too, so much.” I vow. He cups my face in his tiny little hands and wipes the tears away, tears I didn’t know were there.
“Don’t cry, Mama.” He says.
“I’m not crying, baby,” I smile, giving him a reassuring kiss on his cheek.
He kisses my cheek back and asks me to put him down, promising to come see him before I leave for work.
I take half an hour to get ready and head back to Michael’s room, saying my goodbyes and promising to call him before he goes to bed, something I do because I have to tell him a story.
I leave instructions with Nelly not to allow him to watch TV past his bedtime. I go to my mother’s room and find her asleep. Kissing her temple, I whisper in her ear “I love you” and head out of her room, straight to my car, a 1987 VW Golf, and head to work.
Chapter Two
Taylor
I was that kid on the block, underprivileged, went to school with a torn uniform that had hemmed patches all around it, the soles of my feet touched the ground I walked on but I hid it so well that no one could see, cutting a shoe shaped inner sole from old pieces of newspaper and coloring them so no one could tell.
From the hemmed patches on my shorts, one couldn’t tell what color they were. Mama worked three jobs so she could put a roof over our head in one shan
tytown of Nairobi. The room was big enough to fit a bed for mama, a mattress for me, and two stools. Electricity…damn, that was something I got to see from one of our neighboring gated communities.
As an only child, I did odd jobs to help my mother place a decent meal on the table. I was four years old when my father walked out on us. I can’t say I remember him because he never looked back, never became concerned of what would become of us.
I recall every detail concerning my past. Countless sleepless nights I had looking over my shoulder while I slept on the streets, not knowing where the danger would come out from next.
It’s been a decade since Mama died. But it feels likes yesterday when I could hear her laugh, see her smile, tell me how proud she was of me, sharing a bit of her wisdom with me.
Best advice from her was to always respect women and never be an asshole like my father (the asshole part was my choice of word).
Took her advice to heart, but I failed miserably when I was twenty-one. Met a girl who was as bad and wicked as they came. Broke it off before she ended up breaking my heart. And since then, I haven’t thought of setting my eyes on another woman.
Work is all I’ve been able to do. Targeting big companies in the country, investing in the property market before earning me a new fancy title at twenty-five.
Youngest billionaire.
I never see myself as some filthy rich guy, no. I always see myself as just another guy who went through a bumpy road in life, only to come out as a champ.
The fancy title doesn't harmonize the person that I am because it means nothing since the one person I would have loved to have with me as I climbed up the ladder, is no longer here with me. I would give anything to have her back so she can see the man I’ve become.
The man that she raised.
“Mama, I wish you were here to see me now, to tell me how proud you are,” I whisper to myself, my eyes looking above. I know she’s in a better place, watching over my shoulder. “I miss you so much, mama, and as I promised you, I’ve stayed away from trouble.”
I miss her every day and though she’s gone, she’ll always be a part of me no matter how many years have passed since she took her last breath.
“Taylor,” Leo calls me from the kitchen, snapping me out of my thoughts.
Leo is the brother and best friend I never asked for. He was the one who found me sick, lying on the street, fighting an infection that had me hallucinating. Leo and his dad Richard, may he rest in peace, took me to the hospital, paid the bill, and later took me in. They welcomed me into their house and accepted me as one of their own.
His mom treated me like she would her own children. There were no special favors between Leo, his younger sister Rita, and myself. I was part of the family. His parents become my parents after they adopted me, gave me their last name, and enrolled me in a good school.
I had no one to turn to since my mother’s family had already disowned her, and so living on the streets was the only choice I had after Mama passed away.
I look up to Leo as a role model. The brother I never had. The brother who made sure I stayed out of trouble.
I stand from the seat and drag my bare feet toward the open plan kitchen of my four-bedroom townhouse and sit on one of the barstools on the kitchen island. With my elbows propped up on the countertop so I can support my chin, I take in the man who I owe my life to.
He has his back on me so I can’t tell what he’s doing. His ragged hair is all over the place, an image he maintains when he’s not in the office. He calls it his weekend signature with his faded jeans and polo shirt but I know there's more to that raggedy look.
Ever since he came back home from London, he’s been different. Always on the edge. I’ve tried asking him if all is well but all I get is two words sometimes three “I’m fine” "I'm good" or “all is well” even when I know something is pestering him.
“You need a haircut,” I blurt out.
“You think so?” he asks over his shoulder.
“Yes,” I grunt. Yep, he sure needs a haircut.
“But the women love me like this,” he snorts.
“You think so or you know so?” I ask, feeling sorry for the women Leo and Mark have falling under their feet. If I was a woman, I would turn the other way.
They are real heartbreakers, not sure how they live with themselves.
“Why don’t we ask Mark?” He turns his head to look at me, a stupid grin on his face.
“You and Mark are hopeless cases. I don’t even know why I bother to ask you to change your wicked ways.” I sigh. I will never understand their lifestyle even when I had hoped that Leo would return home a different man after being away for so long. “Old habits die hard,” I mumble.
Leo is a good guy by all means but when it comes to women, the guy is… impassive. I keep thinking one day he'll settle down, maybe even start a family but I don’t see that ever happening.
I hope he’s not a lost cause but…
“Stay away from my PA.” I growl.
“Why?” he asks giving me his full attention.
“Because I want you to.” I answer. It’s not like my brother is a bad person, but Cecilia has been through hell and back, her divorce left her in a place she thinks I don’t notice how broken she is with that smile she plasters on her face for everyone to see. She keeps forgetting I’ve known her for the longest time.
I look at Leo as he cocks his head to the side one brow raised, his stubble making him look rough. “Cecilia has been through a lot and you of all people know that. So, whatever game you’re playing, please stay the hell away from her.” I warn, and I know he gets I when he nods his head.
Leo was there when no other lawyer in town would take Cecilia’s case, sorry to say but her ex-husband had a habit of suborning any lawyer who had an interest on the case but not my brother. He has everything that money can buy and I trusted him to take on Cecilia’s case.
“Are you interested in her?” What?
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I growl. “Cecilia is like a sister.” I shake my head because in all the years I’ve worked with her I’ve never thought of her in such a way.
“Okay.” Leo says.
“Okay as in you’ll stay away from her or okay as in you’ve heard me?” I ask even when I know he’s smart to heed my warning.
“Do you know what day it is today?” he asks avoiding my question at the same time changing the topic.
Leo leans on the counter so we’re facing each other, a stupid grin on his face. Bastard. He’s hiding something under his sleeve and whatever it is, I don’t want to be part of.
“It’s Saturday, everybody knows,” I smirk back at him. Stupid question.
“And?”
“And what?” I don’t understand him asking these stupid questions.
He rounds the counter and comes to stand beside me. I glare up only to see his face looking a little disappointed and his eyes are full of something I don’t want to dwell on since that look has gotten me into enough trouble.
Not today.
Leo stretches his hand behind me raising one brow and smacks the back of my head. “Ouch,” I yell, rubbing the back of my head with my palm.
“It’s your damn birthday, idiot,” he says. “The boys and I, we’ve got something planned out for you.” He jabs my arm when he sees the look on my face. “Get your ass dressed up so we can hit the road.”
My hand still massaging the back of my head, I look at Leo as he goes back to the other side of the kitchen where I get to see what he was doing earlier. Fixing us a snack. What did I do to deserve him as my brother?
“What makes you think I want to celebrate my birthday?” I roar once he turns to place a plate of tuna sandwiches in front of me. “The last time I went out with you morons, I ended up bailing your asses out of jail for drunk driving since you all couldn’t keep it down and tonight, I am doing no such shit with you guys.”
Shit! Ho
w can one forget their birthday? Who even does that?
I think it happens when you have important things on your mind or when such important dates stopped meaning something to you since you’ll never celebrate them with the person who meant the world to you.
At twenty-six, I have a lot to give back to the community, especially the street children, the homeless people and what better way to celebrate my birthday. I make a mental note to call Cecilia regarding that. I was poor once and today I can say I’ve got all the world has to offer and I want to share my success with others.
“Who’s driving, because I don’t see this night ending with me being able to walk on my damn two feet?” I ask after taking a bite from the mouthwatering sandwich. God, we all need to thank Mom-Patricia for teaching us to cook otherwise we would all be starving or living on junk food.
“Uber,” Leo answers.
“Good,” I say. Now I’m all in for the ride.
~*~
The minute our Uber arrives at my door, I’m all ready for the night and sort of nervous because I do not understand where my friends are taking me. Their idea of having fun has always been out of town but after pressuring Leo, he reassured me we’ll only be in town. And with both of us dressed casually, we're ready to have fun tonight.
“First, we’re having dinner, no fun drinking on an empty stomach and then hit the road to our next destination,” Leo says. I look at my watch and see it’s only eight o’clock. The night is still young.
“Where are Sam and Mark?” I ask as I open the door for the cab, settling in as Leo does the same and shuts the door.
“On their third beer waiting for us at that barbecue joint of ours.” The Marcos, along the superhighway. The place has one of the most luscious barbecued meats in town and I’m already slavering.
We take twenty minutes to get to our destination where we find Sam and Mark having already secured us a table. Settling down, we order beers the minute the waitress finds our table.
Eleven years of friendship and it still puzzles me how different we all are. And the thought of all of us still single makes me wonder if we’ll ever settle down.