by Martha Woods
Calla’s eyes left his, and her cheeks were scarlet. “I… I just worry that… That one of them may fall for you. It’s not exactly hard to do. And with that bond you will have with them…”
He grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. “Sweetheart, you’re getting yourself upset over nothing.”
“Am I?” she retorted, searching his eyes. “I don’t have that bond with you, but they do. You’ll care for them even if you don’t like them because of that bond. They have a purpose here in the family, but I don’t. I-I…” Calla felt herself getting worked up over it, and tears were threatening to collect in her eyes. She blamed it on being left with nothing but her thoughts all damn night.
She could see panic flare in Jared’s eyes, and could feel it in his aura. He tried to tame it and act calm, but Calla already knew it was there, right under the surface. His thumb rhythmically rubbed back and forth across her cheek. “Look, I’m sorry this arrangement isn’t exactly fair for you. I hate that you have to stay cooped up in here all by yourself. I know it must drive you crazy, but… I need you to be patient, okay? Be patient and trust me. I’m not going to stray from you, I swear. Even if one of them were to want me, I’d put her in her place. If she would try and come after you, she’d be burnt to a crisp before she ever reached our door. My loyalty lies with the family and you.”
While hearing that did make her feel better in some respects, it wasn’t like it erased her worries. And it was just one aspect to why she was upset. “I do trust you and I’m trying to be patient, I am… I just feel useless, Jared. I don’t have any purpose at all. Without Tessa around, I have nothing to do to help the family. I’m a frail, insignificant witch. I’m more of a liability than an asset—”
“You’re not an employee, Calla. You’re my mate.”
“And that’s all I am.”
The room fell silent. Jared ran a hand over his face, resting his elbows on his knees as he sat up completely. She could feel the anxiety radiating off him, even if he was trying to mask it with a stoic expression. His eyes searched the floor as he realized the problem was larger than just trusting he wouldn’t run off into the sunset with a newborn. “What do you want me to do? I can’t change the situation, no matter how much I want to… I have to be here to help them. And you can’t go off on your own. You’re a huge target.”
“I want you to change me.”
The sudden declaration shocked the both of them. She hadn’t expected it to pass her lips so easily. Calla hadn’t even admitted to her herself at that point that it was what she wanted. Jared’s eyes were wide, staring at her in awe for a long silence before shaking his head. “I don’t want to hear that,” he stated, standing and moving toward the bed.
“Why not?” Calla asked, going after him quickly, grabbing his hand to stop him.
“Because.”
“Because why?”
Jared’s face screwed up in a frustrated expression. “I just don’t.”
“That isn’t an answer,” Calla scoffed, pulling on his hand when he tried to walk away from her again. “Why not change me? At least then I could actually be a part of the family, instead of just an add-on.”
Jared shook his head and refused to make eye contact with her. “You don’t want to have this conversation right now, that I can assure you.”
“Why not? Just talk to me, Jared.” He still tried to walk away from her. That time, she let his hand go, which got his attention more than her meek tugging. “How is this any better than knowing how you really feel about it? So that while you’re gone again tomorrow night, I can be locked away in here, overanalyzing it? I’ll have twenty theories by the time you get home. Most of which, no doubt, will probably be surrounding the thought that you secretly don’t want to be with me.”
“I do want to be with you Calla. Please, for the love of God, stop trying to convince yourself that I don’t.”
“How can I when you won’t talk to me about this or recruiting, or the women you’ve been recruiting?”
Jared’s temper flared. He loved her dearly, but Calla was one persistent woman. “I don’t talk to you about recruiting or the women because I don’t want this to happen. I know it means nothing, but you apparently don’t. And I’m not going to change you, so drop it.”
“Why? Why won’t you?”
“Because we haven’t been together long enough,” he finally snapped. “Is that what you wanted to hear, Calla? Are you happy now that you’ve heard that? I don’t want to do something so goddamn life changing for you when we haven’t even been together a year. You wouldn’t be able to have children, or do any other normal human things. I figured since you aged a lot slower than humans, we would have time to get comfortable in our relationship and know it’s forever before making a move like that. Before that happens, I’m not going to.”
Calla felt like she had been punched in the gut. Tears threatened to roll down her cheeks, but most of her effort was focused on not allowing those tears to fall. She nodded slowly after taking a moment to compose herself. “It’s good to hear that the one person I have in this world isn’t sure if we’re going to stay together…”
“Calla…” he groaned.
“No. Without you, I literally have nothing. I don’t belong to my clan anymore, and I have nothing to survive in the human world. Nowhere to go, no one turn to… You’re my home and my only family. I want to belong with you and the family you care so much about, instead of just being a liability.” She shook her head again. “You don’t get it, or maybe you do and just think I’m being a child. It’s fine. Thanks for your honesty.” She had to cut the conversation off, being far too close to tears.
Jared was frozen in place, clearly feeling a little defeated. As he was locked in place by his emotions, Calla headed across the room. Before he caught on to what she was doing, Calla opened the door and stepped into the morning light. “Calla, please don’t—”
She shut the door. Calla hated using the sunlight against him, but she needed space. It was rather comical, she supposed, considering Calla had been moping all night about wanting to spend time with him. How was it she was feeling even more lost? Calla sank down on the ground right next to the door. Pulling her knees to her chest, she buried her face in the fabric of her pants. She finally let out the sob she had been holding in for so long. Her shoulders shook and her hands trembled. Never in her life had she felt so small and unwanted. Her clan didn’t want her, Tessa had left without a single word, and Jared… Calla knew he loved her and was just being cautious for her sake as well as his own. The fact that he wouldn’t change her because he feared they would break up hurt even though she didn’t want it to. Calla just held her legs tightly to her, letting herself cry it out.
* * *
One Week Later
Tessa was sat in the library, flipping through one of the massive spell books Bethany had suggested she study. The rituals were handling giving her access to all of her abilities, but some things were more complicated and would require some know-how in spells. She played with her single lock of white hair, twirling it around her finger as she read the ancient text. When she had first spotted the white strand in the mirror, it had really freaked her out. Being a vampire meant her hair wasn’t supposed to change. The Calder magic was showing its signs, though. It had even lightened her skin even more than when she turned vampire. Still, her mother’s brown eyes and tan complexion clung to her features. Tessa hoped they would stay.
The doors to the library opened in the distance. Glancing up from the pages, Tessa watched the all-too-familiar figure walk through the door. As usual, Bethany wore a pleasant expression on her face, but this time it was even giddier than usual; like she would burst at the seams with joy. Before Bethany approached her, Tessa closed the book and gave Bethany her full attention. She was curious to know what her sister was so excited about. “Oh, my darling sister!” Bethany sang-song to Tessa. “Oh, do I have a surprise for you.”
Her interest grew, wonderin
g what surprise Bethany could have for her this time. It was like every time they weren’t together; Bethany was off working on a surprise or activity for them to do together. Tessa wasn’t complaining, though. It had kept her sure of her decision to join the Calder. “And what’s that?” Tessa questioned.
“Follow me,” Bethany instructed firmly but lightly, grabbing Tessa’s hand and pulling her from the chair. They made their way out of the library, starting down the maze of corridors that Tessa was still struggling to learn. They really needed to color code the place. “This isn’t like my usual surprises,” she said. “It’s a little bit more… daring on my part. Believe me when I say, it’s because I want the absolute best for you, my sweet sister.”
What could that possibly mean? How could the surprise be daring for Bethany? Tessa didn’t bother question it, though, knowing that Bethany wouldn’t budge on spoiling a surprise. There wasn’t a point to finding out anyways, seeing as how they were on their way to it. They walked down several corridors, all of which were identical. The furniture, the wallpaper, everything. It was like they really did want people to get lost in there. Finally, they approached a door and walked right into the room.
The vast room was dimly lit, the only light coming from a set of candles on a small round table in the center of the room. Sitting at that table, was a man. He appeared to be a little older than Tessa, perhaps by five years at the most. He had short, stylish white hair which resembled a pompadour in the front and was buzzed short around the sides of his head. Of course, he had twinkling blue eyes. The same shade of all the other Calder’s. Sat in front of him was a plate of exquisite food, and across from him was a silver goblet that no doubt contained blood. A date was her surprise?
Looking back to Bethany with wild eyes, Tessa grabbed her hand and pulled her right back out into the hallway. She shut the door behind them to get privacy from the man. “What is this?” she demanded to know.
“What does it look like, Tessa?” Bethany laughed lightly.
“I don’t want to go on a date. I don’t know what gave you that impression. I didn’t come here to date around or anything.”
“I know, I know,” Bethany assured her. “Please know I don’t mean any offense by this, my sister. I just… I care about you very deeply. I know that your ex, whose name is to no longer to be mentioned, has been wearing on you very much. I know you loved him truly, but… That chapter of your life is over. It’s been several weeks now, and I know that may not seem like a lot of time, but really… What’s the point in pining for him any longer? The best way to get over someone completely is to get into a new relationship. You might not want to hear that, but it’s true. Of course, it doesn’t have to be with Benjamin, but he’s a very sweet guy and figured he would be a great first date for you. Give him a shot.”
“I don’t know…” Tessa mumbled. Bethany made a good argument, but Tessa really didn’t feel anywhere near ready to move on from Kristian.
Bethany rested hands on both of Tessa’s shoulders. “Listen to me. I would never push you to do anything unless I knew it was the best thing for you to do. What’s the point in moping over that guy anymore? Getting back into the dating pool will give you new things to think about. You’ll start thinking of your ex less and less, until one day you won’t think about him at all, and it’ll be a rare occurrence he’ll cross your mind. Sure, you can remember him fondly and hold a special place for him in your heart, but he shouldn’t be dominating your thoughts. I love you, sister. Please, try this for me.”
Tessa chewed on her lip. It sounded like Bethany was right. Maybe Tessa really did need to just jump head first into a relationship to move on properly. It felt almost like betraying Kristian to go on a date, but at the same time, Kristian could be moving on as well. In fact, for his sake, she hoped he was. Letting out a shaky sigh, she nodded. “Alright, I’ll try this one date. If I don’t like it, I’m not going on another one until I’m ready.”
“Yes ma’am,” Bethany nodded, smiling pleasantly.
Tessa sucked in a breath and headed into the room yet again, but this time alone. Benjamin smiled softly from the table and stood from his chair. Clasping his hands behind his back, he bowed for her lightly. “I’m delighted to see you join me,” he called over to her. His voice was deep, much deeper than Kristian’s, and had a sultry rasp to it. When Tessa approached the table, he rounded it to pull her chair out for her, and pushed it in once she was sat.
She analyzed him in the soft candle light. It was impossible not to draw parallels to Kristian. While Benjamin was broader with more muscle mass, he was as pale as a ghost, and had drastic bone structure, just as Kristian did. High cheek bones, defined jaw, sharp nose. They looked similar, but nothing alike all at the same time. “It’s nice to meet you,” Tessa replied, not knowing what else to say.
“Believe me when I say that the pleasure is all mine,” Benjamin grinned. Silence filled the room. Tessa didn’t know what to say or how to respond to him. It was after several long moments, Benjamin reached across the table and took Tessa’s hand in his and held it very softly. “Look, uh, I know Bethany set this up as a very formal date, but I assure you that’s not what it needs to be. You can relax. This doesn’t need to be anything more than two people getting to know one another.”
Tessa nodded and gave a weak smile, “I don’t recall the last time I went on an actual date. I don’t even know where to begin…”
“That’s very understandable,” Benjamin nodded to her, slipping his hand away from hers, so not to make her feel uncomfortable. “Would it help if I got things started?”
“Please do,” she said as she picked up the goblet, taking a sip of the warm, fresh blood.
“Well, as I’m sure you’ve concluded, I’m a Calder son,” he chuckled. “My grandmother is on the elders council, which gave me this wonderful opportunity to get to know you.”
“So, does that make you like royalty?” Tessa asked.
Benjamin moved his head side to side as he debated the question, “I suppose, in a way. If this was medieval England, though, you would be a princess, and I would be a lord’s son.”
“Gotcha,” Tessa nodded in understanding. “So what is it like to grow up as a guy around here?”
“Oh, it’s fairly boring, honestly. Very human like in comparison. We have a standard education, though of course, our history lessons were quite different than humans,” Benjamin laughed softly. “We had fun as children. Running through the halls, getting the girls to do little tricks and spells for us. When I was a child, I was pretty good at drawing in comparison to the others. I would draw girl’s pictures in exchange for them to do things for me. Whether it was to pick on a mean servant, or help me sneak chocolates.”
Tessa laughed very lightly at the imagery. It didn’t sound boring to her at all. She could imagine waves of children running through the halls of the palace. Since her arrival, she hadn’t seen any children. She wondered where they were. “Sounds like you were quite the charmer, as well as mischievous.”
“Quite,” Benjamin chuckled, starting to pick at his food finally.
“What about in adult life? What do you do?”
“Our jobs are to serve the witches, normally our own family members. So I help my mother out whenever she needs me, as well as my grandmother. Usually, men are all tied up in chasing down their several sisters, but my parents had seven boys before having a girl. My little sister is only nine, and so it isn’t as labor intensive as my male companions have it.”
Tessa’s jaw dropped at the thought of having eight children. She guessed that his parents had been trying to have a girl all along, but just continued to have boys. “Wow, that’s a lot of brothers to chase around one little sister,” she commented. “Where are you in the group? Older or younger?”
“On the younger side, but not the baby boy. I’m the second youngest son. My brother, Marshall, is eighteen. My older brothers are all married off and taking care of their wives and children.”
Benjamin chuckled musically, “If you want to put it like that, yes.”
“What’s your sister’s name?”
He smiled fondly, and it actually warmed Tessa’s heart, even if it didn’t beat. Family men had always had a soft spot in Tessa’s heart. “Wilhelmina. She was named after the ancestor in our family who helped start the clan. She’s too damn cute for a name like that, though, so I call her Mimi. Most call her Mina.”
“You sound like a loving big brother,” Tessa commented.
“I do what I can for her,” he shrugged modestly. “So enough about me. Would you mind telling me about yourself? I don’t want this whole night to be about me.”
“Well, what all do you know about me? I feel almost like a Rockstar or something that woke up from a coma and the whole world knows about me, but I have no memory of being famous.”
He laughed again, nodding. “I can see how you would feel like that… Well, let’s see… I know who your biological parents are, and that they placed you in a human home to protect you. In the last year, you’ve been basically adopted by a vampire family as well as the Firehavens. Then, Bethany met you, and brought you here.”
She found it interesting he claimed to know who her parents were. Did he know it was Cedric, or did he think it was Julian of the Wyrd clan? “Sounds like you know about everything,” Tessa sighed.
“Not at all. The events that happen in your life don’t make up who you are, even if they do shape you. I want to know you.”
“The same could be said about you,” she countered. “All I know about you is that you are the grandson of an elder, you have lots of brothers, and a little sister you call Mimi. That doesn’t tell me anything about you,” she said, putting the same inflection on her voice that he just had.