by M. S. Parker
"No...not really." She shrugged, stepping into the kitchen with the sheet wrapped around her shoulders. "I woke up when you weren't there. So maybe you not being there woke me up ."
She smiled at me and her cheeks dimpled. It was enough to knock the breath out of me, that smile on her face .
"What's wrong?" she asked, her expression sobering .
"I want to touch you." Flexing my hands, I looked down at them, then back at her. "And for the first time, I'm not sure how I should even do it ."
"I'm still me," she said softly. "I'm still the same me I was a couple of hours ago ."
"I'm not sure if I'm the same me." Pushing off the counter, I moved toward her .
Her eyes dropped down, and she glanced at the windows at my back. "You're...um...you're naked. And I don't have curtains," she said, catching her lower lip between her teeth .
"If anybody is that damn curious, then let them get an eyeful." I was amused over her discomfort over my own modesty, but I wasn't about to let hers be violated, since I could tell it would bother her. Once I was close, I reached up and covered the hand holding her sheet in place. "Dance with me ."
"There's no music," she whispered .
"Does there need to be?" Sweeping her into my arms, we started to move. I kept her hand trapped between us, sliding my free arm around her waist and pulling her snug against me. Her heart pounded against my hand – I could feel it. It raced so fast, and I knew it didn't have anything to do with us dancing. We barely moved as we swayed back and forth across the floor, slowly working our way closer into the bedroom .
The sheet rubbed against my legs, and my cock already ached. Once we were inside the privacy of her room, I freed the sheet and tugged her back up against me so that nothing separated us. Skin to skin, her breasts pressed snug to my chest, my cock cuddling up against her .
Dipping down, I caught her around the waist and lifted her .
She gasped, her head dipping down, then falling back as I thrust up into her. She twined her legs around my hips as we merged. But I didn't do anything more – except dance. We moved. And Michelle's pussy clenched around me, tight little shivers that milked me and drove me insane .
Perfect...it was perfect .
She whimpered as I spun us around, the sheet falling down to tangle around us before hitting the floor .
"On the bed," she whispered, kissing me .
"Not yet." I fisted a hand in her hair, tangling it and yanking her head back so I could drag my teeth down her neck .
She gasped, and it was like I felt the clenching go through her body from her mouth, straight down to where she wrapped around me so damn tight .
"Please, Jake," she moaned, shoving her hands into my hair and kissing me. "I want you ."
"You've got me." Oh, fuck, did she have me. It was dangerous to even think that, but my brain and other parts had already gone down that road .
Another slow circuit around the room, and I thought I'd lose it before I'd make it to the bed. Lose it, or fall on top of her and lose control .
No.
I didn't want to do that. Not tonight .
There was a divan near the windows – complete with curtains – and I stopped there, laying down with her sprawled over me. "You want me," I said, catching her hips. "Then take me ."
Michelle pushed up, her hands braced on my shoulders. The position changed our angles and a sharp moan escaped her, while I ended up clenching my teeth to keep from reacting .
She smiled, a little nervous at first, then more easily as she began to move, rolling her hips in a slow, lazy movement that had her clitoris rubbing against me .
I worked a hand between us and stroked upward, opening her folds and she whimpered, working her hips against my touch. She made another rough noise in her throat – each one making me a little crazier .
Tightening my hands on her hips, I arched up, and she groaned. "Again," she said roughly. "Do that again ."
So I did, arching up to meet each lazy forward thrust until they weren't so lazy anymore. Grabbing her behind the neck, I pulled her down. Her mouth opened on a moan as I kissed her, pressing a stinging line down her chest until I could close my mouth around her nipple, first the left, then the right .
Palming her breasts, I plumped them together, dipping my tongue into the valley .
She shivered and arched closer. "Jake," she whispered .
Sweat bloomed on our skin until we slid against each other, her hair around us a curtain. The dim light glinted in her eyes, her smile so sexy and sweet, it drove me mindless .
"Please!"
That broken sound was the one I'd been waiting for, and I moved faster, lost to everything but her, each sound she made, each milking clasp of her body. And then, the first shudders of her climax .
I pulled out and twisted .
She moaned. "Don't...Jake, don't stop ."
"I'm not, baby, I promise." Pulling her to the edge of the divan, I draped her knees over the edge and thrust back inside. She jolted in surprise as I caught her behind the knees and pushed them high. She felt impossibly tight, impossibly hot .
Pumping harder, faster, I bent over her, using one hand to work her clitoris while staring into her face .
She panted, her hair a tangle across her face, eyes wide. The second climax hit hard and fast and I stopped trying to hold my own back .
I stopped trying to hold back completely...and it wasn't just physical .
Sixteen
Michelle
M y entire body felt like it had been turned into a pile of goo. I had no bones, no spine, no strength. The bones had been replaced by wax and Jake had sapped me of my strength .
My face was tucked up against his chest while I waited for my heart to calm .
I was also waiting for the storm to start .
Sometime over the past few minutes, reality had kicked in, and I realized just...what I'd told him .
That had been everything . All the dark, ugly pieces of me, he now knew. I didn't like me even knowing them, but now he knew them too .
I didn't even want to think about that, much less how I'd broken down and collapsed and cried .
Again.
The nightmare was far from the first and the spiral of tears and despair was nothing new, but it sure as hell hadn't ever happened around anybody before .
Why now? Why with Jake here ?
Nobody had ever witnessed one of my nightmares .
Why did the first person have to be him ?
But of course, it would be .
It wasn't like I'd spent the night with a guy before – or had one spend the night with me. The few pathetic attempts I'd had at normal relationships in college had always ended with the guy leaving my apartment, or feeling guilty or desperate to get away from the hysterical girl who'd started out just fine but ended up in tears .
"You're thinking too loud ."
Jake's hand smoothed through my tangled hair and rested on the back of my neck .
"I'm fine," I said, my voice husky and thick. At least it wasn't all because of tears. My body still ached from him, in the best possible way .
Why was he still here ?
I kept waiting for him to get up and tell me he needed to leave. It wasn't like he didn't have a reason .
"If you were any tenser, you'd snap," Jake said softly. He rolled, spilling me onto my back with him laying between my thighs. "You and that brain...it kicked on a few minutes ago and hasn't shut off since. What are you thinking about that has you so worked up ?"
As he spoke, he reached up to rub the line of tension that had formed between my eyebrows, and I unconsciously relaxed those muscles, a headache beginning to pound in reaction. "Nothing," I lied .
"I'll let you get away with that one." He sighed. "But don't lie. If you don't want to talk about it, just tell me ."
My face flamed even hotter. "Why do you have to keep pushing? What else do you want?" Hell, how much more could I possibly give him anyway ?
"I want to know what's wrong," he said again. "Why you're so tense, why it feels like you'll break." He pressed his thumb to the line between my brows and pushed gently, carefully. He did it again and again until it was an effort to keep my eyes open simply from the pleasure that light massage brought .
I barely even noticed when he stopped. I did notice when he kissed me, though, his lips rubbing against mine. "What am I going to do with you, Michelle?" he murmured .
Lashes fluttering up, I found him still watching me. "Do you know how hard it is to carry these things inside me and have them come spilling out the way they just did? It's...awful. It's humiliating ."
"The shame isn't yours," Jake said quietly. "It belongs to somebody else. To the bastard who hurt you, to the people who didn't stand by you. It's not yours ."
"It feels like mine," I whispered .
Jake was quiet for a long time, then in a low tense voice, he said, "I killed my mother, Michelle ."
I jolted in surprise .
His eyes caught and held mine as I lifted onto my elbows to stare at him .
"I got drunk. I...hell, I don't even know what happened." Now the lines of strain bracketing his face, the tension inside of him made him seem like the one who would break. "I was eighteen, at a party. We'd been drinking. I remember walking to the car with friends. It wasn't my car. I didn't have one. My parents did okay, but they weren't rich. I don't even know how my mother ended up there, unless somebody called her...maybe I did, I don't know. All I do know is that I woke up in the hospital handcuffed to a bed, and they told me she was dead and I was responsible ."
He eased me away from him and sat up, staring at the far wall. "I'm an ex-con. One of the reasons I got into this was because it was too damn hard to find any other work. This is something I just fell into ."
Out of all of the things I expected to hear him say, that was the last. Slowly, I sat up, curling my knees to my chest and hugging them. What I wanted to do was hug him, but he sat so...set apart, almost locked in on himself
As if sensing my gaze, he looked back at me, eyes shuttered .
"I'm still the same man I was when I walked in here," he said gruffly. "But now you know the weight I'm carrying. My shame is mine. I was the dumbass who went to a party and got drunk...everything that happened after ?"
With a shrug, he looked away. "We all have shit in our past. But you didn't do anything to ask for what happened to you, Michelle. It was done to you." He got up, twisting around to kneel in front of the bed, watching me with raw, naked emotion. "You know more about me now than almost anybody. Does it change anything between us? Should I leave ?"
The sheer challenge of his words was what inspired my answer and there was only one thing I could do or say. I sat the rest of the way up and threw one leg over his hips. Then, still not speaking, I cupped his face in his hands and bent low to press my mouth to his. "No," I said against his lips. "You're still the same person you were five minutes ago ."
His hands closed around my wrists, blue eyes burning into mine. Our faces were close, so close our breaths could have been one. "You're the same woman you were when I walked in the door, Michelle. Stubborn, strong, sweet..." He slid one hand through my hair, tangled it. "And beautiful. Whatever happened to you...it happened to you. You didn't cause it ."
His mouth spasmed, and he said gruffly, "Sometimes bad shit happens because of choices we made, but sometimes it happens to others. That's you, Michelle. Don't blame yourself or feel guilty, baby ."
Seventeen
Michelle
O n my way out the door, I paused by the bathroom and added a bit of lip gloss and mascara, twice as much makeup as I normally wore. The outfit was new...well, kind of. It had been hanging in my closet with the tags still on since the end of year clearance last winter. The sweater dress, combined with tights and knee-high boots was both warm and cute, two things that didn't always work together when you fell into that round and petite category, like me .
The rich, deep blue glowed against my skin, and I thought maybe the color was one of my better ones. It was definitely better than the typical black and gray I had been wearing for so long .
For a brief moment, I studied my reflection and wondered why I had gone to the extra trouble. All I was doing was having lunch with my aunt .
But it really hadn't felt like trouble .
And I looked nice .
Aunt Blair was always getting on me about dressing up a little bit more for our girl dates. I'd surprise her .
So what if it was just a pretty blue sweater dress and a lip gloss? And mascara. A pair of knee boots that showed off the fact that while I might be a bit on the plump side, I definitely had some killer curves .
Grinning at myself, I decided I'd have to wear the sweater dress for Jake sometime. Or maybe one of the other outfits I'd bought and hadn't ever worn outside my house after trying it on at the store and thinking, if only .
I'd had all sorts of if only moments come true with Jake .
I might as well enjoy every single last one of them now .
* * *
T he taxi ride to the restaurant took fifteen minutes and cost far more than a subway ride would have. Granted, it wasn't like I needed to worry about money. I had a trust fund from my grandma that allowed me that plush apartment in New York City, and I didn't even have to work another job as I built my freelance career .
But that didn't mean I should be careless with money .
Still, I hadn't ever gotten use to the subway .
One of my first excursions had resulted in me getting lost, and I'd never been able to quite convince myself that future trips would be better. Still, I was thinking more and more about asking Blair if she'd go ahead and show me the ropes as she'd offered to do more than once...twice .
I asked her after we ordered, and she was so surprised, she'd dropped her fork. It hit her plate with a clatter that she barely even noticed .
"Okay, honey, you have got to tell me what is going on with you." She clasped her hands under her chin and pinned a hard, penetrating look on me, even as a bewildered smile curved her lips .
I stared at her. "What do you mean ?"
"You're all dolled up." She waved a hand at me. "You did your hair . I have to beg you to do something more than a ponytail for the Christmas party at the magazine, for pity's sake, darling. You're wearing make-up and you came strutting in here in those adorable boots like you owned the place. By the way..." Her lips curved in a smile. "I approve ."
Blood rushed to my cheeks, and I wished I'd done something more than lip gloss and mascara – foundation or powder would have dulled the rush of color that suddenly flushed my cheeks. "Aunt Blair ..."
But she continued, unfazed. "You didn't come scurrying in here the way you so often do. I know you're shy, it's okay. But, today...it's like it's a different you. It's the you that I've always known was buried in there. I just want to know...what brought this out ?"
"I scurry ?" I demanded. "Seriously? You make me sound like a mouse ."
Aunt Blair caught her lower lip between her teeth .
Groaning, I dropped my head into my hands. "I look like a mouse, don't lie ."
"Oh, honey." Aunt Blair leaned in closer and wrapped her arm around me. "It's okay. You're not a mouse. You moved to New York , for crying out loud. Mice don't do that. But you are shy, and you've always been quiet. Some things come more naturally to o
thers. For others, it's harder. But today...well, it's like there's a new you." A delighted smile curved her lips. "What's going on with you? Are you...honey, are you seeing somebody ?"
"No," I said, laughing a little. As if , I thought to myself. But my mind drifted to Jake, and I wondered what she would think if I told her I had been having sex with the King of Multiple Orgasms. I had no doubt she would gape at me. Full out gape...her jaw would drop and she'd stare ...
No.
She'd be positive she hadn't heard me right .
That was the most likely reaction .
Some impish part of me wanted to say it just to see which one it was .
But that was a terrible reason to do anything, I told myself. Wasn't it ?
As she continued to watch me, I said, "No." I even forced my voice to be quite firm. "I'm not seeing anybody ."
It wasn't even a lie. Jake and I had a sex thing going on. She was talking about a relationship. That definitely didn't describe what was going on between me and Jake, did it ?
Aunt Blair nodded slowly, and I could tell she believed me but there was still that small part of me that wanted to mention Jake. And I realized it was because I wanted to talk to her about him. I wanted to ask her about what she thought, see what she had to say...not just because I wanted a reaction either .
What would she think about him? I knew what I thought about him. My heart clenched a little bit when I thought about him and that wasn't just sex .
Other things clenched that were related to sex, but it was completely and totally possible to feel a dozen different things and all of them be real and valid. I didn't even think this was because of something as simple as infatuation either. I'd felt that before, the pangs of a crush, that keen edge that almost felt like obsession, but not quite .
This was...different .
"So," Aunt Blair said, seemingly unaware of my distracted thoughts. "So maybe you're not dating anyone right now. But are you ready to think about dating? Because I was thinking that there is somebody I'd love to introduce you to. He's one of the copy editors, and he seems like just your –"