by M. S. Parker
“Ian. He and his wife live in Texas .”
“Do you have any other family in the city?” Finn asked. He laughed. “I just realized how completely serial killer that sounded. Totally 'will anyone notice if you go missing?'” He shook his head. “Sorry .”
I laughed. As much as Cade's confidence had been attractive, I had to admit that it was a bit refreshing to see someone who wasn't the perfect conversationalist. “You said you were from Sacramento? Is your family still there ?”
“I moved here from Sacramento,” he said. “But I was actually raised in Boston. Business took me to California and then brought me here. Most of my brothers and sisters are still in Boston, but my oldest brother works an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico .”
“What business would that be?” I asked as I took another drink. At least I knew whatever Finn's answer was, there was no way it would be anything like Cade's .
“I'm a journalist,” he said. “Technically, the business meeting I told you about the other day was me meeting a source about a story.” He took a drink. “What about you ?”
“I'm a teacher .”
I felt myself starting to relax as Finn and I fell into small talk, the typical getting to know each other kind of thing that came with a not-quite-but-maybe-it-is-kind-of-a-date moment like this. Halfway through, he reached out and brushed his fingers against mine. The gesture was deliberate, but definitely the kind that was meant to feel out how someone felt rather than a promise of things to come. My skin tingled from where it had touched his, but it was a mild sensation, not the sort of knee-jerk reaction that my body had every time Cade had touched me .
No. I wasn't going to think about him. Or the way it had felt when his hands had run over my body ...
Dammit, Cade !
Finn was a great guy and I should've been enjoying myself more than I was. I wasn't disliking the conversation we were having or his company, but I should've been more attracted. He wasn't anything like Cade or Ronald, which should've been what I wanted. It was what I wanted .
But I couldn't stop my thoughts from wandering to Cade. Wondering what it would be like if it was him sitting across from me. What he would say and do .
I had to get him out of my head. Had to do something to make myself stop thinking about him .
“Which apartment did you say you were in?” I asked at the next break in conversation .
“Four C,” Finn answered as he drained the last of his coffee .
“I'd like to see it sometime.” I smiled when I saw Finn's breath catch. I wasn't interested in being subtle at the moment .
“Really?” he spoke slowly, as if his brain was racing to figure out if I meant what he thought I meant. “When would be good for you ?”
I emptied my cup and then reached into my purse for a mint. I held another one out to Finn. “Now works for me .”
Finn popped the mint into his mouth, then reached into his pocket and took out his wallet. He tossed a couple bills on the table that would more than cover the drinks. He stood and held out his hand .
I didn't even hesitate as I took it. This was the perfect opportunity for me to get my mind off of Cade and show that I could do the whole casual sex thing. I'd make sure Finn knew there weren't any strings attached, but if I also wasn't going to say no if he wanted to try and make it more. That's what made him so perfect. He was physically attractive and nice, so perfect for a little fling, but I could also see us really having a lot in common and wanting to see where things went .
The two of us walked back to our apartment building hand-in-hand. The wind was brisk and I could smell a hint of snow in it. We usually didn't get snow until closer to the end of November, but it was definitely cold enough. This would probably be one of the last times I'd want to be walking much of anywhere and I enjoyed the chance to enjoy it with some easy conversation. Whatever was coming, we weren't talking about it, and I appreciated that. I wanted to see where things progressed naturally and it really felt like Finn was going to let me set the pace .
He unlocked his door and stepped inside, motioning for me to follow. I stepped inside and looked around. The apartment was virtually identical to mine except backwards since it was on the other side of the hall. Well, that and the fact that this one still had unpacked boxes against the living room wall while mine was obviously very lived in .
“I haven't gotten around to settling in all the way.” He gave me a sheepish smile. “It's mostly kitchen stuff, so I can't offer you much more than a beer or leftovers from a box .”
I chuckled. “I understand. It took me weeks to get everything organized .”
He gestured towards the worn couch. It looked like he'd picked it up in a thrift store, which wasn't surprising. Most single people – especially men – weren't going to spend the money for brand-new furniture. I walked across the room and sat down. Finn followed and took a seat next to me. He was close enough that it wouldn't be awkward to reach over and touch him, but he was far enough that I didn't feel like he was crowding me .
“I have to ask.” The tone in his voice changed. It wasn't slick or anything like that, but there was a definite undercurrent of something else. “How is a woman like you still single ?”
I paused, unsure about how much I wanted to tell him. I decided to keep it simple. “I wasn't up until a couple months ago .”
“His loss.” He smiled. He started to reach for me, then hesitated. When I didn't pull away, he tucked a curl behind my ear. “My gain .”
“What about you?” I asked. I might not have been looking for a relationship, but I definitely didn't want to get involved with something complicated. “You're good-looking, kind and,” I gestured around me, “you obviously don't live with your mother. How are you still single ?”
“My job tends to send me on trips every couple weeks. I've found most women don't like it when their boyfriend has to leave at the drop of the hat and be gone for who knows how many days .”
I really hoped I wasn't reading too much into what he was saying. It sounded to me like he wanted to let me know that he wasn't looking for something serious and that was good. No matter how nice he was, I was getting more and more sure that I didn't want to get right into something that could be a relationship .
“I could see how that'd be difficult,” I said honestly. “I know my ex always got annoyed when I had school stuff that kept us from...” My voice trailed off and I shook my head. “You know what, I don't want to talk about him .”
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I didn't want to talk about Ronald and I sure as hell didn't want to think about Cade. I knew of one way I could make sure neither of those things happened .
I leaned across the distance between us and brushed my lips against his. The kiss was tentative because I wasn't entirely positive Finn wanted this to go any further, but when I saw his eyes light up, I knew he did. He put his hand on my cheek and I could see him gauging my reaction. I met him halfway and this kiss was anything but hesitant .
His lips moved with mine, opening my mouth. I ran the tip of my tongue along his bottom lip and he made a pleased sound. I tried not to frown. I was glad he liked what I did, but the moan hadn't sounded quite right to me. Finn's hand slid around my back, pulling me closer to him and I tried to put out of my head that the warm palm on the small of my back belonged to the wrong person .
No. Finn wasn't the wrong person. He was the right person. My tongue slid into his mouth, tangling with his. Finn was the one who was going to help me forget .
He leaned into me and I knew what he wanted. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled, letting him lay me down on the couch. The hand on my back slid down my hip and he pulled my legs up before stretching out on top of me. I ran my fingers along the short hairs at the base of his neck, trying not to think about how I preferred longer hair. Soft curls. Dark ...
Finn's hand moved back up over my ribcage and he cupped my breast through my shirt. I sighed. It should've felt good. The pressure was just
right, and his thumb made circles over my nipple in a way that started to make it get hard. But there was no electricity, no arousal making me wet, no heat spreading through me. Only a faint friction that was mildly pleasant .
Dammit!
I pushed gently against Finn's chest and he sat back. His face was flushed, breathing heavy, but he didn't try to keep going. I gave him a smile to let him know I wasn't angry .
“I think I should go.” I adjusted my clothes and stood .
“All right.” Finn stood as well. He smiled at me, his eyes warm .
Relief flooded me. He wasn't angry .
“Should I call you?” he asked as he walked with me to the door. “Or would you prefer we stick with small talk in the elevator ?”
I raised an eyebrow as I looked up at him .
He shrugged. “I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me .”
“You really are a nice guy, Finn Colson.” I opened the door. “I'll see you around .”
“See you around .”
As I walked towards the stairs, my head was spinning. I'd wanted a casual hook-up, something to take my mind off of Cade. Instead, I'd managed to push away a decent guy who could've ended up being a nice fling, maybe more as we saw how much work would be an issue .
I knew why. I just didn't want to say it. I had to though. I had to admit it .
I wasn't ready to move on .
I wasn't over Cade .
Two
W hen I went to school on Friday, I'd completely forgotten that Mindy had mentioned that we were all going to go out to a club after dinner, so when she came bouncing into my classroom, I couldn't figure out why. Then she announced that she and Adelle had planned the perfect night out. After L20, we were going to a club opening. It was supposed to be the hottest new thing, so it was guaranteed to be a blast. At least that what Mindy kept telling me. I really didn't want to go, but I didn't want to let her down either, so I didn't say anything. Instead, I went home after work and picked out one of the sexy dresses I'd gotten with Cade. Even if I knew I wasn't going to have fun, I could at least pretend .
When I showed up at L20, I knew I'd chosen my outfit well. Adelle let out a low whistle and I felt eyes following me as I walked by. Mindy's eyebrows shot up when she saw me and I just smiled .
“Damn, Bree,” Mindy said. “If you weren't my friend, I'd be all over you right now .”
“What about your guy?” I teased as I sat down .
“Oh, I'm sure he'd be very interested in joining us,” Mindy shot back .
“Man, Cade did an amazing job with you,” Adelle said .
My smile tightened and I looked down as I put my napkin on my lap. I didn't want her to see how hearing his name bothered me .
“Mindy said you and Cade are done,” Adelle said .
Her casual tone didn't fool me though. I could see the interest in her eyes .
I nodded. “We ended our contract. I'm ready to go out on my own .”
“So.” Adelle leaned across the table, a smile playing across her lips. “Did he spank you ?”
“Adelle!”
Mindy sounded horrified so I didn't have to say anything. That was good, because I wasn't entirely sure I could trust myself not to be rude .
“Sorry,” Adelle said, though she didn't sound sorry. “Come on, Mindy, you can't tell me you're not interested in knowing what kind of kinky stuff our girl learned .”
Mindy gave Adelle a stern look while I took a sip of the wine that had already been poured for me. I was starting to regret having agreed to this. I changed the subject. “So, Mindy, how are things going with your guy ?”
She smiled at me and I could see that she knew what I was doing. She immediately went along with it. For the rest of the meal, she steered the conversation, purposefully keeping it away from my sex life. I knew she thought it was just because I wasn't comfortable telling them about the things Cade and I had done together, but whatever worked .
By the time we were ready to head to the club, I was feeling much more relaxed, though that might've had more to do with the extra glass of wine I'd had with dinner than anything else. Still, Adelle had dropped the subject of Cade and that helped .
When the taxi dropped us off, the line to get in to the club was down to the corner. I looked doubtfully at Adelle and Mindy, but neither of them seemed bothered by it so I followed them in silence. They walked to the front of the line where a massive man stood, arms folded and a forbidding expression on his face .
“Nolan McAllister put my friends and I on the list,” Adelle said as she smiled sweetly at the man. “Adelle Merriman-Dane .”
His expression didn't soften, but he did unfold his arms and look at a list. After a moment, he looked at the three of us, then shrugged. He gestured towards the door. “Go on .”
I waited until we were inside before I asked the question. “Nolan McAllister?” I had to practically shout to be heard over the music .
“He's the owner,” Adelle shouted back. “We had a thing for a while .”
I didn't push for details, but instead focused on my surroundings. Flashing lights pulsed in time with the music and the bodies on the dance floor below writhed to the beat. The DJ was good, keeping things riding that knife's edge between just enough and too much. Where we'd entered was like a balcony of sorts, a raised area where tables and chairs lined the space next to a metal railing. On the far side was the bar and at regular intervals were staircases that led down to the dance floor .
“Drinks first?” Mindy asked .
I nodded. As we walked, I felt eyes on us and, for the first time, I knew they were looking at me as much as they were my friends. I put a little extra swing in my hips and resisted the urge to look around. I was curious to see who was watching, wondering if any of them would be someone I'd want to take home, but I didn't turn my attention from my friends until we had our drinks and were all three turning to survey the crowd .
“He's cute.” Mindy pointed to a tall blond man with practically no neck and arms bigger around than my thighs .
I shook my head. “Not my type .”
She gave me a look .
“I like muscles,” I said. “But that's a bit extreme .”
She shrugged. Mindy's taste in partners was wide and varied for both sexes .
“What about him?” Adelle nudged me and gestured towards a tall man with dark curls. I couldn't tell under the lights if they were brown or black, but I immediately shook my head. I didn't want anyone who could remotely remind me of...him . I didn't even want to think his name tonight .
After getting another suggestion from each of them, I wanted to snap at them both that I was perfectly capable of doing this myself. Instead, I decided that words weren't going to do any good. I needed action. At the end of the bar, I spotted a guy with reddish hair downing the last of a beer. He was ruggedly handsome, only an inch or two taller than me and lean. All things that were nothing like Cade, which made him perfect .
I threw back the rest of my drink and started towards the other end of the bar without a word to either of my friends. I didn't have to look behind me to know that they were watching. I ignored the butterflies in my stomach as I approached my target. He saw me coming a few feet before I reached him and flashed a smile. He was definitely attractive .
“Can I buy you a drink?” he shouted the question when I was close enough and I appreciated that he hadn't automatically leaned close to speak in my ear. Too many guys used loud music as an excuse to invade personal space .
I shook my head and held out a hand. “I want to dance .”
His smile widened and he let me lead him down the stairs to the dance floor. I put just a few inches between us and began to move to the music. He did the same and if his dancing was any indication of how well he moved in bed, he was definitely a candidate for my first one-night stand .
We danced well together, and my body was definitely into it, but my heart wasn't. I kept remembering what it had felt like to mo
ve with Cade, our bodies more like a single entity than two separate people. I closed my eyes and forced myself to focus on the music. When I opened them again, the guy had taken a step forward, but he still wasn't touching me. He leaned down so that he was closer to my ear, but kept our bodies a respectful distance apart .
“I'm Damian,” he said .
“Bree.” I gave him just my first name back .
We danced for a few more minutes before I decided I was going to politely excuse myself. I'd head back to my friends, tell them that I'd proven myself and now I wanted to go home. The buzz I'd had was starting to wear off and I just wanted to go home and go to bed before I risked a nasty hangover. As we turned, however, I changed my mind .
There, standing at the railing just a few feet away, was Cade. His face was shadowed, but it was him, and he was watching me. I couldn't see his expression, but it didn't matter. Next to him was a gorgeous blonde with massive amounts of cleavage nearly falling out of her dress. When she put her hand on his arm, I looked back down at Damian and reached for his hands. He looked pleasantly surprised when I put his hands on my hips and moved closer, pressing my body against his. If Cade was going to be here with one of his clients, I was determined that he see me having a good time with some other man. He probably didn't care enough to be jealous, but at least he'd see that I wasn't at home moping over him. I was out with a new guy, putting all of those lessons to good use .
I could feel the sweat trickling down the small of my back. Despite the fans I knew were blowing, the press of bodies generated its own heat. Damian's hands tightened on my hips and pulled me more firmly against him. I saw his head bending towards me and knew what was coming next. This was decision-making time. I could pull away and leave or I could let him kiss me. Kiss him back. See if that turned into more .
I glanced up to where Cade had been. He wasn't there, and neither was the blond .
I tilted my head to meet Damian's kiss. His lips were firm as they came down on mine. The kiss was brief and he didn't even try to make it open-mouth, but it was definitely pleasant. I compared it to Finn's kiss earlier this week and it was definitely on par with it. I didn't bother to put it up against Cade's .