Lucky in Love on Hound Island
Page 15
“Who do you think gave him that recipe?” He winked at me, and my heart only melted more.
“No, you didn’t.”
“I did.” He laughed as we pulled onto the ferry and parked. “Why do you seem so surprised?”
“I don’t know.” I cocked my head and studied the man I’d really come to like. “You seem so full of surprises. There’s so much about you I want to discover, and I know I shouldn’t.”
“Shouldn’t what?” His eyes stayed on mine.
“Shouldn’t want to uncover more about you.” I swallowed and glanced out the windshield to see the ferry workers directing traffic in the next lane over. “I can do this purely fun, no commitment thing as long as I don’t know that much about you, but the more I learn…” My voice trailed off, and he let out a soft sigh.
“That’s how I’ve been feeling since I met you.” His confession did all kinds of things to me, but it wasn’t like either of us was making the steps to change the course of our non relationship.
“The timing is probably perfect.” I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. “You’ll take off before we start to go down the wrong path, and by the time you come back, I’ll be gone. No harm. No foul.” I didn’t quite believe what I was saying, but it looked like he did.
“It’s funny how something that seems so uncomplicated can turn into something of a mess.” He slid his hand to mine, and I adjusted my foot, not wanting to look at him while I was processing his words. I didn’t think this was a mess. I thought I was keeping it clean. “When I saw you with Lucky that first day, I felt something I’d never felt and then when you spoke…”
“When I spoke what?” I finally looked at Billy.
“I knew you’d give me a run for my money.” He laughed. “I simply didn’t realize how quickly I’d fall for you. You seemed so set on this idea of fun and nothing more.”
“So did you.”
He nodded. “Well, I’ve never let myself go down that road with anyone who didn’t fully understand that there can be nothing more.”
The ferry docked, and we drove through the heart of Fireweed Island toward the hospital, which turned out to be near the orthopedic clinic. Thick silence hung in the air between us. I didn’t know what to say. I thought I’d done a good job of keeping things casual. I didn’t think I was messy or this was a mess. I thought I’d followed the rules.
Granted, sleeping with him complicated things a bit for me internally, but I certainly hadn’t let Billy onto that, and he was the one inviting my family over for dinner. In fact, he was the one complicating things for himself. Not for me.
I let out an exasperated huff and turned to face him as he parked.
“I fully accepted that there can be nothing more with you and me. I didn’t even ask why. I just went with it. I’m still going with it. In fact, I think I’ve been the perfect just-for-fun kind of girl.” My temper started to flare to life. “Actually, this isn’t all about you. I also didn’t want anything long-term, remember? You’re not the only one with secrets.”
I didn’t actually have any, but it sounded good in the moment.
My eyes flashed to Billy’s and rather than look offended or insulted or angry back, he looked like he was trying to hold in a bit of laughter, which only infuriated me more.
“It’s not funny.” I glared at him.
“Not a bit.” He nodded. “But it does remind me of the first day I met you.”
“I wasn’t angry.” My hand rested on the door handle.
“You weren’t exactly impressed.”
“Impressed with what?” My brow arched.
“Me.”
“Please.” I rolled my eyes. “I couldn’t get you out of my head. “But only because we’d talked about fun so much,” I added.
“You’re really cute when you’re mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“This isn’t mad?”
“Oh, no, buddy. You ought to see me when I’m really mad. I have no reason to be angry now, right? This is all fun and games for a couple more days. I knew what I was getting into and so did you. Obviously, by this conversation we can each see that we aren’t cut out for something serious, anyway.”
“You know, it wasn’t only me who said I wasn’t looking for something long-term.”
“I know. I said that. That’s precisely why I’m not upset about it.”
Billy looked bemused as I opened the door and hopped out of the car and to the back door where I pulled my crutches off of the backseat.
I had absolutely no idea why I got so mad, but the anger wouldn’t stop flowing and it was ridiculous. I didn’t care where this was going. I had no reason to be angry, yet here I was completely furious.
He came around and slid his arm around my waist and pulled me toward him. And as if on schedule, the sexual tension flowing between us was nearly unbearable. If I didn’t have a broken leg, I just might have figured out a way to push him in the backseat and…
“All I was trying to say was that I thought I could keep it casual with you, but I’m not so sure any longer.” His eyes locked on mine and I forced a swallow as his gaze fell to my mouth. “But I know what I’m like. I know what’s happened to me before. What I’ve done before and I need to protect you.”
“So you’re protecting me by pretending we don’t feel things for one another.”
“Yes. I’m protecting you.” He brought his eyes back to mine. “I’m protecting us both. I know what I want, but I can’t do that to you. I’ve made a mess of things. I wasn’t going to sleep with you and then I did. It’s good that I’m leaving the day after tomorrow. It really is.”
“You sure about that?” I asked, breathing in.
“It has to be that way. No matter what I think I want, I know what I need to do.”
“I wish I knew why you felt that way.”
He placed a gentle kiss along my mouth and all I felt was a lump in the back of my throat. There was no more pretending there could be something more. I didn’t need to read anything into our dinner tomorrow. He was being kind while being cruel simultaneously.
“Then no more of that,” I whispered. “If we’re just friends, we’re just friends.”
“I respect that.”
“Remember, I knew what I was getting into and so did you.” I squeezed his hand. “But I’m not a masochist. I don’t want to keep reminding myself of what I can’t have, so no more of those.”
Billy dipped his head in agreement, and we walked into the hospital. Following the directions to the maternity wing, we spotted Maddie and Chance’s room, and I tried to shake the heavy feelings overwhelming my senses. This morning, I was fine, and I’d be fine again tomorrow.
We stood outside the room and I glanced at Billy.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” he whispered. “My mind is so messed up right now and I never should have—”
“It’s fine. Nothing has changed. We started the fling to have fun and that’s how it will end. No big deal.”
But it felt like a big deal. No matter what I did to fool myself over the last couple weeks, there was a tiny part of me that hoped we’d both see what this was differently by the end, that my silly crush would make me believe in love again.
I tried to pretend the world didn’t just drop out from under me, and I took a deep breath as we walked into Maddie’s hospital room.
Chance was standing by her side, beaming, and it made me instantly forget everything that Billy said as Chance held their little girl.
“I’m so glad you made it,” Maddie said, looking as beautiful as ever. Her hair was pulled behind her head, and I realized only she could make a hospital gown look flattering. “Billy mentioned you might be coming and I was so excited. Holly will be bummed she missed you.”
“I wouldn’t miss seeing your little girl for the world.”
And I truly meant it. Even if Billy and I turned out to be nothing more than what we were now, I knew I’d found something speci
al on Hound Island and that was enough for me.
Chapter Seventeen
“Lucky was a good boy,” Billy said, bringing in the love of my life on his leash.
“He always is.” I smiled and hobbled over to greet the happy pup.
I still hadn’t heard from his owners, which was now really starting to concern me, but I had one issue at a time to deal with and the first one was getting Billy out of town.
Meeting Maddie’s baby girl was so humbling. To see their little growing family made my insides swell with a happiness that I hadn’t experienced for a long time.
I’d always thought I was fulfilled over the years with my growing business, friends, and family, but I was finally ready to admit to myself that I wanted something more. I wanted a partner to share all of those other elements of my life with.
Billy unleashed Lucky who immediately trotted over to his food dish and began eating up his dinner.
“Something smells great,” Billy said, walking into the living room.
My heart tugged at the sight of him. It wasn’t like I could flip off the attraction I felt for him, but at least I could stay realistic about it.
“I threw some stuff together in the crockpot for soup. You’re more than welcome to stay for dinner, but I can’t guarantee what it will taste like.”
I didn’t want Billy to feel guilty over whatever was complicating his life because the fact of the matter was that if I hadn’t met Billy, none of these other people would have come into my life. I never would have gotten to meet Maddie and Chance. I never would have finally allowed myself to want something more in life.
I was okay with the fact that it wasn’t going to be Billy who gave it to me, considering that was the arrangement from the beginning. Now, I knew to simply ignore the conflicting statements coming out of his mouth from time to time and allow the feelings I’d started to have for him to eventually go away.
And I spent one incredible night with him that I will never forget.
“I was going to grab something at the restaurant. I’ve got a staff meeting with the managers tonight and then I’ll be back to take care of Lucky or anything else you might need.” It was impossible to miss the sadness lurking behind his usually vibrant green eyes, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
He wasn’t willing to share what was holding him back, and I wasn’t in the business of begging for someone’s affections. Not any longer, at least.
“Maddie and Chance’s little girl is so beautiful. I wonder how Scarlett May will handle the new addition.” I smiled and sat down in the recliner as Billy took a seat on the couch.
“They had the second so close to the first, I bet Scarlett won’t think anything of it.” He folded his hands and leaned forward. “She might not even know.”
I laughed. “Good point.”
“Listen, if you don’t want to do dinner tomorrow with—”
“Oh, don’t even think about getting out of it,” I interrupted, chuckling. “You’ve still got to prove that you’re as good as Chance.”
“You’re sure you’ll be okay with…everything?” His eyes were filled with concern, and it looked like things were bothering him far more than I even understood.
“Totally. It’s not like anything has changed from the beginning. I knew it was merely an island fling and you just confirmed it.” I smiled, feeling a knot begin to form in my stomach. “It was fun, and I don’t regret it at all.”
And I really didn’t. Not for a second.
“I don’t regret anything either.” Billy called Lucky over and scratched his ear. “Maybe if the timing was different.”
“Maybe.” I nodded. “But it’s not.”
Speaking the words were easier than believing them. The old me would have hung onto each sentence, hoping there was a way I could convince him the timing was perfect now, but it wasn’t. I’d done my fair share of manipulating circumstances only to have everything blow up in front of me.
Billy was a good way to end my dating hiatus. Once I got my cast off, I was ready to put my toe back in the dating world. Maybe I’d even have someone in time for my parents’ anniversary.
“Is there anything else you might need right now?” he asked, standing up. “I’ll be back in a couple hours.”
“I think we’re set.” I grabbed my crutches and stood. “It’s really sweet of you to do this for me.”
“I’m happy I can.” And for some reason I believed him. “But you really should quit getting on your crutches all the time.”
“Yes, mom.” My comment seemed to pull a smile from him as I made my way over to the door where he was standing.
On my last step, I stumbled and fell into him, nearly knocking him over.
“Sorry,” I mumbled as he held me close and helped to keep me upright. “I’m not that great around rugs yet.”
Billy didn’t let go. Instead, his green eyes fastened on mine and he pulled me closer. Being pressed against him slowly unwrapped my perfect scenario to keep him at a healthy distance. His breathing had shifted as he held me tight and I felt my world spinning into something I couldn’t handle. Sleeping with him once I could compartmentalize, but twice would undo me.
Because I did have feelings for Billy.
He slowly moved his thumb along my chin and tilted my head up slowly.
“I want to kiss you so badly,” he said, his eyes searching mine for approval.
Hearing those words sent a surge of desire through me, but I knew I couldn’t start the cycle up again. One and done was all I could handle with Billy. It was for my own self-preservation.
I readjusted my crutches thinking that would bring him back to reality, but it didn’t. He stood in the foyer, quietly holding me, and hoping for something that couldn’t be.
“Billy, I wish we could. I wish I could, but I don’t think it’s good for me. Knowing that you might have feelings for me only messes with me, and…” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“I understand.” He gave a quick nod, but didn’t let go.
And the truth was that I didn’t want him to. The urge to be kissed again drilled its way back into my heart and I quickly shoved it out.
“We started this as friends and I want to end it as friends.” I stood up on my one foot and gave him a quick kiss. “If we were in a place where you could open up a little more then maybe we could see where things go, but that’s not the option we’ve been given.”
“Maybe I’m not the only one who needs to open up.” His brows arched up, but he still held me.
“Whatever the case. I love spending time with you and we only have another day left.” I gave him one more quick kiss, and his arms slowly unwrapped from my waist.
“Do you want anything from the restaurant?” he asked, smiling, the familiar light coming back in his eyes.
“I wouldn’t turn anything down. That’s for sure. I may or may not have been craving the dog topped with the tots and cheese sauce.”
“What about Lucky?” he asked.
I looked behind me to see Lucky chewing on his toy. “He said anything without onions.”
“That I can handle.” He slid a kiss along my cheek and the butterflies still clashed in my stomach from his touch, but it wasn’t like I could toss away the feelings I had for him.
“I’ll eat my soup, but I’m looking forward to the hot dogs.” I grinned.
“Plural?” He laughed as he opened the door.
“It takes a lot out of a person to use crutches.”
It looked like he wanted to say something more, but instead, he gave a quick wave and walked out the door, leaving me reeling from a simple kiss on the cheek.
I hated to admit it, but it really was better that he was leaving town. Right when I got to the recliner, I saw an SUV pull up to the house and Holly jumped out. I made my way back to the door and opened it to see Holly’s smiling face.
“Hey,” I said, inviting her in. “You just missed Billy.”
Her smiled
widened. “I’m glad to hear that.”
I laughed and shook my head as I closed the door behind her. “It’s not like that.”
“That’s too bad.” She gave me a sideways smile and followed me into the living room.
“I have everything you brought over yesterday. That was so nice of you guys. My sister loved her massage and I had him massage my neck and felt amazing all day.”
“Oh, good. I wish we all could have been there, but when nature calls.”
“She’s so cute,” I gushed, sitting back down in the recliner.
I was really getting sick of this chair.
Holly collapsed onto the couch. “She is, but I was beginning to think she’d never come.”
“Were you there the whole time?” I asked.
“All night and morning. I went home to take a nap, but I couldn’t sleep. I had to grab a few things from Chance and Maddie’s so I thought I’d stop by before heading back to Fireweed.”
“And you live on Fireweed, right?”
“I do.”
“I’m amazed at how close everyone is around here.”
“It’s not like the mainland. That’s for sure.” She stretched her legs. “It has its good points and bad points, but I think the good outweighs the bad.”
“I love it, and I never thought I would.”
“It’s too bad Billy’s taking off for his cross-country adventure.” Holly rolled her eyes.
“It’s probably for the best,” I assured her. “Neither one of us is very good at knowing what we want.”
“Oh, I know what he wants.” She smiled.
“And what is that?” I asked, genuinely curious to hear one of his friend’s take on him.
“You.”
I laughed and readjusted my leg on the pillows.
“What’s so funny?”
“I don’t think that’s the case.” I let out a silent sigh. “I mean, I think part of him thinks it’s a good idea, but then he tells himself otherwise.”
“Probably.” She nodded in agreement. “Billy has always been happy-go-lucky as long as I’ve known him, but I know things happened in his past that he blames himself for.”
“I kind of gathered something like that, but honestly he’s never opened up.” I scooted back on the chair. “And being that we’ve barely met and gotten to know one another, I wouldn’t expect him to tell me anything.”