by A. J. Downey
“Four,” I said, boosting Noah higher on my hip, “And sure, I’m not quite comfortable letting my little man out of my sight just yet.”
“Perfectly understandable,” Ashton smiled.
“You have any?” I asked.
“I can’t,” she said and I could see it pained her.
“We’ve been trying, but no luck just yet,” Hayden said, blushing.
“Revelator and Mandy have a seven month old girl named Eden, and they’re already pregnant with their second. Ghost and Shelly are pregnant with their first, so there’s that.” Ashton beamed. She and Hayden had set down their bins and grocery items and were pulling the bags out and replacing them with laundry to carry down. Hayden popped an odd looking container of laundry soap on top of one of the piles of clothes.
I asked Noah, “Go for a laundry basket ride?”
“Yah!”
“You going to hold still?” I asked.
“Yah!”
I nestled Noah in among the laundry in the basket I’d loaded and hefted it, groaning. “Oi! You’re getting too big for this, monkey boy!”
“No!” he called laughing and giggling.
“Yes!”
My son and I bantered back and forth as I followed the two women out and downstairs in search of the laundry room. We found the door, down at the end, by way of following our noses and the smell of drier sheets on the crisp, but not terribly cold, spring air. It was warm in the laundry room where two of the seven driers were going. We took up three of the seven washers, the units stacked, washer on bottom, drier on top, along the little room’s walls. Three on one end four along another wall, the remaining two walls containing a sink, a coin dispenser, and a powdered laundry soap dispenser. The free long wall had a Formica workbench where residents could fold their clothes.
“Shi-oot!” I cried, “I forgot the quarters on the coffee table.”
“I’ll get them,” Hayden said brightly, “I’ll be right back.”
“Thank you,” I called after her.
Ashton and I sorted laundry into the washers and Hayden returned with the quarters, Ashton opened up the laundry soap container, extracting little pillow packs of detergent.
“I’ve never used those, are they any good?”
“Oh my god, yes,” she said, “You have to use two for loads this size, but they are so convenient, you just have to make sure your hands are totally dry before you handle them or big mess.”
“That and you should find someplace really high to keep them, they’re shiny and pretty and awfully appealing to little ones to stick in their mouths,” she made a face and I had to agree.
“Pretty sure he’d only do it once, but I’d rather not have to call poison control freaking out,” I agreed.
I picked Noah up along with the laundry basket on the floor and we returned upstairs with our baskets and bins. Ashton set a timer on her phone to remind us to go back down and switch the laundry out to the driers and start the last two loads.
“Archer left me a little money for pizza for lunch, I um, I don’t have anything to pay you for the laundry soap or –” the women started laughing, cutting me off.
“Trust me, Melody. Money is no object for me; consider this a ‘welcome’ present from the club.” Ashton smiled and I shifted uncomfortably.
“She’s serious, not to be rude, but she’s a millionaire and I while I come from old money; I do just fine for myself with interior decorating. This stuff,” Hayden swept out a hand, “Is really nothing, for either of us.”
“It still doesn’t feel right,” I murmured.
“I’ve been where you are, starting from nothing…” Ashton said softly, and launched into the story about how she and Trigger first met, and how the club helped her.
“And your husband committed suicide?” I asked skeptically. Men like what she described him to be just didn’t do that, at least not from what I knew and my own experiences. She and Hayden exchanged a telling look and said yes in unison before dissolving into fits of laughter.
I filed that discreetly into the category of I just didn’t want to know, and moved on to what I did want to know. I looked over at Noah, who was reabsorbed in the cartoons on the screen and turned back to the two women at the table.
“How did his father die?” I asked softly and both of their expressions crushed down into sympathetic ones. Ashton reached out and took my hand.
“Grinder came out here in answer to a call from our club for help,” she said softly and Hayden frowned.
“Ashton…”
“I know, its club business, but she deserves to know the truth,” she said.
“The truth?” I asked.
“They didn’t tell you anything?” Hayden asked, horrified.
I shook my head, and it seemed to make up her mind, “Sorry I interrupted, Ashton, you’re absolutely right,” she said and sat back.
“I won’t tell anyone you told me,” I said, recognizing the position they were putting themselves in.
By all accounts, I was an outsider to them and this was clearly falling under the category of ‘club business’ and even if you did manage to find a bit of club business out, you didn’t share club business with outsiders. It just wasn’t done. Period.
“As I was saying, Grinder came out here to answer a call for help, there was another club, The Suicide Kings, and they did things to hurt The Sacred Hearts, things that required an answer…”
“I understand,” I said softly. She really didn’t need to say anymore. I knew how it worked. Disrespect couldn’t go unanswered, any more than a physical attack of some kind could. It just wasn’t the way things worked in the world of MC’s. The rules were simpler than the rules of society, more basic, more primal, and certainly more barbaric but there was also a certain beauty to it. When these men loved, they loved harder and more deeply than any citizen could ever comprehend… or so I had thought.
I tried to banish the image of Grinder’s face twisted up with anger and hate when I’d told him I was pregnant. The last image I would ever have of the man I loved was him turning his back on me, him riding away after telling me to abort my child… our child. After cursing me out for being so irresponsible as to get knocked up in the first place. As if I’d planned it, as if I had managed it all on my own. I refocused on what the women from this chapter were saying… I needed to know the truth.
“Some of them caught Grinder riding alone one night,” Hayden said and she took up my other hand.
“They ran him off the road,” Ashton said softly.
“Oh god,” I moaned, tears slipping free of my closed lids and slicking hot down my face. I only had one question and I dreaded the answer, because as much as Grinder had hurt me, I had still loved him and not even had, he may be gone, but I loved him still. I swallowed hard and asked my question, voice cracking, “Was it quick?” Their silence was really all the answer I needed.
“The men, they all looked for him, it was cold; it was winter, but…” Hayden’s shoulders dropped and she rushed it out, like ripping off a Band-Aid, as if that would make it better, “He was trapped under his bike and it took a day or two, I’m so sorry.”
I cried, and they let me, the reality of the situation sinking in deep, until I was numb, all the way down deep into my bones. Oh my god, I thought and I wondered, did he think about us? Did he wonder in all that time, trapped? Did he know he was going to die? So many unanswered questions that would never be answered and the weight of them absolutely soul crushing.
“I don’t understand why they didn’t tell you,” Ashton said, distressed. “They all came to the funeral.”
Noah looked on from the couch and climbed down, he came to me and I lifted him into my lap. He put his tiny arms around my neck and hugged me tight; I hugged him back.
“Love you,” he said. He was so smart. Far ahead where he should be with all of his talking. I was so proud of my boy. I loved him so, so much.
“I love you too, baby boy. I love you, too.”
I sat there feeling guilty for taking comfort from my one year old, and at the same time, feeling so blessed that I had him; that I had a piece of Grinder still with me that I could love wholeheartedly with no regrets. It’d hurt so much when he’d turned away from me, when I’d told him I was pregnant, and I’d been so sure he’d come back to us, but then he hadn’t.
Pregnant club whores weren’t exactly welcome around the club in Arizona, so I’d kept my distance. Besides that, I hadn’t wanted any of the other brothers other than Grinder after he and I hooked up. He’d been the love of my life, for all that he wouldn’t make me his ol’ lady. I’d managed to hold on for a few months when it came to my apartment with my waitressing job, but without Grinder’s help, and the mounting bills from the regular doctor’s visits – even on a sliding scale, I hadn’t been able to keep it up for very long and had been forced to move back in with my parents. Parents who weren’t very happy with their twenty-six year old, knocked up, unwed, wayward daughter coming home.
I had tried so hard to get me and Noah out of there, had tried to save everything I’d made at my waitressing job, only to have to cut and run. The only place I had to run to was back to Grinder… or so I had thought. Now I was here, I really was alone, and I was scared. Scared out of my mind.
One day at a time, Melody, I thought to myself, and I had no other choice, truly. Ashton and Hayden were surprising, as far as a couple of ol’ ladies went, but I still couldn’t trust that there wasn’t something awful about to come down the line. It was, unfortunately, a conditioned response.
They stayed, and seemingly, happily, helped me clean the apartment thoroughly. Switching out and bringing up laundry, joining Noah and I over pizza for lunch, and helping me make a shopping list of things I would still need; mostly of food and the like seeing as they’d brought just about every cleaning product I would need.
“He has no cooking utensils aside from a bunch of mismatched silverware, a bowl or two, and coffee mugs,” I muttered from the kitchen floor. I was putting all the cleaning supplies away under the sink, and thinking I would need child locks for the cabinet to keep little monkey boys out of it, but there really wasn’t anyplace else for me to put any of it up high. The kitchen just wasn’t built that way.
“At least he has a coffee maker?” Hayden said brightly, and the three of us looked at each other and burst out laughing.
“Can you add child locks to that list?” I asked Ashton, and she put a finger to her nose and tapped twice.
“You’re a good mom,” she said and Noah piped up from behind her.
“Good mommy!”
We all laughed again and the front door opened, Nox came through and asked, “What’s so funny?”
Out of the four brothers… well, three now, Nox was always the easiest to talk to. There was always something, I don’t know, softer about him; gentler somehow.
I got up and went around the kitchen counter and said, “Hi Nox,” quietly. He smiled at me and opened up his arms and I felt my eyes get misty. I hugged him and he sighed when he felt me tremble with a silent sob.
“Where’s my nephew?” he asked, giving me a slight squeeze.
“Noah, come here, Baby,” I called and he pushed off the couch, climbing down and toddling over. I picked him up and settled him on my hip and said, “I want you to meet your uncle Nox,” I said gently and he looked at Nox blinking his wide eyes so like his father’s.
“Hi, buddy!” Nox said and Noah just stared, chewing on his fingers. He smiled impishly and put his little head on my shoulder. Ashton and Hayden giggled quietly.
“Don’t be shy, Noah! Say hi to your uncle Nox,” I said, though my voice wasn’t in the slightest bit chiding.
“Unca Nox, hi unca Nox,” he said and I kissed his soft hair.
“Hi, Noah,” Nox said and ruffled my boy’s hair. He looked at me and I brazenly met his gaze, one brow raised in question.
“Picked Grind’s name, huh?” he asked.
“I picked his father’s name, yes.”
“I thought Grinder’s name was David,” Hayden said softly.
“It was, David Noah Chandler,” I said, “He hated David.”
Nox snorted, “He hated the whole damn thing. What’s the last name you gave him?”
“What’s your name, Noah?” I asked.
“Noah Jeramiah Beswick!” my baby proclaimed proudly.
“That’s right!” I bounced him on my hip a little and said, “I’m proud of you. Can you tell your uncle Nox how old you are?” I asked. Noah looked at his little hand, and I urged him one more time, “Go on, hold it up,” I said. Noah held up one finger with a cheesy grin and Nox smiled and praised him.
“Good job, Buddy!”
Noah smiled and laughed and threw himself in Nox’s direction, arms outstretched. I almost lost my grip, I hadn’t expected him to do it. I said, “Woah, Noah hang on a second,” but Nox was there, taking him from my arms.
“I got him, Mamma,” he said gently and took Noah from me. Anxiety filled my chest and I folded my hands together to belay their trembling. Noah was busy, absorbed in playing with the buttons and colorful patches on Nox’s cut.
I swallowed hard, “Be careful please?” I asked softly and Nox frowned at me.
“No worries, Mel. I got him,” he said.
“I’m sorry,” I immediately apologized. Ashton stepped up beside me and rubbed my back and I spooked, jumping lightly.
“You take good care of your mom, little man?” Nox asked Noah, but Noah was fully absorbed in a button on Nox’s cut that said ‘fuck you,’ which I was suddenly glad Noah and I were just beginning to work on his numbers one through ten and his ABC’s. Reading was going to get interesting, along with all of the ‘what’s that’ and ‘what’s that mean’ questions that would likely follow.
“Well, I’m sure you’d like to catch up,” Ashton murmured and I felt myself nod woodenly. She and Hayden gathered their purses and light jackets.
“Don’t forget, you have one more load that needs to go in the dryer,” Hayden reminded me and I nodded, taking a deep breath.
“Nox, can you bring Noah and come with me so I can do it?” I asked.
“Yeah! Yeah, yeah, lead the way, Mamma.”
“Thank you,” I murmured, grateful that it was him and not Rush, or Archer.
We walked Ashton and Hayden out and I didn’t want them to leave, but I got it, they had to. Damn the luck… I didn’t know if I was ready for this.
Chapter 6
Archer
It was getting on towards quittin’ time when Dragon pulled up to the garage. I sighed, figuring he was here to talk about Mel and the goings on at his club the day before, and I wasn’t exactly wrong. First thing he did was stride towards my bay and the Caprice I was working on.
“Archer,” Dragon grunted, leaning a hip against the fender.
“What can I do for you, P.?” I asked him.
“Well, for starters, we have a little business to square up on,” he said. I frowned and stood up, out from under the hood.
“Oh?” I asked.
“Now, I know you probably ain’t been in a cage for a minute, but by-laws bein’ what they are, do I really need to remind you that gettin’ in one wearin’ your colors goes against ‘em?”
“Aw, fucking son of a bitch, that was totally my bad, Dragon, I’m sorry,” I said.
“Be that as it may, yer fined fifty bucks and don’t you ever disrespect the patch again, you get me?” he asked and I was already nodding and reaching for my wallet. Fuck, it was fifty bucks I really couldn’t afford right now, but that served all the better to drive the message home, now didn’t it?
“Don’t pay me, you pay Ghost the next time you see ‘im,” he said and his tone brooked no argument. However, he did tone it down by quite a bit when he got to the question I could tell he really wanted to ask… “Who’s the girl, and who’s the kid? Better yet, where are they now?” he demanded and I could tell I was probably looki
ng forward to another talking to.
“She’s just some club chippie from back in A-Z,” I told him, “The boy is Grinder’s.”
“Shit,” Dragon swore softly.
“Tell me about it, she showed up here lookin’ for Grind, they didn’t tell her, man. She came all the way out here expecting to see him.”
“Way I hear it, you was none too gentle dropping the news.” Dragon eyed me but showed no opinion one way or the other by his expression. I palmed the back of my neck and nodded.
“I didn’t know that she didn’t know, I feel like a right asshole about it now, that’s no way for a boy to find out his father’s dead.”
“Boy? Hell, he ain’t but a year or so old the way the boys that saw ‘im tell it. That’s damn sure no way to treat a woman, let alone the mother of your brother’s child. Which brings me to my question that’s gone unanswered… where are they?”
“I took ‘em in, they’re at my apartment. Nox and Rush are supposed to meet me there.”
“Yeah? What you going to do about all this?” Dragon asked.
“Like you said, she’s the mother of my brother’s child. Noah’s blood, he’s family. They stay here and I’ll get her on her feet, Noah will be taken care of and raised right, around family.”
Dragon looked considerate for a minute and finally gave a nod, “She wasn’t Grind’s ol’ lady, at all?”
“Never that he’d make it official,” I said, “But they were pretty exclusive, at least as far as she knew.”
Dragon gave another nod and said, “Well, anything they need, anything you need for ‘em, as far as this chapter and this club is concerned, they’re the property of a fallen brother and as such they’ll be looked after.”
I felt a tension in my shoulders ease and nodded, “I appreciate that, Dragon. I surely do,” I said and he put a hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “Ashton and Hayden already came around first thing this morning, they should be with her for a minute today.”
“Good, that’s good,” he said and went on with, “You can be a pain in the ass and hot headed, Archer, but you’re one of us. A brother, through and through. We may not always agree, but your problems are our problems just the same.” He considered me for a long moment and asked, “May I give you some unsolicited advice? Not as your president, but as one brother to another?”