by A. J. Downey
“After and we’d be coming from a stronger position, don’t you think?”
“That we would,” he agreed.
“After it is, then.”
He nodded, “Any designs on your honeymoon?” he asked and I hung my head and sighed out harshly.
“Not you too, man.”
“No, not me too. I’m bein’ serious. Shelly had a point back there for all she’s like you and goes about deliverin’ it wrong nine times outta ten. If you hadn’t thought about it, let me be the first one to offer you a weekend down at the honeymoon cabin at the lodge. You might want to see to startin’ this marriage thing off right – well, at least better than you have so far.” He said and I nodded, listening to him. He’d been married to Tilly a long time. Hell, as far as he was considered, her death hadn’t changed that. He still wore the ring.
“Yeah, speaking of, I better talk to Dani, she was making hints about rings and shit.”
“Sounds like a good idea, Arch. This woman is about to be your wife, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about you, you’re like me. A forever kind of guy. In that vein, you might wanna not fuck this up.”
“Man, I am just not good at shit like this,” I confessed and he slapped me on the back.
“We know, which is why, in case you haven’t noticed, the club has your back in this too. Your honeymoon is where yer trainin’ wheels come off though. Just gonna be you and her.”
“It’s been me and her for a few months,” I said and Dragon shook his head and led me over to the bar.
“Sit your happy ass down, boy. I can tell we need to talk.”
I scowled, but did as I was told, “What the fuck now?” I demanded.
“Lemme ask you somethin’ and fuck all if it’s gonna get personal, but I’m just tryin’ to get you some perspective here.”
“Right, go ahead.”
“You been fuckin’ her these last three months?”
“Hell no, I been sleepin’ on my fuckin’ couch.”
“Exactly,” he gave me a pointed look, inclining his head and raising his eyebrows.
“You ain’t sayin’ I should get on that are you?”
“Not your style, Arch. I’m sayin’ you should do you, but I’m also sayin’ she’s a person too. I’m sayin’ that if you want this marriage thing to work there’s work involved. You get me?”
“Yes and no, speak your fuckin’ mind man. We’re both adults.”
“That’s exactly my point. You ain’t a mind reader and neither is she. You need to speak your fuckin’ mind to her and y’all need to communicate. Only way any of this shit works.”
Fuckin’ Dragon. Always had a way of illustrating his point while he made it. I nodded and harrumphed.
“Message received, loud and clear, Boss.”
“Good. I’ma let you stew on that.”
“Thanks,” I uttered and Disney slid a drink across the bar to me.
I eyed him, and he shrugged, “All of us have your back,” he said cryptically and I gave him a nod as he wandered down to the other end to commiserate with Ghost who was still bitchin’ about his woman and her mouth. Something about it gettin’ ten times worse since he knocked her up. I sipped the whiskey in the glass and figured I probably had looked as nervous as I felt right now.
I tried to be rational about it. I’d been lookin’ after Mel and Noah since they’d hit my doorstep, so why was this any different. Short answer? I was getting’ fuckin’ married and Dragon was exactly right; I was a forever kind of guy. I figured if it ever happened I was only ever gonna do it once and here it was… happening. Fuck it all, it still seemed like the right thing to do, but now all of a sudden the nerves were setting in. Why?
Because now this shit is outside your control, that’s why. That voice in my head that sounded an awful lot like Grind’s was back again.
Ain’t nothin’ outside my control, I thought back at it.
Keep tellin’ yourself that, it shot back. I tossed back the rest of the whiskey in the glass. I will, godammit, I will.
Chapter 19
Melody
I feared that if Archer were anything like Phil, I would be hearing all about Shelly’s well intentioned melt down on my behalf. The thing was, I hadn’t complained, I hadn’t even said anything about the whole getting married thing at all; I wasn’t going to, I mean I hadn’t planned to. I knew at least one thing about Archer in the time we’d lived with one another and that one thing was that he was an intensely private man.
“You okay, Melody?” Ashton asked softly and I nodded mutely.
Shelly sighed, grumbling under her breath, “Men are so stupid.”
Soft laughter tittered among the rest of the women present but Ashton just smiled and it looked as brittle as mine felt. She mouthed at me, ‘we’ll talk later’ and I nodded. I could see it plainly that somehow, Ashton knew and I drew a certain strength and comfort both in that shared solidarity.
“Okay, first things first, we need the basics from you to make two weeks work,” Hayden was saying. Mandy handed her a spiral bound notebook and a pen and pencil both. Hayden thanked Mandy and rolled up the sleeves on her blouse. Everyone was looking at me expectantly, Noah wriggling in my lap to make me let go where I sat on the floor in front of the big couch and equally big television.
“I don’t even know where to start,” I murmured.
“Well, where did you picture yourself getting married?” Everett asked, you must have thought about it.
I felt myself blush a deep red with embarrassment. I mean, I had thought about it, but the man I’d always pictured waiting for me at the end of the aisle was Grinder, certainly not his brother Archer. I felt the earlier threatening tears rise in a hot rush and my face crumble under their weight.
“Oh, Honey!” Ashton’s voice was sympathetic and her hug warm and supportive. It only made me crumble harder.
The women around me were wonderful, and genuinely supportive. I cried it out rather quickly and when I looked a little stronger, Hayden gently suggested, “Maybe not location first, how about we start with colors, how does that sound?”
I nodded, a bit stupidly and said, “I like purple, like amethyst, does that help?”
“That’s a great start,” Everett said and smiled, Shelly was nodding and Mandy was too.
“Okay, what’s a good color to go with dark purple? Wedding colors are typically two sometimes three.”
“Purple and white?” I asked.
“Sure! I can do a lot with that,” Hayden said cheerfully.
Dani had a little book of her own open in her lap with some drawing pencils, she looked up from the sketch pad and asked, “What’s Noah’s birthday?”
“February eleventh, why?”
Dani smiled, “Is that why you like amethyst?” she asked.
“I always liked the color, but yeah, it being Noah’s birthstone makes me like it even more.”
“When’s your birthday?” she asked.
“April, I just turned twenty-eight,” I murmured and everyone stared at me.
“You mean your birthday was like a month and a half ago and you didn’t say anything? You got here in March! What kind of shit is that!? We totally would have done something if we’d known,” Shelly ranted.
“It just didn’t seem that important, I guess,” which was true. Grinder had always remembered my birthday. Had always gotten me something small, but precious – at least to me. We’d shared three of them together and all three things he’d gotten me, as well as the Christmas gifts, I’d managed to keep even during mine and Noah’s quick escape. They were tucked at the bottom of one of the plastic bins buried beneath my clothes.
“Oh, I swear to Christ, if Archer knew and didn’t do anything I’m going to bury my foot up his ass,” Shelly went on and I shook my head.
“I don’t think he either ever knew or paid attention enough to remember and please, it’s really not that big of a deal… at least not enough to say anything or make a big stink. It’s e
nough that he’s taken Noah and I in. I don’t want to rock the boat.”
I got a lot of blank stares and exchanged looks from the women in the room and it was Everett who sat back in her seat on the couch and asked, “Is Archer mistreating you at all?”
I shook my head quickly, “No, we barely see each other and for Archer, he’s been incredibly patient with me.”
Dani was the one to laugh and nod at that, “I know precisely what you mean,” she said and smiled at me.
“Honestly, I might as well not even be there,” I said.
“That ain’t right either,” Shelly griped.
“No, it really isn’t,” Everett agreed.
“It’s fine.” I said, “Can we please leave it alone?”
“I’m sure things will change now, given these new set of circumstances,” Ashton said lightly.
“They’d better, that’s no way to treat a person let alone your wife,” Shelly’s tone was dispassionate and I sighed inwardly. I was afraid I was making this worse instead of better. Archer didn’t treat me badly per se, it was more of an indifference to my being there one way or the other. Our conversations tended to be limited to Noah and his needs, or ‘what do you want to eat?’ that sort of thing. We simply didn’t talk, not that I wouldn’t, it just felt like trying to engage him in simple small talk would be… bothersome to him. I didn’t want to be a bother, I mean, I was already bother enough just being here, a constant reminder; at least it felt that way to me.
“Okay, so an amethyst purple and white for the colors, would you want it indoors or outdoors?” Hayden asked, changing the subject.
“Outside sounds nice,” I said perking up a bit. It was definitely cool enough and so pretty out here.
“We could do it here at the club,” Everett suggested and I think the look on my face said it all.
“Actually, if it’s okay, I would like to have it anywhere but the club. I mean, I don’t mind the club members being at my wedding, but I just can’t… I don’t…” I shook my head and Hayden smiled.
“I got married here, but mine was kind of a guerilla wedding. I totally get that it’s not for everyone. So outside, to be determined,” she said as she jotted it down.
“I don’t want to be any trouble, if it’s easiest to have it here –”
“Melody, Sugar, Baby, Honey Child, this is your special day, it may not be the one you had imagined, but it’s still yours, it’s not supposed to be about what’s easy, it’s supposed to be about what makes you feel special and it’s supposed to be a day you remember forever,” Shelly said, “So let’s get with the program, and make it a day you can look back on and smile and be happy with.”
Every head in the room was nodding in agreement, and I felt a tension in my shoulders and chest ease. I nodded and Mandy asked, “You like chocolate or white for the cake?”
“I always pictured having cupcakes at my wedding, rather than a traditional three tiered cake, would that be too hard?”
Mandy grinned, “Actually, no! I have the perfect thing I saw on Pinterest that I’ve been dying to try…”
“Oh lord,” Everett rolled her eyes. “The Pinterest Queen is in the house.”
Laughter ensued, and I felt like the atmosphere became a bit lighter. The questions came rapid and fierce after that and before the day was through, we had colors and cake, table covers and a guest list, which sadly involved no one but Noah on my side of things.
Ashton and Hayden volunteered to be my bridesmaids and I graciously accepted, they took it upon themselves to appoint Rush and Nox as groomsmen. They also volunteered Dragon to officiate which left me a bit flabbergasted.
“He did my wedding,” Hayden said.
“And mine!” Mandy piped up.
“Ours too,” Shelly said with a grin.
“Trigger and I got engaged around last Christmas, we’re planning on a winter wedding next Christmas, and he’ll likely do ours too,” Ashton said.
“You really don’t think he’ll mind?” I asked.
“This is a case of too bad, so sad, if he does,” Everett said with a wink and the rest of the women laughed.
“Things are far different out here than they were in Arizona, apparently,” Shelly said dryly.
“We’re all treated very well, and we’re all so, very loved here,” Dani said, “They make sure of it. The last club I was with,” she shook her head, “trust me, we all know how very lucky we are.”
Solemn nods of agreement from every last one of them made me feel vaguely jealous and so very happy for them all at the same time. It was an odd mix of feelings to be sure. I thought I’d had what they did with Grinder, until I’d become accidentally pregnant with Noah. I’d been through so many emotions in that time, I’d even wanted to hate my baby for chasing Grinder away, but then he’d been born, even with how awful that had been, the moment I’d gotten to see him, to hold him in my arms, it’d been instant love and devotion.
That love, that devotion, it’d only grown stronger and hadn’t waivered not one bit which is why, even now, I was readily agreeing to enter into a loveless marriage, and not only that, but to sacrifice my body and even another piece of my heart, so that I could bear this man another child, one that, undoubtedly I would love, too… all so I could secure a solid and better future for the sweet boy whose attention was rapt on the large television screen while I talked with the rest of the women of this chapter.
“Okay everyone, I think we might be overwhelming her a little bit, let’s take it down a notch,” I heard Everett say and it was as if her word were the final say among them, everyone falling quiescent.
“I’m sorry,” I said shaking my head, “I didn’t mean to get so wrapped up inside my own head.”
“It’s okay,” Dani said with a slight smile. “You’re marrying Archer, and I, for one, totally get how that would be enough to drive anyone to distraction.”
I looked at her, almost with new eyes in that moment as she brought her long, dark hair over her shoulder, running it through her hands, sketchpad and pencils balanced on her knees.
“Archer runs hot then cold, then hot again. It can be tough keeping track sometimes,” I admitted and that was putting it mildly. I remember listening to the girls talk, back in Arizona. About how, when he did happen to indulge in a club girl, he could be less than gentle. If they were being generous, they would say how he simply liked it rough sometimes, other times they said he didn’t care one way or the other. That he was demanding in the sack. Words like, rough, punishing, and painful, were commonly used as was the phrase ‘too much to take.’
It made me nervous, knowing exactly how babies were made, that I was volunteering for that kind of sex, although Grinder could be all of those things too, I’d been in love with him. I’d at the very least liked him enough to want him. Archer was an unknown quantity. Attractive? Sure, but it took a lot more than rugged good looks for me to want a man and Archer was nothing like Grinder had been, he had none of the qualities that had made me love his brother.
Grind had been charming, and sweet. He’d talked to me, and taken an interest in me. He’d shared things with me, not just likes and dislikes, but hopes and dreams as well. We’d gone on rides together, had shared meals and experiences beyond just sex… I had nothing of that with Archer. No foundation at all with which to build off of. Nothing but fear and mostly that of the unknown.
I’d seen Archer hurt men for something as little as a dirty look cast in his direction. I’d even watched him and Grind fist fight on occasion. Archer was formidable and terrifying in those memories and there was only one thing I had taken away from the experience of watching him throw down… don’t piss him off. Don’t make him angry or give him a reason to turn any of that intensity on you.
“Mamma?” I blinked and smiled down at my son.
“Yes baby?”
“Outside?” he asked.
“You wanna go outside?” I asked and he gave me his stunning little baby grin.
“Yah!
” he cried and reached up, opening and closing his little fists in a bid for me to pick him up.
“Okay, up you go!” I stood and picked up my son and Dani stood fluidly out of her perch on the edge of the recliner she’d claimed.
“I’ll walk with you, I need to go out to my shop anyways,” she said. I smiled and nodded.
“Thanks.” I murmured before asking, “Is there anything else you guys need from me right now?”
Ashton looked up from where she, Everett, Hayden, and Mandy had their heads bowed together. She smiled at me and shook her head. Shelly came back from, presumably the bathroom again and asked, “Where you going?”
“Out back to let Noah run wild for a minute,” Dani told her, smiling.
“Good luck keeping up, Mamma,” she said to me with a smile.
I smiled back, “It’ll be your turn soon enough,” I said, and Shelly smiled.
“Two months and counting, I just hope it’s a boy so Ghost can be a happy camper.”
“You don’t know?”
“Keeping it a surprise,” she said with a smile, “but Ghost really wants to start with a boy.”
“Plan on having many?” I asked.
“As many as my body will give me before it’s had enough,” she said smiling.
“Careful what you wish for,” Everett called out. “You could end up like that broad on TV with like nineteen kids.”
Shelly rolled her eyes, “I’ll stop at six, I promise.”
“Any luck and there will be twins or a set of triplets in there to speed things along,” I told her.
“Rough birth with this guy?” she asked tickling Noah and my look must have said it all. She sobered, and cocked her head to the side.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said.
“It’s okay, just really scary is all. He’s perfect, that’s really all I can ask for. Everything turned out okay.”
She nodded, smiling and I smiled bravely back. Noah’s birth had been a nightmare from the moment I’d shown up at the hospital in labor. I didn’t have the heart to scare her or Mandy, although, by all appearances, Mandy seemed to have had a good birthing experience with Eden. She showed no traces of fear about being pregnant and about to do it again.