by A M Russell
I felt uneasy about this level of certainty: a bit squirmy inside. Plus the distracting smell of the roast was luring me away from any objection that might drag out the discussion. But Marcia had other ideas.
‘You need to say what’s on your mind.’ She was bluntly staring at me expecting a reply almost instantly.
‘I think…..’ I wasn’t sure but plunged in any way, ‘That we all need to stop pretending we feel ok about what we think will happen by tomorrow. I think we need….er.... we must be open about our doubts and um…. disconcerting feelings of err….. Badness.’ I groaned inwardly as I said the last bit. I looked away, waiting for the barrage. I looked back up then because they were all looking at me; then at each other in a guilty kind of way. It was Jared who moved first. Suddenly, with a cry that shook of that restraint, he dragged Marcia into his arms and hugged her like he was trying to squeeze the toothpaste out of that last little bit of the tube.
‘I’m sorry. I’m so… sorry Marcia. Please forgive me…. I’ve been so afraid to tell you any of it. Please forgive me.’ Marcia curled round him so her hair covered both their faces. Oliver looked at them with a serious frown: ‘It’s about bloody time.’ he said, then to me: ‘We need a strategy that doesn’t involve history repeating itself this time. And yes Milnes; I am aware of all the stuff that is going on round here.’
I opened my mouth, paused, shut it.
It was like the weirdest thing then…. Time just seemed to pause. It was hanging on this moment. This warm other place. This Summer Land. But somehow I felt I could control this ebb and flow of time. I was thinking quickly; quicker than I had ever done. And I had time…. I had all the time I wanted. I could hold this moment as long as I needed. I could keep them in that embrace. I looked at Jared and Marcia; he was crying and kissing her in an unselfconscious way. As if the spirit of each person had revealed in that moment its true passion. Love. Like a halo of light spread around them. I saw it forming, spreading, growing outwards and spilling across the ground like liquid gold. Oliver was huge and formidable and courageous. He looked up as if he could turn anything evil to dust just by looking at it, yet he seemed relaxed and at peace in that moment too. As for me? I found myself thinking things I had never thought before. I was not as I had expected: the naïve newbie. I was part of all this. I was the one who would attempt with all my strength and resolve to get Janey and Jules and Hanson back. I felt braver than I had ever felt. I felt warmer than I had felt since I left home too. It oiled my senses and sharpened my mind. It was racing, racing. I saw the whole thing as a huge pattern spreading out in all directions. With all its complexity and length it was still simple. Like an equation can describe a complex curve. Yet the part of this was love… most of all that; I had never felt it before today. Only partly; intermittently; and on the surface of me. These people were my friends. My fellow adventurers. We would struggle out of this together. Always together. At that moment I was certain I would see Janey by that evening. I knew where she was. I could see how we might all get out. I knew how far it was to the place where the equipment was hidden. And then:-
‘Davey…. Davey… are you with us?’
I looked up. Oliver was being handed a platter of fragrant meat. Two women placed plates by Jared and Marcia, who hadn’t noticed that dinner was served yet.
‘It is very, very good Davey!’ Oliver addressed me again with his mouth full of steak.
A young lady in an orange dress laid a plate in front of me. It certainly smelled wonderful. I looked at Marcia’s face. Her cheeks were flushed by the sun, and at that moment the strain had gone from her face. She had never smiled at Hanson that way. She might be strong, but in his hands she had looked bruised and cheap and pathetic; quite different to the vibrant aliveness in Jared’s arms. He touched her hair gently stroking a curl behind her ear, and smiling pointed at the two plates. She wriggled round and sat cross-legged. Jared sat with his body still curved around her and picked up pieces of meat with one hand. They kept saying things to each other and laughing. It was a time for the best kind of unexpected picnic. Oliver handed me a strange vegetable. ‘I think this is more to your taste Davey.’
‘It’s a sweet potato.’ I said, ‘They’re fine. Just try it.’
‘Alright. If you can name it I’ll eat it.’
We talked and laughed then. Oliver passed me various fruits asking me to name them. I wasn’t that good. But Oliver tried some green oval things that looked rather like large gooseberries and said he liked them. Andre came over to us then and explained that he must go and speak with his father and some of the others. They were going to send out scouts ahead to make sure that the “Robed Men” as they called them didn’t find us before we got near to the caves. He also told us that Heelio had already made it clear that they must only accompany us to the place that Andre and his friend had first seen the Men.
‘There is a time from now to the second walk of the sun;’ Andre seemed puzzled by us looking at him expectantly; ‘you have to see the length of time… I will mark it for you. Come.’
We all followed him to the shade of the trees.
‘What about the…?’ I pointed back at the remains of the lunch. As I spoke a cluster of boys and girls swarmed across and took away all the items.
‘We use everything.’ Andre smiled, ‘here. Sit…’
He took a stick and jammed it in the sandy ground nearby. Then taking two small dark stones places them carefully in a spot he measured with his feet out from the stick along the shadow and then at right angles.
‘You see. When the mark is between these two stones that it the time to gather back here. I will have something to give you from my father. But we need to ask the women first. They understand the… how do you say it? The movement of the hours and the tides better than my father.’
‘Do you mean they are more perceptive?’ asked Jared.
‘I don’t know this word. But your Chief Lady will rightly understand the meaning within the words.’ He nodded to Marcia. A gesture of cautious respect. Marcia smiled and inclined her head slightly.
‘Lady. Until the time. I thank you…’ Andre then ran off to join some of the other young folk who were still milling about and sharing apples with each other. The young woman in orange came over with a basket of fruit and eyeing Oliver with wonder placed it on the ground near us.
‘What do you think that was about?’ teased Marcia.
‘I think it’s the beard.’ Oliver rubbed his chin reflectively.
‘Do you think we should give them a trim?’ I said.
‘Not really the thing uppermost in anyone else’s mind.’ Jared stood up and held out his hand to Marcia. She rose smoothly from a cross legged position to standing in one movement. I marvelled at her physical strength. I hoped Jared knew what Marcia was like when she wasn’t in a good mood. I thought again. I was still making assumptions about the people around me. Jared knew her quite well professionally speaking; as for the rest, well… I knew we had a few hours. They started to wander away through the trees. This might be our last time all together. I shook myself for being suddenly so morbid, not to say judgemental. What did I want to do?
I decided to walk along a route to the left of the direction they were going, skirting the edge of the tree line. Oliver sat down and started to sharpen our knives. He seemed focused and content. But looked at me with serious eyes as I indicated I was going for a walk.
‘Don’t get lost Milly.’
I waved at him in that casual blokeish way that I had seen others do, but had never quite mastered before. It’s an Ok-I’m-going-now-and-will-be back-in-a-while-after-doing-something-not-the-least-bit-girly kind of wave. At least, that was what I hoped I communicated.
The middle of this jewel of a day became quieter and even more warmly peaceful. Even the young people had disappeared underground out of the heat of the sun. The only two people I spotted were at a distance carrying large clay pots on sling fastenings. There were all those small sounds of grass rust
ling, and breezes in leaves; and tiny fragments of noises in the distance of birds and maybe small animals. I walked a little way and pretended that I was back at home in the fields beyond my mother’s house on a particularly warm and rich August day. I came to a thicket of low bushes, so I went round the outside of the clump. I saw a path leading into the forest, and heard in the distance the soft gush of a stream. It opened out in a few minutes to a pool fringed with fragrant plants. Round to the right were hundreds of eyes of tiny pale violet flowers spread a thick as blue bells. It was the colour and the sweet smell that delighted me and on the opposite bank they lay so thickly right to the water’s edge it looked as if snow had fallen if I squeezed my eyes half shut. I wandered around with no particular aim in mind, and wished I had a camera with me. I was just staring at the transition between the shadowy side of the laden spur of heady flowers, and the greeny mottled pool beneath when I heard a sigh. I moved my head just a tiny bit, and realised I was inadvertently spying on Jared and Marcia.
I felt like such an idiot. I’d circled round to their spot without realising. I didn’t want to go blundering away and making a noise, so I sat down slowly. I heard the low hum of insects and wished then that I was with Janey. The fragrant flowers were not English Roses, but I would have dressed her hair with these little lavender stars, and made her portrait. I thought of her face and her smile. And the soft curve of her hair. I would trace the waves of the cornflower ocean with smooth strokes of the brush. And the deep blue of her eyes I would bring to life as she sat by me. I would tell her… what? She was not mine. But if love could reach her at this moment; then let her know. I prayed… who to, I wasn’t sure. I’d never thought much about the “meaning of life” until now. Or rather until I’d come on this journey. Then everything changed. It now seemed shot through with colours of either menace or of joy.
Just then I heard laughter. I was startled from my reverie. I had almost forgotten where I was; this place being so private, so intimate. I laid back on the banking and chewed on a piece of grass. Rolling onto my side I idly burrowed into the soil with my fingers. I had seen many colours of earth here. The soil by the pool was a deep umber, as dark as chocolate. I thought of the true Renaissance Artists and their drawing materials made from fine earth colours. I wished I could take just one little speck of this land back home with me. Carefully I picked a small clutch of the little blue flowers and folded them into my shirt pocket. With a pen knife I prodded loose some little white stones that were sprinkled into the chocolate earth like white patches in a black pudding.
I was just finishing wrapping these in a hanky when I looked up to see two swimmers in the pool. Little ripples spread out and bubbled over the stones near my feet. I didn’t know who it was until the swimmers circled around each other and I saw the face of the first from a distance. She was an elemental mermaid with a dark glossy mane than swirled like seaweed on the tide. The other: some young wizard, his beard dripping and hair slicked back dove down underneath her; and lifted her up by the waist. Then they both ducked down head first with a splash and made a washing wave that went over my boots.
‘Hey! Watch it!’ I called without thinking.... and coloured up a moment later, as I realised they didn’t have any clothes on.
Marcia and Jared turned towards me treading water.
‘Hey Davey! It’s fun. Come on in…’ Jared laughed and pulled Marcia towards him and kissed her until they submerged and came back up giggling and playing tag.
I was so stunned by Jared’s manner that I couldn’t respond. I just stared at them. A tiny little memory of children playing on a beach on a summer’s day came back to me. They seemed to have forgotten the past; and were not thinking about tomorrow.
‘Davey! The water’s lovely!’ yelled Marcia.
‘Come in Davey; you can swim can’t you?’ Jared splashed water at me.
‘Yes. Yes…. Of course I can swim. But that’s hardly the point….’ I was trying to find a polite way to object, ‘You’re….. and Marcia’s….. well, you know….’
‘You don’t think I carry a bikini in my ice field kit do you?’ said Marcia, ‘besides I never wear one when I go swimming.’
I really couldn’t think of anything to say to that, so I just stood there feeling silly, and somewhat amused.
‘So this is where you all are?’ Oliver said from behind me.
‘Yep. Sure thing.’ I said and folded my arms.
‘Are we having fun yet?’ Jared shouted.
‘Are we ever!’ Oliver replied; and pulled his vest top over his head, ‘you the odd one out Milly?’
‘No.’ I said coolly, as Oliver stripped down to his boxers, ‘Look, I’m not getting wet.’
‘Suit yourself.’ Marcia said and dived underwater.
Oliver tossed the sturdy underwear onto a low tree branch and waded in quickly. He pulled away from the edge with powerful strokes, and then turned treading water. Actually the coolness of that dappled pool did look inviting. I thought about it logically for about ten seconds then: ‘Here goes…’ and dumping everything quickly in one pile I slid into the cool glassy liquid. I dipped my head under for the first time, and somehow opened my eyes. It was so refreshing I came up to the surface gasping. I tried a few strokes outwards from the bank. The water was clear and fairly shallow. I plunged under again and saw an assortment of brightly coloured pebbles at the bottom. Actually they reflected colours as if they had quartz or some other crystal within them. I came back up to breathe and tread water. The others were swimming lazily a little way from me. Taking a breath, I went down again, and kicked twice to reach the bed of the pool. They were smallish to pebbles some of which could fit in the palm of my hand. I picked one up that seemed to have a mixture of purple crystals and gold speckles. I broke the surface with it in my hand and chugged my way to shore. I was cold for a few moments as the water evaporated off my skin. I put the special pebble on top of the pile of clothes after retrieving my shorts from underneath. I sat quite still as I dried in the warm air. Oliver did two more circuits there and back to the opposite side of the pool, and then swam back towards my side. He rose out of the water like a great bear and shook the water out of his eyes.
‘We’ll meet you down the other path in a few minutes.’ said Jared from further around the edge. I saw a shimmering reflection of two figures emerging from the water as I sat on the shore lacing my boots back on. Lastly I put the round smooth pebble in the thigh pocket of the utility trousers.
We all walked slowly back to the edge of the forest to examine the marker. Oliver and I walked in front, with Jared and Marcia following. The wood was alive with birds and insects. I thought they might bite us, until Marcia pointed out that they were attracted to the flowers. I saw an iridescent winged insect dart across my path. It was an enormous dragonfly. Well, it certainly looked like it to me. Oliver thought it looked too big for that, but acknowledged he wasn’t really expert in such matters.
We waited by the forest eaves. The shadow in the sand had a little way to go. Oliver sat with his back against a tree sharpening twigs with his knife. Jared whispered something to Marcia. He settled himself against some smooth grey boulders in leafy shadow, as Marcia lay down with her head on his lap. He bent over her and said something else I couldn’t hear. She smiled up at him then closed her eyes. I lay down in the shade and let my mind drift. I must have been half dreaming then, because I thought I heard someone whisper my name. In my mind’s eye I saw a new cave filled with packing cases. I heard my name spoken again. It sounded like Janey. I opened my eyes. Nothing moved. Even Oliver was sleeping with his head drooping a little to one side. Jared and Marcia were dozing too. Their fingers laced together creating a perfect arc of two arms that mirrored each other like a classical sculpture. I just watched them. This transition that I had blunderingly it seemed, in some part helped create the right moment for, and now discretely witnessed: where friends also became lovers, was a thing that girls from the world that I knew liked to bitterly parody; and
boys mercilessly mocked. Here I saw it wasn’t like that at all. I had no real words for what I was seeing between my two friends. Something beautiful, complex, deep...with a back story I was not privy to. But this place made room for such tenderness. If Eve in all her innocence could be sat here with her Adam, I could not see greater peace and stillness as I saw in Marcia's face that day. And I was not envious, rather I was glad; here was proof (I tried not to think of Janey then) and as another dragonfly darted and hovered, I looked down at the patch of grass I was sitting on, and reaching out with my fingertips I drew a pattern in the sandy earth: a familiar set of shapes joined in a chain. I realised then we could all love if we chose to do so. The opportunity presents itself many times; but not all friends who love each other need to be lovers. The “One” (for so I had been taught) must have something other than that. A spark of divine energy perhaps? Or a deep yearning that could not be quenched by time or circumstances? I wondered if this would ever happen to me. Then risked a thought; that perhaps it already had.
*****
Eighteen
'I find your words a little…. Strange.’ Andre held the sharp metal stylus in his right hand.
‘It is customary,’ said Jared, ‘to ask a person if they wish this to be done to them; where I come from.’
‘Oh….’ Andre was very still for several seconds, ‘Then the mark must be made by your Chief lady.’
‘What?’ Marcia was startled, then said to Jared: ‘Now look here! I don’t have the knowledge! It’s simply not hygienic. Please explain to these people why not!’
Jared put his hands on her shoulders to calm her, ‘Marcia… Marcia look at me.’
‘Yes…. Ok.’ She looked petulant.
‘It will be ok. I promise. But this is something we should do. Trust me.’ Then Jared turned to Heelio who stood by absolutely relaxed and patiently still.