by A M Russell
All too soon (it was really two hours later), we gripped the lip of the incline and descended the first grassy slope onto the wide tableland. For a few minutes the sun came out. I looked back. I saw only the sky. We crossed this flat land, and it was then that I knew we had officially left the Cloud Fields behind. The next slope pitched us forward and downwards and brought the clouds in at the same moment. We continued onwards. Now over the hill spurs with the shreds of low clouds clinging to us like the unquiet dead. Then we slowed. The last stretch. An uncomfortable up and down, the lurching of the suspension in the wriggling curls of hillocks and rocks. I had forgotten the unpleasantness of that beginning, now at the end. I forgot everything else then; I just wanted it to stop.
There were some reedy plants and a rocky puddled road. The mist was more uniform here and the visibility was again reduced. Things loomed out of the background in pearly dampness. I saw a simple orange light flashing. We entered the compound and the gates closed behind us. We drove the vehicles into the sheds and waited for the doors to close and the lights to come on. Oliver and James were the first to climb out. They had their personal packs with them. They were ushered straight through to the debriefing room by two technicians.
Adam and Curly were next. Then it was our turn. There was some delay, while Joe spoke to one of them in a low voice.
‘What’s going on?’ I asked. Jules was awake now and seemed confused by the fact that we were actually back. Nikolas sat and fiddled with the camera some more. I watched the door in the back wall. Eventually we were waved through. Two people that I recognised as some of George's staff came to us.
‘You don’t need to be debriefed by security.’ said one.
‘Medical exemption.’ said the other.
Joe glanced at me. We picked up our stuff. The two guys; Kyle and Sam lifted out the personal kit bags.
We were whizzed past the debriefing rooms and into a room with pleasant warm colours and two big coppery coloured settees. Jules immediately flopped down in one. Joe had been leading him on the way down the corridor. Familiar smells of wooden furniture and even the arrangement of pot plants made the whole thing seem quite relaxing. I sat near to Jules. He looked at me, silently tripping out.
‘He’ll start to be more like himself this afternoon.’ said Joe as he passed me and sat down next to Nikolas.
‘Thank you Joe; for patching me up.’ I said it just for something to do.
The two guys Kyle and Sam brought us a tea tray and biscuits. I took the mug and sank myself into the lovely enwrapping couch.
Joe tried to encourage Jules to have a drink. He eventually sat back in the deep cushions sipping at the steaming cup. Nikolas was a lot more himself and chatted to Joe while they worked their way down the biscuits.
‘We are just waiting for Dr Rhodes.’ Sam came back, with a fresh pot of tea, ‘sorry about the wait.’
‘The rest of our team will have a quick question and answer session at the end of the debrief.’ said Joe to me, ‘then we’ll get the Doctor for longer.’
‘Him again?’ I asked.
‘No.’ Joe stirred his tea, ‘the Psychiatrist. The physical will be after that if it’s needed. She probably will do that as well.’ He twisted the mug out of Jules’ hand, as he sank backwards into the chair. He was almost asleep. I put my cup down too. I suddenly felt like crying. My arm hurt. And I missed Janey so badly I felt I couldn’t breathe. I stared up at the wooden panelled ceiling. Joe was watching over all of us like a mother hen. I sat back up and tired of waiting, looked towards the doors. Nikolas was sitting back with his legs stretched out and his eyes closed as if thinking deeply. I turned to Jules. He had rolled towards me and was curled up in the squashy cushions. Somewhere in my head was a faint memory of when I had first met him. He tended always to watch the others and not involve himself. He was the longest serving expedition member left. Yet so young! He might have seen many other things that were frightening and horrible. Marcia's history lesson had convinced me of that. Why now did his mind crumble and break? I wanted to feel better myself. But like a tide turning, the pain came back; firstly physical, accentuated by the exhaustion. Then in my heart and my gut a cutting torment of guilt and anguish about Jared mainly; all this overlaid with a veil of the flashing images of that moment Marcia fell. I wanted them to hurry on with the medical so I could go and find her....
Suddenly the silence in the room was broken as people came in through the furthest door. Dr Rhodes, the two technicians Kyle and Sam and behind them George!
Everyone except Jules reacted.
'Please sit gentlemen.' said Dr Rhodes. We did as she asked and the others did the same.
George nodded to her. She went straight to Jules and knelt down on the floor.
'Jules!' she called to him softly. No response. She put one of her long cool hands on his cheek. Like all of us he was unshaven and rather scruffy looking. She looked at Joe; 'We need the exact dosage and times of all medication.'
'He was drugged too, before we retrieved him.' I said.
'Right...' she said looking carefully at his face. I noticed she hadn't removed her hand, but stoked his cheek above the beard, as if he were a small child she was comforting.
'Do you know what they gave him?'
'No idea' I said, 'but it might have been in the food he ate.'
'Very well.' she stood then, 'George will give the debrief to Joe and Nikolas. I will perform the due process with you and Jules here. The thing is....' she lowered her voice even more, 'there have been some major changes, and various, Umm.... Protocols have been superseded with updated instructions.'
George spoke for the first time, It was light and conversational; I began to wonder if the room was bugged.
'We all leave Base in one hour. Don't question. Don't show any alarm. Sam and Kyle are my own staff. They will collect the locked cases for you to open and take your personal effects. All kit bags will remain unopened and go into a minibus in the car park in the next ten minutes. Any remaining kit will be locked in storage here. The general technicians will do that. Any sharp objects you can put in here right now.'
Kyle held out a heavy canvas bag.
'What?' I said; but Dr Rhodes looked at me with a mild yet penetrating stare and I didn't continue. Between us we had three hunting knives; a multi-tool; a small pen knife, and a set of craft knives (Nikolas used them to trim photos). I was irritated and felt like being demanding and unpleasant. But also the side of me that listened to sense saw that there was a very good reason for this off-piste approach.
'In one hour.' said George, to Dr Rhodes, 'be there. Whatever happens.'
Joe and Nikolas left with George and Kyle. Sam lifted Jules up easily and we followed Dr Rhodes out of there and down a little passageway into a cramped medical bay.
Sam put Jules on the raised couch. Dr Rhodes shut the door and dropped the catch.
'Ok Milnes. Sit down.' She checked me quickly. 'Any dizziness, any sounds, smells or other sensory experiences not brought on by the immediate environment?'
'No. But I....'
'Any pain in your head; behind your eyes, or anything else such as difficulty swallowing, heaviness in your chest?'
'Yes. It does ache here.' I pointed to my breast bone.
'That is the adrenaline. I could give you something for it but there’s no time.'
She turned to Jules then but carried on speaking. 'We need to leave. Very soon. I'll give you some analgesics for the arm. Tonight may be a better time to have a look at it. Your dressing is not too tight?'
'No. It's fine.'
'Good. Sam, get that case will you. Give Milnes three of the tablets. Use the water in my flask. Yes....that one there. Not out of the tap.'
She bent over Jules. I swallowed the meds. Sam carefully tipped the rest of the water from my tumbler down the small sink next to Dr Rhodes' bench.
'Joe only gave you a sedative. So what is going on here?' The doctor was speaking half to herself, 'What shall we do Sam?
'
'He has to appear fit to leave the compound. We could give him a stimulant.'
'To risky. He was manic last night. It could pull the mind apart. His psyche is fragile at best.' She turned to me, 'What is it that makes you feel better, I mean really better?'
'I don't know....' I was scared and trying to hang on to all the unknown factors without panic.
She looked at him again, lying there. It was as if all that was left was a shell; as if his spirit had gone to a happy place to escape the darkness of this one. 'Come on Jules, what do you need?' she bent over him. His eyes flickered open.
'Violette...' he said, and gazed up at her as if she was a vision he could not reach. A track of salt wetness trembled on his lower lashes then ran suddenly down. 'I must be dead. Am I Violette? I'm in prison. They won't let me out. I'd rather die.... Please don't go. I want to stay here. I want to dream about you.' He shut his eyes again.
'We've got ten minutes.' said Sam with a warning tone.
'I thought George said "in an hour".' the pain relief was working, which meant so was my brain again.
'He lied,' she said, 'in case the audio was switched on. It isn't in that room in most cases.' she turned to Sam. 'Take Davey Milnes. Make sure all the stuff is in the boxes in the minibus with George. I'll think of something.'
I got to my feet. My head was clearing. 'Look. It's obvious. It's a bloody hangover. Three things.' I tried to count on my fingers and couldn't lift my hand up far enough.'
'Oh yeah!' Sam smiled and reached under the cabinet. 'Whiskey!'
Violette clicked her kettle on; 'and black coffee...'
'And the third thing is...' I said looking at her.
'What?!' her appearance of the arctic blonde with the cool professional demeanour, was replaced with a cross between panicky frustration, and embarrassed empathy. Two bars of colour high on her cheeks and some wisps of hair escaping the neat chignon gave it away.
To give her credit she regained her composure within a few seconds.
‘As you say… there are three things. Sam, get my coat and brief case. It’s in the small office next door.’
We undid the door. I stood just outside the door and waited for Sam to nip into the other room for the items. I looked up and down the corridor. The light was funny here. The natural light from outside was grey and unpleasant. Like at the top of a mountain.
‘Crikey. It’s snowing!’ said Sam as he slung Dr Rhodes’ case over his shoulder, ‘Here, hold that.’
I took the long wool coat. It had a faint smell of perfume emanating from it. The door was ajar. We looked through. Five minutes had passed. She appeared to be talking softly to him. So softly we couldn’t hear it. She held the coffee cup in one hand. He looked up at her and took it. Sipped a few times, and then gave it her back.
‘Doctor, The weather is changing again… just like it did yesterday.’
I felt a faint prickle in my skin as Sam spoke. Sam leaned round the door jamb, pushing me back into the room as he did so. Jules was looking at us now; awake, but rather startled. She gave him the whiskey.
‘Now you believe me?’ she said to him.
‘It’s too good for that lot of crooks. So I’d say yes I do. He took a large gulp of it; ‘It’s very good.’
She smiled and held up the coffee cup. ‘Doctor’s orders. All of it please.’
‘It needs sugar in it.’ said Jules.
‘I don’t have any.’ she looked at us; ‘Really boys! Go see if George is here to collect us.’
As Sam turned back George was walking briskly towards us down the corridor. He had a pile of jackets over one arm.
I turned back to the half open door.
‘Jules,’ she said, ‘Do you remember what I told you?’
‘Not all of it.’ He was staring at her face. She took the cup from his hand.
‘We are going to get out of here. Go away from Main Base to somewhere that is safe.’ She put her hand on his cheek again.
‘I’m confused,’ Jules blinked, ‘where have I been?’
‘Don’t think about it Jules.’
‘I want to forget.’ he said
‘I know. Listen to me Julian Alexander Rosen. I am here for you, really here for you. Will you stay with me now? We can all leave. But you have to let security see you just for a moment. You need to be alright. You have to just think of something really good. Do you remember the breathing exercises we all did?’
‘Yes. Yes I do.’
‘Just focus on those. Think really clearly about something that fills your whole mind with a positive idea. That feel good idea remember?’ she glanced at us, ‘Coats please.’
Jules slid off the bench onto the floor standing straight up to his full height again. Dr Rhodes put her coat on. Sam passed her the brief case.
‘We’re good.’ she said, as Jules slid easily into the hooded jacket.
‘Oh… Hi Davey.’ He said to me as if he’d just noticed my presence.
George nodded; ‘Everyone else is in the van. Are you taking the Range Rover?’
‘Yes. I’ll take mine. You set off now. We’ll see you tomorrow.’
George nodded in acknowledgement. He quickly left us.
Dr Rhodes felt around in her pocket for car keys.
‘Right. Follow me. And remember. Be casual. Be cool. If anyone asks anything, I’ll do the talking!’
‘Right then.’ I said.
She smiled at me; ‘Jared is so like you. You know. He’s so like you I would have thought you were related. Or could be well cousins.’
‘What?’ Someone passed us in the corridor. None of us made eye contact with them.
‘Just remember what I just said, because we’re going to go through the place that makes everything fold up… do you recall that feeling.’
Somewhere inside something in me responded. For a Nano-second I knew exactly what she was getting at. Then it dropped down into my subconscious to be retrieved later.
‘We’re not going to the car park.’ Jules said.
‘It’s alright; it’s alright;’ she took his arm, ‘It’s my car. But if it’s ok I want Davey to ride up front.’
‘Yeah… Sure.’ Jules sounded doubtful again.
We came to a set of double doors and passed through them to another set. Through two windows we could see horizontal snow blowing into the little tarmacked space behind the canteen. Now I knew whose car it was…
‘Doctor Rhodes! Just a moment!’ someone came rushing up behind us as we stood in the little space between outer and inner doors. We all had to push back into the corridor to show we were happy to follow protocol. You were supposed to put all gloves on and fasten all closures on zips etc. before going outside, even at Main Base. Odd really.
‘Oh Dr Rhodes, I’m glad I caught you.’ It was a shortish guy of indeterminate age wearing a cardigan in that peculiar way that science-type people often find so unfashionably symbolic of their profession. He pushed glasses back up his nose. He tipped his head backwards to peer at us in a questioning way.
‘You are going somewhere Dr Rhodes?’
‘Yes. Home. My shift ended twenty minutes ago.’
‘Ah! And who are these gentlemen?’
‘Oh! Angelo! You are so funny! These are my new recruits. I was showing them round today. The visit is on the general diary. Did you see it?’
‘I’ve only just arrived myself. Have they been through security? You really should leave by the main doors.’
‘Of course. Yes. Sorry. It’s just my car is parked here. Outside. And the weather is so bad this afternoon….’
The guy stood there obviously torn between doubt and that habit of trust for an established member of staff who was taking a little liberty, as it might seem from his point of view. I saw that see-saw of uncertainty in his eyes.
‘Well. Dr Rhodes, all the same. I would feel better if you took your visitors out of the main doors. You will have to get them to sign out won’t you?’
‘Yes. Yes! I
’m so sorry I forgot that…. I’ve had a lot of new people to see today.’
‘Well. I’ll just accompany you back to the desk. I have a file to drop off for Dr Reynolds. More new interns for the research bods…’ Angelo with the glasses walked with us back down the corridor. There was no option but to follow him back round to the main desk at the front of the facility. He preceded us. Our dear Violette chatted amiably about things that seemed like the usual fare. The fit of the new lab coats being one. I’ll give the woman credit, she was cooler than any other person in that situation really ought to manage to be. I thought if she paid poker she’d beat us all.
I nudged Sam. He glanced at me with a worried questioning look. I couldn’t see Jules’ face. But he was automatically going with the line we had to take. He might be screwed up. But he certainly was no idiot. He turned and looked at me. I read his expression as he twitched his hand in a gesture, as if holding an invisible object. We’d both got the same thing at the same time;
I whispered to Sam, ‘He’s not carrying a file.’
‘I know.’
‘Violette?’
‘She knows.’ said Sam quietly.
We approached the front desk. I hadn’t a clue what to do. All of our group were still wearing tags except me. I supposed they must have slid out of another entrance ten minutes since.
‘Key log?’ said the woman on the desk without looking up. A wood panelled hatch. Small and friendly like a ticket booth at a cinema.
Dr Rhodes put her code into the key pad that was inlaid into a side panel. Angelo stood there with a rather smug look on his face. I turned a fraction of a quarter turn to see four security guards coming towards us from the reception annex. And to our left two of the admin people stepped from their office. One I remembered. An unattractive woman called Mrs Cardell. She was wearing a battleship grey woolly suit that came to her rather oversized knees. Her short brownish hair was stylishly combed, but her squarish face, which at this moment was frowning in disapproval, meant that we were really in trouble. She held a book in her hand. ‘There’s no visitors to medical today Dr Rhodes. Perhaps you can explain?’