by Avery Rae
"No, it's nothing like that. I just . . ." I tossed my head back to fend off the fresh tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. "Zachariah killed me. My future brother." A bitter laugh burst out of me. "He killed me so that Gael could—I don't know what."
My stomach revolted at the thought. I had been so thoroughly manipulated. I liked Zachariah. I made friends with my murderer. And Gael . . . I let him play me so hard. I had given in so easily, too. I could hardly believe it. Even worse was the fact that I still wanted him. At least my body did. How screwed up is that?
"Oh, darling," Lilith said as she brushed long fingers over my cheek, "I knew you should've joined me. I would've taken such better care of you."
Her touch seemed to penetrate my skin and soothe an ache somewhere deep inside I didn't even know I had. The iridescent scales along the side of her arm glinted in the firelight with each stroke of her fingers, so mesmerizing it took me a moment to find my voice. "Well, I've already finished my trial, so it's too late for me now. All that's left is my judgment."
"Oh, please, have you forgotten I'm part of the Tribunal? You haven't officially been sworn into the Brotherhood, have you? No. Things can still change. I happen to be the most convincing member at that table, too." She winked. "Millions of years and they still can't get enough of me. Trust me when I say I can sway any one of them."
"I couldn't ask you for that."
She touched a finger to my lips. "You're not asking. I'm telling. You don't need to live that life. I see the overwork written all over you. The afterlife should be a break for someone like you. You've done your time. The Brotherhood is for grunts. They're one step above the worker bees, sweetheart. You deserve to be a queen with me."
Lilith turned and walked away, leaving me with my thoughts. Her hips swayed with a hypnotic grace that was enviable, but I wasn't sure that was what I wanted to become.
Sure, it was tempting. Far too tempting. I couldn't stop stretching myself so thin that it broke me time and time again. If given the opportunity with the Brotherhood, I would repeat those same patterns over and over. It was inevitable. I couldn't break the cycle.
I thought back to that warehouse, then the grandmother. All of those evil, tortured souls flitting around and running after them, cleaning up the chaos they created. I honestly didn't know if I could stomach it. I wouldn't be able to rest when those souls were Earth-side. With someone like Lilith, maybe I stood a chance of relaxing for once. I could spend eternity relaxed and carefree. But I wasn't even sure that was what I wanted. It went against everything I knew. And yet . . .
"I'll do it."
"That's my girl," she purred. "We'll begin preparations for the ceremony straight away."
"Don't I have to go through some sort of trial?"
"No, darling, the only trial is my approval, and I've wanted you since I first saw you. Now, come, let's go get you ready."
She held her hand out, but I shook my head. "Can I have a couple hours?"
I wasn't sure why I needed the extra time. Maybe because some part of me was still waiting for Gael to come after me. To give me closure, I suppose. To explain that it was all one big misunderstanding. But it was just too convenient. He told me he'd been following me. When had I gone from he's a stalker to he's boyfriend material? Becoming a demon had apparently really screwed up my barometer for that sort of thing.
"Of course you can have some time." Lilith gave me a wide smile as she brushed her fingers over my shoulder. "All I ask is that you take an oath. I would hate to prepare my maidens for you, then you change your mind."
"I won't change my mind. There's nothing else here for me, is there?" My heart ached to say those words, but it was true.
Lilith's smile faltered, then she nodded. "I'm sorry that this is how we had to come together, but trust me, it's for the best. May I?"
She took my hand and brought it to her mouth. I winced as she pricked a hole with one of her fangs, but the pain eased just as quickly. She did the same with hers, then pressed our palms together with a smile.
"There. A blood oath." She touched her free hand to my hair. "We will be bound soon, and I promise, everything will be so much better for you."
I wished that were true.
After parting ways with Lilith, I trekked back to theBrotherhood's fortress. As the calm wind blew glowing embers through the air, I stared up at the towering stronghold. It was stunning how quickly this place had gone from a prison to a reluctant home to a place I would be leaving. So little time had passed, yet it felt like an eternity. The afterlife was weird like that, I suppose. Things moved faster down here not because of magic, but because it was do or die.
I was about to take a step forward, toward the massive double doors, when I heard the rushed sound of booted feet thudding against the ash-covered ground behind me. In time with each step, my heart built to a steady thrum. I knew it was him. He had come for me, just like I wanted. Now was my chance to get closure before I made my choice.
He came to a stop behind me, his breathing labored, like he'd run straight from the portal. He touched a hand to my shoulder. I wanted to lean into his touch, but I stiffened my body instead. My mind and my body might not agree, but I would make them if I had to.
"Why did you leave?" he asked.
"Why did you have me killed?"
"I didn't—"
"Stop lying to me." I jerked my shoulder from his grip and turned around to face him.
"Prissy, you can't really believe that. I admit it was my fault you died, I never should have spent so long watching you, but you have to know that I didn't ask him to do that."
A hollow laugh fell from my lips. "How would I know that, exactly? I barely know you. All I know is you're a demon, and that I was stupid enough to trust you. God, Lilith was right. About everything."
His furious expression died in an instant. "What does she have to do with any of this?"
"She offered to take me in. Away from people like you."
"You're going to leave your fate in the hands of Lilith?" Gael shouted. "How could you be so stupid?"
"What's so wrong with that? How is that any worse than leaving my fate to anyone else here?"
"You join Lilith and you become a succubus, Prissy. Are you really so mad at me that you decided joining Hell's harem was a better choice?"
"Stop calling me Prissy," I whispered as I tried to hide the tremble in my voice. "You don't get to do that anymore. You lied to me over and over. I thought it was weird that a demon would save me. I questioned it, but then I just . . . let it go. I was so stupid."
"You can't tell me that you honestly believe I wanted this. I never once—"
"Stop." I looked up at him with hard eyes. "You're the person who told me time and time again not to trust anyone down here, yet you let me trust you. It's almost funny that it took me so long to piece it all together. Lilith might be a snake, but at least she doesn't try to hide it."
"Tell me this, would you? Have you seen a single succubus yet?"
"I've only seen Lilith."
"Exactly. Because the factions of Hell are eternally at war, Prissy. By joining Lilith, you're signing yourself over to her. I won't see you again unless we're killing or fucking each other."
"So what? I should be your ill-gotten prize instead?"
"I don't want to own you, I just want . . ."
"It doesn't matter what you want anymore." I lifted my hand to show him my palm. It had already healed over, but there was still a faint pink mark on my skin. "I took an oath."
"You gave her a blood oath?"
"I swore that I would undertake her ceremony."
He gritted his teeth and thrust his hands into his hair, turning around with a frustrated growl. "I knew that you would run on me at some point, but holy shit, I could never have estimated just how badly you would fuck it all up."
"Goodbye to you, too, Gael." I regarded him for a moment, numb and emotionless, then turned and walked inside. I wandered through the halls until
I ended up in the common room. I sat at the table and stared at the fire. I wasn't sure how long I had sat there, just thinking about my fate, when Lucas strode into the common room.
Atlas bounded in behind him, then rushed over to my side. I was going to have to give him up, too, wasn't I? I curled my arms around his large neck and he let out a confused whine. I didn't even realize I was crying until I saw the droplets beading on his black fur. Lucas took a seat at the end of the table. I looked up at him with a small smile, as if that would hide my tears.
"Did you hear?" I asked.
"Hard not to. We heard Gael screaming all the way from the portal on our way back."
I snorted. "He's that mad because his little plan didn't work out, huh?"
"What plan are you talking about? Because from where I'm sitting, he about fucked up his life. I don't know what sort of divine intervention got you through your trials, but you should've died against that warrior. You weren't fit to fight. Not yet."
Lilith. She was the reason why I beat that warrior. I should be happy that she helped me, yet at the same time, it didn't sit quite right. Ever since I walked into that room, she had looked at me like she knew me. Like she had already picked out exactly where I fit in her world. Maybe I just belonged with her all along.
"Yeah, I know," I replied, indifferent. "He risked his soul burning for eternity to bring me here."
Lucas gave me a dark look, much darker than I'd ever seen from him before. "No, that was where your soul would've ended up. If you had failed your trial, he wouldn't have just been sent to the pits with you. Ronove would've personally claimed his soul for his collection. He loves demon souls. Burning is one thing, but being subjected to a madman's torture for eternity is another. Why the hell do you think we're not all just running around making demons? It's not worth the risk."
"What?" My mouth suddenly went dry and my heart slammed against my chest. I was running down the hallway before I even realized what I was doing. None of this made sense. Why would he have Zachariah kill me, then risk his very soul to save me? It wasn't worth it. I wasn't worth it. If I had failed . . . I needed answers. I needed them now.
And I knew exactly where Gael would be. I slammed open the door to the training room. He stood there, shirtless and glistening with sweat, eyes already on me, as if he knew I had been outside that door a second before.
"You back to tell me how much you hate me again?"
"I'll save that for later." I forced the door shut behind me and strode forward, unwilling to give him any chance to dodge me this time. "First, you need to tell me why you did this. Why me? I'm nobody, Gael. You don't risk everything just so you can lay dynamite at your feet and strike a match."
He closed his eyes and bit down on his lower lip to stifle a short, humorless laugh. "No, you don't, because that would be stupid, wouldn't it?"
"It's time for you to tell me already." I shoved him in the chest, teeth bared. "I want to know why. What was your big plan?"
"You don't get it, do you?"
"Why did you do it?" I went to shove him again, some part of me hoping I could knock the answer loose. Anything to get him to stop speaking in riddles and just tell me what I needed to hear. Before I hit his chest, his hands snapped up and he grabbed my wrists, then jerked me in close. But he still wasn't talking.
"Why?" I repeated.
"Because I was stupid," he bit out through clenched teeth. "I almost let you die, you know that? It would've been so much fucking easier, too."
"Tell me why," I urged.
"What more do you want to hear? Which part would make you happiest as you turn your back on me and walk away?"
"I want the truth."
"No, you don't. You don't like the truth, Prissy. It screws with those blinders you put on."
I twisted my hands out of his grasp and jerked his head down, fingers digging into the back of his neck.
"I need you to take my blinders off," I pleaded, searching his eyes. "Please. You know I'm my own worst enemy. I can't see if you won't help me."
I wasn't sure what had come over me, but I suddenly felt like crying. All of that burning hatred that got me here was spent. Used up. My eyes stung with unshed tears. Some part of me knew I had fucked it all up. That it was me. Like it always was. I had ruined something. Something that had the potential to be great in a sea of bad.
"Gael," I said, my voice breaking. "Please."
He brought a hand up to cup my cheek and something tender flashed in his eyes. "You know it's too late."
"I don't care," I choked out over the thick knot that formed in my throat. "Tell me."
"Once. I saw you that one time. That was all it took to burn your presence inside me forever. The first thing I did when I ended up Earth-side was go look for you. Longer than I'd care to admit. You were this fucking beacon of good to me. Nobody like you had ever tried to help me before. So I watched you. I tried not to, but I couldn't stop myself. The more I got to know you, the harder it became to pull away."
His hand tensed around my cheek, then loosened. He gently stroked a thumb over my skin. "I couldn't stop finding my way to you. Every time I went above. I felt sick in the head. I watched you unraveling more and more with each day. It wasn't until I saw you dying that I realized that the reason I felt so fucking messed up—off-center, disorganized, obsessed—was because your flaws were so much like mine and I loved you for it."
There it was. The truth. Not only in his words, but his touch and his eyes. Through the burning colors that reflected mine, I saw that he meant it. And, in a moment that crushed me from the inside out, I saw the hurt that was there, too. I wanted to scream and cry, shout and punch until I was numb. It wasn't fair. The worst part was that his truth was mine.
That overwhelming feeling that ripped me apart from the moment our eyes met. It wasn't fear or hatred—it was something so much worse. In one fiery instant, I had grown to love him so fiercely that it nearly destroyed me.
Not nearly.
It had.
"Gael, I—" His lips sealed mine shut with a kiss that robbed me of any sense but touch. The feeling of his lips against mine, devouring everything I gave him with a passion that couldn't be matched by anyone else. A passion that was uniquely keyed to me.
And I had let it go to waste.
He let it go to waste.
We let it.
Through the fog of his hungry kiss clouding my mind, I heard the door slide open. I slid my arms around his neck and pressed myself close, memorizing the feeling of his body against mine. Lean, hard, and perfect. He slid a hand to the small of my back and clasped me even tighter.
The click of sharp, pointed heels against the stone invaded my consciousness, pulling me further away from him no matter how close we tried to get. She shouldn't be here. Why was she here?
Please. I take it back.
But Gael was right. It was too late. A hand fell on my arm like the slice of an executioner's blade. I jolted and pulled away from Gael. His lips were swollen and bleeding. I touched my fingers to my own lips and found red on my fingertips. With tears stinging painfully at the corners of my eyes, I turned my head to the side.
"Priscilla, my darling," Lilith said with a sharp-toothed smile, "it's time for you to shed your old skin."
Still holding back my tears, I took a step toward her. She gave me a satisfied smile and beckoned me to follow as she headed toward the door. The hypnotic sway of her hips, once something I found beautiful, now made me sick as I started after her.
I heard Gael dart forward, then felt him grab me by the wrist, his grip biting. "Prissy, please, don't—"
Lilith pivoted on her heel and hissed, "You lost your chance, mutt."
She yanked me from his grasp. I felt the burn it left on my wrist. I couldn't hide my surprise as I stumbled forward and smacked into her deceptively soft form. She was so strong. If the demons of the Brotherhood could lift cars, I had a feeling that she could lift mountains. I stared up at her in wonder and fear. Every
thing about her was a reminder of how much more I still had to learn about this place.
Which made me even more of a fool for agreeing so suddenly to this change. Especially now that Gael had told me the truth. As Lilith dragged me from the room, I looked over my shoulder at Gael. His head was down, fists clenched at his sides, knuckles white. As if he sensed my eyes on him, he looked up.
I dug my heels into the ground, but it didn't affect the pleasure demon in the slightest. Yet I still had to ask him something. One more question that was more a confession of my regrets than a search for answers. "Why couldn't you have just told me from the start?"
"It wouldn't have changed anything. Not then." He gave me a sad smile. "Because neither of us are that functional, are we?"
"No, we're not," I replied. The words I wanted to say after that were so simple, yet they died in my throat. I swallowed them like a bitter pill as I turned my head back around.
I wish we were.
21
Priscilla
Silk had never felt so rough. It was like sandpaper against my skin. My body jerked from side to side, front and back, as Lilith's maidens dressed me for the ceremony. I couldn't bring myself to look at them—at what I would become.
In a glance, I saw that they were achingly beautiful. They had the same green eyes as Lilith, slitted pupils and all. Would I get those eyes as well? Would my only reminder of Gael be replaced by Lilith's blood? I could hardly think with the rich, cloying scent of incense, perfumes, and oils clouding the air.
Feeling a prick in my arm, I jerked it away. I bared my teeth at the offending succubus to my right, only to recoil when she dipped her head and flicked an unnaturally long tongue over the spot of blood on my arm.
"Delilah," she said with a smile.
"Usually people introduce themselves prior to licking," I replied with a grimace.
Her smile grew as she tilted her head to the side. "But we're not people, are we?"
"Yeah, well, I was not that long ago. So maybe hold it in."