“I also said he didn’t want to know,” I replied to her, then turned back to them. “It’s just a stupid joke. You know how girls are, get a few Cosmo’s in us and it’s all giggling and boy talk.”
“Boy talk,” Richard repeated flatly, clearly unconvinced. “Okay then, how did my brother, whom you’ve never met, come up during boy talk?”
Charlotte laughed again, covering her eyes with embarrassment. Seeing this reaction, and really from the whole situation itself, I couldn’t help but laugh along with her. This only spurred the guys on, and they insisted we tell them the joke.
“Okay, well, you remember when Lizzy—” Char started.
“No,” I held up a hand, already feeling my face warm up. “You tell Richard, I will tell Darcy, we will all pretend this conversation never happened.” I grabbed Darcy and led him away.
“Well?” he asked after we had made it about a block.
“Do you really want to know?” I asked, shaking my head with a smile. “It’s so stupid,”
“I have to know now,” he told me. “Anything that makes you blush must be worth it.”
I sighed, looking heavenward.
“Char and I were talking about her and Richard,” I started. “And she mentioned how…” I trailed off.
“How…?” he prompted.
“How great the sex was,” I finished with another laugh. He grimaced, turning away. “I told you that you didn’t want to know. Anyway, you already know I told her how good you are in bed,”
At this he still looked uncomfortable, but he was also beginning to look pleased. “So, we talked about genetics, and I mentioned there was one more male cousin involved, and we began discussing prospects.”
“Let me get this straight,” his eyes narrowed. “You two are having serious discussions about what the chances are that Henry is good in bed?”
“No,” I drew out the word, pursing my lips. “Not serious discussions,” I grinned.
“Did you tell him?” Charlotte asked as she and Richard rejoined us.
“Uh huh,” I nodded. “Did you tell him?”
“No.” Richard held out his hands. “No one said anything about anyone else’s sex life, or my brother, or my cousin.” He grimaced. “Moving on.”
Char and I both laughed at this reaction but Richard pointed at us disapprovingly.
“And no giggling,” he
∞∞∞
Richard was a bit distant for the rest of the night, and anytime Charlotte and I shared a laugh he looked reproachfully at us. Still, he offered Charlotte a ride home, which I was pretty sure meant back to his place. At least, Darcy made me the same offer, and that’s where we ended up.
I thought Richard was far more upset about the whole discussion, so I was surprised when Darcy brought it up again.
“If you’re wondering about how good someone else is in bed,” he said as he laid a hand on my hip, “I must not be doing my job right,”
“It was purely intellectual curiosity,” I said with a smirk. “I’m not about to seek out firsthand knowledge.”
“We either need to find someone with the right experience, or bite the bullet and do the research ourselves,” he quoted with a heavy look.
I licked my lip somewhat nervously. “Charlotte said that,” I reminded him.
“Still,” he said, taking out the barrette so my hair fanned my face, then grabbing a fistful of it. “I might have to step up my game.”
“Step it up?” My eyebrows rose and I know he felt the shiver that ran down my spine. “How is that possible?”
He gave me a predatory grin and backed me into the bedroom, his hands already slipping underneath my clothes.
∞∞∞
I was laying with him half on top of me, his head nestled in the crook of my neck. My body felt boneless, and I’m not sure I could move for anything short of an emergency; even then it would take great effort. I managed to raise my arm and run it through his hair affectionately.
“So,” he murmured, kissing my neck before adjusting his weight off of me. I whimpered at the loss of contact, so he shifted again, resting his head back on my shoulder, entwining a leg with mine, and tucking an arm around me. “Did that put any intellectual curiosities about other men out of your mind?”
I had no idea how he was able to string so many words together when I was still nothing but jelly.
“What?” I finally asked.
He chuckled at my confusion, kissing my neck again.
“Never mind.” He grinned in an arrogant way I felt like I should comment on, but after the experience I’d just had, I decided a little pride might be well deserved.
∞∞∞
The next day, Charlotte invited me out to lunch. It wasn’t long before the topic of the illustrious Henry Fitzwilliam came up.
“I thought I might die of embarrassment when we had to explain why we were so interested in Richard’s brother,” she said with a small smile. “And then when Richard went and pouted all night, I was afraid he was totally turned off by our inappropriate conversation topics.”
“I feel a but coming on,” I replied with amusement.
“But,” she grinned, “When we got back to his place, Richard seemed to have something to prove.”
“Interesting,” I said lightly.
“Will did too,” Charlotte guessed from my reaction. I grinned at her. “Okay, they are scary similar. How can we not be curious about the third musketeer?”
“There’s no way we can ask any more questions about him,” I shook my head. “We’ll just have to wait for a chance meeting and see for ourselves.”
“See for ourselves?” she repeated, both eyebrows raised.
“You know what I mean,” I huffed with a smile. “See him, talk with him, get a sense of him; make an educated guess.”
“I guess you’re right,” she sighed. “For now, let’s put the matter of Henry Fitzwilliam to bed.” I gave her a look and she grinned playfully, “Sort to speak.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Backsliding
I had a bit of an emotional regression after my conversation with Charlotte.
The notion that Darcy and I were so close that we were basically a couple in every sense but name was hard to process. It was an old panic, a familiar feeling of not wanting to tie myself down to another person.
I developed a mantra around this time to easy my anxiety: He’s never called me his girlfriend. With this constantly running through my head, I was able to remain objective.
I could admit to some truths that I convinced myself were way past time to admit, that I should finally acknowledge rather than ignore.
The highlights were that I had come to really like and care for Darcy, that we were a lot more compatible than I could have imagined, and that I wanted to spend more and more time with him.
I also realized that one of the reasons I felt so comfortable with him was that he never pushed me into a role I wasn’t ready for. He never called me his girlfriend—which made me happy, right? He never took issue with how often I called him, and he never assumed I would be spending the weekend with him—though, to be honest, I did this on a regular basis.
This inner dialogue took me a few days to work through, and it was during this time that I reverted slightly to my old ways and put space between us. I made a few excuses of why I couldn’t come over as often as I had been.
At first he took this in stride. Soon, however, I felt him studying me. He grew quieter when we were alone together, more like he had been early on before he slowly became more and more open with me. I felt an almost constant knot of anxiety in my stomach when I thought about how serious we had become, which didn’t help me get over my worries any quicker.
Over the years, with more and more breakups occurring around the fourth or fifth month of dating, I had developed a sort of internal list of signs that things were getting too serious.
The one difference in this familiar sense of panic was that every other time I felt
in danger of being committed to someone, it would take only one of these signs to send me running away.
With Darcy, I felt like I was simply checking things off on a list.
We spent most, if not every weekend together.
We talked daily.
We were exclusive.
I was fine with having some of my stuff at his place.
About the end of my processing time-as I came to think of it— I had one last revelation; there were milestones I had passed with Darcy that I never even made it to before.
I was disappointed when we missed a usual date night.
I slept more peacefully when he was in bed with me.
I blew off times with good friends to spend time with him.
I cared about him, and did what I could to see him smile my exclusive “Darcy is content” smile at me.
So when Darcy called me into his office first thing Monday morning, two weeks after I’d begun backsliding in my behavior, I felt a rush of affection at the sight of him. I could read his eyes so well now, and I saw the surprise at my sudden ease after so many days of pushing him away. My mood dimmed as the thought of how he must have felt about my actions flashed through me.
“Hey.” I heard the contriteness in my voice. I hoped it would ease his mood so I had the chance to stumble through an apology for my jumpy mood less than two weeks after our time together as nurse and patient.
“I wanted to catch you before you got started,” his soft voice sounded wary to my ears, and I had to control a flinch, wishing my commitment issues weren’t flaring up between us. For the first time I didn’t feel defensive for pushing someone away; I felt it was a cowardly thing to do. How much better would it have been if I had just been an adult and told him I needed a little time apart to think?
“An associate of mine is looking for someone to sit in on the development stages of implanting their new network security policy. I thought you would be a good candidate,” he went on to say. “It’s an official request, so you would, for all intents and purposes, be working offsite for DT temporarily.”
This was unexpected, but it was hard not to immediately analyze his reasoning for wanting me to go offsite for what sounded like a few days, at least. Should I feel rejected? Understanding? Did he want me gone, or did he want to see if I would feel relieved at the opportunity to spend yet another weekend away from him?
“For how long?” I finally asked. “What would be expected of me?”
Darcy explained in a little more detail what they needed and what I would have to do, which he expected would take a work week to finish. This other company, an investment firm, was a bit of a drive, though. He offered to have the company put me up in a hotel for the duration.
“How long is the commute?” I wondered.
I didn’t want to take his offer as further evidence of him needing his own distance, but it was hard not to. While I was upset at the thought he might want some time away from me as well, I knew it was irrational. How could I be mad or upset about it when I had just asked… demanded the same thing?
“About an hour and a half, probably more with traffic.” His eyes were locked on my face. I couldn’t help but feel we were having one conversation with our mouths and another with our eyes.
I shrugged. “I suppose it makes more sense to stay the week.” Not going when he was basically asking me to go wouldn’t have been fair. If he needed time, so be it.
“I’ll have it arranged. You should receive an email tonight with a more detailed instruction.” He informed me, blinking away the intensity in his eyes. “Let me know if there’s anything you need. You can text or call me personally.”
“Alright, I will.” I paused long enough to let him know I would take him up on that, so he had better be okay with hearing from me. He blinked back at me, so I looked away, clearing my throat. I bid him goodbye, and then I walked out.
On Tuesday, I walked into the head office of National Financial Services.
As melancholy as I was feeling at this self-imposed separation, one aspect I was especially looking forward to was how no one there knew me, and no one knew who my kind-of-but-not-exactly-official-we-are-really-just-hanging-out-a-lot boyfriend was. I would be able to work and chat with them easily because there was no tense politeness you get from talking to the boss’s lover or girlfriend or… whatever-we-were.
We all jumped right into the first meeting, making progress fairly quickly on developing the new policy and what we needed. It was a small taskforce. There was me, a rep from HR, the head of security, and the head of IT. Twice a day, the finance director, whom I understood to be officially in charge of this project, would stop in.
Unfortunately, there was issue with said finance director, Mr. Reece. I knew he was high up in the company, and had observed how everyone seemed to be intimidated by him. As an outside consultant, I had to be professional. Even so, he had no authority over me. I treated him as an equal and refused to defer to him if I didn’t agree.
He was a few years older, perhaps, than Darcy. He was also a bit more quick to smile. Both were tall, dark, handsome men who wore their confidence and power like a second suit.
Even being on the same temporary team, I didn’t think I would have much one-on-one time with him. Mostly I conferred with the head of IT, Carlos, and had the most opportunity to interact with him. On Tuesday night, however, I found myself alone with Mr. Reece when I stopped in his office to drop off a report Carlos had asked me to finish. Mr. Reece smiled, stood up and offered me a drink.
“Thanks, but I’m about to head out,” I said.
“Listen, Elizabeth,” he poured himself a drink. “I want to speak with you about something.”
“Sure,” I said with a little apprehension.
I perched on the edge of the seat opposite his desk and waited with feigned patience. He calmly closed the bottle of liquor and placed it back on his minibar in the corner. Then, he came over with his drink in one hand to lean against the desk.
“For the sake of not spending a few hours in a lecture on sexual harassment,” he began with an amiable, pleasant smile, “let me be clear and say I am talking to you now as one acquaintance to another, who just happen to both work in the same building for a short period of time, and that nothing you say or do outside of work will affect what happens in the office.”
“O…kay,” I said, bemused.
“I want to take you out on a date,” he stated. My eyes widened a bit at his forwardness.
“Oh, I, uh…” I stuttered, not seeing this coming despite his whole ‘sexual harassment’ spiel. His eyes locked with mine and he gave me an expectant look. I couldn’t help but compare his cold eyes to Darcy’s warm ones and the words were out of my mouth before I could think about them, “I’m sorry, but I’m seeing someone.”
“Actually seeing someone, or do you just need a ready excuse to turn me down gently?” He gave me a charming smile. Once more I was thrown off by his direct way of speaking, but I suppose being blunt was something he had to be in order to have the job he did.
“Actually seeing someone,” I replied, then blinked.
There was no rise of panic in me at this sudden declaration to an almost perfect stranger. The idea that Darcy and I were becoming official had settled into my heart as a done deal now that I finally made myself process my feelings. A wave of relief that I was okay with being serious with another person, for maybe the first time in my life, flowed through me and I felt like I could relax for the first time in a week.
“Well, that’s unfortunate.” He took a drink, shifting a little to the left to get even closer to me. “But I’ll be honest and say my interest in you isn’t going to be cast aside by that fact. I suppose you aren’t the type of woman to cheat?” he asked lightly.
“No, I’m not.” I frowned at him. The feeling of relief evaporated and I was becoming even more uncomfortable.
I was not looking forward to having to leave this job when I’d barely started it, and definitely
not looking forward to Darcy’s inevitable question of why. Still, I would do it in a heartbeat if, despite his opener, Mr. Reece made things difficult for me at work.
He tsked, taking another sip from his glass.
“Well, what will it take for you to come out with me for just one night, to see what I can offer you?” he asked. I paused to make sure I had really heard him correctly.
“Mr. Reece-” I began.
“Sam, please,” he interrupted.
“Mr. Reece,” I began again, more firmly. He sighed and gave me a resigned look. “I understand a man in your position must not hear this very often, but there is nothing you could say or do to entice me to go out with you.”
“I could fly us to New York for dinner tonight on my private jet.” He directed another charming smile at me. “We could dine at the finest restaurant in town, stay at the most luxurious hotel the city has to offer.”
“None of that changes the fact that I’m already with someone.” I told him, not hiding the edge in my voice. I was sorely tempted to mention that extreme wealth was more of a turn off than a turn on to me, but why fuel the fire?
“That’s unfortunate,” he said, though he looked curiously interested rather than disappointed. “But I must say the fact that money and power don’t move you only increases my interest.”
“You’re only interested because you want what you can’t have; if I’d said yes, we would have had dinner and that would have been the end of it.”
“Say yes and let’s find out.” He smirked.
“No,” I said, standing. “Goodnight, Mr. Reece.”
I’d reached the door before he spoke again.
“I will not bring this matter up again at work, we will keep the two issues completely separate, Elizabeth..” I didn’t pause or turn back to keep the conversation going. He was the type of man who had to have the last word, and I wasn’t about to fight that.
“Are you for real?” Charlotte asked when I called her. “Who says things like that?”
“I know!” I agreed emphatically. I was relieved she took as much exception to Sam’s speech as I did.
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