‘It certainly has, but we’ve got a lot to be grateful for,’ Hanna said in agreement. ‘Now, what’s your next job?’
‘Greenhouse, nipping out shoots on the tomato plants.’
‘Not my favourite job,’ Hanna grimaced. ‘But come on, it will get done quicker with the two of us.’
‘I was hoping you’d say that.’ Pat grinned, as they made their way towards the greenhouse.
Another two weeks went by and there was still no word from Alan or his parents. Now she was getting not only worried, but frightened as well. Something was going on and no one was telling her, and when she thought about that, anger began to mingle with her other emotions. All manner of reasons were running through her mind, and she didn’t like any of them.
‘What is it, Hanna?’ Pat sat beside her on the garden seat. ‘You look so unhappy, and that isn’t like you.’
‘I still haven’t heard from Alan or his parents,’ she blurted out. ‘I don’t understand it. If something has happened to him Mr and Mrs Rogers would surely have let me know straight away. And if he’s changed his mind about wanting to marry me, then he should have the decency to tell me, not leave me like this wondering what the hell is going on. I can’t go on like this, Pat. One minute I’m worried in case something has happened to him, and the next I’m angry he hasn’t had the courage to tell me he’s changed his mind about us. I’m not a weakling, Pat. I’ve had to deal with plenty of hard knocks in the past, and I’m sure there will be many more in the future.’
‘I’m sure Alan hasn’t changed his mind,’ Pat said firmly. ‘There must be another reason for this silence.’
‘I’m not so sure. The more I think about it, the more certain I feel that he might have met someone else.’ Hanna shook her head. ‘Such a lot has happened since we met, and the war has changed everyone. He could feel quite different about us now.’ She looked at Pat, her expression anguished. ‘It would break my heart, but I would understand. Whatever is going on, I’ve got to know!’
‘There’s only one way to find out, Hanna. Go to London and see Alan’s parents. You can’t keep torturing yourself like this.’
Hanna stood up quickly. ‘You’re right, and Jane has told me the same thing. I’ve been waiting and hoping it wouldn’t be necessary, but I’ve had enough. I’ll leave first thing in the morning.’
With Jane’s permission to stay in London for as long as necessary, Hanna caught an early train and went straight to Mr and Mrs Rogers’ house. Mr Rogers opened the door, and for a moment he just stared at her as if he didn’t know what to say. Her insides churned, he looked pale and had dark smudges under his eyes. Something was definitely wrong, and she wasn’t going to leave until she found out what it was.
When he didn’t speak, she said, ‘Hello, Mr Rogers, can I come in, please?’
‘Oh, yes.’ He stood back and let her step inside. ‘I wasn’t expecting you.’
Obviously, she thought, walking straight into the front room. Mrs Rogers was there, and when her husband went and stood beside his wife, Hanna faced them. ‘I’ve come because I want to know why I haven’t heard from Alan or you since the war ended six weeks ago. If Alan has changed his mind about us then I expect him to tell me.’
‘Oh no, Hanna!’ Mrs Rogers stepped forward. ‘Alan’s loved you from the moment he saw you in Mrs Harcourt’s. That hasn’t changed.’
Hanna frowned at Mrs Rogers’ distress. ‘Then what is going on?’
‘Tell her,’ Alan’s mother said to her husband. ‘We shouldn’t have kept this from her. She has a right to know.’
He nodded and took hold of Hanna’s hands. ‘We didn’t want to worry you unnecessarily, and we – I – decided to wait until we had more definite news. I’m sorry, my dear, we should have told you as soon as the notification came through, but we kept waiting and hoping that it wouldn’t be necessary.’
Alan’s father was rambling and not telling her anything, so she said firmly, ‘Is Alan all right? I want to know now!’
‘We don’t know.’ Mr Rogers sighed deeply. ‘Three days after the war officially ended we received a telegram saying that Alan was missing. A couple of days after that we received a letter from his commanding officer. It seems that Alan went on a patrol with three other men the day the Germans surrendered, and none of them have been seen since. We were hoping desperately that he would turn up quite quickly.’
‘But he hasn’t.’ Hanna’s voice was shaking with unshed tears. ‘You should have told me.’
‘I know, and I’m sorry, my dear, but you’ve had such a lot of worry with your brother. Your life hasn’t been easy and I didn’t want to add to your concerns if we didn’t have to.’
‘And you think leaving me to imagine all sorts of things was a better idea?’ She shook her head in disbelief, anger burning through her grief. ‘The fact that I grew up without a family has nothing to do with this! Thousands of people in this war have had to deal with distressing losses, some more than others, and like them, I deal with what life throws at me in the best way I can. I would much rather have the facts, and then I know what I’m facing. I’ve learnt to swing with the blows, and so has Jack. You had no right to leave me floundering like this!’
‘We know that now, and I do believe you are stronger than we are.’ Mrs Rogers came and hugged her. ‘Please don’t be angry with us, Hanna. We were only trying to protect you, and that was wrong of us. The war is over and our boy is missing, and we just haven’t been thinking straight.’
As the anger drained away, Hanna took a deep breath, all too aware that this was their only child they were talking about. They must also be devastated that this had happened, and right at the end of the fighting too. ‘I’m not angry with you now,’ she said quietly. ‘I understand that you were only doing what you thought was right.’
‘But it wasn’t, was it?’ Mr Rogers looked contrite.
‘No.’ Hanna shook her head, struggling to keep her grief at bay. ‘But what’s done is done. We can’t change that so let’s put it behind us. I’ve already forgotten it.’
‘Thank you, Hanna,’ Alan’s parents said together.
‘Sit down, my dear, and I’ll make us a nice cup of tea. I’m sure we all need one, and a bite to eat, because you must be hungry after your journey.’ Mrs Rogers took Hanna’s hand for a moment, tears in her eyes. ‘We’re so glad you’re here.’ Then she hurried out to the kitchen.
Mr Rogers sat down and took a deep shuddering breath, running his hand through his still abundant hair. ‘This is damned hard to take. Another day and Alan would have been safe. Can you stay for a while, my dear? It would be a great comfort to both of us. We feel lost and helpless.’
‘I don’t have to rush back. Jane – Mrs Harcourt – has told me to stay as long as I need to.’ Hanna stood up to help with the tray of tea and sandwiches.
‘That would be lovely, Hanna. Mrs Harcourt seems to be a kind woman.’ Mrs Rogers handed round the cups. ‘It would be a blessing to have you with us. The waiting is so hard.’
‘I know. When Jack was missing I never gave up hope that he was alive. He turned up eventually, battered and weak, but he came back to me. I’m going to believe that Alan will also come home, and until we hear anything else that’s what I’ll hold to again. Waiting is hard and distressing, but that’s what we must do – that is all we can do. Wait.’
Thirty-One
Three days later there was still no news of Alan, and Hanna was working in the Rogers’ small back garden in an effort to keep busy. She felt stifled being back in London, and longed for the open countryside once again where she could go out into the field with the sheep and let her grief come to the surface. She didn’t dare do that here because it would only distress Alan’s parents even more. She needed to be strong for them, but keeping her feelings bottled up inside was making her feel ill. The thought that she might never see Alan again was unbearable, and when those thoughts came into her head she fought hard to banish them. Keeping hope alive was her
one aim.
‘Hanna, we’ve never had such a tidy garden, but this isn’t necessary.’
She glanced up at Mr Rogers. ‘I like to keep busy.’
‘I can see that, and I can also see that you are missing the farm. You must go back, my dear. We’ve been grateful for your company, but there isn’t anything more you can do for us, and we’re being selfish keeping you here. Go home, dear, and I’ll come and see you the moment we have any news. I promise,’ Alan’s father added.
‘Well, if you’re sure? I admit that I am missing the countryside. I really wouldn’t want to come back to London to live.’
He nodded. ‘And I know Alan feels the same. He told us he wants to become a country copper.’
When Hanna saw the pain flood his expression, she clasped his arm. ‘I know this seems to be going on and on, but we mustn’t give up. Alan could have been taken prisoner at the last minute, or something like that. There’s still hope, and we must believe that there is.’
He bent and kissed her cheek. ‘You’re a brave and sensible girl, and our Alan is lucky to have found you.’
‘I’ve always thought I was the lucky one. You know, when he came to the Harcourts’ that day with Talbot, I was so frightened, but Alan was kind and he dealt firmly with Talbot. I’ve loved him from that first meeting, and always will.’
‘And he feels the same about you, and I’m sure if he’s still alive out there, he will do everything in his power to get home again.’ Mrs Rogers joined them and gave a tired smile. ‘Go home, Hanna, and thank you for spending this time with us. It has meant a great deal to us.’
Seeing they meant it, she accepted gratefully, yearning to get back to the place she now called home, and the comfort of having her friends around her.
There wasn’t a train until three that afternoon, so Hanna stayed and had lunch with the Rogers and then made her way to the station. On the journey back she sat quietly on a corner seat, gazing out of the window, and concentrated on the passing scenery, not wanting to let her thoughts dwell too much on what might have happened to Alan. To think that his young life could have been taken from him, and their chance of happiness together snatched from them, hurt so much it made her want to double up in pain.
It was quite late when she arrived back at the farm, but Mildred insisted she have a proper meal, although she didn’t feel like eating. They all wanted to know how she had got on in London, and when she told them that Alan had been posted as missing, they were all very upset. Understanding how distressing this was for her, they didn’t press for details of her visit, leaving her to go to bed and get some rest.
Alone in her room that night she allowed the tears to flow for the first time since she’d heard the awful news about Alan. And it was a relief to let her grief come to the surface.
The next morning she was out in her beloved garden, working hard. She had only been away a short time, but there was plenty to do. The weeds sprang up as soon as you took your eyes off them.
‘Hanna.’
Feeling a hand on her shoulder she looked up, and then scrambled to her feet, hugging her brother. ‘Jack! Oh I’m so glad to see you!’
He rocked her gently. ‘I’ve just heard about Alan. You mustn’t give up hope.’
‘I won’t.’ She stood back to gaze up at her brother. ‘I swear you grow taller every time you come home.’
‘I hope not. I already top six feet.’ He studied her face intently. ‘Alan will come back, Hanna.’
‘Of course he will, but the waiting for news is hard, Jack. Every time things seem to be going well for us life throws another brick at us. But do you know?’ There was a determined glint in her eyes. ‘I’m going ahead with our plans. The boys will be going to a private school next year, and Jane will be returning to her home in London. George said I can work at the farm for a wage, and a small cottage in the village will be up for rent after Christmas. I’d already said I’d have it before the news about Alan arrived. He said he wants to live here as well, so that’s how it’s going to be. All of us are going to make our home here, no matter what happens.’
‘Good.’ He smiled down at her. ‘You can show me the cottage while I’m here. I’ve got two weeks.’
‘Oh, that’s wonderful! We’ll see the cottage tomorrow, and Beth will be so pleased to see you.’
‘I can’t wait.’ He took hold of her hand. ‘But Mildred told me dinner will be ready in thirty minutes, so I’ll eat first and then go to the village and see Beth.’
‘Have you seen Greg?’ she asked, as they walked towards the house.
‘We met a couple of weeks ago and were able to spend an evening together. We don’t see each other very often, but we keep in touch. Bob’s back home, evidently, and so is Hal. Do you know if Bill Freeman survived the war?’
‘Yes, and he’ll be out of the navy by the end of the year, Jane told me. He was only in for the duration of the war.’
‘That’s good news. He’s a fine man. Saved our lives, and then went out of his way to see we were treated well.’
The next afternoon Jack surveyed the cottage Hanna would be renting, and nodded his approval. ‘Very nice, Hanna. There’s only one thing, there aren’t any roses around the door,’ he joked. ‘You’ve got to put roses round the door, just like we always dreamed of having.’
‘That will be my first job. It looks small but it has two bedrooms and a small box room upstairs, so there will be plenty of room for all of us.’
‘That’s fine, and I’ll have the box room because I’m only home for a short time after each trip.’
Hanna looked at her brother in horror. ‘I’m not putting you in a box room! You’ll have a proper bedroom, and no arguments about it. This will be the home we’ve always promised ourselves. I’ve already talked this over with Alan, and he agrees.’
When her voice broke slightly, Jack folded her in his arms. ‘Easy, Hanna, this will make a lovely home for all three of us.’
She gulped, and managed to smile. ‘It will. We can’t go inside at the moment because it’s still occupied, but I’ll show it to you properly as soon as it’s empty. Now, I’ve got to get back. Are you coming or staying in the village?’
‘Beth isn’t free until after six o’clock, so I’ll walk back with you.’
They had just reached the yard when Hanna stopped suddenly and gripped her brother’s arm. ‘That’s Alan’s father talking to George and Jane. There must be news! Oh, please God, let it be good!’
‘Let’s find out.’ Jack took hold of her arm and urged her forward.
The moment Alan’s father saw her he waved, a broad smile on his face, and Hanna had a job to keep her shaking legs moving.
‘My dear,’ he said, coming to meet her. ‘News arrived this morning. Alan’s safe and on his way home. He should be here some time within the next couple of days.’
‘Oh, thank God!’ If it hadn’t been for Jack’s supporting arm she would have collapsed with relief. ‘Is he all right? Where has he been?’
‘We haven’t any details yet. We’ll have to wait for Alan to tell us because all we’ve had so far is a brief note saying he’s safe and will be home soon. Will you come back to London with me? He’ll want to see you as soon as he arrives.’
‘Go and pack your bag, Hanna,’ Jane said. ‘You must stay for as long as you want to.’ She turned to Mr Rogers, smiling. ‘If Alan needs a peaceful place to rest, then he is welcome here, and perhaps you and your wife would also like to come and stay for a while.’
‘Oh, that’s very kind of you, Mrs Harcourt. We’ll see how Alan is when he gets home, and I’m sure a holiday here would do all of us good.’
‘That’s settled then. I’ll leave it up to you.’
‘I’ll come with you, Hanna.’
She smiled up at her brother and shook her head. ‘I’ll be all right now I know Alan is safe. You spend some time with Beth, and I’ll be back before you leave again.’
‘I need to go to the house,’ Jane told them, �
��so I’ll travel up with you. Mildred will look after the boys for a couple of days.’
Once all arrangements were made they caught the next train to London.
They went straight to check that Alan hadn’t come home yet, and when he hadn’t, Jane asked, ‘Would you mind if I take Hanna to my house for a couple of hours? She won’t be long, I promise.’
Alan’s parents didn’t mind, and Hanna was curious. ‘What do you want me to do?’
‘Nothing.’ Jane smiled as she opened the door. ‘I just want to show you something.’
The housekeeper was out when they walked in and Hanna followed Jane up the stairs to the master bedroom, watching as she took something out of the huge wardrobe and laid it on the bed.
Jane looked quite excited. ‘Take the wrappings off, Hanna.’
Wondering what all this could be about, Hanna removed the dust sheet and loads of tissue paper to reveal what was underneath. She gasped when she saw the exquisite creation. ‘Oh, that’s beautiful!’
‘It was my wedding dress. Try it on, Hanna. It should fit you as we’re about the same height, and I was as slim as you are before I had the twins.’
‘But . . . but . . .’ Hanna was lost for words.
Seeing her confusion, Jane began to undo the buttons. ‘With everything still rationed you are not going to be able to buy a really good dress for your wedding, and this one is here doing nothing. Try it, and if you don’t like it you don’t have to wear it.’
‘How could I not like it?’ Hanna shook her head, not being able to believe this was happening. The dress on the bed must have cost a fortune.
‘Come on, my dear, at least try it on,’ Jane urged, holding it up.
Quickly slipping out of her frock, Hanna let Jane help her into the lace and satin gown, sighing with pleasure as it slipped into place and the buttons all down the back were fastened.
‘That’s a perfect fit. We won’t have to alter a thing. You look so beautiful, but let us add the finishing touch.’ Jane wiped a bit of moisture away from her eyes as she opened another box containing a flowing veil and tiara. She fussed getting everything in place, and then stepped back, head on one side as she studied Hanna. ‘Perfect – just perfect. Take a look.’
A New Day Page 24