JAMIE
Get! Get!
ORLOK hisses and exits.
ELLEN
No, don't! Come back and bite me more!
JAMIE
Move the stage!
STAGEHAND 1
You got it, boss.
JAMIE exits. STAGEHAND 1 and STAGEHAND 2 push the bed offstage and exit, along with ELLEN.
STAGEHANDS put a single lamppost onstage and exit.
In an alley.
THOMAS (OS)
There he went! I can see him right now!
KNOCK (OS)
No, you can't!
BULWAR
Come, Mr. Hutter! We must catch him!
KNOCK runs Onstage.
KNOCK
(to offstage) You'll never catch me! Not in a hundred years!
Enter THOMAS from the opposite side. KNOCK runs into THOMAS and falls down.
THOMAS
Hah! We caught you.
KNOCK runs away, but BULWAR enters to block the way.
BULWAR
We definitely did. Come, Mr. Hutter. Let's subdue this minion of evil.
KNOCK
Alright! You've forced me to do this.
KNOCK makes martial arts moves similar to a rabid cat drowning in water. The actors THOMAS and BULWAR are embarrassed by KNOCK.
THOMAS
(Breaking character, to BULWAR) This is beyond sad.
BULWAR
(Southern accent) You think this is sad? Try wearing a cat costume on Broadway for ten years and calling it a career.
KNOCK
(In character) I am dangerous, can't you see? I'll shred the skin off your bones if you dare touch me!
THOMAS
Enough of this!
The actor THOMAS sighs, and then in character moves to punch KNOCK, but KNOCK's martial arts moves block the punch and another move throws THOMAS on the ground. All of this is done without actual contact.
KNOCK
Try again?
THOMAS makes another swing, but KNOCK dodges it, spins THOMAS around in a half circle, and then flips THOMAS in the air by a mere twist of a pinkie.
KNOCK
The Master has given me powers of the undead! You cannot beat me!
BULWAR pulls out a gun.
KNOCK
Ha-ha-ha! No miracle of science can--
BULWAR fires a warning shot.
KNOCK
AAAAH! Don't shoot! I'll tell. I'll tell everything. Please don't shoot me! I swear eternal allegiance to--
THOMAS
Shut up! Where is the Count?
KNOCK
(breaking character) How...how rude to cut me off on my lines like that.
THOMAS
(breaking character) It's not like you were given the good lines anyway. (in character) Now you shut up and tell me where Count Orlok is!
KNOCK
He is with your wife.
THOMAS
No! You're a liar!
KNOCK
I am a distraction for the Master. He is feeding on her last drop right now.
BULWAR
Mein Gott! I've fallen for the Count's clever trap. Hurry, Mr. Hutter! We must save Ellen!
THOMAS and BULWAR exit.
KNOCK
You'll never reach her in time! (to audience) No one wins against my Master. He is the ruler of the moon, the guardian of the underworld, the defiler of the pure! None can defeat him, for--
The actor BULWAR re-enters and shoots the actor KNOCK. KNOCK reacts as if HE's been shot, but eventually realizes HE hasn't.
KNOCK
You shot at me! Are you crazy?!
BULWAR
(Southern accent) Say I have a pig-belly one more time and it won't be a fake bullet.
The actor BULWAR exits.
KNOCK
Pig-belly.
SFX: Gunshot.
The actor KNOCK ducks for cover offstage.
END ACT 2, SCENE 4
2.5 ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS TRAGICALLY
Count Orlok: The Bloody Truth about the Greatest Vampire to Ever Un-Live Page 7