“Aren’t you happy?” Gwen asks, tucking some of Shine’s hair behind her ear.
“I am,” she sniffles. “But my tarot cards, I always get death. What if I die having a baby and the baby dies too? Or, what if the death card is for the baby?”
“Oh, come on now,” I coo, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her to me. She slumps against me and I rest my cheek on top of her head. “You can’t think like that.”
“No, you can’t. You guys, we’re all gonna have babies! This is amazing,” Gwen tells Shine, squeezing her hand. “When are you due?” she adds.
“I’ve only missed one cycle. I’m not very far along I don’t think,” she sniffles.
“You?” I ask Gwen, feeling the excitement begin to bubble again inside me.
“I’m ten weeks along,” she smiles, looking up at me.
“I’m eight weeks!” I say loudly.
“Have you guys told Owen and Sven?” Gwen asks.
“Yeah, I couldn’t keep it a secret,” I state. My mind drifts, remembering when I told Sven as we made love, the way he looked at me, the way he kissed me. I knew having a baby was something he wanted so badly and the fact that I could give that to him, lit me up inside.
Shine nods. “Owen’s so happy.”
“Then what’s to be scared about? Honestly, Shine, I don’t think you were ever good at those tarot cards, no offense,” Gwen tells her and I give Shine a look that I agree, while letting out a little giggle.
I lean her back up with my hands on her shoulders. “Come on, stop worrying. It’s not good for the baby.”
After a little more positive talk, we finally get Shine to smile and she tells us the moon cycle for the times when we’re each due and what it means for our babies or something.
Our pregnancies are spent together, the guys off on runs and doing stuff for the club. We’re a sisterhood and we rub each other’s feet, grocery shop if someone isn’t up for it, and eat ice cream together. You name it, we did it. As our due dates grew closer, we made clothes, blankets, booties, bonnets and everything else for the babies like we were factories.
Gwen was the first to go into labor. She happened to be at my house so she stayed as Shine, Ida and I helped her. She could’ve gone to the hospital, but the Norwegian way is to deliver at home with the help of the other women. The guys were on a run, but thankfully made it back in time before she even really started pushing. Joseph Petersen Jr. was born at four a.m. in the spare bedroom. With the idea that Shine and I would be bursting soon, Owen and Sven remained in town until then.
Sweetie was at Ida’s the night I went into labor two weeks later, and she opted to stay there with Ivan even when Ida came to help me. With Sven by my side, Gwen at my other, and Shine trying to keep me calm, I gave birth to Dornan Sven Frederickson at four p.m.
I’ll never forget waking up to feed Dornan the night he was born. After picking him up from the bassinet beside our bed, I let the strap of my nightie down so he could latch onto me. Looking down at my perfect baby- already the image of his dad, a shock of blond hair on the very top of his head- I just gaze at him. Sven shifts in the bed and sits up behind me as his bare chest presses into my back and he looks down at our son with his chin resting on my shoulder.
“He’s beautiful,” he whispers, placing a kiss on the back of my shoulder. “Thank you for giving me this,” he adds, running the tip of his nose along the shell of my ear.
“I would give you anything, Sven.”
I stop as the words clog my throat and hormones have me wanting to apologize again for all the shit I’ve done to him since we’ve been together.
“I know you would, Mama,” he replies. “I never thought, when I was in the Army, that I would ever have a life like this. All I thought about was the present and never the future. Then when I met you, all I thought about was the life we’d have.”
“I’m sorry,” I sigh, again trying to hold back tears. “I know this isn’t what you ever expected.”
“I wouldn’t change nothin’. I have you. I have Kendall. I have Dornan. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Why do you do that?” I sniffle, rubbing my cheek with my other shoulder to dry it of my tears. “Why don’t you ever make me feel like shit, Sven? I deserve that at least.”
“You deserve my love, and you’ll get nothing less.”
Turning my head, I look at him, nothing but sincerity in his eyes.
“I love you,” I whisper.
Only two weeks later, it’s Shine’s turn. Once again, everyone congregates at our house as she too gave birth there. Gwen and I are a bundle of nerves since, for nine months now, Shine’s been dreading this day and what could happen. Her labor is long and hard, but in the end, she’s fine and so is her daughter, Maven Gypsy Lofgren, born at two a.m.
“Can’t you see,” Shine said a few weeks later, pausing from humming “Voo-Doo Child” to Maven as we sit outside in the garden, all holding our new babies as we rock and coo them to sleep. “Your boys were born at four, and my girl at two. Half of four is two.” She looks between us as Gwen and I look confused at one another. “Maven is the half to make your boys whole. Together they’ll be a unit, a family, bonded forever. It’s in the stars. Just like we were meant to become a sisterhood.”
28
SVEN
The first few years following Dornan’s birth were some of the best of my life. I felt like I was transitioning into a new phase with my baby and Missy. Kendall grew even more distant from Missy after the birth of Dornan; however, she loved her brother. Without her really saying it, I knew Missy was worried that Kendall- who now insisted that she shouldn’t be called Sweetie anymore- would take her anger for Missy out on the baby.
The pregnancy went great and my woman looked more perfect pregnant. Missy had cut her hair and looked more like she had when we first met; the put together pageant queen, and nothing like when she fell into drugs. She was healthier and stronger, and her appearance reflected that. Her body grew and changed with pregnancy and it was a miracle to witness.
I wanted a son, but would be happy either way, so long as the baby was something Missy and I made. I decided that whatever sex, I was going to be a good dad and be there for my child. No matter what happened in our lives, no matter what he or she grew up to be, I had no expectations other than for him or her to be happy and, in turn, I’d be happy. I never felt like I ever did anything right growing up, and even now when I run into my parents, they have nothing to say to me other than how much of a failure I am. I never want to make my children feel that way. Missy didn’t come from the best up-bringing, and now with Kendall providing a daily reminder of our daughter’s lack of love for her, Missy wanted to do right with the baby, our baby.
When Dornan was born and I held him in my hands, I had never experienced that feeling of instant love and connection before. I looked down at his pale blond hair, his chubby cheeks and plump limbs, instantly feeling love. Loving this baby was on another level, and I immediately knew that I’d do anything for him. I felt this way about Kendall and Missy, but it wasn’t instant, like this was.
I knew I wanted a family, but I didn’t know it would affect me so much, change me. Because I have changed. I find myself not taking jobs with the club in order to stay at home, wanting to be around more so I can spend time with them. My favorite times are when I hear Missy singing to Dornan, bathing him or just walking back and forth in front of the windows, the sun’s last rays catching them as he’s cuddled on her chest sleeping. I feel like she hasn’t sung at home in so long, not since before the drugs. I always catch myself watching them, stopping what I’m doing in my tracks and just watching them. Whenever I see Missy and Dornan sharing those moments, the feeling wraps my heart up to hold onto forever.
Becoming a dad, this time around has genuinely changed me, lightened my heart and shown me what my life’s purpose has always been. It has caused me to live for the future, and love even harder. I want Missy even more than before
, sliding inside her multiple times a day while Kendall’s at school and Dornan’s napping. The instant I see her, I’m hard and I can’t explain it. I mean, I understand why, but everything’s just changed. I don’t know how much she appreciates it, me pushing my hands up her dress and fucking her from behind, interrupting her while doing laundry or cleaning dishes at the sink. I want more babies, and more of her, and just more of this feeling.
My duties at the club have taken a back burner to my life, as it has for Owen and Joseph. So, it didn’t surprise me when the three of us were summoned to a meeting with Ivan. I knew he was going to tell us that we were good dads, doing the right things, but also warn us not to forget our other family, the club. It also doesn’t surprise me when he tells us that we need to go on a run with some other guys and take care of some business in Las Vegas for the weekend. It didn’t surprise Missy when I came home to her hanging laundry on the line in the back that I had to go, but I saw her disappointment.
“I’ll be home early Sunday. Owen and Joseph are going so I imagine everyone will come here for the weekend.” I say while laying on a blanket beside Dornan under a tree.
She nods, sliding the wooden clothes pin down over the corner of the sheet as she hangs it. I know how her brain works, so without her saying a word, I sense her primary concern. I was gone when she started using drugs, and now she’s just had a baby and is still adjusting. She’s a flurry of emotions, which she keeps inside, even despite our extensive therapy, and no matter how much she says she’ll work on communication. I know why she’s not saying anything: She doesn’t want me to feel bad while I’m gone. She knows I have to go and she doesn’t want to hold me back. I get up after pressing a soft kiss on Dornan’s head and move to stand behind her.
“I love you,” is all I tell her.
Her shoulders rise and fall slowly as she turns to face me and buries her face in my chest before she thinks I can see her eyes watering. She says I’m too good to her, but that’s not true. She’s done more for me than I ever have for her.
“Sorry, post-baby feelings,” she sniffles as I hug her.
“I’d be offended if you weren’t sad about me leaving,” I tease her.
**
Before leaving the next morning, I wake Missy up with my cock. I know that’s selfish of me since she barely slept due to Dornan having colic, but I just couldn’t leave her for two days without having her one more time. I don’t feel good about this run. It’s going to be the aggressive and strong-arming type. This club we’re going to meet up with has shorted us on payment and is now trying to dispute it. Ivan and the elders have been trying to solve this via phone and messages relayed back and forth by prospects. Now Ivan and the others are done talking and are sending in the muscle: us. It’s hard for me to conjure the aggression I once wore on me like a coat. It’s faded with domesticity and fatherhood and just not needing to channel that part of myself anymore.
I meet my brothers at the club, stocking up on weapons and ammo. I’m not nervous, just ready for this weekend to be done and get back home.
“Owen, Joseph,” Ivan calls from his office and the two look at one another, then me, before going to him.
I don’t know what that’s all about and I don’t care. I need to focus on what I’m doing and that’s it. A few minutes later, they exit his office and I pretend not to notice how they won’t look at me. But again, I should forget about it. If Ivan needed me to know he’d tell me.
“Pipes,” I holler, and the young prospect practically comes running to me. Placing a hand on his shoulder, I look at him and make sure he’s listening to me. “I need you to keep an eye on the families while we’re gone. This is always an open opportunity for rivals to try and start shit.”
He nods.
“I want you to let me know if anything happens, or even if you suspect anything at any time, you hear me? In that case, send someone out. Even if you think it’s nothing, I want to know right away. I’m depending on you to keep my family safe, yeah?”
“Yes, sir.” He tells me, looking at me in the eye, then giving me a curt nod.
We head out for the run, traveling in a pack down the highway out of Plantain. We ride for a good hour, the meet’s at a clubhouse of a neutral club, the Steel Horses. Red Rider’s- “Lunatic Fringe” is playing when we enter the dark interior of the club. Red lights glow in a line above the bar and the place looks more like a strip club than an MC hangout. Women dance on a sort of stage, with poles mounted at intervals. Girls slide down the poles, men gather to watch them. I internally cringe because I don’t want to deal with this shit; I just want to be home. We’re greeted by Logan, the Steel Horses President as soon as we come in and he’s smiles due to our arrival and we smack backs in greeting. My eyes scan the vicinity, looking for the other club’s members, and I see them in shadows in the corner of the room, posted up in a booth with women on their laps.
“Sven, good to see you, man,” Logan says to me.
“Thanks for allowing this, here,” I tell him, our hands gripping one another’s forearms in greeting.
“Sure,” he says, but I can tell he’s uneasy. “Just make sure to take any shit outside. I don’t want it in the house, cops and shit.”
“I got you,” I affirm, giving him my word.
With Owen, Joseph, Boo-Boo, and Rocket by my side, we make our way over to the other MC members.
“Which one of you Norwegian bastards is Owen?” a tall, dark-haired man says, not getting up.
“Me,” Owen replies and I watch as the other guys expression of bravado slips for only a moment. It’s a look of surprise we often get due to our builds and size, before he shifts slightly in his seat, causing the topless brunette to protest and then cuddle back against him.
As we sit down across the table and Grand Funk Railroad’s- “Some Kind of Wonderful” comes on and it reminds me of Missy. The tension increases as we settle and get a look at one another. Not that this crew is bigger or badder, but they look more like they’re ready to brawl than negotiate. Logan comes over as prospects slide beers in front of us on the table.
“Can you shut this music off?” I tell him, more than ask, because I can’t have my family in my head right now.
Logan nods and makes some sort of motion behind me and the song lowers in volume.
“So, what brings you boys out here?”
“Here to get our money,” Owen says.
“Money?” the guy across from me questions with fake obliviousness. I think his name is Ray. “You guys claim we owe you money, but I haven’t seen anything that says we do.”
“You wanna play like that?” Owen asks.
“I’m not playing. Show me what deal we made. Your Prez hasn’t shown me that.”
“Because any legit club does business with the guarantee of their word.”
The two go back and forth, both saying nothing, but pretending like the other will give in. For the first time, I’m doubting my brother. Owen’s not pressing or pressuring. If they keep at this, we’ll be here for days.
“I don’t have time for this bullshit. You owe the club money, that’s it.” I say firmly. “You wanna play some bitch type game, you’ll get cut and fucked like a bitch. Last time I checked you weren’t nothing in your club, not V.P. or Prez, just a fucking mule.”
Ray’s jaw flexes, tightens and I see I’ve hit a nerve.
“Do you wanna play, or be a man?” I ask with raised brows. “Clearly, your club knew us coming wasn’t to talk. So, they send you, someone they don’t give a fuck about not coming back.”
Ray’s jaw flexes once more, then he snaps his fingers and the chick on his lap retrieves a cigarette from his pack, puts it between his lips and lights it, like a fucking slave.
“What if I have something that you want more than money?” he asks with two long exhales of smoke streaming from each nostril, and a spark in his eye.
“We’re not interested,” Owen says.
“I wasn’t talking to you,” Ray
replies, changing his focus from Owen to me. “I mean you,” he says to me, giving me a jerk of his chin.
I say nothing, I have no idea what he means.
“You have an ex-member, someone you might have beef with.”
“No, we want the money,” Joseph says, cutting him off.
“Who?” I ask, I know instantly who it is, but I want to hear his name.
Ray gives me a smirk. “Vengeance always wins, right boys?”
Nods come from his crew but no one says anything.
“Who?” I growl.
“Jasper. He’s started a new club, can give you his info.”
“No,” I whip out. “You get him and bring him to me. You do that and we’re even.”
“Sven,” Joseph says and I give him a look.
“Deal,” Ray says, putting his hand out.
I don’t shake, but light my own cigarette and stand, leaving the table. The music turns up again and I find a table in the opposite corner and slide into the booth.
“What the fuck?”
“That what Ivan told you before we left? That they’d bring up Jasper and I shouldn’t fall for it?” I ask as my brothers all take seats at the booth and I begin the conversation in Norwegian.
I can tell by my brothers’ faces that the answer is yes.
“We’re out numbered, for one. For two, you’re willing to risk us for what? To kill Jasper? What if you kill all of us in the process,” Joseph says.
“I know Jasper’s not here. He’s in Plantain.”
My words have my brothers looking at me with expressions of concern and shock.
“Just like Ivan knew they were buddies with Jasper, I knew Jasper would use them to get us out of Plantain.”
“What the fuck?” Joseph growls pounding his fist on the table.
“The girls and kids are safe back home,” I assure. “But we’re not leaving here without sending Jasper a warning.”
They look at me confused but I sit back, knowing what I’ve already planned and just waiting for the go ahead.
Free Bird: Plantain Series Book Five Page 26